I recently got promoted, which involved me moving from where I originally worked to literally the other side of the country. (Think California to Florida.)

That said, I still keep in touch with my old team members through Microsoft Teams and have yet to be removed from that site’s official work-related chat. Thanks to this, I have been watching what is essentially the whole site imploding on itself thanks to a single new Operations Manager.

A few months ago, the site lost its original Operations Manager to the freedom that is retirement. They replaced him with a woman we’ll call Nancy. Nancy’s first order of business was to get people promoted to put more agents on the higher-tier calls. This would be great if it wasn’t for the absolutely insane way she did it.

She first takes the highest-performing agents and tells them they’ve been promoted. She then tells them that their new training, which will last a total of three days, will begin the very next day.

When asked how this will work out, she informs all of these agents that their schedules (which until now have been pretty much set in stone) will change and that they will now all be required to work Saturdays. Starting that very Saturday, which was two days away.

She does not inform them of the pay increase; she does not hear them out on if they can work with the schedule change or not, and she does not consult their team managers first.

Pretty much everyone was upset. Almost all of them (Professionally) declined the promotion, and they were told it was a choice they were able to make, but Nancy was “Disappointed and didn’t understand why.”

I find out that my old team manager had been fired; the team I was a part of had ALL been written up on final notice for insubordination due to, yes, declining that promotion, and pretty much the whole site is seeking other avenues of employment.

Good job, Nancy.

Later, I was given the actual write-up that my old team members were given. It reads as follows (identifying information redacted).

Write Up: You were identified as [Redacted] agents scheduled to move to [Redacted] line of business and attend training. You refused and did not attend training. Not only is your behavior an act of insubordination, which is in violation of company policy, but placed the company relationship at risk with the client who instructed this business need. Additionally, your insubordinate actions caused the company to schedule an additional training session to cover your slot. Any further incident of this nature will result in serious disciplinary action up to and including termination of employment.

A friend of mine used to own a small diner downtown a long while back, and when he got the “I know the owner!” thing, he wanted to see if they were willing to match him beat for beat in the lie.

Customer: “Oh, I know the owner.”

Friend: “I’m the owner… wait, long lost Aunt Maud? Wow, I didn’t recognize you with both eyebrows and no ankle monitor! Is Cousin Steve still in prison for exposing himself to—”

Customer: *Runs away.*

Friend: “—wait! Come back! I need to know if your husband is still banned from children’s hospitals after the amateur magic incident!”

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 30
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 29
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 28
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 27
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 26

Customer: “A baked potato, please.”

Me: “What would you like it loaded with?”

Customer: *Points to a picture.* “What’s that option?”

Me: “Butter, sour cream, bacon, cheese, and scallions.”

Customer: “Everything but the scallions. I don’t like seafood.”

Me: “Scallions are the long green onions. Spring onions? I think you’re thinking of scallops.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t trust onions anyway. Every time I bite into a fried onion ring, it turns out to be a squid.”

I’m entering figures into a shared spreadsheet. My annoying and micro-managing boss is looking at the sheet from his screen, commenting as I go:

Boss: “[My Name], you transposed these two numbers on the spreadsheet.”

Me: “I haven’t gone through it to check the figures yet, but thanks for spotting it.”

Boss: “I really hope you would have caught that mistake, [My Name]. I can’t have you making all these mistakes.”

Me: “As I said, I’m still entering the numbers, so I would have gone back to check when I was done.”

Boss: *Ignoring what I said, talking at me.* “I mean, it was obvious that the numbers were wrong. Things like this make me think you’re not the sharpest crayon in the box.”

Me: “And you are?”

Boss: “The sharpest. That’s why I’m the boss.”

Me: “You’re the sharpest because no one wants to work with you.”

I got a “telling off” for that, but he left me alone to finish my spreadsheet after that, and it had zero errors.

I’m giving a walking tour to some tourists in London. I’m standing on the Millennium Bridge, explaining the history of the River Thames, when one of the tourists asks:

Tourist: “Is that your Capitol Building?”

Me: “No, that’s St. Paul’s Cathedral.”

Tourist: “But why is it copying our Capitol building?”

Me: “It’s not? I can see how the large dome is architecturally similar, but the cathedral was built in 1710.”

Tourist: “But that can’t be right. America is the oldest democracy in the world! 250 years this year!”

Me: “Well, yes, that’s the oldest continuous current modern democracy, but there were plenty of things happening before that, like the construction of that cathedral.”

Tourist: “So you’re seriously telling me that building is more than 250 years old?”

Me: “I am telling you that building is over 300 years old.”

Tourist: “Then please explain to me how it could have copied our Capitol building if it was older than our Capitol building?”

Me: “It couldn’t.”

Tourist: *Smugly.* “Exactly. Know your history!”

I don’t know what exactly happened, but I was able to continue the tour without much further incident, although I did pick up on a scoff when we got to the Globe Theatre and I explained that the original structure was built in 1599.