My older brother used to have a great job with a huge salary.He always acted like he was smarter than everyone else.A few years ago I had severe financial problems and asked him for a small loan. He refused. He told me that helping me would only make it worse and I needed to learn how to fix my own life. It hurt but I accepted it and eventually I managed to get out of debt on my own.

Recently he was fired. It turned out he had huge debts, a mortgage, and multiple credit cards. He lived like his big income would last forever. He found a new job but the salary is way lower and he could not pay his bills. First he asked our parents for help but they had no money because of my fathers medical bills. Then he came to me.

The amount he asked for was huge for me. I did not even have that much cash, and if I gave him everything I had, I would be left without any savings. Plus I could not stop thinking about how he rejected me before. I told him no. I did not yell, I just said I could not help him and he needed to find another way, just like he told me years ago.

A week later he was arrested. It turns out he got desperate and fell for a sketchy online offer promising quick cash for delivering suspicious packages. He thought it would be easy money to pay his bills but it was a dangerous illegal scheme. He got caught during his first drop and now he faces serious prison time. My parents are devastated. They say that if I had helped him, he would not have done this. My mother says I chose revenge over family.

I feel terrible and I am second guessing myself now. Maybe if I gave him the money, this would not happen. On the other hand, I did not force him to take that illegal job and he made that choice himself.But my family is very disappointed now and they blame me for his situation.

AITA

I feel like I’m going absolutely crazy for this being an argument and I need someone objective to tell me if I fucked up.

My girlfriend is a French fry bandit. She always takes half of my French fries without fail. When we go out and I get a burger with fries, I already know half are going to her. My issue is that French fries are one of my favorite foods because I have the palate of a child.

I always get myself a side of fries, and I always ask my girlfriend if she wants fries as well, it’s always a no, but once they show up half go to her.

So recently we were out for dinner and I wanted steak frites, she wanted a salad. I was hungry and admittedly had a bad day and was grouchy, and I asked her if she also wanted fries with her salad. She said no.

So when the server came, i ordered for us, and I ordered my steak frites, and a salad for her and an extra side of fries. She said that she didnt want fries, I said that I wanted extra fries so we pushed on.

When the server dropped off the food, I immediately pushed the extra fries to her. She was upset, she said she didn’t want them. Then I said I’d have them.

As we got in the car, she told me that I was being a dick and ordering fries for her when she said she didn’t want them was incredibly condescending of me to assume I know what she wants. The kicker is, SHE ATE THE EXTRA FRIES. SHE WANTED THE EXTRA FRIES. I ate my fries and she at pretty much the entire side, even though I was planning on eating them. She’s been with me for a year, of course I know she’s gonna eat the fries she’s does it every time.

She’s been pissed about it since and I feel like I’m taking crazy pills on why I’m the asshole here.

I'm a mom to 3 boys and I love my husband but he's so emotionally stunted all " boys don't cry /Mens man machismo" never wants to talk about his feelings Of course my oldest Kyle (15M) as soon as he got to old for snuggles he followed suit especially since hitting his teenage years. Hes all about hockey and wrestling and hanging out with the boys. He never wants to talk about how he's feeling or confide in me anymore or express himself.

So Kyle had been dating one of his teammates "Dougy" for a few months a lifetime for teens. His first real relationship. Over the ast week I noticed him pretending not to mope around and I hadn't seen Dougy around lately. I finally confronted him about it yesterday and he finally broke down crying and told me they broke up cause Dougy cheated on him for not doing something he wasn't ready for. He layed his head in my lap like he used to when he was little and I just let him cry it out and talk. Of course his dad home early walks in and just looks disappointed asking what all the fuss is about some dumb boy. Kyle jumps up trying his best to quit crying and just says nothing and basically runs to his room. I got upset and I yelled at him why did he have to ruin that moment that our son was finally opening up to me. He just goes that he's a boy and he shouldn't be crying like a baby over some dumb kid. I yelled at him that I hope our boys never turn out like him and I never seen him look that hurt. When didn't talk the rest of the night or most of the today. My sister thinks I should apologize and I might have gone to far.

Context,

When I f met my husband m he was a widower with 2 kids. I have kids of my own, also two kids, but older than my stepkids. From day one MIL never liked me. I don't know why but I gave up trying to find out since she made it clear nothing I do will ever make her happy.

My husband has heart issues he started suffering from shortly after his late wife passed away. He recently had a surgery and obviously everyone in the family was stressed out even though he's had prior surgeries.

Situation is, my children and I were at the hospital while my stepkids were at their aunt's. Only MIL from my husband's side was there. The doctor said that we could see him and I wanted the kids to go into the room and see him. They were anxious and very eager but thing is, MIL interjected and said that his own kids should get this opportunity first. I asked if she was serious. But she ignored me and started calling her daughter telling her to bring the kids. I was stunned, absolutely stunned. I tried to get the kids inside, but she started vaguly talking about "who gets priority" to go into the room. I told her my kids were his too, even if not biologically, he loves them just the same as he loves his own. I tried not to raise my voice then suddenly, she started calling me selfish and accused me of driving a wedge between the kids we literally had to wait for over 45 mins for my stepkids to arrive.

I don't remember much but SIL & BIL came and there was huge argument. Basically accusing me of acting dramatically, especially after I said I'd take my kids and go home, which I did.

My kids were beyond devastated they couldn't see their dad, and then having to stand and watch MIL act the way she did...it felt like it was neccesary for me to send her a text. Ngl I was a little upset I said some choice words. I also told her she was banned from my home. (We live in my home, my husband lost his when his late wife's family fought with him) MIL went nuts. She shared the text with the family and I later heard from SIL that I escalated the situation and was punishing her mother for doing what's right and appropriate. It was a horrible time. My husband isn't even capable of being put in the middle of this, so, I'm being careful to handle it myself, but the pressure is way too much. From my inlaws and my stepkids as well.

I want to know if I made a hasty decision banning her from my home after the situation at the hospital when she stopped my kids from seeing their stepdad. AIATH?

Eta: I forgot to mention that MIL defended herself saying my kids shouldn't feel offended, since they're older I should've taught them empathy and understanding when it comes to these situations. She said I could've waited til after my stepkids saw their dad but I chose to take my kids and leave.

It's the whole situation and her behavior and treatment of me and my kids at the hospital that made me upset and hurt.

My (36F) parents and I own a property in a tier 1 asian city that has been in our family for now three generations. My parents were considering selling it a while back but I bought them out. Though I paid lower than market price, my parents were happy with the deal and they still having a place to stay when they go back. Usually the property is rented out, but my husband's younger brother fell on hard times and we offered to let them temporarily stay at the property rent free so they can save up. They've been there for the past two years.

Whenever we've gone back to visit (usually once a year for 2 weeks) I've had to specifically requested that they temporarily vacate the primary bedroom. They hemmed and hawed the first time until my husband (38M) reminded them that we were doing them a favor.

This year we are not going back, but my parents are. I gave them a half year heads up on the dates my parents were going, all seemed fine. Last week, I got a call from my parents saying they were staying in an hotel. Apparently they arrived and my BIL & SIL said they were hosting friends and the only space available was the home office with a pull out couch. My parents are in their 70s and did not want to fight them after a long flight and also did not want to antagonize my relationship with my IL's so decided to move to a hotel.

I was furious. Typing this, I am STILL furious. I told my husband that he should be the one to handle this because no one would like the way I handle it. My husband basically told his brother that he's done and he needed to move out immediately. My BIL/SIL texted me and left me voice notes calling me a bunch of names. ILs have called me begging me to reconsider and to give them grace.

Frankly, I don't really care what happens to BIL & SIL anymore. I haven't responded to any messages and am just letting my husband handle it.

I have a daughter who's 16. Lately she has been requesting money frequently for a variety of items, including clothing, cosmetics, coffee, manicures and little internet shopping.

When I can I give her that money. But because I'm a single mother, money is tight right now. Rent has increased and I'm thinking an effort to keep my savings intact.

A week ago, my daughter said she wants a new iPhone, specifically the latest model. She has saved up roughly $400 from presents and birthdays, but it is insufficient. She asked to add cash so she can buy it and I replied that I couldn't do it at this time, gave an explanation and assured her that her existing phone was functional. I recommended waiting till her birthday, getting a basic phone or getting a reconditioned device.

She said she specifically wants a new one because many of her friends have new phones gifted. So I advised her to find a summer job and earn the difference if she truly wanted an expensive phone this summer, and I would still contribute $100 to $200.

She got really upset. She said I was forcing her to work, even though this is her last carefree summer before college applications and that I was as always turning a simple request into a life lesson (though I never did it and tried to be as kind as possible with my daughter).

I replied that I’m not forcing her to work. She can keep her old phone or choose a cheaper option. But if she wants the most costly one, I’m not required to finance the difference as she is relatively elderly and can work.

Now she's giving me the cold shoulder and says I don't understand how important this lat careless summer is at her age. Like her, I was a teenager, so I understand, but I also don't see any issues with taking a part time job to get the additional cash she needs to purchase the new phone she so much wants.

AITA?

I (26f) have been with my boyfriend (29m) since 2024. We met online and after a few years of friendship, he had gotten an insurance payout and decided to move to my state "for a few months".

Well, a few months turned into a couple of years and the insurance money had run out. Previous to the insurance payout, he had helped his dad with his landscaping business and had had a few short term jobs (pizza shops, serving, etc;) but no job lasting longer than a year. Once he ran out of insurance money, he began to search for jobs.

He quickly became frustrated because nobody was getting back to him. He would often threaten to give up and go move back in with his parents.

I am an HR manager and hire people for my company on a regular basis. I took a look at his resume and explained that no one was going to hire a 29 year old who had less than five full years of work experience with years of gaps between jobs. He argued that he was applying for entry level positions, and I had explained that his age would be the downfall. It doesn't matter if it's entry level, a 29 year old not holding a job is a bad look.

He is now stating that I am insensitive and make him "feel like shit" for not being able to contribute enough to our house (though I have only asked him to help with groceries, I take care of the rest of the house bills).

Admittedly, I think I could have addressed it in a softer manner but I definitely let my personal feelings get in the way. I love him to death but feel it's ridiculous that he lived off his parents for as long as he did with no independence.

Sooo, am I the asshole?

Edit: For some added context, I did help him work through his resume. The initial conversation had stopped at "This is the issue" because he had become too upset to let me help in the moment. It took a couple of hours but eventually we were able to sit down and fluff it up, so to say.

I(23F) live alone in Texas. I moved out during high school due to a strained relationship with my mom (49F). Since 2021, my mom, sister (17F), and brother (8M) have gone on multiple vacations a year without me, claiming they couldn't afford to include me. This summer was supposed to be different; we planned a family trip to California, and after a very tough year, I was really looking forward to it.
We stayed with my aunt’s mother-in-law. On day two, we planned a road trip to Palm Springs. I sat in the front seat because my family knows I get severe motion sickness and light sensitivity in the back. My sister demanded the front seat, and when I politely refused, my mom ordered me to the back. When I didn't move, my mom got out of the car and threw a tantrum, yelling at me in the street.
When we finally started driving, my mom screamed at me for 45 minutes straight. At my breaking point, I asked to be let out at a gas station to cry. After a few minutes, I walked outside and realized my mom had driven off and left me. She texted me repeatedly saying she wasn't coming back. She finally returned nearly three hours later, only to demand gas money. Heartbroken, I called a local friend who picked me up, and I stayed with her for the next four days.
During that time, my aunt called me, furious that I "caused a scene" at her mother-in-law's house. I explained that I stayed in the car to avoid a scene and told her my mom abandoned me, but she didn't care. She had already believed my mom’s skewed version of events.
We still had a Disney day trip planned. Wanting to salvage the vacation, I sucked it up and joined them. The day went smoothly, and we returned to the mother-in-law's house. Exhausted, I took a nap.
Two hours later, my sister woke me up by packing her bags. She said she was going to our cousins' house. I got excited to go, only to find out I wasn't invited. As I watched her pack, I saw her put my swimsuit into her bag. I asked for it back, but she refused and walked away. I followed her, asking again for my property. I wasn't yelling.
Suddenly, my aunt stormed in and snapped, “You cannot yell in this house. This is the second time you've caused a problem, and your sister is leaving because she doesn't feel comfortable around you.” I was blindsided. We hadn't even been arguing. My aunt kept ranting about how I made everyone tense and told me I needed to pack up and find somewhere else to stay.
It is now 1:00 AM, and I can't stop crying. I was so excited to connect with my family, but I feel completely unwanted. I don't understand why they invited me just to treat me like an outcast. AITA?

so basically i (19f) live with two people, my brother (20m) and girlfriend (19f)
my girlfriend has some mental problems, but if she puts effort into treating it she could become completely functional.. she has depression and so do i, i take my meds and she doesnt..

right now chores are divided like this :
i clean the living room
i buy groceries
i do the dishes
i end up having to do laundry at the moment
i clean the kitchen
i clean me and my gfs room
i pay the rent for the land we r on
i pay the electricity
i pay the gas
i treat all of the carpet in our house
i work 40 hours a week at a labor intensive job

my brother
also works as much as me. 40 hours
my brother has autism. working that much is already quite taxing on him physically and mentally
he takes care of the trash
he pays the mortgage
he pays for wifi
he covers my groceries whenever he can

my girlfriend
doesnt have a job.. every time i even mention getting one, she completely shuts down. doesnt talk to me. gets stuck physically and mentally.
she cooks food for the house every monday wednesday and friday
doesnt take care of herself mentally. goes to therapy but her therapist is more of a friend than an actual therapist. she doesnt have any coping mechanisms for when she gets stressed
doesnt put any effort into taking her medication to get better
im fine with her not having a job.. i really dont mind.. but if shes gnna sit in my house all day she should be doing the laundry list of chores im always stuck doing. thats all i ask.. just do something while im at work
just one chore
do the dishes or the laundry or just pick up the house a little bit. anything would help. but i cant even get her to do that.
im really gentle with her because i know she could shut down at any moment

but im so exhausted and tired.. im sick of spending my weekends cleaning up the mess she makes after cooking.. im sick of constantly feeling guilty.. im constantly enabling her bad behavior.. i feel like such a bad partner for her but i do love her.. i dont know how to even approach asking her to do more

i asked her to do the laundry and she said “ ill get to it “ .. ive been waiting for around a month for her to do laundry because i thought i could rely on her for just that one thing. now im doing laundry because there are no clean bath towels for me to take a shower.. i wear the same bra for weeks because i want her to get to it instead of doing it for her

what can i do to get her to help herself
she constantly feels useless but doesnt put any effort into being useful..

but i have mental problems too
just because i take medication doesnt make me perfect.. im still so exhausted and depressed..
someone please tell me what i can do. because her therapist wont help her. i feel like i cant help her..

My best friend from childhood is getting married. He and his fiancée have been together for about 7 years and planned a destination wedding. They wanted a smaller, more intimate wedding and decided to combine the bachelor and bachelorette party into a week-long trip.

About a year ago, I was told about the wedding and was asked to attend. I was specifically told that both my wife and I were invited. The only thing we would need to pay for was our airfare. Everything else would be covered.

Over the last year, there were multiple conversations confirming that both my wife and I would be attending. Based on that, we requested and received PTO from work, bought plane tickets, and started preparing for the trip. We bought clothes and other things we would need for a week-long destination wedding.

About a month and a half before the wedding, my friend told me there was no longer enough space for my wife. Apparently, she had been cut from the guest list and there was only room for me.

He also mentioned that numerous other guests were upset. Some people had to pay for their own accommodations elsewhere if they want to attend after previously being told they would be covered, and some guests had their invitations revoked entirely because they were over capacity.

I was honestly shocked. I told him that if my wife couldn't attend, then I wouldn't be attending either.

I asked him what happened and why this situation occurred. I wanted an honest explanation. His response was basically that they didn't realize they had a capacity issue until invitations were sent out. I asked how that could happen if they already knew the venue capacity beforehand. He refused to answer directly and kept saying that this wasn't about the guests because it's their wedding.

I told him that while it is absolutely their wedding and their choice, they had set clear expectations a year in advance and repeatedly confirmed those expectations. Now, after people had spent money, used PTO, and made plans, they were changing things and expecting everyone to be okay with it.

He and his fiancée have taken no responsibility for the situation and instead blame the guests for overreacting. He also told me that I was the only one making a big deal about not being able to bring my wife.

To be clear, I never demanded that they reinvite her. I simply told him that if my wife wasn't welcome, I wouldn't be attending either.

AITA for being angry about this and refusing to go to the wedding?

I didn’t think this situation would blow up the way it did but it is what it is.

I (24f) have a 17 year old sister, Maya. We share the same father but different mothers.

I am my father’s first child so I was the only child until I found out about my sister. Growing up, we were never close. Maya’s mom, Roshelle didn’t like me, she was upset that my father always picked me over her. I tried to be that older sister but adults made it feel wrong, didn’t allow a relationship.

That woman didn’t want me around her daughter, so I was never invited to birthdays, any even going on in mayas life. Maya kinda fed off her mother’s behavior and started treating me like trash, went on social media rants about me, talking bad about her niece. So it was pointless to try and push a relationship.

We both have different upbringing, my mom was more strict, let me have my freedom but know I wasn’t her little friend. Maya mom is different, she’s not strict, Maya can do whatever without having consequences.

Not to judge her parenting but that was a problem, from what I heard. Roshelle didn’t care if she dated older boys, like way older.

She eventually started dating a boy some years older than her. He was 17 at that time, yes and her mom nor her father did anything. And I didn’t know the age of this boy until 3 years ago.

At 15 she had her first child, some people thought it was an accident but they learned the truth. She purposely had a baby with this boy because she said she wanted to start a family young instead of being old.

You know what else she said? She said she can do whatever she wants because she pays bills so that makes her grown, Roshelle definitely put that in her head.

I wished i could’ve been her big sister to guide her in the right direction but she wanted nothing to do with me. She didn’t know that having kids and being a mom at that age wasn’t a fairy tale.

She had another baby little over a year later.

That was her life, I couldn’t control that or force it. It was up to her parents.

Few days ago, I got a text from her on instagram.

She sent a pretty long paragraph so I will break up the important parts.

