Me: “Thank you for calling [Company], [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Caller: “Uh… hi. I need to do [service-related task].”

Based on the sound of the age of the caller, and the name of the account holder, it seems I am speaking to a Spanish-speaking child, clearly trying to pretend to be their parent because their parent doesn’t speak English. It happens a lot.

Me: “Am I speaking to the account holder?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Ooookay. Just to inform, we don’t mind if a family member translates, but at the very least, we have to bring a translator on the line to verify the primary account holder and get authorization for someone to translate for them.”

Caller: “Oh… okay.”

Me: “So… shall I get the translator for say… Spanish?”

Caller: “Okay…”

Me: “Okay, I will put in the request, and they will be on the line in a few minutes. Are you okay to hold?”

Caller: “Sure, but wait… the translator, are they just to… uh… check the details, or can they do the whole call? The [service-related task]?”

Me: “They absolutely can. Would you like to be transferred to a qualified Spanish-speaking call center agent?”

Caller: “Heck yeah! This way I get to go play Mario!”

I don’t think the poor kid wanted to be on the call…

Customer: “I’ll take the combo, but I’m not paying for the drink.”

Me: “The combo includes the drink, sir. It’s a set price.”

Customer: “Then remove the drink and charge me less.”

Me: “That would just be the individual items, which actually cost more. Why don’t you get the combo and save the drink for later?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. You’re forcing me to buy something I don’t want! You’re a bunch of dictators!”

Me: “Sir, we’re just following the pricing. No one is forcing you to buy anything, and you’re welcome to order items separately.”

Customer: “No, this is wrong. You’re all a bunch of communists, controlling what I can buy!”

Me: “Sir, if we were communists, you wouldn’t be buying anything. You’d get the combo whether you wanted it or not.”

Customer: “But you’re forcing me to buy more things with your stupid pricing model, communists!”

Me: “Sir… do… do you know what communism is?”

Customer: *Storming out.* “It’s when I don’t get what I want!”

Related:
Needs To Work On Their Socialist Skills, Part 13
Needs To Work On Their Socialist Skills, Part 12
Needs To Work On Their Socialist Skills, Part 11
Needs To Work On Their Socialist Skills, Part 10
Needs To Work On Their Socialist Skills, Part 9

I stopped at a small, non-chain gas station on a road trip to grab a few supplies and fill my tank. When I got to the register, I greeted the cashier, who was texting on her phone. She didn’t say anything to me, but did stop to pick up her phone and send a couple of messages.

At the end, she gestured toward a small point-of-sale screen with one hand, typing on her phone with the other. The screen was asking for a tip, starting at 20% and going up to 40%.

Me: “I’m paying cash.”

Cashier: *Rolls her eyes and holds out her hand.* “Fine.”

Me: “Okay…”

I count out the exact total and hand it to her.

Cashier: “Really?”

Me: “What?”

Cashier: *Gestures at the screen with her phone in hand.*

Me: “Why would I tip you?”

Cashier: “B****.”

Me: *Gathering my purchases because she didn’t offer a bag.* “Yeah, that’ll change my mind.”

Cashier: *As I’m walking out the door.* “C***!”

I laughed extra loud as the door closed behind me.

At our gas station, we refill propane tanks. A customer has driven in with his truck, asking us to fill all the empty propane tanks on it.

Me: “Uh, some of these tanks look a little old.”

Customer: *Laughing.* “Haha, yeah. Oldies but goldies.”

Me: “No, sir, I mean old as in expired. I can already tell some of these are expired.”

Customer: “What do you mean, expired?! They’re tanks!”

Me: “There are certain regulations regarding propane tanks in place for safety purposes. The primary one is that propane tanks have expiration dates on them, after which they have to be recertified. It is illegal to refill one out of date.”

Customer: “Oh, come on, no one has to know.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it would be against the law for me to refill these propane tanks.”

Customer: “You’re going to risk losing my business over a date stamped on a tank?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m not going to risk losing THE business by breaking the law and receiving a huge a**fine. Either get these tanks recertified or get new ones.”

Customer: “Your generation are all p***ies!” *Storms back off to his truck and drives off.*

A train guard makes the following announcement to our train:

Train Guard: “Due to an issue with the brakes on one of the train carriages, we are travelling at a reduced speed. We now expect to be at [Final Destination] ten minutes later than scheduled. We do apologize.”

As soon as he’s finished the announcement, a passenger sitting a few rows from him stands up and walks over:

Passenger: “Why are we going slower?”

Train Guard: “As I just explained, the brakes—”

Passenger: “—on one of the carriages, not working, yes. I heard that. I’m asking why you’re not doing anything about it?!”

Train Guard: “What would you have me do about it?”

Passenger: “Well, can’t you not just, lock that carriage out of passenger use or something?”

I will remember the train guard’s facial expression at that question forever, but even more so I will remember what he said next:

Train Guard: “Yep, because locking a full coach out of passenger use is really going to fix the f****** brakes.”

And then he moved on to continue his job.