Names are changed. I have a coworker, Tim, who, by his own admission, smokes too much. He takes a few smoke breaks throughout the day but gets all his work done and doesn’t stink the office up, fair play.

Another coworker, Gladys, usually stern and miserable looking, is always trying to make him feel bad for smoking.

Gladys: “Ugh! Back from smoking again? A filthy habit!”

Tim: “Never said it was otherwise.”

Gladys: “It’s an addiction! An addiction! You need help!”

Tim: “Okay, well, I’m going back to my desk now.”

Gladys: “I’m only trying to help you! Addicts need help, and I’m—”

Tim: “—enough. There’s nothing you can tell me that I haven’t heard a million times. Go away.”

She continued to pester him until some of us stepped in and told her to leave it alone.

The next day, Gladys storms out of the break room and shouts to the office floor:

Gladys: “Where’s the coffee pot! Someone took the coffee pot! Why is the coffee pot not where it usually is?!”

Tim: *Shouting from across the office.* “Whose addicted now, Gladys!”

I’m working at a hotel on The Strip in Las Vegas around the year 2001. The place is crazy busy all the time, even for me, who works overnight. A guest comes down to the lobby, but I don’t see him straight away. I’m only made aware of him by security rushing over and offering him his jacket. 

Looking up, I realize the guest is as naked as the day he was born.

He sheepishly says he forgot his room key and locked himself outside. My manager (who has also rushed over to the sight) opens a cupboard and pulls out a hotel-branded robe to give to the guest.

Later, as I am finishing my shift, I catch the manager again in the staff room.

Me: “Hey, [Manager], why was there a robe in the filing cupboard?”

Manager: “For the, uh, severely underdressed guests who regularly visit the lobby.”

Me: “This is a regular thing?!”

A coworker walks in, also just finishing their shift. They work at a different desk near the parking lot entrance.

Coworker: “What are we talking about?”

Manager: “[My Name] had their first nakey-nakey.”

Coworker: “Oh, did he come up here as well? I thought we dealt with him downstairs at my desk.”

Manager: “Wait, you had one too?!”

Coworker: “Mine was locked out of room 2304. Big guy.”

Manager: “Ours was 3348. Smaller fella.”

They both look over to me.

Manager: “I hope that answers your question, [My Name].”

Coworker: “Vegas, baby!”

A realtor is showing me around an old house.

Realtor: “And the signal here is real good. The wifi can go out for miles.”

Me: *Stopping, and looking at him.* “Wifi… for miles?”

Realtor: “Yeah, it’s that good!”

Me: “Wifi… installed via a wire in this house… can spread out for miles?”

Realtor: *Enthusiastic.* “Yup!”

Me: “I… don’t think you know what wifi is.”

Realtor: “Sure, I do! It’s the Facebook and the YouTube!”

I did not go with that real estate company after that house…

I get pulled over by the police, but I’m not sure why.

Officer: “Can I see your ID?”

Me: “Sure, but I don’t know why you’ve stopped me.”

Officer: “You changed lane too late and crossed the no-crossing line… and then pulled in right in front of our police car.”

Me: *Mortified.* “Oh, d***, sorry! I hadn’t realised!”

They seem to realise my mistake is genuine and kindly let me off with a warning.

Officer: “Just don’t do it in front of a police car next time!”

Woman: “I’ll get an Old Fashioned.”

Me: “Can I see some ID?”

Woman: “Come on. I’m fifty, and I look it.”

I point to a sign behind me:

Sign: “We card EVERYBODY – no exceptions.”

Woman: “I lost my ID.”

Me: “Then I can recommend a great selection of mocktails and sodas.”

Woman: “One sec.”

She pulls some documents out of her bag. It’s paperwork from the courthouse for a misdemeanor with her birthdate on it.

Woman: “There, that should be enough.”

Me: “Considering this is for a DUI, you’re right, it’s more than enough. So, mocktail or soda?”

She chose ‘exit’.