Basically she was saying how sorry she is for the things she said. She’s exhausted, doesn’t get sleep, not doing well at school, the dad is nowhere to be found, lost her friends, also is pregnant again. Roshelle doesn’t help her much because she said she’s grown to do things for herself. It was a lot to take in. She also asked me for $300 dollars for a you know what, but I don’t know what’s true to believe. It feels like a set up

It’s sad but we’re basically strangers, I don’t know what’s true or not. So it’s weird to suddenly step in after everything they’ve done to me, I truly don’t know these people.

I told her I was sorry about what’s going on but I wasn’t comfortable to step into her life. I did give her some advice, to look into parenting resources, it was up to her to use it. I stopped replying but she kept going, saying sorry, just other things. I actually had to block her because that was too much.

My wife gave a key to our house to her sister. I thought this was a backup copy in case we lost a set of our keys, but several times over the last few weeks I have come home to find my SIL at my house when neither I nor my wife are home. She is always at my house to eat. She either makes a lunch with food in the fridge/pantry or helps herself to leftovers, including leftovers from eating out that were brought home.

I didn’t like this so I asked my wife to tell her sister to stop, but my wife wouldn’t do it. She said she didn’t have a problem with it. So I sent a text to the SIL and told her I wasn’t comfortable with her letting herself into my house and taking food without asking, and asked her not to do it anymore. Now my wife, her sister, her other siblings, and her parents are furious with me. They all say I am in the wrong and am unreasonable. In their opinion the SIL isn’t doing anything wrong because none of them would have a problem with me doing the same to them. To me that isn’t the issue. I wasn’t ok with what the SIL was doing so I told her to stop. It’s my and my wife’s house, not anyone else’s.

Before my husband (23M) and I (23F) got married I told him I don’t want to be mixed financially with either of our parents. Meaning I don’t want to share phone bills, Netflix, Apple family, any kind of thing that requires money. I wanted a separation of finances. Everything was good except the phone bill. The account was under my husband’s credentials and good credit score and his family were financing phones with deals they got from my husband having a good credit score so he couldn’t just separate the phone bills. I got upset and told him I can’t wait for them to pay the phones off for a year and a half so he suggested we paid the phones off. It was about $1000 and his parents agreed saying they would pay us back. This was back in April. We are now in July and I haven’t seen one penny and now his mom is asking him if he can buy a spider man pandora bracelet for his youngest sister and that she will pay him back. We got into a fight because he blew me off and said he would “talk to them” which I think is bullshit and they aren’t going to pay ANYTHING back. I kind of feel like the asshole because his parents are kind people and when we do barbecues they pay for everything and cook for us here. However, I think fellowship and money are completely different things. It’s my money too and it’s unfair that they aren’t paying it back and asking to borrow more. So AITAH?

I have a 14 years old daughter Thea.

Thea planned a surprise party for me. Being a kid, she chose every food based on what she herself prefers. I didn't mind. I mean she is a teenager who PLANNED a party for me and based on what her mom says she used her own money and did a lot of babysitting jobs to afford it. I'm not going to be upset that she chose her own favorite food. I'm just happy she cared enough to do it.

During the party I loudly announced how grateful I am and how much I appreciate it which made my other daughter Sara upset.

She also loudly said that Thea is a selfish b*tch who only cares about herself and the party isn't even about me.

This made Thea cry so I punished Sara and sent her to her room and didn't let her enjoy the party anymore.

Now Sara's mom thinks I was an asshole because the way I "fawned over Thea" made Sara upset and then I punished Sara for feeling that way.

I (33F) recently left my husband, and one of the things we're fighting about now is my last name.

For some background: I have a PhD in computer science and work in academia. I've published papers, presented at conferences, reviewed research, and built a professional reputation that's tied to my legal name.

When we got married, I did not want to change my last name. I wanted to keep my maiden name because all of my degrees and early publications were under it, and I knew changing names would make things more complicated professionally.

My husband insisted it was a dealbreaker. He said he couldn't marry someone who wouldn't take his name. I remember specifically explaining that my career would be tied to whatever name I used, and I still remember his response because it bothered me even then. He laughed and said something along the lines of, "That's good. Then you won't be able to just leave me over stupid shit like dreaming I did something wrong."

For context, I've been the primary earner throughout our marriage. My husband has mostly been unemployed. He's done things like Uber on and off (using a car I bought), but I've paid the mortgage, bills, insurance, and pretty much everything else.

I've now left him for reasons like that.

The issue is that he now wants me to change my last name back immediately.

Ironically, I'm refusing for exactly the reason I gave him years ago. Since getting married, I've published even more papers, supervised graduate students, received grants, and become known professionally under my married name. Changing it now would create confusion with citations, collaborators, students, and my professional identity. Plenty of academics keep the same name after divorce for exactly this reason.

He's furious. He says I'm "stealing" his family name and damaging the reputation of his family by continuing to use it without staying in it.

His family does have a history locally. Several older relatives were major landowners and business owners decades ago, so the surname is somewhat recognizable where we live. But my husband himself isn't a public figure, and neither are his parents or siblings and they have mostly lost the wealth now due to gambling and bad decisions.

I pointed out that he was the one who insisted I take the name despite knowing it would become attached to my career. He says that's different because we were married then, and now I'm "using" his family's name without belonging to the family anymore.

I'm 15 and my older brother is 18. He's in college and is still living with us. Over the past few months, he's often mentioned that he's into crypto, but I didn't really understand exactly what he was doing (and honestly idk what he was doing till this moment as I'm very far from it).

Two weeks ago, I was walking past his room and heard him talking on the phone. He thought no one could hear him. THe person on the other end was clearly angry and asked when my brother would pay him back $5k. My brother said he'd sort everything out soon, but he sounded very nervous.

After the call, I knocked on his door and asked what was going on. I didn’t yell or threaten him, I just said I’d heard about the $5k and wanted to make sure everything was okay as I worry about him. He didn’t even open the door. He just shouted me to mind my own business and called me annoying.

That evening, I told my parents. I did it because I didn’t know if it was a debt, a scam or even something worse and $5k is a huge amount of money. My dad went to talk to him right away.

It turned out my brother had borrowed $5k from his best friend under the pretext of a crypto investment. He’d lost about $3k, didn’t know how to pay the money back, but said that he had some magic plan how to do it. Now my parents made him find a job and come up with a real plan to pay back his friend. Father also told that he will take his car as for now until he fully pays his debt.

My brother isn’t talking to me now. The only thing he said was that I’m a little snitch.

I feel bad because I overheard it by accident, got involved and generally eavesdropping is a bad thing do to. But $5k at 18 is no small amount, I didn't even know for what and from whom he had taken that money. He also sounded nervous and I think I must have intervene.

AITA?

For years, my wife, our two kids, and I went to the same beach town for a week with part of my wife’s family: her brother, SIL, their kids, and her mom. We originally did this because another sibling’s family lived there, so it was a chance for all the cousins to be together.

The issue is that the trip became extremely repetitive and rigid. Same beach, same street, same basic schedule, same restaurants/meals on the same days, strict quiet times/bedtimes, very little flexibility. My wife’s family is very routine-driven and frugal. My family is structured too, but on vacation we like variety, activities, and some flexibility. When the other sibling’s family still lived there, there was more balance. Once they stopped going, it became just us and the routine-driven side.

The last couple years were miserable. The houses got smaller while the kids got bigger, the routine became more rigid, our kids were bored and stir-crazy, and I ended up trying to take them out to do things just to break up the week. That caused tension because I was “going outside the plan.” My wife was also stressed and admitted afterward that the trip was no longer enjoyable.

After the last trip, my wife and I had a long conversation and agreed we would not do that same vacation again. We talked about trying something different: mountains, lake, different beach, really anything else.

Recently, my wife handed me her phone and asked which vacation house was nicer. It was the same beach, same street, basically the same exact trip again. I was angry because I thought we had already agreed this was done.

Her explanation is that her mom said this location is sentimental to her and that she wanted all the grandkids together there. Her brother’s family agreed immediately. My wife says it was “this or nothing,” so she chose this because getting Grandma and the grandkids together was important to her. She has already fully committed herself and our kids to going for the full week, and she assumed I would eventually just agree and go too.

My issue is that I feel like her mom and brother made the decision, my wife accepted it, and I was informed after the fact. I told her I felt betrayed and isolated because we had already agreed as a couple not to repeat this trip. She keeps circling back to “this is important to me, why won’t you just do it for me?”

We've been fighting for a solid week about it, so I offered a compromise - I said that because it's become so important to her, I'd come for the last two nights. She has committed herself and the kids for the full week. Now she says that since she knows I don’t want to be there, I’ve ruined it, and asks why I have to “act like this.” She has also brought it up around the kids, so now they know there is conflict.

I am not trying to stop the kids from seeing their grandmother. I am not saying no to them going. I am saying no to spending a full week of my vacation time repeating the exact trip we already agreed was bad for our family.

Hey there,

first I wanna thank you for all the responses in my original post. I really appreciate it.

For the update: The day after my original post, I reached out to my friend and asked, if she has time the next few days. We meet today for a nice long stroll in the park. The beginning was kind of awkward, because we never had a fight before. Normally it's also not a problem, when life is busy and we don't write for a few days or even weeks but today it somehow feels strange. I'm not a fan of beating around the bush, so I simply asked her "So, in that burger place... What exactly triggered you?"

Honestly, it was like poking a water balloon. She apologized for everything and how afraid she was I might be still mad at her and apologized some more. Then she explained to me, what her trigger was. What can I say, we all were kind of wrong.

You guys, it's her aunt! She has an aunt, who will always bring a few boxes for family gatherings. But instead of waiting until everyone is done and the food is BACK in the kitchen, which is fine, she sometimes fills the boxes BEFORE it goes to the table. Because my friends grandma knows of this behavior, she started to cook even more, but the aunt just brought more boxes as well. But that's not all! Said aunt will also bring boxes to restaurants and if they order different meals, so everyone can have a try from all the plates, she's like "Noone wants that anymore, right?", and packs, while people are still eating. My friend is a slow eater, so often her aunt filled her boxes, before she could try everything she wanted.

I always wanted to use the word flabbergasted in a post. I think this is the right time. I was definitely flabbergasted! How impudent can a person be?!

I asked, why noone is saying anything about it, but they are all just too tired to deal with her outbreaks. It's easier to say nothing. I felt that....

So yeah, she knew it was my food and everything, but it also triggered her real bad.

I apologized as well for not warning her, but she said it was totally her fault. I said, I will make sure the next time, but she was like "Nono, it's a nice way to work on it."

Well, in the end we had a really nice stroll, talked about different things and everything is good. I'm really glad, that we cleared that out though.

Thank you for reading this. Have a great day and a nice week.

About a month ago my daughter (young teenager), had a friend over after school and she decided to stay over for dinner without planning. I called her mother of course and made sure everything was ok and that I would feed and take her home at a certain time. She does this kind of often and I always enjoy inviting other peoples kids into our home and cooking for them. I had been planning to make a Venetian liver dish that day, and thinking nothing of it I made it and served it.

During the dinner my family all enjoyed the meal as they are used to eating liver but unfortunately the daughters friend was a bit caught off guard and really didn't enjoy it, she didn't make a scene or anything and actually was very polite but she took one bite and wouldn't take another. I gave her some fruit and some snacks to tide her over until she could eat at home and everyones night continued as normal until I eventually drove her home.

I've always been a liver lover. I grew up in in Northern Italy and Liver was just something we ate. My parents cooked liver pretty frequently and it was a very common and popular dish in restaurants, especially in my region Veneto. In Veneto liver is not even particularly cheap, its just something people eat because they enjoy it its a delicacy and local pride.

Obviously, I understand that some people don't like it, it can be a food you have to get used to first like coffee or licorice but it was honestly something I always took for granted and never thought twice about serving to anyone.

Anyway, The day after I got an irate call from the friends mother about how her kid had come home from my house completely starving after i had said I would feed her and only offered her a "disgusting" liver dish and that she would think twice about letting my kid stay over again.

This came as a shock to me as I honestly hadn't thought it was a big deal, and it really made me think if I was being crazy or a irresponsible parent/neighbor by subjecting her kid to eating liver.

AITA?

Update: Thanks foe the feedback especially . I do wish to clear some things up, since people would like to know her stage she is at the mild to moderate stage. Her not recognizing us as her children has been explained as possible agnosia due to her freak stroke or time shifting.They don't know the cause of the stroke either. She does recognize us as people who are extremely important to us, she remembers our birthdays and important dates but to her she is still a 30 something year old. She knows our names and will tell us she has kids with the same name.

Her doctors find the stage stuff silly cause everyone is different snd does not always fit neatly into categories. Before people ask, apparently because of the stroke the treatments may not be as effective but she is on one or the infusions.

Our mother's sole source of income is her survivor benefits, she makes around $2400 a month. She has Medicaid at the request of many but that turned out to be useless and annoying. We have tried to get services but her physical functionality does not make her eligible cause she technically can cook, meal prep, clean, answer a phone etc... and was told safety and supervision is not covered under medicaid and was not going to fight for scraps. I did not think it was nesscary to mention how I made money but for some it appears I do cause I am being accused of being a mooch. Both my sister and myself got our money from a large life insurance policy and left overs from our father''s estate who left our mom with nothing. She got the survivor benefits cause they were married for over 10 years.

Went to school for electrical power engineering, went to A&M graduated, did some consulting work at a local firm, long before mom got sick I worked at a Chemical plant in PA as their EE did not have many expenses so i saved majority of my income. Worked my way to a grade a mid grade 5 was promoted to a people role which was not fun but pay was much better. Then Mom got sick and pretty much just coasting, I know the money will not last but hopefully finding a job will not be all that hard future.

Since people commented they wanted the story not a fun but yeah.

My precautions for when we travel, I do it to be on the safe side. I hold her hand either way and I follow her lead we take our time and see take in the sights. Does she recall what she saw not really, which is what makes her dementia weird even for her doctors cause her word recall during the assessments is not bad. I don't sweat the small stuff, what matters most is if she is having fun. She tells me she is having fun so that is good enough for me.

We have never had an issue while traveling, people are generally very friendly when she hugs them. I explain she has dementia and we go on with our day. For the most part it seems to make people happy. Maybe those are fake smiles but either way nothing bad as happened yet.

The leash really is just a safety thing, my mom used them for us also just to be safe. Did not think so many would have issue with it.

I truly do not believe my sister actually was concered about the traveling issue, since when pushed what exactly her concerns about traveling were she never gave me a straight answer. I asked her to explain what she meant by too much no straight answer either. The only straightforward answer I got was when she told me it was just too hard to see mom that way.

I did not agree but I left it at that cause she gave me a straight answer. I corrected my aunt cause she was confused by what my sister had said and what she saw. Thus why I asked her who told her mom could not travel. In hindsight should have know it was my sister, and should have towed the line a little better instead of just being blunt about it. I hope that fills in the gaps, i am done. Have a good one.

My sister is getting married this year, and she invited me but did not invite our mother cause she has dementia, and though it would be too much for her. I told her mom was still okay to travel and stuff. Told her I still travel with her often l, our mom always wanted ro travel and see the world so I do my best to take her to as many new places I can while she can still travel.

I kept insisting that she was fine to travel and would mean the world to our mom. Later she told me it was just too hard to see mom the way she is. Our mom was the strongest and most dependable person either of us knew. She is no longer that. I don't agree with the reason, but I said fine told her if mom cannot come then I am not coming. She was upset cause she wanted me to walk her down.

We left it at that, this was around a month ago. Fast forward to last Saturday it was my aunts Birthday, I called to wish and sing her happy birthday with mom. After we did that, my aunt said her sister looks great, it is a shame she is not up to traveling anymore. I asked her what she meanr by that? Told her we still travel, we going to Europe being of July.

She said my sister told her that our mom was not going because traveling is hard for her now. I told my aunt that is not true, I told her the truth my sister did not want our mom to come cause she did not want to see her as she is. I told her I was invited, but said I would not go without our mom.

My aunt was clearly shocked and upset. Turns out aunt got busy and told a bunch of people and it spread like wildfire. I do not know how manu exactly are not going, but I know many are not. Aunt made a Facebook post which you know for older folks that spreads quick.

My sister is livid with me, I was just being honest, but she feels i should have kept my mouth shut. She claims I have ruined her wedding twice now. Once because I refuse to walk her down, and now this.

AITA?

Me and my sibling were at walmart and while she strolled around I decided to play some demos at rhe provided kiosk. I played 2 demos; Splatoon Raiders, and Mario Galaxy. No customers arose while playing the first demo, however mid-way through the second demo a bit of a line formed, maybe one or two kids.

The second demo only lasted 10 minutes. When I was likely already 4-5 minutes in my sibling started pressuring me to “stop” and that I had already played a demo. I simply told her there was only like 5 minutes left of the demo, and Im sure (since the kids only just arrived) they’d be fine with a small wait.

She soon started to say I had “no manners, I’ve been hogging it” and that I had been on the kiosk for too long. I mean, the kiosk was stagnant initially, I played the first demo without any line forming, it was only like 7-8 minutes.

I can sense where she’s coming from, but I also feel like what I did was not particularly heinous.

I stopped immediately when the clock hit it’s limit and I’m sure those kids checked it out after.

My parents work overseas, so growing up my grandmother took care of us. She never had a phone because she didn't know how to use one and always said she didn't need it. Back then, my older brother was the only one in the house with a smartphone.

One night, I had a homework assignment that required me to search for information on Google. I asked my brother if I could borrow his phone for just a few minutes so I could finish it. He said, "Can't you see I'm using it?" I asked again and promised I'd give it back as soon as I was done, but he got irritated and refused. I decided to wait until he finished, but he stayed on his phone until midnight. I eventually went to bed and planned to wake up early to use it before he got up.

The next morning, I quietly took his phone while he was still asleep and started working on my assignment. A few minutes later, my grandmother woke up and asked me to get her some water. She wasn't shouting, but somehow my brother woke up too. As soon as he saw me holding his phone, he got angry and yelled, "Why did you touch my phone without asking?" I reminded him that I had already asked the night before and he refused. He said I still needed permission, snatched the phone out of my hands, and that was the end of it.

