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When People See Words And Give Up

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Fuzzy-Ad-7691 | July 7, 2026

A kid brings me his laptop, saying he’s trying to launch a program, but a pop-up keeps blocking it. I take a look. The pop-up says:

Pop-Up: “This program cannot launch while [Other Program] is running. Close [Other Program] and try again.”

Me: “What happened when you tried that?”

Kid: *Gets embarrassed.* “Oh…I didn’t…”

So, I have him close the other program and try again. Magically, the problem goes away.

Later, a woman comes over and says she’s trying to log into a desktop, but it’s not working. I walk over and take a look, having her type in her username and password. She does so, and another pop-up:

Pop-Up: “Password must be changed. Click Continue to change password.”

Woman: “See! This keeps happening, I don’t know what to do.”

Me: *As politely as I can.* “Well, see here it says to change your password. So, let’s do that.”

I click ‘Continue’ for her.

Box #1: “Enter new password.”

Box #2: “Confirm new password.”

She is confused by the two boxes.

Woman: “What do I do?”

I had to point to each sentence before she would read them.

Later, a girl comes over and says the printer won’t release her job. I walk over to look at it. She enters her password, and the queue opens, displaying her print job. Then she stands there.

Girl: “See? It won’t do anything.”

I click the button that says ‘Print’. Her job releases. She is embarrassed.

Please. Please just read. Please read things on your screen before freaking out.

When They Learn The Truth, They’re Gonna Have A Meltdown

, , | Right | July 7, 2026

Customer: “I’ll get the [Combo Burger Meal].”

Me: “What drink with that?”

Customer: “Coke, but no ice.”

Me: “You got it.”

Customer: “I don’t want the calories.”

Me: “From… the ice?”

Customer: “Yeah! Don’t you know, anything solid contains calories!”

Too Chicken To Be Vegetarian

, , , | Right | July 7, 2026

A lady comes in and says she’s ordering a personal-sized pizza.

Customer: “I’m a vegetarian, so I want red onions, green pepper, chicken, mushrooms…”

Cashier: “That’s not very vegetarian.”

Customer: “Yes, it is. Chicken isn’t beef or pork, so it isn’t meat.”

Cashier: “I have some bad news for you…”

Chorizo-No-No, Part 3

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2026

I’m working at the deli in a grocery store.

Customer: “I want that pork sausage, seasoned with paprika and garlic.”

Me: “Oh, the chorizo?”

Customer: “In our household, we use the American name for it.”

Me: “Well, that’s still chorizo, considering it’s a Spanish dish* and not American.”

Customer: “Are you going to get it for me or not?!”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. Now, did you want the pork sausage, seasoned with paprika and garlic that’s ready to eat, or the pork sausage, seasoned with paprika and garlic that’s raw? We have pork sausage, seasoned with paprika and garlic, Iberico pork sausage, seasoned with paprika and garlic, sarta pork sausage, seasoned with paprika and garlic, vela pork sausage, seasoned with… ma’am… why are you walking away?”

 

*Or Mexican, if you prefer it uncooked.

Related:
Chorizo-No-No, Part 2
Chorizo-No-No

The Freshman Flowchart

, , , , , , | Right | July 6, 2026

I live in a college town with a lot of fraternity/sorority houses. A girl came to our plumbing department and had a funnel, a valve, and a clear plastic tube.

Customer: “How do I put all these together?”

I show her the hose clamps and ask her:

Me: “So, are you hosting a party?”

She gets all embarrassed.

Me: “Anyway, my suggestion is that you don’t really need the valve. You can just clamp the tube right to the funnel and keep this end higher until you’re ready.”

Customer: “Oh, really? That’s cool.”

Me: “Just be careful with that thing, it’s a great way to get alcohol poisoning.”

Customer: “I’m not doing anything illegal!”

Me: “Nope, you’re not! Have a great weekend!”

Every first weekend of the academic year, they come in here thinking they’re the first ones to ever buy that exact combination of items, and ONLY THAT exact combination…