I used to work in a trendy bakery in a rather pretentious area. During this time, being gluten-free and/or vegan was all the rage, and sharing your meals on social media was just about becoming popular. Because of this, we offered our signature cupcakes in both gluten-free and vegan options.

Customer: “Can I get the gluten-free cupcake with the vegan frosting?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, ma’am. One negates the other?”

Customer: *Blank look.*

Sigh…

Me: “The vegan frosting isn’t gluten-free, and the gluten-free cupcake is not vegan. Combining both means you have neither.”

Customer: “Combine them anyway. If I eat them separately, I can still tell people I ate a gluten-free and vegan snack!”

I sigh and look at my manager, who nods and does it. After she leaves:

Me: “Do these people genuinely not understand how we can see right through their fake allergies and diets?”

Manager: “Wait until this afternoon. We’re gonna run out of the gluten-free cupcakes, and the customers asking for them will just go ahead and order a regular cupcake. Like why order the gluten-free one in the first place then?!”

I work in a store that sells a lot of non-precious gems. My manager is talking to an angry customer. The customer storms out in a huff, then the manager walks over to me, looking tired.

Manager: “Can you put a sign up next to the Tiger’s Eyes?”

He points to a bowl of chatoyant gemstones. Their brown to yellow stripes give them their name.

Me: “Saying what?”

Manager: “That these are not real tiger’s eyes and no actual tigers were blinded in the sourcing of these minerals…”

Me: “I’d ask if you’re joking, but I know you’re not.”

Manager: “Thanks.”

Me: “While I’m at it, shall I make a sign saying that the moonstone isn’t stone from the actual moon?”

Manager: “Yeah… at this rate it’s gonna be needed.”

Returning to my work floor, I got on an elevator along with several coworkers.

Me: “Third floor, please.”

The coworker next to me, standing closest to the buttons, proceeded to look waaaaay up to the ceiling. She stood on her tippy toes and tried to push the third-floor number that was on top of the elevator doors, showing what floor you were on. 

Everyone tried not to be rude, holding in their laughter. Well, they tried. 

After the second time she tried to reach for the number on top, another coworker of mine shook her head.

Other Coworker: “No, no, honey… bless your heart.”

[Other Coworker] proceeded to push the right button on the elevator.

Coworker: “Oh, you can push those buttons too?! I didn’t know!”

Me: “Yeah, those are much easier. Are you new here?”

Coworker: “No, I’ve been here a year. Why?”

Customer: “Is the nicotine gum meant to help you stop smoking, or start smoking?”

Me: “Stop. Definitely stop.”

Customer: “Awesome! That means I can go straight to cigarettes, and if I get addicted, I’ve got the gum to make me stop!”

Me: “Uh, well, if you don’t already smoke, then—”

Customer: “—Marlboro, please! I don’t know what one I like yet, so give me one of each!”

I get a call from my mother-in-law:

Mother-In-Law: “My Outlook is no longer downloading my emails!”

Me: “What is it doing?”

Mother-In-Law: “Nothing! Come and fix it!”

Me: “No messages or anything popping up?”

Mother-In-Law: “Nothing! Come and fix it!”

I sigh and once again curse the fact that my family sees me as free tech support because I helped install someone’s printer once.

I go to my in-law’s house and ask my mother-in-law to show me what she’s doing. There was an error message as Outlook started, but she dismissed it before I could read it.

Me: “Okay, restart Outlook and this time don’t click the ‘OK’ button so I can read the message.”

The message said that her version of Outlook was no longer compatible with Gmail and would not be able to connect, as well as what steps to take to continue to use Gmail with Outlook.

I just gave her a disappointed look and walked away, with the error message still on the screen.

Mother-In-Law: “Don’t you give me that look!”

Me: “Why? That’s the look you always give me.”

Mother-In-Law: “I asked you for your help!”

Me: “I already did, by making you read the message on screen, the one you said wasn’t popping up. It literally told you it wasn’t going to work and told you how to fix it, and you ignored it.”

I went home after that to fix dinner for my kids. Apparently, she called my husband after I left because he came home laughing, saying, “So you made my mom mad by forcing her to read?”