I went to school without finishing my assignment. Luckily, one of my classmates let me copy her notes before class started, so I didn't get in trouble. Still, I was so upset that I promised myself that if I ever got my own phone, I would never let my brother borrow it.

Years later, I finally bought my first phone with my own money. Almost immediately, my brother started asking to borrow it because he liked how smooth it was compared to his. At first I let him, but every time I asked for it back, he'd say, "I'm still using it," just like he used to. One day, after he'd been using it for hours, I asked for it back. He asked, "What are you even going to do with it? Is it that important?" I replied, "Does it matter? It's my phone, and I want it back."

We started arguing, and out of nowhere he threw my phone against the wall. I immediately picked it up to see if it was broken. Thankfully, it still worked, but I was furious. Since that day, I've refused to let him borrow my phone ever again, no matter how much he asks. Some family members think I'm being petty and holding onto something from years ago, but I feel like he never respected my things in the first place.

AITA?

For context, my parents hired a nanny to help out with the house since they're mostly out of the country and wants someone to be left at home with me. I am now preparing to move out for college so I'm packing my stuff and clothes. I've noticed that I can't bring ALL of my clothes to uni, so I only picked out the ones I wear to bring with me. My closet is gigantic and has all types of clothing. After I picked out what I only need, I brought my nanny's daughter to my room who is roughly my age to pick out some pieces she might want. Some of those clothes are barely to NEVER even worn, she picked out a few pieces, politely thanked me, and left.

After a few days I received a message from my parents scolding me about how ”I gave the nanny's daughter my trashed clothes.” I've explained that it was all almost new and barely worn and I would never let her leave with unusable clothing. My nanny talked to me as well, saying that ”She knows I have good intentions, but that wasn't really the move and it was spiteful.”

Was it bad to give out my clothes? Maybe it was morally degrading to wear other people's clothes plus consider the fact that her mother is working for us? I don't really see the issue but I'm open to be educated. Should I take my clothes back?

I have 2 nieces, Eloise is 7 and Harper is 5. I work from home and have the most flexible schedule so I handle school pick up for the girls, I’m the first point of contact for the school, and I’ve been chaperoning on field trips lately.

Eloise was diagnosed with anxiety and her mom claims she has severe ADHD, which hasn’t been diagnosed. Eloise is a completely normal 7 year old.

Harper, on the other hand, actually has some type of severe attention disorder and possibly a stomach issue. I am called to pick her up at least once a week because of diarrhea. She wears pull ups at school due to frequent poop accidents. Her classroom has 21 students and 3 teachers and one of those teachers has been unofficially assigned to be Harper’s 1-1 because she constantly wanders off. She doesn’t respond when you call her. She’s oblivious to everything around her. She doesn’t share. She will move through groups of people almost without realizing they’re there. She can’t sit at circle time long enough for her teachers to read a story even when they give her toys to play with or let her sit in her teacher’s lap. She is not allowed on field trips unless either I or one of her parents comes with her. Her school’s developmental specialist has come in to observe her and try to get her to participate with the rest of the class, or even just sit down long enough to eat her snack or lunch, with no success. Despite all of this, Harper is reading at a 2nd grade level and doing math at a 1st grade level. Harper has been kicked out of 2 preschools because they can’t handle her and even this current school that has assigned her a 1-1 and has a developmental specialist, psychologist, and an OT on staff is starting to say that this might not be the best environment for Harper.

Harper is the same way at home. She forgets to drink water. She doesn’t think to eat until you put food in front of her. Every exterior door and window has child locks and has an alarm because of her tendency to wander off. The majority of my cabinets have multiple child locks because she’s figured out how to get through them. She wears a leash in public because of the number of times her parents and I have lost her in stores.

Last week was the straw that broke the camels back. Harper was sent home from school for repeated attempts to climb the fence and for running away during circle time and getting into the art supplies that were set aside for later and at my house her tummy was bothering her so she wanted to be held all the time, meaning I couldn’t work until she was picked up.

When my brother came to pick up the girls, I told him I couldn’t do this anymore and that I will not take care of the girls or do anything for school until Harper sees a doctor for all of her issues. My brother still insists that Harper is fine and that me refusing to help with no notice is screwing him over. I refuse to budge and now I have family saying it’s not my place to demand that he takes her to a doctor.

Mini update: I picked the girls up yesterday so I could explain what was going to happen and that it was not their fault and spoke to their schools about not contacting me unless it’s an emergency and they can’t get ahold of their parents.

I graduated HS last year (19afab) and am struggling to find my footing. we live in a small town where there are no job openings and i don't have a license/permit so i can't commute. i have little choice but to be mostly dependent on my family. they both work full time with good pay so were not struggling to stay afloat, in fact they are both somewhat frivolous spenders who make a lot of online purchases that we don't have much space for.

the house easily becomes overwhelmingly cluttered for me, ESPECIALLY the dishes. within even a single day they often fill one or both sides of our sink, unrinsed, food and grease burnt on multiple pans/baking trays etc. i don't even know what's in them since they very rarely cook for me. we have so many dishes they don't all fit in the cabinets anymore and for 3 people its unreasonable. I hardly use any of them myself but its currently my only responsibility to keep them clean. id do it in a heartbeat of course since i don't want to be a freeloading leech by any means but its a real struggle for me. its not out of laziness, i spent a day pacing in a circle for over half an hour in font of the sink where i couldn't force my body to do it. i understand they are exhausted especially with the hours they they work and caring for me isn't free.

my stepfather is the one most against it. he was especially harsh on my sister before she moved out and it even caused tons of loud arguments back then so i know I'm on a timer. i don't even really feel like i can talk to him or work things out because frankly he terrifies me with how fast he can switch that on. i want to move out asap but my plans have fallen through once already. i don't want to put strain on their relationship more than i already do but my body just wont cooperate. i often forget or say ill make up for it tomorrow so I'm not the most reliable but i WANT to help. even then, its a bottomless pit where the next day its back to exactly how it was again. its not even an exaggeration I've shown some friends and they are always shocked by how the dishes spill over onto he counters. its an obligation and i feel guilty i cant even do something as small as those dishes.

so i cant just get a job but i cant just move out either with no help. anything important to me gets dismissed or dragged out so I've become increasingly irritated over the last few years. its less like i have a family and more like were just roommates whom I'm completely reliant on. I'm grateful for all they give but i just want to have some control over my life now that I'm a legal adult.

maybe its a childish thing to treat like the end of the world but i just don't know anymore. not the place to ask for dish hacks so just tell me if I'm the AH or not. i want to do better if i can and ill still try doing them AH or not but its been stressing me out so i thought some feedback wouldn't hurt.

I (F) am working long-term in Korea and got hired for a company that consisted of only Koreans. There's this one particular co-worker that was really nice to me until I showed her a picture of my bf one day, who's also korean. From that day onward, she lowkey started being a bit snarky towards me.

At first, she would comment on the type of food I would eat like "wow, you're eating all of that? That's a lot of calories", but as time went on the comments got nastier and nastier. There was this one time when she asked me if my great-grandparents were Nazis (I'm german-american), but at the time, I didn't realize she was being passive-aggressive and thought she genuinely was concerned about my health and curious about my family history. I only started to realize the shade when she started commenting on my relationship with my bf, talking about how she didn't like how there were so many white girls dating korean guys nowadays and basically the typical racist ethnic homogeneity is good crap.

At this point, I was just fed up with her and started ignoring her and refusing to look in her general direction. But recently, there was this one incident where she started talking shit about my looks and in a fit of anger I told her that at least I didn't need an obvious and terrible nose-job to look decent. But I said this way too loudly, and basically everyone on the floor heard my comment. Because everyone was staring in our direction, she started tearing up and crying. to be honest, I knew she was insecure about her nose because since it was a secret that she told me before the beef how she regretted the surgery because it didn't turn out the way she hoped, but because I was so angry and she was dissing my looks, I blurted it out.

I told my bf about this and he said that I was in the right, but the general consensus among my other co-workers was that I shouldn't have had said that personal secret out loud and instead talk with her privately.

AITA?

Ive been married for four years, my wife had a daughter from a previous relationship. My step daughter has been obsessed with Harry Potter since before i met her. (She litterally asked me if i liked harey potter when i met her)
Her 11th Birthday was yesterday and I arranged for a letter to be “delivered” during her birthday party and it was an admittance letter for Hogwarts.
I thought it was a really cute gift idea. My step daughter started freaking out, screaming “its real its real” and really went nuts. Some of her friends seemed to join in the excitement others less so.
Her mother (my wife) held her to calm her down and explained to her that it wasnt real. It was just a “joke step daddy played on you”.
She started crying screamed that she hated me and ran to her room.
The other parents seemed to sympathize, one other father said he thought it was a nice idea.
But after we sent everyone home my wife yelled at me and said what i did was selfish and cruel and she couldnt believe i would hurt her daughter like that.

Was i wrong to do this? Was it an inappropriate gift for an 11 year old? I really didnt mean to mock or hurt my stepdaughter. I thought it would be fun. It didnt occur to me my stepdaughter was young enough to think it was real.

Am I The A$&hole?

For context, my boyfriend’s mom recently went homeless because she left her abusive boyfriend. She’s staying in a homeless shelter with 3 kids (2 pre-teens, 1 baby) and she’s making me and my boyfriends take her kids during the days while she goes to work (sometimes until 2am forcing them to stay the night)

So me(F 18) and my bf (M19) gladly accepted them into our home because we love the kids and we want to spend time with them. But it’s a lot having to watch a baby in my opinion, what bothers me is her screaming and stomping that I don’t want to bother the neighbors with and myself. I’m really noise sensitive and I’ve never been good around babies so it’s very anxious for me to just have that extra stress.

It‘s been about 3 weeks to a month of her dropping the kids off. She doesn’t drop them off everyday and asks every time. Sometimes she drops them off at my boyfriends sisters house but we have been taking them in a LOT more.

Personally. I am tired of babysitting 3 kids for free. I understand that she is homeless, and I understand that it takes a village. Me and my boyfriend have been trying our best to help. So recently(today) we asked if she could just drop off the baby at my bfs sisters house so I could let that load of anxiety off and just have the kids that can behave themselves, which she ignored. When the kids got here one of them told me that she actually got mad at that and said “if you want one you have to take all”. First of all, we don’t want ANY. We are helping YOU and the least you could do is split up the load.

This situation is starting to make me really mad. I’m not mad at the kids, or the baby, At this point I’m mad at the mother because she is acting like we are required to watch them. She said ”If we want this to work then its going to be hard for a couple of months” Like I understand that but it’s not our fault or responsibility that you’re in this situation and we are NOT required to even watch her kids at all.

AITA?

I [20M] was supposed to go for a meal with my parents today, just the three of us. I don’t often get to spend a lot of time with them both because my dad is pretty busy with work, so I was looking forward to it and also because they were taking me to my favourite restaurant.

This morning my mother casually told me that she invited my sister (and by default her kids too). And of course she said yes because she will take any opportunity to dine for free. My mother told me this like it was no big deal and I would have no reaction to it. I don’t particularly enjoy my sister’s company but it’s bearable, so I wouldn’t have a problem going to a restaurant with her but I would be annoyed. My niece on the other hand is a different story.

My sister has 2 kids ages a few months and 3. The baby is fine because she can’t walk or talk, but my older niece is feral and I would never invite her anywhere I know I would be, because she is not pleasant to be around. Being in public with her in general is a disaster, but I have been in restaurants with her a couple of times snd it has been a nightmare every time. She doesn’t stay in her seat and runs around, she sticks her fingers in glasses, she doesn’t even eat the food most of the time, and she whines non stop. And it’s embarrassing because no one wants to be at the table with an unruly child.

I told my mother that I thought it was just us 3, and she said she decided to invite them because it would be nice for them. I said I don’t want them there and that my niece would ruin it, and she said she couldn’t exactly tell them not to come after inviting them and that I need to stop complaining because it will be fine.

Being at a table with my niece is a terrible experience and genuinely would ruin the meal, so I told her I didn’t want to go anymore. She thought I was joking but I told her I wasn’t and that if they want to go for dinner with my sister it’s fine but I’m not going. And she said I was being ridiculous.

Context: My fiance [27M] and I [23F] have been together for two years. He proposed to me two months ago, and we are still figuring out where we want to live when married. He's Kurdish and wants to stay in Turkiye, and I am English and want to stay in the UK.

My fiance's mum has never approved of me being with her son. She is often brutally honest at the expense of being rude and catty. She has made comments, saying how am I going to have his children if I am so skinny, that he is not taking me seriously, and that because I don't cook a lot I will not treat him well in marriage. I let these comments slide when it's just us because my fiance immediately defends me and tells her to be respectful. It honestly was really difficult for us to last this long due to differing religions, cultures, and language. He already knew English, but I learned Turkish and Kurdish (at a C1 level) for him and his family, despite his mom claiming I never made any sacrifices for him.

It was his parents' first time visiting the UK, and my parents invited his family over for a small celebration. The second night, which was yesterday, we went out to a Turkish restaurant. The food was really good in my opinion, and tasted authentic to the stuff that I have had when visiting Turkiye. But every time another course was brought out, my fiance's mother complained about the food and kept insisting Turkiye had much better food. She said the meat wasn't seasoned and was cold (which it wasn't), the rice was mushy, and that the tea was overly bitter. She also made another comment about my body, telling me I needed to get some fat on my bones. After her 5th complaint of the food, I apologised to our server in front of everyone and told him she was being intentionally rude, and that the food had been excellent.

She went completely silent after this. On our way back to my parents' house, I told her that it was fine for her to embarrass me, for her dislike I wasn't Kurdish/Turkish, but it did not excuse her from being rude to others for her own need to prove to her son that Turkiye was a better place for him to live.

My fiance has mixed feelings about me saying these things to his mom. He said there was a time and a place, and doing it in front of everyone, including random people in the restaurant was immature of me. He said he always defended me, and he wished I would've let him handle the entire thing. He agrees that his mom was in the wrong for the things she was saying though. AITA for how I handled this? Should it have been done privately?

Long time lurker, first time posting on this subreddit so I apologise if I gave too much unnecessary information.

I live with my family, and over the years I've noticed that whenever someone needs to borrow something, my mom almost always volunteers my belongings before asking me. It can be clothes, shoes, or other personal items. like usually I say yes because I don't want to cause an argument, even though I'm very careful with my things. I buy them with my own money and try to keep them in good condition. the other day one of my cousins came over. She and another relative decided to go out, and they wanted to use makeup. My mom suggested they can borrow mine because I have a complete set. I hesitated but eventually agreed after she kept encouraging me. Later, I went into the living room after they had already left. My makeup wasn't put back in its case. Everything was spread across the table, and one of my pressed powders had been shattered.

That was the final straw for me. In the past, my sister borrowed one of my favorite pillows and never returned it, along with a few other items that either came back damaged or not at all. I got upset and told my mom that I was done lending my belongings to anyone. I said I didn't care if it upset people anymore because this wasn't the first time my things had been damaged or gone missing. Then I walked away before we argued further. My mom thinks I'm overreacting and says family should be willing to share. I think sharing is fine when people respect your property, but I don't feel that's been happening.

AITA for deciding that no one in my family can borrow my belongings anymore?

Facts:

We are a vegan family of four and have been for years.

My in-laws moved here 2 weeks ago and are living on our property in an rv (supposedly for only a few months). They walk into our home whenever they please.*

I've been watching 2 additional kids while their parents are across the country to finish up their move. This is my 3rd week with kids ages 12, 10, 9, and 5. My 16 y/o grandson also moved into our home this week.

Next week, the mom will be arriving and moving her and the 9 and 5y/o into our fifth wheel/camp trailer that has 3 beds/2 rooms.

The 16y/o will stay in our home.

The dad will be arriving 3 weeks from now and will move into the camp trailer. Their goal is to move across the country (in process) and live this way until they can have a house built.

No one else is vegan.

We're buying an extra fridge/freezer for them.

Feelings:

While everyone involved are very "the more the merrier," I'm the complete opposite. I feel like I'm stretched thin and bending so much on everything, while trying to be supportive because their moving their family of 5 across the country and starting over. Massively stressful. I've done it. I get it.

I don't like the smell of cooked meat or eggs. The idea of possible contamination grosses me out. Cooking veggies and the like for years has definitely limited all that tolerance.

So...

AITA for wanting them to buy and use their own cookware while using our kitchen to prep all their meat, eggs, etc.

UPDATE: To clear up any confusion and answer any inquiries... No, they're not helping financially in anyway. This is all to get my stepdaughter, her husband, and 3 kids (our grandbabies) here, so we can be closer instead of seeing everyone once a year. The in-laws because they're getting to the age of needing more support. I LOVE the idea of everyone just cooking in their own spaces. That would solve a lot. The in-laws have kept all their cooking to their rv since I came home to them meal prepping chicken and eggs in my kitchen without asking. As for the family of 5, I know I'm going to come across as super "difficult and unreasonable" for expecting all of their cooking to be done in such a small area. I seem to be the only one in all of this that thinks this is insane. My husband bought them a used fridge. I said they could buy it themselves. He said they're already dealing with so much. Clearly, that's a problem for him and I to work through. You're correct, different pots & pans won't fix the smell. I think that's me trying to find a compromise, but still screwing myself. Yes, they're are so many other problems/boundaries (laundry, parking, pop-ins).

So here's what happened.

Me and three of my friends were supposed to be going to an event today, The event is about a 2-hour drive from where we all live so one of my friends was going to drive and we were all going to ride together.

Where I live The temperatures are already well into the mid 90s so I was already on the fence about going to the event because it was going to be semi-outdoors.

So my friend swings by to pick me up and he has all the windows rolled down on his truck, he only lives a couple of minutes down the road from me so I figured he was just letting the excess heat out of the truck before turning on the AC.

We drive about 10 minutes to pick up our other two friends and he still hasn't turned on the AC, okay... Kind of weird, we get about 15 minutes into the drive on the way to the event and I finally turned to him and ask if he's going to roll up the windows and crank down the AC.

THIS MOTHERFUCKER... He says that we're going to be out in it all day so we might as well get "used to it".

