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The Cisgender Genie

March 31, 2016 by CH
Three cultural adventurers — an antiracist, a feminist, and a shitlord — stumble upon a treasure trove. In the loot, they discover a magic dildo. The antiracist picks up the dildo with a great effort, his wrist flopping against the weight of the object, and rubs it. A genie ejaculates.
“I AM THE GREAT CISGENDER GENIE. I will grant you three wishes, but on one condition: the wishes will only benefit your next-born child.”
All three adventurers look at each other in amazement; the shitlord with his strong high T jaw and cliffside brow carving the air in front of him; the antiracist with his doughy face and watery eyes soaked in estrogen; the scowling feminist with her blue femmestache and “Syphilis Sisterhood” fupa tattoo.
The manlet antiracist, already struggling to maintain his grip on the tumescent didlo, goes first.
“I wish for a beautiful black daughter! That will show the world how committed I am to ending White hegemony.”
The genie booms, “Your wish is granted! Go home, and you will find your wife in bed with a 12-inch buck.”
Many years later, the antiracist would have his head caved in by his half-black daughter’s fully grown 9 year old black boyfriend. He will die with a smug grin on his battered face.
The feminist, creaming herself with the patriarchy-smashing possibilities, grabs the magic dildo (effortlessly, as if she had spent a lifetime handling such objects) and makes her wish.
“I wish for a smart daughter! Her smarts will lead her to the top in corporate law, and sufficiently privilege-checked male feminists will beg for her love.”
The genie announces, “Your wish is granted! In nine months, you will birth a 150 IQ daughter with the assistance of a noted Massachusetts sperm bank.”
Many years later, the feminist’s smart daughter, 32 years old, a lawyer, and clocking in at 250 pounds with a face that could cleave ice sheets, empties the bottle of pills into her mouth, tears streaming down as she remembers the boy from law school she loved who mistook her for a man and told her he “doesn’t swing that way”.
Finally, the genie turns to the shitlord.
“Maybe YOU will choose wisely?”
The shitlord ponders, (stoically, not theatrically, as is the wont of effeminate males). He thinks this is a mischievous genie, who will grant his wish with a baleful clause attached.
“I wish to make America great again.”
“Granted!”
Many years later, revolution shakes the country to the core. President Trumputin imposes an immigration moratorium. Unfair trade agreements are torn up, deportation cars haul illegal aliens back home by the millions, colleges have stopped offering black and women’s studies, gay marriage is repealed, SJWs and feminists are laughed out of public discourse, heteronormativity is the norm, the Middle East is abandoned to its petty inbred warlords, and America is great again. The nation is so great, in fact, that the shitlord has many sons and daughters, and all of them can buy affordable homes in high-trust White neighborhoods with good schools, and bless him with a small army of grandchildren.
Now an old man, the shitlord is visited by the genie one more time.
“Why did you not ask for a beautiful daughter or a smart son? Your wish unleashed chaos for millions of Americans, and guaranteed you nothing in return.”
The shitlord smirks, knowingly (is there another kind?). “A beautiful daughter may be dumb. A smart son may be nerdy. But a great America gives all her sons and daughters a better chance.”
The genie smiles and slowly vanishes, departing with a final promise to grant one more wish.
Without hesitation, the shitlord says, “I wish to make anime real.” And like that he is compressed into a 2D cartoon and teleported into an alternate universe, large-chested wide-eyed Japanese girls giggling all around him, happy to have defied his mortality.
Posted in Ridiculousness, Rules of Manhood | 103 Comments

103 Responses

  1. on March 31, 2016 at 3:25 pm | Reply Wrong Side of History
    150 IQ daughter
    Lol

  2. Beautiful

  3. on March 31, 2016 at 3:35 pm | Reply Wrong Side of History
    Lol @ the conclusion
    I actually put myself in the shitlord’s shoes while I was reading this and wished that all the women of the world looked like they were straight out of a Russ Meyer movie.
    Another legendary shitlord.

  5. large-chested wide-eyed Japanese girls giggling all around him
    Iku!

  6. How dare you insult The Faggot Within by claiming his skull will be caved in by his daughter’s boyfriend. You know the Faggot Within’s proclivities make it impossible for him to breed.
    Faggot Within rape!

  7. Love the Murukami ending

  9. Fucking brilliant. Just fucking brilliant. I smirk as I prepare to saunter to my favorite local bar to meet a tight-assed cutie 15 years my junior.

  10. on March 31, 2016 at 5:29 pm | Reply Johnny Redux
    Oh shit, CH, your really pissed of the feminist hags with that one!
    “For the laughs? Ohhhhh…wait ’til I f*ck you in the a-hole!”

