Many years ago, I worked at a gas station back when you could pump first and then pay. 

I was working one night, and a teenager filled up the tank of his truck and took off without paying. So, I picked up the phone.

Me: “Hi, Mr. [Name]? Your son just came through my gas station.”

Customer’s Dad: “Okay? Why are you telling me?”

Me: “Maybe tell your son if he’s going to pump and drive off without paying, he shouldn’t do it in a truck that used to belong to the gas station attendant who sold it to you both a week ago…”

He had thirty minutes to get back here and pay before I called the cops. He was back in ten.

Customer: *Pointing at the menu.* “I have a question!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “Your crispy calamari. It says, ‘with artichoke hearts, mustard aioli, and bloody mary cocktail sauce.'”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: *Stares at me like I’m an idiot.* “Well?! It doesn’t say anything about calamari! It’s not listed as an ingredient anywhere. Look, under shrimp cocktail, the first ingredient is poached shrimp. The first ingredient under calamari should be calamari. How am I supposed to know it’s included if you don’t tell me?”

Me: “… you’re so right. I personally apologize. There is, indeed, calamari in the crispy calamari. Would you like chef to start an order?”

Customer: “No, I don’t like calamari. I’ll have the teriyaki beef.”

Me: “Hi, can I get a large hot mocha with hazelnut syrup, to go, for Mark?”

Cashier: “Sure thing, would you like that hot or… iced?”

The cashier slowed down as he realized I had just given him all the information.

Cashier: “Uh… you said hot. And then… uh…”

Me: “Are you used to not getting all the information in one go?”

Cashier: *Nods.*

Me: “Would you like to go through the script you’ve no doubt burned into your brain by this point?”

Cashier: *Nods.*

Me: “Go for it!”

Cashier: “So that’s a hot mocha with hazelnut syrup. What size?”

Me: “Large.”

Cashier: “For here or to go?”

Me: “To go.”

Cashier: “Name for the order?”

Me: “Mark.”

Cashier: “Thanks! You’re the first customer that’s ever done that, and that threw me off.”

Me: “Haha, I get it. So, are you new here?”

Cashier: “No, I’ve been here for almost a year…”

I’ve just made the announcement from the customer service desk that the store is closing in five minutes. I’ve already made similar announcements for ten, fifteen, thirty, and sixty minutes before closing.

A minute or so later, I see my manager marching over to a woman with a full cart of shopping. I recognize the customer immediately, a problem regular, where nothing is right, and items being checked out always scan the wrong price.

The customer is fixated on some items on the shelf, so she doesn’t immediately notice when the manager takes her cart and starts wheeling it to the checkouts.

Customer: *Realizing.* “Hey! That’s my cart! What are you doing!”

Manager: “Escorting it to the registers. If you need the things that are in here, then you’re checking out now. We close in three minutes.”

Customer: “I still have a lot to buy! This is terrible service! I’m in the store before closing so I can still shop!”

Manager: “Any other customer, that would be fine. You, ma’am, are not any other customer. You have repeatedly shown that you are unsatisfied with our store, our products, and our pricing. And you always seem to bring up these complaints after we’ve closed, as if forcing us to give in to your demands so that we can send you on your way.”

Customer: “I will not stand here and be accused of that!”

Manager: “No, ma’am, you will stand here and have your items rung out. The registers close soon, so better hurry.”

Customer: “The service of this place has really gone downhill! I should be able to finish my shopping in peace!”

Manager: “If you’re so disappointed by our service, ma’am, you’re more than welcome to go across the street to the other store, or in a few months, you’ll be able to start using the new store that’s being built on that same intersection. Loads of options and none of them require you coming back here.”

During all this, I had time to get back to the register, and the customer let me check out all her items while she grumbled that she was never coming back. She tried questioning the price of certain items, but the manager kept saying, “Either pay the scanned price or take it off; you have five seconds to decide.”

She was out the door ten minutes past closing, the quickest we’ve ever gotten her out of the store. 

She never switched to another store, by the way, she just kept coming in and complaining, although after realizing that her behavior was no longer going to be tolerated after closing hours, she never stayed past closing again.

Related:
Not So Closed Minded, Part 54
Not So Closed Minded, Part 53
Not So Closed Minded, Part 52
Not So Closed Minded, Part 51
Not So Closed Minded, Part 50

I love my little boy, but he is an idiot. Whenever I hear him call “Mooooom!” I know I’m in for an interesting afternoon.

Son: “Moooom!”

Me: “What have you done now?”

Pause.

Son: “It’s… it’s easier if you just come here.”

I follow his voice to the bathroom, where I see him trying to dislodge a staple… from his nostril.

Me: “What did you do?!”

Son: “I stapled my nose because I wanted to know how paper feels when it’s stapled.”

Me: *Already getting the tweezers and antiseptic.* “And?”

Son: “I don’t want to staple paper anymore.”

My son was an adopter of paperclips after that. This is also the same boy who stapled his fingers together. In the doctor’s office. While waiting for him about something else. The doctor’s receptionist got her stapler back, and our son was banned from going near a stapler ever again…