I tell him that I am not sitting in an un air conditioned vehicle and stop and start traffic for 2 hours and that he needs to turn on the AC, the other two people in the vehicle obviously agree with me as we're all sweating through our clothes already.

He says something to the effect of "My truck my rules" to which I tell him either turn on the AC or pull over and let me out.

He tells me that he's not going to pull over and then we can just suck it up and deal with it.

I tell him that he can either pull the truck over or I'm going to jump out and find another way home at my first opportunity.

He won't pull over but about 5 minutes later we are at a dead stop at a traffic light and we're right next to the edge of the road, I tossed my seat belt off and jump out of the truck and start heading back towards the last gas station that we passed.

About 10 seconds later I hear my two friends in the backseat jump out and start catching up with me, apparently they were already on the fence about the event for the same reasons that I was and this was the last straw for both of them as well.

We get back to the gas station that we just passed and call a Lyft to come get us and take us home, he manages to make a u-turn and get to the gas station before the lift can pick us up and is trying to get us to get back in the truck saying that he'll run the AC and that we can still go but at this point we were all pissed off hot and felt nasty so we just end up getting in the Lyft and leaving.

We essentially ended up telling him that if he wanted to go that he was going by himself which he ended up not doing, now he's blowing up our phones in the group chat saying how WE ruined the day.

He insists that what we did was overly dramatic, but I feel like we just stood on business.

Am I... Or are we... The assholes?

I (M19) and my mum (F48) just had an argument where she accused me of being ungrateful.

She made chicken curry for dinner tonight. My family has known for years that I hate curry, the smell and taste genuinely make me feel physically sick. I'm not a picky eater at all, I'll eat almost anything else, including plenty of things my parents won't touch. The only curry I can stomach is Thai red.

My mum doesn't throw meals together last minute. She plans dinners days in advance and genuinely loves cooking. This wasn't an "oops, nothing else in the house" situation. She knew I wouldn't eat it, but made it the main meal anyway.

Worth saying, I can cook fine, that's not the issue. We just don't usually do separate meals, it's cheaper on both food and electricity for one person to cook for the whole house, and my mum loves cooking (she used to be a chef, trained under a Michelin star chef), so she does the vast majority of it. That's normally a good arrangement. Tonight it just meant I had no fallback when the one meal being made was something I can't eat.

I didn't find out until it was actually served. I was outside working in a converted shed/outbuilding attached to the house, I use it as a work area because the house itself is so noisy you can hear people talking two floors away so I can't focus inside. So I had no idea what she was cooking until dinner was already on the table.

My real issue isn't even that she made curry. It's that she didn't tell me what she was planning. Earlier today I'd gone to the corner shop to get milk for her. If I'd known curry was on the menu, I'd have grabbed something for myself while I was there.

And it's not like I could just throw something else together once I found out. We do a big shop once a month, most of our meat, fruit, veg and honey comes from a local farm, and we only hit the supermarket for small extras. Right now, the house has herbs, spices, flour, milk, sugar, salt, pepper, butter, and some sauces. That's it. No meat, no bread, no eggs, no cereal, no fruit, and no vegetables and even if i wanted to be unhealthy there isn't even crisps, chocolate, ice cream, or biscuits. There is quite literally nothing else edible in the house, and our next big shop isn't until tomorrow.

It's late, we live in a small village with no takeaways that deliver, the shop's closed, and I've no way to get to town. I have literally zero options.

When I picked up the plate, she said "you're welcome" waiting for me to say thanks(I always thank her for food she makes), when i didn't respond and went to leave the kitchen, she stood in the doorway and said "aren't you gonna say thank you?" I told her I wasn't thankful for a meal she knew I couldn't eat without being sick, so she called me ungrateful.

AITA for not performing gratitude in that moment?

edit for clarification since some comments are assuming I'm being fussy or didn't want to communicate:

I'm always grateful for my mother's cooking and thank her every other time she makes dinner, I'm not usually rude or disrespectful about it. This isn't "I don't like curry," it's a physical reaction, I feel like I'm going to vomit if I eat it and have on a few occasions. There's maybe 3 foods total that do this, curry's one.

I also don't have an issue with her making food I can't eat in general, the rest of my family likes curry and that's completely fine, she should cook what everyone else wants too. When she makes one of those meals, I normally just say it makes me feel sick and won't eat it, no attitude, I don't kick off about it.

On "why didn't you ask" in my house, asking direct questions, what's for dinner, what kind of bread do you want in the shop, even what movie to watch, regularly gets an angry or snappy response from my mother. So it's not that I didn't think to ask, it's that asking doesn't go well, so I've learned not to for the most part, and to just make myself something instead when I need to.

Also, I didn't feel the need to ask tonight specifically because she'd already told me earlier we were having chicken fried rice. She changed her mind and made curry instead while I was out working, without telling me. If she'd let me know she'd changed the plan, I'd have gone to the shop while it was still open.

Also, even when I tell her in advance I'll make my own food, she still makes me a portion of something she knows I won't eat, and gets annoyed when I don't eat it.

A few people are suggesting I could've made pancakes/eggs/something with what was in the house. as I said there were no eggs, so most of that wasn't actually possible with just flour, milk, sugar, spices and sauces.

On "just eat the rice", the rice and curry are cooked in separate pots, but my mother mixes them together afterwards so nobody's left with plain rice on its own, so there isn't any plain rice available as she used it all, though I'd have been completely happy with plain rice and wouldn't have even posted here in the first place. There's about 8 portions of curry rice in the fridge are from tonight's dinner, and I did eat the naan bread that came with the meal, that's the only reason I took the plate in the first place.

On "what we had for breakfast if there was nothing in the house" personally I only eat lunch and dinner, I don't do breakfast. I had lunch while I was out at college sorting out some things for my next year, and family were also out in a different town, so I'd assume they ate while out too.

To be clear, I don't feel entitled to my mother only cooking things I like. Like I said, I'd have happily made my own thing if I'd known she was making curry instead of the chicken fried rice she'd originally said. And I'm aware I'm not going to starve over one meal, I never said or implied that I was, my issue was with the lack of options tonight and the reaction to me not being thankful for it, not survival.

So I [24F] work as a medical receptionist/administrative assistant at a mental health center. There are 4 of us working reception, and I've been working there for close to 2 years now, which essentially makes me a veteran (next guy who works the longest has been there for 6 months).

It's an extremely stressful job, the higher ups aren't great and it's just overall a clusterfuck lately. It's been getting worse lately, and we're losing employees willing to work reception due to the specific clientele, as you can imagine.

I do have one specific coworker [22F], who's been working there for about 2 months or so, and overall I was always pretty happy with her performance. Lately, however, she's been constantly complaining about a guy working with us [26M], who's been trying to take the easy way around some of the more difficult tasks. Which I fully understand, and would not have an issue with if she wasn't also acting like a brat.

She comes to work tired, goes and takes up one of the offices to 'nap' in the morning. Then sits around doing nothing for the next hour before she's finally ready to start doing her thing.

Today, I was filing some medical papers from last week, due to not being able to finish it on time, and kindly asked her if she could call one patient while I'm at it. She looked up the person, saw that they've already been called and straight up refused. What she didn't see, however, was that the phone call in the system was from 4 weeks ago. I tried explaining that the patient needs a phone call today, and that she could look at the date, but she just started going off about how nobody's doing anything around here (referring specifically to the guy I mentioned earlier), and saying that someone clearly just didn't want to make that phone call yesterday.

It took me 15 minutes of back and forth, constantly just repeating "look at the date, just look at the date", until I finally snapped and told her to just get over herself and start effing working like an adult should.

She immediately shut down and made the phone call right away. I kept filing my paperwork and after a long stretched moment of silence apologised and said I shouldn't have raised my voice.

I feel awful. I try to be understanding and I don't like snapping at people. I made sure to work on myself in therapy before, because I had extreme anger issues growing up, but this time I just couldn't handle constantly repeating myself for 15 minutes straight.

So yeah, am I the asshole?

I 24m and my girlfriend 23f are on vacation with my parents, sister and her friend both 15f, and grandmother. My parents rented an air b&b in the mountains for us all to stay in for ten days. We’ve been together almost four years and this is her third vacation with my family. Girlfriend and I live in a different state and we drove here. My mom has planned lots of activities for us all to do.

My girlfriend has very severe endometriosis and unfortunately got her period the second day of the trip. She vomits and struggles with walking and moving and honestly functioning in general the first two days, it’s very bad. She’s had surgery for it before. We knew she would so we packed her heating pad, meds, and everything but her periods are particularly awful. She understandably doesn’t want to go anywhere or do much because she’s in pain. We have our own room so her chilling in the room is no issue and she has privacy.

Today my family went paddle boarding at a beautiful lake that in all honesty I was really looking forward to going to. But my girlfriend asked me to stay at the house with her. I said ok because I love her and like taking care of her. I stayed with her, drove to town to get us takeout and dessert that she requested, and cuddled/comforted her in bed most of the day and watched her shows. Again, no issue with this. I am happy spending time with her and caring for her, especially when she’s hurting.

However, I told her about the hike my family has planned for tomorrow. She said she’d stay home again and I said of course, no worries. But she asked for me to stay home again too. I told her I’d really like to go on the hike, we’re hiking to see some beautiful water falls and I’m looking forward to it. She got upset and reiterated that she wants me to stay back with her again. I told her that she wouldn’t be alone at the house (it’s kind of isolated at the top of a mountain so thought maybe she was scared to be alone) because my grandma will be staying back too as she’s elderly and cannot hike. She said she wasn’t scared she just didn’t want me leaving her. I told her again that I’m probably going to go and she said she doesn’t want to talk to me right now if I’m going to go.

I feel bad but I really want to go. I feel like I should get to enjoy my vacation too. And I want to spend time with my family too who I only see maybe 4 times a year, not stay in our bedroom the entire time. Also, the first two days of her period are always the worst. Day three of it she’s usually fine being on her own and manages ok. She’s already doing better than she was this morning. She’d be here with my 80 year old grandma (who loves her) and could relax, go in the hot tub, read, I just would be away for most of the day.

I’m particularly looking to hear from women, but am obviously looking for everyone’s opinions. So WIBTA if I went on the hike?

A woman at my workplace recently bought Meta-Rayban glasses and now wears them everywhere. She has normal prescription glasses.

I know they are not necessarily recording all the time, and I’m not trying to make a big deal out of someone’s personal tech. But I feel uncomfortable having conversations with someone wearing glasses that can record audio and video without it being immediately obvious.

It feels different to someone holding up a phone, because at least then you know you may be recorded.
Would it be unreasonable or petty to ask her to take them off when speaking with me, or is this a fair privacy boundary in the workplace?

I (44M) got divorced recently after a pretty rough marriage. I’ve been trying to move forward, establish some healthy boundaries, and build a new life. I’ve also started seeing someone and we’re taking a long weekend trip together.
A close couple friend of mine was supposed to come with us. The wife is still very good friends with my ex-wife.
The issue started because we both have dogs. Their preferred solution was for my ex-wife to stay at my house while I was away and watch my dogs. She would also watch their dog.

The thing is, I’ve done this before. My ex-wife has stayed at my house while I was out of town. Every time it seemed to create some kind of issue afterwards. Comments about things in my house, comments about how I’m living, questions about stuff that frankly isn’t her business anymore. Nothing huge, but enough where I realized I don’t really want to keep doing it.

So this time I said no.
I didn’t just leave them hanging either. We have a babysitter/pet sitter that we’ve used for years. She’s responsible, knows the dogs, and was willing to help both of us. I thought it was a pretty reasonable solution.
My friend’s wife wasn’t comfortable with that. She only wanted my ex-wife.

At that point they decided not to go on the trip.
Now they’re upset with me.

My buddy basically told me that if the roles were reversed he’d do whatever it took to make the trip work. He said I was being selfish and that the whole thing was bullshit.
Part of their argument is that a few weeks ago we were all together on Father’s Day and my ex-wife and I were joking around and being friendly. Fair enough. I had a few drinks and was probably more playful than I should have been. But being friendly for a few hours at a family event is very different than wanting my ex-wife staying in my house while I’m away with my new girlfriend.

Also, just because I allowed something before doesn’t mean I have to be comfortable with it forever. Sometimes you do something a few times and then realize, “yeah, this actually isn’t healthy for me.”

For additional context, my friends know exactly what happened in my marriage and how difficult the divorce was. That’s part of why I’m so surprised by the reaction.
What bothers me most is that I actually tried to solve the problem. It wasn’t “my way or the highway.” I found another option. They just didn’t like the option.

I also can’t help but wonder if some of this has less to do with the dog and more to do with the fact that my friend’s wife is still close friends with my ex-wife and maybe feels conflicted about going on a couples trip with me and my new girlfriend. I don’t know if that’s true, but it has crossed my mind.

So AITA for holding the boundary and refusing to let my ex-wife stay at my house, even though it resulted in my friends canceling the trip and now being angry with me?

Edit: Wow, did not expect this to blow up. I posted this during the USA game, watched the game, and crashed right after, so I’m just now catching up on comments. I think I addressed most questions with my edit below.

A few things I probably should have explained better.

The couple lives directly next door to me. The original plan wasn’t for my ex-wife to stay at their house. The plan was for her to stay overnight at my house, watch my dogs, and then walk next door to take care of their dog.

Their dog is very old, very small, and deaf, so I do understand why they were worried about having someone unfamiliar watch him. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

That said, the person I suggested wasn’t a random stranger. She’s a babysitter/pet sitter we’ve used and someone we trust. She knows our dogs and was willing to help with both houses.

My ex-wife also lives about five minutes away, so there were other possible arrangements besides her staying overnight in my home. She could have checked in multiple times a day, or they could have worked something out directly with her.

Another wrinkle is that my ex-wife is currently watching her mother’s dog, and that dog has snapped at my neighbors’ dog before. So the situation wasn’t quite as simple as “just have my ex-wife watch the dog.”

One thing I also didn’t mention is that my ex-wife and I have children together. This isn’t just a house to me, it’s also my kids’ home. Part of moving forward after the divorce has been creating healthier boundaries around what is still shared and what isn’t.

For those saying I’m being inconsistent because I’ve allowed my ex-wife to stay at my house before, that’s actually part of the reason I said no this time. After doing it previously, I realized it wasn’t healthy for me. It blurred boundaries that I’m trying to establish as I move forward. Just because I was okay with something before doesn’t mean I have to keep being okay with it forever.

I wasn’t trying to stop them from going. In fact, I spent time trying to find another solution because I genuinely wanted them there. I just wasn’t willing to make the solution be my ex-wife staying overnight in my house.

Firstly, I 55M have one daughter 20F who recently finished her sophomore year at a prestigious college on the opposite coast of the US. For some previous context, during my daughter's freshman year of college, my mother in law developed Alzheimer's and has progressively been more and more unable to take care of herself independently. My wife, 32F, has asked me to consider moving her mother into our daughter's old bedroom to take better care of her. After some deliberation, I decided to move her in while my daughter was halfway through her freshman year. I had informed her at the time, and she did not have any issues with it. Since then, the mother in law has become almost wholly dependent on me and my wife to care for her, which has been very stressful. My wife insists on caring for her in our house though, because she is skeptical of the level of care and the cost burden at nursing homes.

However, recently my daughter informed me that she is pregnant from her boyfriend since freshman year. Additionally, she has decided that she wants to keep the baby, which I have tried to be supportive of. However, my daughter also requested that she be able to move back in with my wife and I for the summer to consider what next steps she wants to pursue in terms of her career and education. Although I want to support her to the best of my ability, my wife and I do not have room or money to support another dependent in our home. When I requested she move in with her boyfriend's family, she informed me that they were not supportive of the pregnancy and urging her to abort it. Ultimately, I told her that I cannot support her or her boyfriend and that they were adults and needed to figure out how to deal with these issues if they were going to raise children together. She got angry and said that I was not supporting her and my grandchild, to which I snapped and told her I don't think she's responsible enough to raise a child if she cannot figure out how to support it without moving back in with me. She called me cruel and has been refusing to talk to me ever since. So, AITA?

AITAH for not letting my future in-laws control our wedding guest list even though they gave us money?

I (28F) am getting married to my fiancé (34M) this November. Before we were even officially engaged, we created a guest list of about 150 people, split evenly. We wanted a smaller, more intimate wedding due to venue capacity and because we only want people we actually know there.

The day we got engaged, his mom immediately asked about the guest list. I told her we already had one and that my fiancé and I made it together. She asked if my parents had a say, and I said no. That didn’t sit well.

Later, my parents offered $10,000 toward the wedding, and shortly after, his parents offered the same. We were very grateful, and it was presented as a gift—no conditions.

I want to be clear: this was never about money. We made our guest list before any financial help because that’s the wedding we wanted. Our total budget is now about $43,000, and my fiancé and I are contributing around $23,000 ourselves.

Things escalated when his mom saw his side of the guest list (we shared it for addresses). She became upset about people not being invited, calling it “embarrassing” and “unfair,” and said she should have a say since she gave money. To keep the peace, we agreed to add about 20 people she requested, even though it pushed our numbers.

Instead of resolving things, it got worse.

She has now told multiple invited guests they have plus-ones that we never approved. At least five people believe they have a plus-one when they don’t. These additions weren’t discussed, aren’t in our budget or capacity, and we don’t even have contact info to correct it.

My fiancé asked his dad to help mediate and explained our guest count and costs. His dad responded angrily, saying they do get a say and that if not, we can remove both parents from the guest list. He also threatened to call over 40 family members and tell them not to come.

Now we feel stuck. This no longer feels like just a wedding issue—it feels like control. We’re worried giving in sets a precedent that money or pressure can influence future decisions in our marriage.

My fiancé is especially concerned about that but also fears permanently damaging his relationship with his family. I’m worried about how this will make me look to extended family who don’t know me.

We do understand this is emotional for his mom, which is why we compromised and added 20 guests. We wanted her to feel included, but it’s now crossed into trying to make decisions for us.

So now we’re at a crossroads: stand our ground and risk family fallout, or keep giving in to keep the peace and risk setting a bad precedent.

AITAH for standing our ground?

For background, I eat a lot of ground beef and since it’s been getting more expensive, I buy a bunch when it’s on sale and I vacuum seal it and put it in my extra freezer. I currently have none left in my meat reserves, so when I saw the sale I wanted to stock up.