  11. O/T
    HUGO:
    Second week. Weened off fruit. Third day in, I’m plastered to my bed with absolute lethargy. Took a two hour nap and still felt tired: this must be ketosis flu.
    Couldn’t imagine smoking ganja in this state. I’m walking to the store and already feel like I took too many tramadol. Really gnarly. That “eye of the tiger” workout shit ain’t happening, lol.
    Re my condition, knee and hips feel extra loose. Hoping it’s related to the diet, but probably just a new stage in the disorder.

    • on March 31, 2016 at 7:15 pm | Reply Hugo Stiglitz
      It doesn’t matter what you wean off of. If you don’t *strictly* follow the diet, a number of things will happen.
      1. It won’t work.
      2. It will stress your organs.
      3. You will feel like shit for absolutely nothing in return. The whole ordeal will be a big waste of time.
      Keto flu should only affect you for the first 48 hours.
      I recently came off a 16 day diet. The last day, I reintroduced carbs by drinking beer. You are NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS.
      The next morning , I felt like I was shitting drain cleaner. Who knows how bad I fuct myself up.
      Just for a lousy four beers.

      • FOUR beers.

      • That happened last week. Three beers, next morning shit bricks. Won’t be doing it again.
        What I’m saying is I didn’t have the willpower to quit fruit outright, had to ease into it. Now I have. The last two-three days I’m feeling utterly fatigued. If I don’t feel better in another day – four days with 10% carbs – I’m quitting.
        Have also learned respect for macros. Fat really is critical here. Just bought more bacon.

      • on March 31, 2016 at 8:49 pm Hugo Stiglitz
        Good to hear. Buy ketone strips. If you’re in ketosis, tough it out.
        Don’t quit. With limited opportunities to exercise, your only other quality of life enhancement option is a strict diet.

      • on March 31, 2016 at 8:51 pm Hugo Stiglitz
        10% carbs is too high. 50 grams total a day , max. Don’t count fiber.

      • Maybe I’m miscalculating. No way I’m getting 50g carbs: not even a cup of trail mix (green raisins, pistachio, cashew, goji berries) today besides eggs, pork, chicken. Probably why I’m crashing so hard.
        “With limited opportunities to exercise, your only other quality of life enhancement option is a strict diet.”
        You get it. Impossible to explain to anyone in my life. Out of FL in just a few days.

      • on April 1, 2016 at 6:18 am Hugo Stiglitz
        1. Meat.
        2. Fats/oils.
        3. Green vegetables.
        4. Nuts.
        5. Cheese.
        That is it.
        Trail mix? Surely you jest….

    • Lol @ trending diets gay af

  12. A test of your game:

  13. This was awesome to read. Big, shit-eating shitlord grins abound.

  14. Oh man, it was going well until that last sentence about anime. *cringe*

  15. I was gonna quibble some minor detail, by I laughed at the end, so never mind.

  17. Just write a book, I’ll buy it.

  18. My shitposting career on Twatter lasted about 48 hours before a “hmmm, something is suspicious, give us your telephone number and we’ll sms you a code to unlock your account” came up. Fuck that.
    First and last time I used that app; fun waste of time while the Trumpening is going on, but whatever.

  19. I don’t know why you keep conflating high IQ people with obesity, when every study I have seen from the United States shows that low IQ groups are more likely to be obese. Any IQ 150 women walking around Harvard or Yale law are far more likely to have BMIs in the 18-25 range than in the 30+ range.
    It’s pretty obvious that you don’t actually care about the truth, or about facts. You only use those facts that cater to your ideology.
    [CH: chill homeboy! it’s a humor piece. yeah yeah i know about the iq fat correlation. i also know a lot of high iq women are quite homely. the sweet spot for women hovers somewhere just above average intelligence.]

  20. Great writing. Took a sharp left turn at the end.

  21. ” Many years later, the feminist’s smart daughter, 32 years old, a lawyer, and clocking in at 250 pounds with a face that could cleave ice sheets, empties the bottle of pills into her mouth, tears streaming down as she remembers the boy from law school she loved who mistook her for a man and told her he “doesn’t swing that way”.”
    That’s not a shiv, it is a bayonet to the kidneys being twisted whist withdrawing.
    This one post should archived for our posterity, and told at campfires for all eternity with the utmost of reverance.

  22. ‘I vow someday to get hold of some box set of every Glamour from the late 80s/early 90s just to rediscover all the muses of my teenage fappage”
    Friggin’ gold. Seek and find, let not your efforts be in vain.

  23. on March 31, 2016 at 10:10 pm | Reply Ponce du Lion
    Great CH! This has provided me a genuine mixed joy of unnatural homo mocking laugh while rekindling hope.
    If Trump wins and so America and the white race. Ponce will emigrate to USA not Russia!!
    Ponce will bring patents and more more racist patriarchy!
    Fuck Tedmann Sachs Jizzlary and magic senile Bernie
    The worm hole to playful 2D japanese cartoon dimension girls will be still a problem. Maybe we can force magical Bernie to teleport us while he vaporises into welfare checks for the long time ago deported African-“American” population. A ironical end for the good Bernie

  25. inspired by robert morrow
    on making anime real, though. those dolls/robots aren’t far off. who will be a luddite then? not i

  26. on April 1, 2016 at 12:37 am | Reply Hilary Clinton
    “colleges have stopped offering black and women’s studies.”
    I guess those black women will abandon all that useful SJW whining and become physics majors!!!