The sale started yesterday and I went to the store and I found the ground beef that was on sale. There were 8 packages that were 3-4lbs each. I took 3 packages and did the rest of my shopping. Near the end of the trip, I realized I forgot something and went back to get it. It was near the ground beef section.

I went to go get it and someone apparently saw the ground beef in my cart and came up to me. They were mad that I took all the ground beef and didn’t leave any more for anyone else and that I am really rude for doing that. They wanted me to give them one of my packs of meat and I just said no and walked away.

When I got home I told my husband about the interaction and he asked why I didn’t give them a package. I told him if they asked nicely, sure I would’ve given one up. But after hearing them rant about me essentially being a meat hoarder and calling me rude, I didn’t want to. Especially because I did not take all the packs, I took less than half that was there and the store was closing in less than an hour so I assumed there was going to be restocked before opening the next day. He said I still should’ve given the person one of the packs and gone back another day to get more.

AITA for buying 11lbs of ground beef during a sale and not giving someone a package when there was none left?

I live alone. Two weeks ago my family came over for dinner, my parents, my brother, his wife and their son who's 11.

I have a separate room where I keep my lego sets, funko figures and a couple of other collectibles. To some people it's just plastic, but some of these items are expensive, some are already discounted and I've been collecting them for years.

My nephew caught a glimpse of the room out of the corner and asked if he could take a look. I said yes, but only with me after dinner. The reason is simple, he’s not very careful and not listening to what adults say. Even though I had explicitly ordered him not to, he had previously opened one of my Funko boxes at my house. My brother said at the time that he didn't know any better and was simply interested.

So I locked the room and went back to the table. I think my nephew saw that, because he got quieter, but he didn’t say anything. After dinner, I took him to the room myself. I showed him figures in my collection. I also gave him a brand new Funko figure that I had just purchased but hadn't had a chance to store. I believed that everything was well.

But the next day, my brother called and made a huge scene. He said that I had embarrassed his son by closing the door, that I didn't trust a youngster who was almost grown up and that I was more concerned about plastic than the boy's mental health.

I told him I didn’t forbid him from watching it. I just wanted to be there because these are my things in my house and we had unpleasant precedence in the past. Now my brother says I turned an ordinary kid into a criminal and our relations are a bit tensed.

AITA?

I’m a college student with a small, unstable source of income. My mom is a housewife, and my dad works as a driver.

Ever since I started earning, I’ve always said yes whenever my parents asked for money. At first, it was occasional, but over time they started asking me to pay for bills, groceries, and even my older brother’s daily allowance. It got to the point where I felt like the family’s breadwinner, even though I’m still a student.

I recently started saying no because I realized I couldn’t keep supporting everyone while trying to support myself. Now my parents think I’ve become selfish and ungrateful since they’re the ones who raised me.

I still want to help when I can, but I don’t think I should be expected to provide for the household.

My wife has a habit of throwing loose trash into the outside trash can (it's actually a brown plastic wheelie bin). Generally, I can fit two full bags of trash into the can, and on Thursday mornings when I put the can/bin/whatever it's called on the curb for collection, I almost always find empty cans, water bottles, fast food containers and other loose items inside. Basically, any time she pulls into the driveway, she gathers up whatever loose trash she has in her car and deposits it directly in the can. Unbagged.

My wife says that it's no big deal, and that trash is trash. But I insist that all trash should go into a bag before going into the bin. "The garbage man doesn't care," she says. I've never known any garbagemen personally, but I would imagine that they would prefer to have everything neatly bagged up.

She accuses me of overreacting, but if it's windy and the bin blows over, all that loose trash is going to get scattered, so it just seems like common sense.

So who's the asshole here?

I have a cousin (M) and a cousin (F). In my childhood, they very often made cruel jokes at my expense, mostly related to mystical and creepy things. There is a big age gap between us - 7 and 10 years. Whenever we visited our family's country house together, there was a storage room on the third floor, and inside stood a large doll dressed in a wedding gown. It was about 4 feet tall. It was extremely terrifying. They used to scare me with it very often, constantly changing its positions whenever I went upstairs.

Overall, this left me with a huge trauma that persists to this day. I cannot be in the dark; I feel terrible and physically sick when I am in a dark, enclosed space. They completely knew that I am still terrified of the dark to this day as an adult.

Recently, I bought my own small house. Of course, I invited my whole family to the housewarming party, including them. And those idiots somehow found that doll and put it right on my bed in my new house. When I walked into my room, I got incredibly scared all over again, and I almost had a full-blown panic attack.

I went straight up to them and told them in front of everyone that they needed to get the hell out and that I never want to speak to them again. Of course, part of the family stood up for them and took their side.

Now I’m sitting here and thinking, was I too harsh or rude? Maybe I am just too sensitive and I shouldn't have been so harsh?

AITA?

I’ll start this off by being transparent, me and my sister grew up with an abusive father. He pit us against each other a lot which made our relationship rocky for the most part but being older now and him out of our lives we’ve come to respect and love each other.

My sister got pregnant and had my niece last year and yesterday was her first birthday. I was excited to go considering this was a big moment and day for her and I love my niece. When I arrived with my girlfriend we greeted all my family and my sisters boyfriends family, everyone was having a decent time and me and my sister were having a nice conversation about how I loved her new house she had moved into and all the changes she’s made to it.

All of a sudden one of the members of the boyfriends family asked me if I was a chef. (disclaimer: I attended culinary school for two years and dropped out unfortunately because it didn’t feel like the right fit for me) Before I could even open my mouth my sisters says out loud to the entire party “No he’s not he dropped out because he’s a loser” I was so taken back I didn’t know what to say while the family member who asked just apologized for even bringing it up.

My girlfriend grabbed my arm and pulled me outside to talk about it and I decided to leave because I didn’t feel comfortable anymore. My sister then texted me minutes after I left that I had made the day all about me when it was supposed to be about my niece. Mind you I didn’t say a word to anyone or caused any scene I just left with my girlfriend because I felt too embarrassed around these people I didn’t know that well. I just feel really hurt that she didn’t understand how that was wrong and I don’t know if me leaving was a good decision. Any thoughts?

I’ll qualify this by admitting I am a stickler for scheduling and being on time.

So anytime an event like a birthday dinner, holiday get together, etc is approaching my sister and mother like to “take the lead” and be in charge of booking reservations at a restaurant or scheduling a specific date and time. Whenever I or anyone else involved tries to be proactive and handle things the two of them dither and come up with a litany of reasons/excuses why they need to schedule things and say they will take care of it all.

This always inevitably leads to them leaving everyone else hanging in the balance to wait for them to fulfill their insisted upon obligations. It drives everyone nuts. The recent example being 4th of July. My wife and I suggested a month ago that we celebrate at our place and would invite everyone well ahead of time. A month’s notice on said invitations. The two of them pulled their usual ploy and said they’d prefer to handle to planning and would let everyone know in due time.

Here we are the week of said holiday and finally the two of them decided this past Monday that we’ll all get together on Saturday at my sister’s place for a cookout/party.

My wife, kids and I were invited two weeks ago to a friend’s family’s get together and accepted. I told my sister this on Monday when she and my mother finally deigned to fill everyone else in on their plans and she told me I was being a jerk and that I am too rigid about planning things.

Am I the asshole for expecting people to just plan an event with enough advance notice for others to also plan accordingly?

I (20f) received a grant of just under $4k to travel to nyc for 10 days for a research trip. This trip is the starting point of a larger project that I will be working on for the next two years and will help secure my future post-grad.

When I told my parents that I received the grant, the first thing they said was that I was going to get pushed onto the subway tracks. This was then followed up with asking what would happen if I didn’t go. They expressed multiples times that they did not think I was capable of going on this trip and even involved one of my friends, telling her that I “don’t understand how money works.”

I effectively do not need my parents to function outside of financials (they cosign on my loans). My parents rely on me heavily to make my household functional, and my role in my family makes me like a third parent yet I am micromanaged like a child.

To prove to my parents I was capable, I planned the whole trip and decided to bring it up again when I had all the important details so I could answer their questions. It unfortunately took me until 2 weeks before the trip to get everything together since I struggled to find a place to stay and doubted whether the trip would even happen.

After telling them that I still planned to go on the trip and it was fully prepared, I was told that I was a liar, a disappointment, and had bad intentions by going behind their back. They then told me that I would be cut off and received no more support from them if I went.

I was unable to really explain my plans because they never tried to hear me out. They are under the impression that I did this without much thought or research. I understand nyc can be unsafe and requires lots of street smarts to get around. My current university is in the city and requires the same when traveling anywhere off and in between areas on campus.

I have always had a tumultuous relationship with my parents and realized that my role in my household was not sustainable after leaving for college. I am required to prioritize my entire family over myself and make concessions when I am at school (like coming home on busy weekends in the middle of the semester). I have begun to try and set boundaries by saying no and have been met with responses saying I don’t love my family and prioritize my friends over them.

I made peace with the fact that I might get kicked out by going on the trip when I received the grant. Now that it is happening, I am definitely scared about the future, but I don’t want to regret not taking free money to do the one thing I have wanted to for basically my whole life.

I think I can make being financially independent possible, but it will be work and also a relief to not give them something to manipulate me with.

Lmk if my head is on straight here or if im ruining my life

We own a cottage we love to share. But we run the gamut of 'dangers' that can be encountered. My mom slipped on a rock, fell and hit her head. My nephew drove a golf cart into a table full of adults. And more.

My husband is concerned about liability. Our neighbors investigated suing us for access. We had people trespass and hunt. Strangers try to launch watercrafts.

To bridge the divide between not having my nephew's friend visit at all, and my husbands nervousness about being a guardian for a stranger's child, I drafted a permission slip.

It has our information. We asked about potential allergies, medications, emergency information. Bear in mind, we are 40 min from nearest hospital and 3+ hrs from them.

AITA for asking the parents to sign this? Once received, they didn't even message me back, they just told my sibling that the friend wasn't going to come now. I even told them I was willing to change whatever when I sent the form.

Captured the most egregious from the form :

My child may participate in activities at or near a lake located 300 feet of the cottage. There are rock areas along parts of the bottom and shoreline, which can be slippery, uneven, or sharp. Please check each activity you consent to:

Swimming/wading in open water (non-supervised beach area)

Boating as a passenger

Riding on a towed tube behind a boat

Riding as a passenger on a personal watercraft

Operating a personal watercraft (only if age appropriate)

Fishing from shore or boat, handling of hooks, lines, and bait

General presence around the shoreline, rocky areas, and boat launch area

Presence of local wildlife on the property (including ticks, snapping turtles, porcupines, and non-venomous snakes) that cannot be fully controlled or guarded against

Riding in a golf cart as a passenger, or driving one only with direct adult supervision

WARNING: Water, boating, personal watercraft, and towed water sports carry inherent risks including but not limited to drowning, collision, capsizing, propeller injury, falls, injury from towed equipment, and slips or cuts from submerged or shoreline rocks. These risks exist even when reasonable safety precautions are followed, and no supervision arrangement can eliminate all risk of injury or death.

RISK, RELEASE & INDEMNIFICATION

1. I have read and understand the risks

2. Property Host and any accompanying adults will make reasonable efforts to provide supervision and safety equipment (such as properly fitted life jackets) but cannot guarantee my child's safety, and that accidents can happen despite reasonable precautions.

3. To the fullest extent permitted by law, I release, discharge, and agree not to sue the Host, the property owner(s), and any accompanying supervising adults from any and all liability, except for damages caused by gross negligence, recklessness, or intentional misconduct.

4. I agree to hold harmless the Host from any claims arising from my child's own negligent or intentional acts during the stay.

EDIT: I forgot to add context that I did talk to the mom on voice about the property, about the people here, about some of her son's needs. I did not send the form without their consent.

My sister (25F) and I (20F) have always been close. When she asked me to be her maid of honour, I was so excited to help her plan everything and be involved with the wedding. It felt like everyday she would call me to help with details of her wedding (when I was already really busy with uni) and I still loved helping her. Her wedding is in August, and since her fiance is well-off, they're going all out. Exclusive venue, top chefs for catering, expensive dress etc, and some of it is pretentious in my opinion, but it's her wedding.

Her fiance's best man is also his brother (who is ironically the same age as me). My sister wants him and I to walk down the aisle together and have our own dance at the wedding, which the first one I obliged, but the second one I felt was really weird. I have never heard of something like that before. I kept asking her why she wanted that, and she kept not giving an answer saying things it was her wedding and that's what she wanted.

I have been dating my boyfriend, for 8 months and this is my longest relationship I have been in. He treats me well and there's this spark I have never had with other guys, but my parents and sister all hate him, since he is a personal trainer and not currently in and has no plans of going to university. I should say they haven't flat out said that they don't like him, it's just snide remarks and tone of voice when talking about him.

My boyfriend wasn't thrilled about me doing this dance with the guy. Last week, we started to learn the choreography and it's weirdly intimate and personal. It made me uncomfortable to be so close to another man who wasn't my boyfriend. Not to mention he made comments calling me beautiful and that he loved my eyes.

I told my sister the things he said and that the dance and his comments made me uncomfortable and if we could just not do a dance, but she wouldn't listen. She kept insisting it was her wedding and what she wanted goes. I told her that if she wouldn't cut the dance then I wouldn't be her maid of honour. She said the dance was a non-negotiable, so this morning I dropped off my maid of honour dress at her flat and told her I would not be a part of her wedding. Now our family groupchat is blowing up, my mom is yelling at me for being disrespectful and my sister is crying and freaking out on how to proceed with her wedding.

I guess I wish my beliefs were respected so I didn't have to do that. AITA for backing out of being her maid of honour because it made me uncomfortable?

So I(21F) am currently home from college for the summer. In my house there's me, my parents, and my siblings, one of whom is my 14 year old sister Lacy. I am close with everyone, including Lacy, but no one can deny that she's kind of an entitled brat. So with that out of the way

Her phone is a hand-me-down so it's pretty old and has some issues, including the camera not working. This is a problem for Lacy as she likes to draw and post her drawings on her Instagram account. So, she uses either my phone (her account is logged in alongside mine on my app) or our mom's phone, but she prefers my phone as it's newer than our mom's. She's been coming in every morning and asking to borrow my phone. I let her, as I'm spending most of my time studying for a big exam.

So the other day, we were sitting for breakfast together. We all have specific seats at the table we like to sit in, position-wise. It's not official or sacred, but everyone does have a seat. Lacy was sitting in mine. I asked her to move, and she refused, jokingly at first but when I seriously asked her to move she said no and that it's not a big deal. I just kind of stared at her, and she stared back at me, and our dad lightly asked her to move, saying if it's not a big deal why doesn't she just move, but I waved him off. I said it's fine, if she doesn't want to accomodate others then there's no reason others should accomodate her.

Lacy just kind of rolled her eyes. I think she knew what I was talking about, though, regarding my phone, because she asked our mom instead to borrow her phone. My mom said no, and when Lacy whined "why?", she just said no. And later I asked my mom about it, and she said she didn't like the "morning seat incident". Lacy later came up to me and asked if she could use my phone, I told her no. I pretty much told her my thought process - pretty much everyone in the house does things for her and accomodates her, and when it's time for her to acommodate someone else she just immediately shuts it down? I told her she was free to do that, and others were free to stop helping her out as well. I told her that if she apologized and understood my point, I'd let her use my phone again. She just stormed out, and hasn't been able to post on her account since my mom is still not letting Lacy use her phone either. So, it's been a few days, and I wanted to ask, AITAH for waiting on an apology from Lacy?

I'll provide extra details about why she's spoiled, if needed.

My (27M) little brother " Denny" (22M) used to date my wife's cousin " Barkley" (24M) back in highschool. To say it ended badly is an understatement. He was extremely abusive and it was a really hard time for my brother...

My brother joined up with the marines when he left school and after alot of therapy seems to be alot better now..

Me and my wife had our wedding two weekends ago and as far as we knew Barkley wasn't coming and wasn't invited. By the time we found out it he was even in town until the night before the wedding. Her aunt just invited him without telling us. We told her no and we thought it was understood so I didnt say anything to Denny.

He didn't show up during the actual wedding but he had the nerve to show up at the reception.. He apparently made a B line to Denny and his current boyfriend " just to say hi".. I'd never seen Denny run off so fast and I found him outback shaking and apparently having thrown up.. I tried to get him to calm down but he just yells at me that I shouldve said something that he was gonna be there. I apologized and I tried to explain that I didn't even know he was in town until last night. I told he's literally a marine now and he shouldn't let Barkley affect him like that. He just yells at me it doesn't work like that and he went with his boyfriend back to our parents house.. he's still mad at us

My friend (20M) just had surgery on his knee 2 days ago after he tore it. He was put under anesthesia and woke up pretty out of it.

When we got into the ]room he was barely awake. It was me (20M), two other friends (both 20M), and his girlfriend (20F) there.

When he saw her, he reached out right away and pulled her into a hug, he wouldn’t really sit up properly and he laid on her chest face first while saying that he wanted to get home amongst a bunch of incoherent things.

One of my friends took a picture of him laying on our chest and sent it to our group chat saying "big ahh baby" as a joke (our friend who went into surgery is a bigger guy). When I saw it, I didn’t think much of it at first, but later on his responded and she said it made her feel a bit uncomfortable that something like that was taken and shared without either of them knowing, especially since he was basically unconscious in the moment and it was right out of surgery.

This happened the day of so our friend who had surgery was still recovering and I still have not asked him about it.

He said that he would propabally find it funny and that she was over reacting and taking it too personally. She told him she just didn't think it was appropriate of him to do that.

I agreed and I told him I understood why he saw it as a joke, but it still didn’t feel right to take a picture and send something like that without asking them first. Especially in a situation where neither of them were really aware a photo was being taken. I also mentioned that he was fresh out of surgery and wanted comfort so it was also a little rude to make a joke out of it.

He said that we were both being crazy and making a whole situation out of nothing. We have not spoken after that but he is clearly upset at me and I'm starting to think that maybe I did over react and shouldnt have called him out like that

My brother has 2 daughters.

Ellie is 15 years old. She is his wife's daughter. She is beautiful like a model and is very talented in arts and sports. She is also extroverted and social and popular.

Ivy is 14 years old. She is his affair partner's daughter but lives with My brother and his wife. She is often described as ordinary looking (which I find racist because she is biracial and might not look like a model but I think she is very beautiful in a different way) she is not talented in arts or sports but she is really smart. She is very introverted and shy.

Everyone is our family loves Ellie. They fawn over her every time they see her. They think she is perfect.

I prefer Ivy to be honest. I enjoy talking to her and I think one day she is gonna be really successful and I find her very funny.

Since people in our family tend to show their favoritism, I've realized that I have to show mine otherwise this is really gonna hurt Ivy.

For Ellie's birthday she got a lot of gifts, all based on her hobbies and things she enjoys. Each cost somewhere between 50 to 100 bucks. About 700 bucks worth of gifts in total.

For Ivy's birthday she got 50 bucks gift cards from everyone which might not be a bad gift but it shows a lack of effort. She was incredibly upset that "no one even tried to go shopping"

So I took her out shopping and we played a game she has seen in TikTok (I'll buy anything she can carry) she had a really good time and yeah maybe we went a bit overboard and I spend about 2K dollars on her.

When we returned my brother and SIL were angry and asked if I was thinking about Ellie at all. I said "no, does everything have to be about Ellie?"

They called me an asshole and said my favoritism is going to ruin their relationship and "I always do this"

OK maybe I'm more well off than other family members and maybe I spoil Ivy sometimes but I'm just trying to fix things.

My mom passed away four years ago, and I (28m) was happy to see that my dad (57m) has finally started dating again. He found a woman (49f) that made him happier than I'd seen him in years, but over time she started to push out my mother's memory. She would move family photos stating that we all just needed to "move on" and started calling herself the "new matriarch" of the family. This has led me to be very distant and I've even snapped at her a few times but I can't just sit here and pretend that it's all ok and that it doesn't bother me.

Now my dad has asked me to give a speech at his wedding, specifically about how she "brought the family back together." I can't help but think that she told him to say that and I told him that I did not feel comfortable speaking about something that I didn't believe in. He said that if I couldn't support him on his happiest day, then maybe I shouldn't go. So I told him that he shouldn't expect me to go.

Since then I've gotten calls from my grandparents and my brother (25m) saying that I'm punishing my dad for finding happiness and moving on to a new woman. My sister (31f) is the only one who agrees that being asked to give a speech about something I don't believe in would be against my morals. My dad said that if I skip the wedding that it would permanently damage our relationship. AITA?

I am a big Spiderman fan, and Marvel fan in general, and always try to go to the earliest date possible when a movie is released, mostly to avoid spoilers. I usually Go with friends.

This month there Will be the Spiderman preview screenig on the 29th, wednesday, and as usual I called my friends to Go. At First everyone was in, despite being the middle of the weak the hour options were good, and we had settled on 5PM as one of our friends live in the neighboor city and It would be hard for her to get home late

We all sent the money to one of the friends so she could buy the ticket, and we were having this talk about the movie for 3 days before It reached this point, but It was then that one of the guys in the group tould us he would Only be out of work at 6PM and suggested we changed the date to saturday 1st.

There is more than Just One reason for me to Want to Go in the screening preview, besides the avoiding spoilers thing, in the local Cinema, Wednesday is the "Popcorn Sale" day, basically instead of paying 6 dolars in a popcorn bucket (the biggest size), you paid 2. (BTW converted from reais, original prices were 32 reais vs 14 reais)

So I had 3 reasons: Money, Tradition and Spoilers. However I understood It would be unfair to ask Someone to be excluded of the outing, so I decided that I would Just not Go, They could all Go together in saturday and I could Go watch by myself on Wednesday.

However my friends got REALLY angry at that, told me I was being an asshole and selfish, that If i didnt Want to spent too much money I should Just buy the small popcorn and that It didnt make much of a difference to not see a movie druing the preview screening.

I ended up accepting to Go Saturday after hours of discussion that included them saying I hate them. I Just dont see why I would be the asshole in this situation as we are all adults (we are all in our 20s) and should be able to do stuff alone without being called a jerk.

Anyway, in this situation, Am I the Asshole?

I was telling my wife something funny that happened but I couldn’t get through the story cause she kept interrupting and talking over me, she did it five times. I’m not exaggerating. Five times. I kept count. Eventually I just lost the mood to finish my story the momentum was gone I wasn’t feeling it. I said to her why don’t you just tell me what you have to say since it’s more important. She apologised and kept apologising but I said I don’t want to finish the story anymore even though she begged and apologised but I refused. She got teary and quiet after that I could tell she felt bad but my mood was ruined and I wasn’t in the mood to tell the funny thing anymore. Was I an asshole?

My daughter is 18 and starts her dream college in a couple of months. For the past two years, she has spent almost all of her free time at her boyfriend's house. We've asked her to spend more time with our family, but nothing has changed.

Recently, she asked at the last minute to sleep over at a friend's house. We said no because it was so last minute. She turned off her location anyway. The next night, she stayed at her boyfriend's house. At 2 a.m. she called us for a ride home, and when we arrived, his parents had just gotten home from the airport and had no idea she had been staying there.

The next day, we told her we wanted to have a serious conversation about trust and respect before she went back to her boyfriend's house. While we were in the middle of talking, her boyfriend came to our door asking her to dinner. We said no because we were still having the conversation.

She left with him anyway.

The following day, his parents texted us asking if she could go to Miami with them for their son's tennis tournament. We later learned they had already bought her plane ticket before asking us.

This isn't the first time. They previously wanted to take her on a two-day trip, and when we said no because she had a dental appointment, a college orientation Zoom, and a graduation party, they told us it would really help their son emotionally because he's having a hard time with her getting into her dream college (before this there was a chance they would attend the same school).

At this point, we don't want her to go to Miami. We feel like trust has been broken, our boundaries have been ignored by both our daughter and her boyfriend's family, and buying a plane ticket before getting our approval crossed a line.

We know she's legally an adult, but she still lives at home, doesn't pay rent, has access to a car and phone, and we're getting ready to foot the bill for college and we're trying to maintain some family boundaries before she leaves.

AITA for saying she shouldn't go?

Recently I (23F) went on a small trip to the beach with my boyfriend (24M) and his entire family. His niece is a little over a year old and wanted to play with a stuffed animal I had brought with me. It might be pathetic, but I really don't care -- my stuffed animal comes with me everywhere, it is a small stuffed dog and has traveled with me everywhere I go. It's been to 17 states and 2 different countries with me and I've had it since I was 6. I take pretty good care of it, it still has all of its fur and has no rips or tears. Usually when I wake up in the morning I put it inside my pillow case so one of his dogs or anyone doesn't grab it or it gets dirty/misplaced etc. It might just be a mass produced stuffed animal for someone, but it's a comfort item for me that I value and have had for a long time.

Anyways, I was about to go to bed and was lying down reading when my bf's sister came in with the baby to say goodnight. The baby went to grab my stuffed animal so I grabbed it first and said gently "I'm sorry sweetheart, this is Auntie's stuffy," and she inevitably started getting fussy. I'm not even annoyed she started crying because I get that she doesn't understand, and just sees a cute dog. But his sister told me that I should give it to her anyways so that she stops crying. I told her I didn't want to, that it was my stuff and I wasn't comfortable giving something I find valuable to a one year old. She had 7 other stuffed animals in her room I'm sure she would be comforted by. She told me I was "overreacting" and being rude to her child and walked out of the room with the baby. My boyfriend then told me that I was rude and "what would've happened anyways." And while I don't think she was gonna go full King Kong on it, I just really didn't want her drooling and biting and tugging and throwing it around; I also just didn't want to deal with then having to get it back once I gave it to her.

Maybe I just don't understand babies/parenting yet, but it's my stuff. A baby doesn't need to be touching my stuff that I don't want it to touch or get ahold of, especially not something that is valuable to me. So, AITA for making my niece cry because I didn't give her my stuffed animal?

I am currently on a trip in Europe and my girlfriend is out of town with family. Her birthday is today and despite the 10 hour time difference between the Midwest and Northern Europe we were both awake and texting. We were in the middle of talking and I asked if it was midnight there yet, because that would mean that it was now her birthday. She said yes and I sent a big happy birthday I love you so much in all caps with lots of emojis, I then said how much I missed her and wished I could see her. I didn’t send her a prolonged message however just because we were in the middle of talking and I didn’t think to stop the conversation and write a message as if we hadn’t already been mid conversation, although if we were not in the middle of talking I would have wrote a longer message for her to wake up to. Everything was fine and we kept talking until I had to go to breakfast. When I got back I got a text saying that I was being weird and when I asked why, she mentioned how much it bothered her that I didn’t send her a prolonged message, and how her friends did. When I said I was sorry and didn’t realize how much a specific message meant to her and how I just didn’t think to because we were in the middle of talking, she said I was ruining her birthday and how she was incredibly sad. I told her that I was sorry but despite my apologies she kept holding on to the fact that I was making her extremely sad and I currently don’t know if I am the asshole in this situation.

Edit: we are both teens and this has been an ongoing problem in our relationship, she has always felt at a disadvantage or something because she liked me first and for longer, and I am always unintentionally hurting her feelings and making her feel unwanted. I am a very busy person and go to school for music therefore I am constantly dividing my time between friends, family, alone time, and maintaining skill on an instrument. This has been something we constantly argue about and struggle with and I always don’t know whether I am the one doing something wrong. I feel stuck and don’t know if I am the one who isn’t attentive enough.

After my niece Hannah (15) got sick, her parents left my other niece Elena (14) with our mom as they had to take Hannah out of the country for treatment.

Now that Hannah is doing well and our mom has passed away, Elena is back with them and she refuses to talk to anyone but me and she only listens to me.

Yesterday I visited (I visit them a lot to check on Elena) and she was playing a game on her PS5 and refusing to turn the volume down.

I told my brother to do something and he said to just let her be. I was getting a headache so I called her over and told her since she is acting like a toddler, I'll treat her like one and gave her 14 minutes of time out.

My brother was angry and said I should have respected his decision when he said to let her be. I said it was probably because she doesn't even listen to him so he couldn't do shit about it. He called me an asshole.

Ok so im trying to figure out if im the asshole or not. We were supposed to take a trip to Florida, we drove by car first hotel was great everything seemed fine. let it be known I have a 12 year old autistic daughter who hates being in the car long and very limited speech and over all can overwhelming. I'm male and traveled with my wife, 2 kids, my 2 nieces my sister and brother in law. We get to the second hotel check in our room is fine, their door though has blood on it fine we get our money back go to another hotel, their room after about an hr they say there was blood on the blanket. You could tell the blankets were washed and honestly it didn't really look like blood to me but they wanted to a refund well the hotel said they couldn't do that so gave them another room this bed again had blood on it at this point it was well past 9pm our autistic child was already winding down we couldn't move again so they fight with front desk and get a partial refund and go to another hotel ok great everyone's happy. We finally make it to our destination the ac unit dont work. Its reaching almost 100 inside my sister messages the host and they say it should be working they'll get a technician out. So we couldn't check into the Airbnb until a certain time and had to kill time. My nieces wanted to go to the beach but our daughter was over driving so we said our daughter needs a break so we won't be able to go my bil makes his first comment about if the kids wanna go to the beach were gonna go i said that's fine we will find something else to do. Anyways we kill time and go check in. Everyone's sweating and miserable, my sister made the comment she was gonna message about a refund and check out in the morning and just head home. Ok were just going with the flow. So I said we can take our time home and stop at a couple of places and hit the beach up here first before getting back on the road. The ac unit still wasn't working come morning so we check out,now while packing up my daughter for some reason likes to push everything off the bed. She was trying to push my sister and bil luggage off their bed and i was trying to stop her and get her back our room and sit while i pack, my bil starts yelling at me about getting my kid, i was getting her. we go to the places they wanted to go and all my oldest wanted to do was hit up a candy store. Magically that didn't happen.we wanted to hit up a couple of the beaches on the way back home and a buccees that didn't happen. We had to follow their plan apparently. Well we got back home and my wife had posted pictures of the trip and my bil put laughing emoji on all of them, I messaged my sister and she was saying we could have stayed i wish I would have just gave you guys your money and us stay. But I was done before we even checked into the air bnb because of my bil comments and it felt like 1. He didn't really want us there and 2. He didn't want my daughter there. Is this our fault? Did we do something wrong?

My daughter (5yo) had a dance recital on Saturday. Her dance studio scheduled everything a couple months ago, so my husband and I were prepared to attend.

Last Wednesday, my father informed me his mother-in-law (his wife’s mother) had passed away, and the funeral would be on Saturday. He said that he and his wife wanted me to attend it with my family, but would settle for just me.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to go. I didn’t have a close relationship with my father’s mother-in-law and my kids saw her once a year at most. But I wouldn’t mind attending if it weren’t for my daughter’s recital. The funeral would take place in a different city (a very short flight away, which my father had offered to cover), so it wouldn’t be possible to attend both.

I offered my condolences, but said my daughter had a dance recital on Saturday and my family wouldn’t be able to attend the funeral. My father said he understood why I couldn’t take my children, though his wife was disappointed I wouldn’t just tell my daughter’s dance studio that there had been a “family emergency.”

In spite of that, they both thought I should still go on my own. They said that my husband could attend the recital on his own, that missing one of my daughter’s events when I’m there for everything else wouldn’t be a big deal, and that she’s so young that she probably wouldn’t remember it anyway. She’d have more recitals in the future, but the funeral would only happen once. I stood my ground.

Saturday came. I attended my daughter’s dance recital. Both my father and his wife were radio silent all day, and I chose not to bother them.

My father finally called me yesterday, and we had an argument. He said his wife was inconsolable, because her mother loved me and my children and it broke her heart that we weren’t there to say our goodbyes. He also said he was disappointed at how dismissive I’d been of his wife and her family, and he couldn’t believe I’d refused to make such a small sacrifice for someone who would drop everything to do the same for me.

I continued to stand by what I did. I understand her passing was sudden and the funeral was rushed, but I had made a commitment to my daughter, and I wanted to honor it. My father said she should be old enough to understand that her mom had something more important to do.

AITAH?

UPDATE: We re-walked the loop this morning looking for Donut and found him. A neighbor had picked him up out of the street and moved him to the curb next to their mailbox. So easy to spot when walking, but not so easy to see from a car.

I (28F) and my husband 28 (M) have a toddler (almost 3F) who loves her stuffed animals. She has 4 “main” ones who are her favorites.

This morning, my toddler, our other kid and I went on a walk and she wanted to take one of her favorites who is named Donut. She dropped Donut once on the beginning of the walk, but said something, so we turned around to get him. For some context, I have a big double jogger and both kids are under their sunshades and I can’t really see them or around the stroller, so I often miss if things fly out. She must have thrown Donut out again and I missed it, and to be honest, I forgot all about him until tonight when my husband was putting her to bed.

Our daughter was obviously upset when she realized that she couldn’t find Donut, and my husband was too. I drove our walk route, but couldn’t find him on the side of the road. My husband tore the house apart and no sign of him. There’s a chance he’s somewhere weird in the house, but I’m 99% sure he got dropped on the walk bc I don’t remember seeing him when I took my toddler out of the stroller this morning. To be honest, I’m not really that worked up about it and feel like this kind of stuff happens and is a good life lesson with natural consequences - my toddler tossed her toy (which she knows she shouldn’t chuck stuff from stroller) and now he’s gone.

Our daughter went to bed and is over it for now, but my husband is furious at me for being so nonchalant. He called me heartless for not caring that Donut is gone and said it was irresponsible for me to let our toddler take him when she has a history of chucking stuff. I told him that it’s a good life lesson for her and that she needs to be more careful with her things. He wants to buy a new Donut on eBay for like $35, and I told him stuff like this is bound to happen with kids and that I’m not replacing him after he was thrown.

Hi Reddit. I've never used Reddit before, but people have told me I'm the asshole in this situation, and after hearing these stories on YouTube, I decided to make an account.

I (20F) currently live in summer housing on my college campus because my mom refuses to let me come home. I know that sounds selfish, but here's the full story.

When I started college in August 2024, my relationship with my mom was stable, even though she had always been mean to me growing up. Before Christmas, she told me if I didn't get all A's, I couldn't come home. I ended up with all A's and one B+, and she said I hadn't tried hard enough. I wasn't allowed home for Christmas, and it wasn't the first time, I hadn't had Christmas with my family for the previous four years.

In April 2025, before my freshman year ended, she suddenly accused me of stealing her SSN, even though I hadn't been home since leaving for college. I've never stolen from anyone, so I have no idea where that came from. She disowned me, told me if I came home she'd call the police, and I became homeless. I lived on the streets for two weeks before a friend's parents paid for a hotel for three weeks. After that, I found a summer job that provided housing until I could return to school.

While I was away, she started calling me like nothing had happened. I didn't want to talk to her after she made me homeless, but she's my only parent, and part of me still doesn't want to lose her.

During the following school year, she acted nice at times but also constantly accused me of doing drugs, being a s&ut, and other things that weren't true. At the end of the year, I earned all A's and asked if I could finally come home. She said I could only if I lived in the car, dropped out of college, and stayed there for the rest of my college years. I told her that would ruin my future, and she replied, "Then cry about it," and hung up.

I was homeless again until I got approved for summer housing through my college. Around the same time, I had serious health problems and was diagnosed with MS.

Then I found out my mom was letting a man she had just started dating live at the house instead of letting me stay there for the three months until school started again. I called and asked if it was true, and she said yes. I couldn't understand how she could trust a man she barely knew around my younger siblings but refuse to let her own daughter stay there while I was homeless, struggling to eat, and without transportation.

I told her that I should matter more, and she said I needed to trust God because this was an obstacle He was giving me to make me stronger. I replied, "So this random guy can earn your love, but not the daughter you adopted?" She called me a selfish b!&ch and hung up.

When I told some friends, they said I was too harsh because she's in love with him. But I'm her daughter. I just want someone to care about me.

AITA?

I was driving and we were talking and I asked my BF to look up a number and he gave it. Then I asked him too look up another number and he said how interesting this is the same number. Then I asked: are you reading the google AI answers without looking up the real data? He said everyone does: Then I snapped and sniped: don’t read that to me.