    • Then they will all be less entertaining Niel de Grasse Tysons and never accomplish anything with their degrees, making careers in arguing against checks and balances of metrological standards (suspicious, to say the least) and requiring teleprompts to remember how to pronounce half the lexicon properly. They will require much understanding and aid from others for their “physics degrees.”

  27. large-chested … Japanese girls
    CH, my good man, while here in Japan the girls are beautiful and thin, and wear short skirts year-round, and have pleasant demeanors, and are supportive of their men in a way that has long since disappeared in the West… a man must realize that he cannot have everything in life.

    • What’s with all the herbivore men, then?

      • Guessing very strong selection for men with high income. Their avg national income isn’t much above ours, but there’s a smaller population with Very much less room. Same story in Europe, though they’ve lost all ability to be women. Like our women really.

  28. There is no such thing as magic genies, but the willingness of CH readers to fantasize about playing with dildos and pleasuring big black men is revealing.
    Not to mention the fantasy about fixing America with effortless magic thinking.

    • on April 1, 2016 at 5:40 am | Reply Regular John
      2/10. CH used to attract a much better class of troll. Maybe things will pick up when Tel Aviv U. lets out for the summer. Shalom!

    • American Greatest is a social construct

    • on April 1, 2016 at 10:01 am | Reply The Spirit Within
      Yeah, the default-to-insult around here shows the fucked-up-edness of the average CH reader. The Narcissiste proprietors themselves are just as fucked up, except for the occasional brilliant game post.
      And magical thinking is what you get when you ignore facts.

      • *snifff sniff*
        Faggot Within: “You guys are so mean to me. You must be cretins. My mommy says I’m beautiful when she rapes me with her big black strap on.”
        Faggot within rape!

      • on April 1, 2016 at 6:10 pm Ponce du Lion
        Yeahh Magic Strapon. All us here are major denier of evolution.For example we think that ASPM,MCPH1, SV2B, CHRFAM7A are out of Africa genes that don’t play a role in intelligence. Because it is racist. We also believe that significant genotypical and phenotypical distances between living beings shouldn’t suppose a problem to live with. After all significant genetic distance means nothing because facts which arise from my feelings says we’re all equal.
        Despite the fact that animals only live among societies makes of their kind, and family is clearly a race type (biological- lineage) organisation in a low level, but family is good while race is bad because feelings.
        Also family is bad is ((someone)) tell us so and family on wider level, nation is good for foreigners who are not white because facts.
        Taxonomy is a social construct, just like evolution or genetics, except when status whoring says to you otherwise. Because by facts two contradictory things can be perfectly true at the same.
        CH please ban this liar or merely incongruent women.

      • And yet you still hang here. ( I wish i had a penny for all the times you bawled and the like in the Chateau) I’d have jack out the wazoo..
        I have a solution for your problematic ass,dyke.
        Want to hear it ?

    • rofl. projection troll projecting his desires and dreams badly.
      troll rape!

    • It apparently takes a lot of effort to vote for Trump. All those cucks are having a real hard time of it.

  30. Instead of the Mangabubble, I’ll take French beach ca. 1987 with a group of Swedish girls who have never met a Somali rapefugee.

  31. I was getting some Magnitude 10 [Prick-ter Scale] female sex stares from a couple of half-nekkid jailbait gookettes the other day. Frigging single digit percentages of body fat. Camel toes practically bursting out of their swimsuits. Probably about 15 y.o.
    F*ck this “age of consent” bu11shit. Sigh.
    Fifteen and over is usually only a misdemeanor in my state. If this happened to me, I might just go for it.

  32. OT:
    For all of my weightlifters..
    Unless you’re on shit loads of gear – STOP TRAINING TO FAILURE. On ANY set.
    I’ve broken through all of my plateaus in the past few months by abandoning forced reps and simply adjusting variables like range of motion.
    Your central nervous system will thank you.

  33. on April 1, 2016 at 9:35 am | Reply Experienced Father
    CH,
    Huminoid sexbots, arriving?
    See:
    Scarlett Johansson fan creates a working replica ROBOT of the Hollywood star… which he has programmed to wink when he tells her she’s cute

  34. Not gonna lie, I shed a single, solitary tear after reading this.

  35. Only to be eaten alive by a lobster monster shooting out of her vagina.

  36. >President Trumputin
    I’m just going to leave this little bit of classic /pol/ humor here:

  37. What the American male used to look like:
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