This is a thing we’ve had a discussion about before. I hate google AI. It’s so often wrong, it disseminates bullshit data. And once information goes into the brain it can’t go out. And before you know it’s just another fact in your brain and you’re a dumb clown navigating the world with hallucinated fake knowledge. I said to him I beg you don’t read it. Ignore. Please ignore. I begged. Now I snapped. Don ‘t read it to me.

Than he yelled for 10 minutes that it was aggressive, that I can’t tell him what to do, that everyone reads it, that I’m going to lose all my friends if I behave like this. That I single handedly ruined the whole night together. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him freak out so much and he went the ‘look what you are making me into’ route.

I don’t want him to read Google AI to me. I fucking hate google AI. I said it twice more: I don’t want to hear or read any bullshit from Google AI, I’m trying to protect my brain.
AITA?

My close friend is getting married July 26th (3 weekends from now). I didn’t even receive an invite until May 1 (before this, she said she wasn’t sure if there would be room for me to attend - i assured her that if there wasn’t room, no hard feelings). I recently moved, and lost my job in the process (friend and i haven’t spoken in a few weeks, so she doesn’t know this about my job). I am BEYOND broke, and interviewing for other jobs currently. When i get another job, i already need to ask for the 18th (the weekend before the wedding) off for a commitment for my 5 year old nephew. I haven’t worked in over a month, and don’t want to give up two weekends of pay in a row. I’m not even sure how i’d pay for the gas to get there (1.5 hour drive) currently. AITA if i cancel?

My brother lost his car about six months ago.At first i started driving him to work just to help him out, because his office was pretty much on my way.

But then it became an everyday thing. Then he started asking me to drive him to his girlfriend, to the store and to his friends. If I said no, he got mad and said that it is not that hard for me.

Last week I overheard him laughing with our cousin and saying that he has a personal driver now. It felt really bad, because I spend money on gas, waste my time and wake up earlier just for him.

The next day I told him that I can keep driving him to work but he needs to give me some gas money. He called me greedy and said that family does not act like this.

I replied that family also does not use each other as a free taxi.

Now my mom says that I am making his life harder because he does not have much money right now. I kind of understand that, but it is not my fault he lost his car.

AITA

I 18F just graduated high school this year and decided I needed a long needed vacation. I decided on doing some research and settled for Sweden.

Throughout my life I have had issues with my my mother and their anxiety of me becoming an adult to the point where when I mentioned the idea of moving out my mother 39F broke down in tears and said “I’m not ready for change.” Which is when I knew that no matter what I say I’ll never convince her I’m a responsible young adult and ready to go to the next chapters of my life.

This pressure coming from my family has held me back from doing things like going out, going to karaoke with my friends or even out for dinner without them needing to know my location, what time I’ll be home, who I’m going with, the genders of my friends, are they Cis female, their ages, etc (not an exaggeration, real questions I am asked nearly every time).

Don’t get me wrong I would never cut my family off or try to get away from them (not what this post is about) but knowing that my mom has this great amount of anxiety, am I the asshole for ignoring their blessing and booking the flights anyways?

Some extra context of their worries:
- I am a very short female (mentioned the movie taken many time to try and make me stay)
- Due to years of being babyed, I haven’t had the chance to prove myself as a responsible independent person

I have tried to meet them in the middle by:
- Giving them my location
- Purchasing AirTags to keep on me at all times
- Giving them my full itinerary
- showing them the research I have done on where I’m staying
- Mentioned staying with a host family if that makes them more comfortable
- Told them I can do daily check-ins

I think that this trip would be a good opportunity to show my that I’m an adult and can do adult things by myself independently. But I feel like an asshole.

Heres the thing, im not someone who likes sharing drinks in general. I only do it with people im really comfortable with. One of my friends has pretty poor dental hygiene, and hes admitted he does not brush his teeth regularly. Ive politely asked him multiple times not to drink from my cup. Despite that, whenever we go out, he'll still grab my drink and take a sip without asking. It grosses me out, and I usually do not even want to finish the drink afterward. When I tell him to just buy his own drink, he gets annoyed, even though he ends up drinking a good chunk of mine anyway. Now he says Im overreacting and being rude, but I feel like its a reasonable boundary to not want someone drinking from my cup without permission. AITA?

First of all, I’m using a throwaway account because this is very personal, and my regular account has too much personally identifiable information.

I (31M) used to date “Jane” (32F) years ago. At one point, the question of what we wanted out of life came up. She wanted a family, I didn’t, so we broke up on good terms and stayed friends. Some time later, Jane ended up pregnant after a one-night stand with a guy at a party. She tried to track him down, but couldn’t, so she was left on her own to raise the baby.

Now, Jane and I had been friends for a long time even before we were a couple, so I didn’t feel right about leaving her alone while she was going through all this, so I supported her during the pregnancy and after the baby was born. I’m sort of like an honorary uncle, always helping out with food, money and so on.

Yesterday, since Jane was busy with work, I went to pick up the girl (whom I won’t name for privacy reasons) from a friend’s house. While I was talking to the friend’s mom, I could hear the girls talking, and I heard the following:

“Who’s that man?”

“He’s my daddy”

After that, when the girl and I were in the car, I gently explained to her that I wasn't her dad, but more like an uncle. She kept her head down the whole way home. That night, Jane called me and scolded me for being cruel to the girl. Apparently, she cried all night because of what I’d said.

What was I supposed to do? Lie to her and say that I was her father? Jane said it would have been better if I had ignored it or even played along, but that seems crazy to me.

AITA?

So this is more for my husband: He went to add me on to his zoo account that he has had for yrs. The last two yrs I have split the yearly membership with him. I’ve never needed the card but I will this upcoming week. When he went to add me he realized his ex wife had made herself the primary and added her new kid (affair baby) and her step kid (affair partners kid). I only point that distinction out because they are not on great terms and coparent is a loose term. More parallel parenting. But yeah she added herself and her household with out telling us. Not sure how she did maybe from when they were married? Knew his info? But he removed her today. He’s not gonna say anything to avoid an argument. But that could mean she shows up to use them again and realizes she can’t bum ours and has to pay. Is he the AH if he doesn’t warn her?

My son is a sophomore in high school. About a week ago, they did a lab for his chemistry class, and he was paired up with this one girl. I feel like I’ve heard him talk about this girl before with his friends, calling her ugly and saying she smells like feces.

He was paired up with this girl, and while they were doing the lab, my son was apparently standing so far from her that he couldn’t actually even help her in the lab. Eventually the teacher caught on, and when she told him to move closer, he said no saying she stinks. The teacher threatened to write him up if he didn’t, and my son still refused to so he got kicked out of class.

I got the call, and when he came home I took his phone, for a) not listening to the teacher and b) publicly making fun of her presumably in frint of the whole class. I will say, I’ve met this girl before for something else school related in the past, and it’s true that she doesn’t smell the best but my sentiment is the same. But my husband and my son think I’m making a big deal out of things.

AITA?

I (38 F) bought a small home and lost my live in partner in 2025. It was emotionally and financially devastating but ive pulled through and am proud of where I am at now. I live in TX and the rest of my family is in NJ. I visit my family with my 2 kids every other year or so. This year I went alone so I could have a short break and spend time with my mom (56) and sister (32) who live together. The #1 thing i needed when my partner died was a hug from family but no one could come to visit and atay with me while i was on FMLA. I felt like time with people who love me was very much needed.

Since the kids didnt come with me, I invited my mom to come to me when school was out and I'd book her flight. This is my first house and I am so proud of all the work I've done on myself, I really wanted my mom to come and enjoy it and be proud of me too. We dont have a super close relationship, but i have always felt that she loved and supported me in her way. Sometimes my mom can be mean/ short patience and I have accepted that the relationship cannot be closer than what it is for us both to be in eachothers lives.

So here's the weird part: my sister found out that my mom is coming to TX this month but my mom did not say anything to me about it. When my sister asked for more details, my mom said she was going to stay at my ex husband's apartment because he will have the kids when she comes. She also lied to my sister and said that she had mentioned it to me. Me and my ex divorced 5 years ago and share custody of the kids but he was abusive to me in many ways during our marriage and periodically still does things to hurt me or harass me. My mom knows this.

I am dumbfounded that she is apparently that close to him to stay over and very hurt that she would do this. Because of how my mom has very little patience, and my ex has a very small 1br apartment with barely any furniture, i anticipate that she will get fed up at his place and will ask to stay with me AFTER secretly being there a few days. My sister agrees that its really strange and mean of her but also said when that happens I should just let her stay with me. But if she can't see how crazy and painful this is to me, I dont want to entertain her. She does not ever apologize so I have not discussed it with her. I want to protect my peace so WIBTA if I happened to be out of town when she came and couldn't host her?

Years before she met me, she underwent spinal surgery in July and ofc the whole ordeal was very traumatic and emotional for her. She dubbed the day a “2nd bday”, like being reborn. When she told me about this, I decided to make each anniversary special for her so I made a card and had it scheduled to send for July 2nd via email. I was going to change the message every year but the sentiment would remain the same. I had this all set up back in December. This year would’ve been the first time.

Unfortunately we broke up a couple months ago. It was super messy and we both agreed to go no contact. Yesterday I got a really angry text from her asking wtf I was thinking. I’m like I don’t know what you’re talking about? She said “your email asshole” and accused me of deliberately breaking no contact to try and get back in her life. I went through my email and realized I had forgotten about the scheduled email. I immediately apologized and let her know I had honestly forgotten I had set that up and was in no way trying to get in contact with her and it wouldn’t happen again. She didn’t believe me and threatened to “report me to my work for stalking”.

I haven’t responded anything back since but AITA here?

I (23f) got into an argument with another friend Jacob (23m) regarding an ex friend of mine Sarah (23f)

For context, Jacob, Sarah and I were part of a larger friend group for a couple years. Sarah is my ex best friend and last year we had a pretty big falling out and haven’t seen or spoken to each other since. I don’t really think much has changed from it tbh. She and I are still friends with most people in the group, we just make separate plans with them now. Jason however, was pretty upset at hearing about it and at the time it felt like he blamed me for it. Our falling out was messy and on my end at least, there’s no desire for reconciliation. I feel like I’ve moved on from the friendship by now and I don’t see how rekindling it can benefit me. I’m no longer at a point where I absolutely don’t want to be around her. I’ve thought about it and I think I’d be okay being in a larger group setting with her as long as I know in advance that she might be there. I think that’s pretty reasonable but maybe that’s where I’m wrong.

Jason is throwing a party soon and sent out invites the other day. Honestly I wasn’t even thinking about Sarah being there until another friend brought it up. I expressed being a bit nervous at the possibility of running into her but figured I’d just mentally prepare myself for it now. My friend suggested that I just ask Jason if she was invited so I don’t have to ruminate on it and so I did.

I messaged him asking if she was going to be there, explains that I was asking because I haven’t seen her since our falling out and was a bit nervous and also confirmed that I’d be in attendance regardless. He left me on read for a few hours before responding essentially saying that he was tired of me and this drama (don’t know what he means by that cause it has t been brought up in almost a year) and that I needed to get over it and if I was going to make a big deal about it then I shouldn’t bother coming. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve been uninvited. That was yesterday and I haven’t responded yet because I don’t know what to say.

I’m frustrated and confused tbh. I really don’t think my question was that bad or annoying but am willing to accept and apologize if I’m wrong about that. I spoke to a different friend (not the one who suggested I ask) and he said he didn’t see anything wrong with the question. I genuinely haven’t brought Sarah up to Jason other than when we first fell out and that was to ask for advice and a different perspective.

AITA for asking about Sarah being invited?

I recently got engaged, and now that we’re planning the wedding, we’re putting together the guest list. My fiancée and I went over the family and friends we’d each like to invite.

I have a big family with a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins, but I’m not close to most of them, so I’ve decided not to invite a large chunk of extended family.

The ones I’m closest to are my brother and sister, who are both older than me and each have kids. My sister has three, and my brother has one.

They’re all adults, and I’m inviting my sister’s kids, but not my brother’s daughter. I’m not close to her and haven’t see her in over five years. she’s never shown much interest in our side of the family despite us repeatedly making the effort over the years, she never responded.

When my dad was seriously ill a few years ago, she didn’t visit or even check in with anyone.

I also feel like she tends to make things about herself, and I don’t want that kind of person at my wedding.

I explained this to my brother and he understood and was fine with it.

My fiancée also wondered if it might be better to include her just to avoid drama. My brother understands, but his ex (my niece’s mum) reached out asking why I was excluding her and started arguing that she should be invited and started insulting me for not inviting her.

I told her it’s my decision, she doesn’t have a say, and I’m not discussing it further, then blocked her after receiving more harassing messages.

My niece messaged too, saying she should be invited, but I explained it was only people who I’m close to that I’m inviting and that there’s plenty of other people also not getting an invite. . She said I was being cruel, but I told her again she’s not invited and to please drop it.

AITA for only inviting people I’m close to to my wedding?

For context, I had just moved into a new apartment maybe a month before, and this happened on New Year's, so everyone had been drinking. Full disclosure, I had also complained about not knowing how to best "set up" my living room.

I invited ~15 friends over for a party. Everything's going great until we run out of ice. Me and a buddy walk down the street to a store and pick up a few bags of ice. We come back into my apartment and everyone is standing around smirking.

My living room has been completely rearranged. Couch, TV, coffee table, lamps, desk, easy chair, everything has been moved. I am fucking livid. I don't say anything, but everyone can immediately tell I'm not happy. I walk into the kitchen and one friend runs after me and says "Please don't be mad, I told them this was a stupid idea!" All I say is "They'd better put things back."

A couple friends later told me I should have just smiled and laughed at the "joke" because it's basically harmless, but in my view, this is my place. Don't fucking move my furniture. So, am I the asshole?

The other night I was closing the store for the night and someone who wanted to buy a bunch of stuff called me a f4g because they were upset they couldn’t buy anything. I was telling one of my friends this because we usually share what happened during the day and she got upset I said the f slur and she asked “are you bi” I told her I wasn’t and she told me we needed a break because I said the f slur when I don’t identify as a bi person. And when I asked “if I was bi would it be okay for me to say that then?” She said “yeah because you are what you’re saying” and I thought that was a weird take but maybe that’s just me.
AITA for this?

My (38F) nephew turns 16 today.

Months ago I asked my brother (39M) if I could get my nephew concert tickets for his birthday. He approved, said yes. (His mother only sees him once a month and he sometimes doesn’t even go, she doesn’t have custody) so I didn’t bother asking her.

I got tickets for a band my nephew likes after I got the approval. Since it was his first concert I wanted it to be special and bought really good seats. Tickets cost $500. I got these tickets back during spring break. The concert was going to be in July.

Anyways, about a month ago my mom tells me my nephew is going on vacation with his mother for 2 weeks, during the time of the concert and my brother approved him going away with her (he will be gone for 2 weeks with his mother, which has never happened before). I think it’s a good thing he will spend time with his mom, but my brother approved me taking him to the concert before his mom even asked about taking him on vacation.

The system will not let me resell the tickets. I didn’t get the insurance because I didn’t think I’d need it and now I’m out $500 because I can’t resell and I don’t want to go to this concert. It’s a band my nephews likes, not me.

Also, I’m not made of money so I haven’t been able to get my nephew anything else for his birthday, I simply can’t afford it now.

I always go out all for my nephew. When I see him today and only hand him a little cash, I know he is going to be disappointed. WIBTA if I told him about the concert situation? I don’t want to get him upset but I also want him to know I do care about his birthday but his dad fucked me over on this.

Edit to add: his mom is taking him out of state with her new husband. So I can’t give the tickets to them because they won’t be in state to attend.
Also, the reason this hit a head recently is because I was told he might need to go to summer school and wouldn’t be able to go with his mom and I could take him to the concert. We found out 2 days ago he doesn’t need to go to summer school (I will take that blessing, I never wanted that for him) and I haven’t had a chance to talk to my brother about it since we found that out.

Update: Thank you everyone for your advice. It really helped. I just want to note I accidentally wrote in one of the comments that I couldn’t transfer the tickets. I used the wrong word. Ticketmaster will not let me resell them. But I can transfer them 5 days before the event. The plan was for me to take him, or anyone he wanted. But I never planned to have to resell them or that he wouldn’t be going.

On to the update, I spoke with my brother. He asked me not to say anything yet. He said my nephew doesn’t want to go with his mom and has voiced this to him and his mother. His mother is upset he doesn’t want to go on vacation with her (she’s taking him out of state, plane ride away). So he most likely will not be going. That’s all I got so far.
Me and my brother are cool and I’m going to go with what he asks for the time being.

My brother told his fiancée he missed their anniversary dinner because he got called into work.
I knew that wasn’t true because he was with me at a baseball game.
He begged me not to say anything because he’d already lied and “it would only make things worse.”
A few days later, his fiancée was talking about how lucky she was to have someone who cared so much about his job, and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I told her where he actually was.
She immediately left, and now their wedding is on hold.
My brother says I ruined his relationship over “one stupid lie,” and my parents think I should’ve stayed out of it because it wasn’t my business.
I think she deserved to know she was being lied to.
AITA?

Edit: To clarify, my brother invited me to the game and I was unaware of their anniversary.

We have a family cabin that my [M48] family and my wife's extended family has cabins on the same road. On the dead end road there are about 10 houses with most being family members, but some being unrelated couples/families. We know all of them and are friends with them.

On this dead end road, we have disagreements about the most trivial thing, college rivalry. The houses are about 4 to 6 team A and team B. As fans of team A, we heavily of disapprove of team B and vice versa. We have always had silly competitions, like having the biggest flag and painting the logos on our decks.

Last year, the first couple on the road got a beautiful custom made wood sign with their last name, a cute slogan, and marriage year in the colors of team B and of course with a big ol team B logo in the middle. It was a pretty hefty, 30lb sign that hung from a frame in front of their driveway.

This spring, we got to the cabins before them, and I thought of a fun prank. I got out a ladder and hung their sign 12 feet high between two trees next to their driveway with some rope. I used specific knots and ties so that it was easy to raise/lower safely, and would not accidentally fall. I've lived on sailboats at times in my life, so I know my way around rope and knots.

The husband of the couple we'll call Sam [M62]. He's very healthy, but as an MD doesn't have great intuition for physical systems. I wasn't there to witness it or help, but he went to take it down and the rope slipped from his hand and the sign fell to the ground and split in two.

I had intended to take it down after a few days, and if he had asked, I would have taken it down for him. I did not tell him this beforehand though.

The next I knew, the sign was back on its hanger with a big gash across it, dried wood glue seeping out all over. It was clear he didn't know what he said was doing when fixing it and it's possible it wasn't an honest attempt, because it didn't look very good.

My father-in-law has a woodshop nearby, so we went and took the sign. I took it apart, and spent hours taking out the old glue before cleaning the joint and regluing it. It was structurally solid, everything was legible, but the crack was still there and you could see it from a few feet away, especially if you knew it was there.

My family, these neighbors, and most of the families on the road are all friendly. We drink, play games, host happy hour, and chat frequently. We still do this. I know he still harbors a bit of resentment about this, and I've apologized many times since, but my wife thinks I owe him a new sign. I don't think I do, and I think he likes the one he has as it was made by a friend.

So, while I think I may have gone a bit too far I didn't break his sign, he did when he dropped it, and I made more effort than he did to restore it.

My family is split on the matter, so I put it to you, AITA?

Using a throwaway for privacy reasons.

I found a dog with a leash on it (but no nametag and, will later find it has no chip) in the street on a Sunday in February, where I successfully captured it. I proceeded to post it to a lost dogs page on Facebook. Someone commented a generic "next steps" where one thing that stood out to me/scared me was "If you give the dog to the wrong person, you can be held legally liable."

(The next day)

I got a response less than 24 hours later of someone claiming to be the "owner's neighbor." (ON for short) They told me that "My friend's at work but she said I could pick her up." I grew up in the "Stranger Danger" age, so I was put on my guard at this. They told me that it was originally their dog, but had to give them away. I insisted that the ON tell the owner to contact me, and ON responds saying that the owner is working out of state, has no signal, and will message me as soon as they get back. The ON proceeds to tell me the dog's name (which the dog doesn't respond to when I call it).

The ON says they have pictures of the dog, which I ask to see, with someone I will be meeting in them. The ON sends pictures that look similar, but none with people in them and none with the leash I found the dog in. The ON proceeds to tell me about how their child cried about losing the dog all night.

I believe that they could be the owner, and I decide to call the police (not 911) and ask what their legal advice is, and what I should do, and they told me to contact the shelter. The shelter isn't open until tomorrow.

(The next day)

I call the shelter as soon as I can and they say to find the owner if possible, and hold on to the dog until I can find the owner as the shelter is double-booked. I explain that I could've found the owner, and I communicate my fear of being sued. The shelter tells me that if I have a suspect, to have them meet at the shelter to verify ownership and avoid fees. I communicate this to the ON and ask if they can meet tomorrow and they say, "idk, I'll let you know when I'm off work."

(2 days pass)

I ask if the ON still wants to meet and they say "You're making a big deal of giving me the dog, my friend [owner] will contact you next week."

(4 weeks pass)

I think it's important to note that the shelter told me that if nobody claims the dog after 2 weeks, it's legally mine. I have been walking the dog 3+ miles every day, playing with it, and bought a whole bunch of items for it because I had essentially been ghosted (not including the furniture it tore up).

The ON asks what I did with the dog, and I explained that the shelter said it's mine, and that I found it a new home. Then someone else texts me asking if I have their dog, and sends the same 3 pics the ON sent, and I said no.

(3 months pass)

I run into them at the dog park, where the kids are crying, the dog is happy to see them, and people were saying to give the dog back and are calling me a bad person. I refused.

I’m getting married next year, and I’m really struggling with choosing my Maid of Honor. My closest friend lives across the country. She’s organized, loves planning, gives amazing speeches, and genuinely has a lot of qualities that would great MOH. She also has a lot of qualities that could make her a not to great MOH. The distance is one and also she sometimes isn’t the most responsible. I do think she would be responsible when it came to my wedding though. The biggest problem is that she can come across as rude or harsh without meaning to (or sometimes even meaning to) and almost every bridesmaid has had some sort of conflict with her because of the way she communicates. None of them like her. I honestly worry that on my wedding day if she’s trying to organize everyone that it will create bad tension or drama.

I recently tried to casually ask her how she’d feel if I chose my SIL (my brother’s fiancée) instead because she lives nearby and would be able to help more with wedding events. She got very upset and basically said that your MOH should be your best friend and that the other bridesmaids could help with anything she couldn’t do because of the distance. She said she is great at everything it takes to be a MOH but it’s my wedding so “do u girl”

On the other hand, I talked to two of my other closest friends (who are also bridesmaids) and while they both said they’ll support whatever I choose, they also told me they think they would deserve the role more than my best friend because they’ve been friends with me longer and think they are just as close with me. They said her acting entitled to it really bothers them. One of those friends also dated my best friend years ago, so there’s already some history there.

For context, I consider my two closest people to be my best friend and my SIL. So I feel stuck.

Option 1: Choose my SIL. She’s local, we’re very close, and I think she’d handle most of the role well. She isn’t as good at planning things and probably won’t want to give a speech but she is a neutral person. If I chose her though, I know my best friend would be absolutely devastated because she already assumes she’s my MOH and looks at me like a sister. If I chose my SIL I would still ask my best friend to give a speech because she is a writer and loves speeches.

Option 2: Choose my best friend. It makes sense because she’s my closest friend and lived with me when I first started dating my fiance so she knows our relationship the best, but I know several bridesmaids (especially the one who dated her) will be disappointed (and probably their families too), and I’m worried there could be unnecessary tension on the wedding day because of her personality.

Would I be the AH if I chose my SIL? Or would I be the AH if I chose my best friend?

okay so i need reddit to tell me if im being too harsh.
when i graduated high school it was a whole thing. big dinner, my mom cried, my dad gave a speech. they were very proud. and then i moved into my dorm and it was like i fell off the face of the earth to them.
and i'm not being dramatic. my first semester was very rough. new place, didn't know anyone, was drowning academically and didn't even know how to ask for help yet. i called my mom twice actually crying and both times she went "you'll figure it out, you're smart" and got off the phone. my dad's whole thing was texting happy birthday and happy thanksgiving. THATS IT. that was the relationship for two years.
money stuff i'll keep short — i was told i was taken care of and then i very much was not. so i figured it out and filled the gap myself.
sophomore year something happened that was really hard and i needed my mom. she said she had a lot going on and we'd talk later. WE NEVER TALKED LATER. i think that was the moment i just accepted that i was on my own and started acting like it.
fast forward to now. i'm home for the summer because rent is an actual joke and i'm trying to save money. and suddenly both of my parents have remembered that they have a daughter and are VERY interested in what she's doing with her life.
my mom wants to know my schedule. my dad keeps forwarding me linkedin posts with no context. they have opinions about my sleep schedule, my job, whether i'm worrying enough about my future. i smiled and nodded for honestly like six weeks because i'm not trying to make this summer harder than it has to be.
but then last night my mom said i needed to be more focused and my dad jumped in agreeing and i just put my fork down.
i told them i really struggle to sit there and take advice from people who didn't pick up the phone when i actually needed them. that i spent two years figuring everything out alone and i was fine. that i didn't need them to parent me now because honestly where was this energy before.
my mom got really quiet and then started crying. my dad said i was being cruel and disrespectful. i said i was just being honest and went to my room.
my dad called my aunt and now she's texting me about how they love me and did their best. i know they love me. i'm not questioning that. it's just not really the point. I tried and tried to get help and they shrugged me off until now.
i don't fully regret it but i also feel kind of bad about it. idk.
AITA?

I [ 15F ] have a boyfriend [ 15M ]. hes a little more than 2 weeks younger than me and we haven't seen each other in person since school ended. My mom [ 42/42F ] knows of him but doesn't know hes my boyfriend, just knows him as my best friend, but pretty much every else in my immediate family knows because its the consensus amongst all of us that if she found out shes gonna FREAK.

Anyways, its my boyfriends birthday and 2 days before I ask my mom if I can go. I tell her where is its, when it is, why I wanna go, whos coming, etc etc. She said I could go and I get really excited. I call him and tell him and hes excited too.

The next day, my mom gets up and leaves. im still happy from yesterday so I get up, im feeling productive I eat and I start cleaning cuz my mom likes her house clean so I know I have to do it and its also a thank you.

she comes back from whatever and is pissed off for some reason. she opens the door, I have my shirt off [ im still covered ] because it was hot and I've been dancing around to music and no one lives in out house but her and I and she goes "It cant be that hot?" and I just laugh it off.

she walks back to her room and sees my room with my door open with my clothes laid out for tomorrow, bathing suit on top because its a pool party, and she just explodes. she tells me that Im not going to the party anymore and that I need to clean [ which again, I was doing, I was working my way through the house ] and blazae blazae blazae and im pissed now because what the fuck. she leaves still mumbling and I just break down.

im sobbing because I have to tell him I cant come anymore and we were both excited and thats really the only reason. I wasn't mad she hurt my feelings, that happens all the time, im mad that because of that, I have to hurt his feelings now and when I tell him he goes "yea, i expected it" which hurt me even more because shes done stuff like this and ive confided in him so much about her that he expected this to happen.

She comes in my room trying to talk like everything's okay a few hours later and I wasnt the happiest obviously and she got on me for having an attitude and I really dont care.

My boyfriend calls me to check up on me and make sure im okay which i was suprised and mildly angry about because its his birthday an he should be worried about being happy on his day but he told me it was okay and let me cry and apologize for not being able to come.

now, my brother [ 25M ] lives a few hours away and he came to visit and my mom called me while I was otp with my boyfriend and goes "call your brother and ask if he can take you to the pool party" which, i was happy I could go, but if you were gonna let me go why did you say all that and make me cry and stressed out for no reason?

so I called my brother and he said he was 45ish minutes away and agreed to take me tye next day so im writing thing before we leave because I need unbiased input, AITA?

AITA for refusing to host July 4th BBQ again this year? Last year my sister showed up 3 hours late with 8 uninvited guests, so I had to rebuy food twice to cover everyone. This year she wants me to host again like nothing happened. She says I'm punishing her kids by saying no. I say I'm done being taken advantage of every year. AITA?

I (22F) grew up in an extremely religious household. My family was Mormon and I knew from a very young age that I was not.

As a teenager, I got rebellious. I drank energy drinks, tried Starbucks, and stopped reading my scriptures. My mom thought I was becoming a classic 1960s leather jacket bad girl. I really wasn't. I think the worst thing I did was steal from the store because there was a body wash I really really wanted. I'm not saying I was a perfect angel by any means, I was definitely a little shit but not a bad little shit.

My mom started snooping through my room. I think she was convinced I was hiding stuff from her and wanted to find the evidence. I knew because I would find her in my room when I got home from school or noticed my stuff moved around. Being a petty teenager, I decided to give her what she was looking for. I planted notebooks with gorey art, some cheap sex toys I found online, and a used pregnancy test. Not all at once, but building up to the pregnancy test.

I even hide them in places she'd have to go looking for. Like under the fitted sheet pressed between my mattress and the wall, or just inside the crawl space between two beams, and buried at the bottom of my full trash can.

Nothing really came of them, but my mom did text asking if I was hoping for a negative result like what the pregnancy test was showing.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when my sister got married. We were all discussing family plans, raising kids, etc. My mom mentioned how she was able to stay one step ahead of my siblings and I. I guess my face showed it cause she asked if I didn't believe her. I thought we were past the statute of limitations for my crimes (aka, my mom would be upset for a little bit but it would eventually become a funny story to tell) and told her that I didn't think she really was.

We started going back and forth. She mentioned how we got a treat if we drank all the water in our bottle throughout the day. I told her I dumped out my water and still got the treats. She mentioned taking me to therapy to get all my emotions out. I told her I didn't talk to the therapist and knew she tried to get the therapist to tell her what I talked about during our sessions. Then she mentioned upgrading the home security because she knew I'd lost my virginity as a teenager and kept me from sneaking out. I never snuck out and faked a phone call with my friend saying I had when I hadn't because I knew she was easedropping. This continued and I admitted I planted things in my bedroom for her to find because I knew she was snooping in my room.

She got really upset and we haven't really talked much since.

I'm not trying to justify my actions as a kid because I know I could've handled things better. I think in a way I was trying to become all the things my mom thought I was because at least it fulfilled her expectations of me.

AITA?

Edit: Wow this blew up quickly. I appreciate all the responses and wanted to maybe give some more insight to the type of person my mother is. For starters, no I did not do this at my sister's wedding. I worded it poorly and meant that the wedding is what brought everyone together and the wedding often brought up many conversations about raising kids.

Some people have pointed out that it's weird my mom wasn't confrontational about things. My mom isn't a very confrontational person in general. She is the type of person who wanted to pretend I didn't know what she knew. I also think that because she never really had any proof I was this horrible kid like what she thought I was, that she was waiting to catch me in the act to justify the way she saw me.

She really didn't say much when she found the things I planted. That did shock me as a teenager and I'm not entirely sure why she didn't have a big reaction.

She was not trying to help me by dragging me to therapy. All she saw was a kid who wasn't religious and thought another adult could talk some sense into me. I did willingly attend therapy around 17 because I was trying to process actually leaving religion when I turned 18. There were many times where we would argue and before I went to therapy she'd say "I hope you enjoy gossiping to your therapist about what a horrible person I am." I also knew from this therapist that on multiple occasions my mom would visit or call trying to get any sort of information about what I discussed during our sessions.

I think because I never kept a diary, my mom had nothing to go off of cause I never talked to her about anything going on in my life. That's because I knew she would tell other people about anything I would say. I have very distinct memories of her gossiping about my cousins and my older sister in such a negative light. I knew she would gossip about me to other people, so she doesn't get anything to gossip about.

In the end, I think a lot of her behavior boiled down to the fact that she sees herself in me. She did say that a few times how she doesn't want me to be like her or have the same regrets she does. So she was often harsh with how she treated me because of that and it got out of control. Anytime I've tried to discuss this with her, I get shut down or only hear a bunch of excuses to justify her treatment of me. Sometimes I'll get an "I'm sorry you feel that way."

I don't talk to my parents often. When I do it's only about things that aren't really personal. I talk about my classes, my current internship, some projects, and that's it. We sit in this limbo where I've moved on from many things recognizing that my mom was struggling to raise 5 kids as a SAHM, but a silent understanding that I won't get an apology for most of my upbringing.

I do feel bad for going bad and forth with my mom, but at the same time it felt a little freeing. Maybe it was how I saw her defeated for a bit, or because I've never told anyone about being so sneaky. I hope my mom can get professional help some day and learn to apologize for things. I know the past won't change, I just wish she would own up to her mistakes, but that would first require learning not to assume an apology meant she failed. I don't think my mom truly failed me as there are many skills and knowledge I have because of her. I hope she realizes that one day.

I (20f), have been dating my bf (22m) for little over a year now. while working the Friday before father's day, I saw a cookie cake with the words "dad joke loading" on it. i wanted to get it for his father, since both my bf and his dad love dad jokes.

I took a picture and sent it to my bf asking if I could get this for him, and he instantly got mad. he told me "i would send a weird message" if I gave him that since hes not my father yet. and ended the conversation with, "you just need to not take everything so personally, not every sentence has a hidden meaning"

I told him that it didnt even say anything about him being my father and I was just trying to be thoughtful. he told me that "he said what he said" and the conversation ended after that. i didnt think it was a big deal, but maybe it was.

so aita for wanting to give my bfs dad a father's day gift?

update

hello all, thank you for all the feedback I can understand both sides.

for those asking how much I've seen/hanged out with his dad, it has been way over 100 times.

those saying my bf is scared of that the commitment with me, he had gave me a promise ring early on and has talked about our future, marrying me and wanting to start a live together, so I genuinely don't believe it is that way.

about his temper, hes been struggling with an autoimmune disease and adding the hot temperature lately, hes been alot more short tampered but its not just with me tho. and everytime he'd raise his voice or yell at me, hed apologize afterward.

I do see his point about it sending a weird message in a way. growing up he was and still is the black sheep of his 4 siblings. with him still getting treated like that today, it does effect how me and his parents relationships are. whenever his siblings come by, me and my bf end up getting ignored. but they have told him multiple times that they like me and have invited me to family events.

side note, we had already found a "dad joke" sign from hobby lobby together before this happened, so I thought this would be fun to add to the original gift we found.

Trying to stay as anonymous as possible I'm worried that too many details could give me away so I will try to keep this brief.

My (28F) partner (27M) recently got engaged, the problem is my mother.

For some context, my relationship with my mother can be strained and it hasn't been made any easier by struggles in her own personal life. She loves my partner but I think she struggles to let me go, and has soured several milestones including our engagement. She was disappointingly underwhelmed and then proceeded to complain to anyone that would listen that my partner had not asked her for my hand in marriage (my father is not in the picture). We don't come from a country that practices this, I think it was a control tactic.

Anyways, we would love to have a big wedding but don't think we have the finances for this to happen anytime soon. I want to get married legally now and my partner agrees, but we cannot agree to:

1. get married, tell no-one and let everyone believe that our ceremony day in a few years time is our wedding day

2. Prepare our parents for it vaguely without committing to a date, and then get married

3. Tell our parents after we get married and do some sort of other celebration with them

The issue here is also his parents - I don't want to punish them because I'm worried about my mum's reaction. My partner also doesn't want to have to tell family that they are not invited to our wedding. I don't think I can cope with all parents attending, we'd be so stressed running damage control. I also don't want our wedding to be some big secret that we have to hide and I want to use his name. The stress of keeping the secret might get to us eventually but also I'm genuinely concerned we might have to go into witness protection if my mum finds out far enough in advance before the ceremony. I'm trying to encourage him to talk to his parents, but we both agree that we want to keep this moment special for us. He wants to get married and tell no one, I've come to the conclusion that people are going to get butt hurt either way.

What should we do? Are there any more options we haven't thought about? Thank you in advance!

Edit: just editing as this seems to have caused concern - "witness protection" was me trying to make light of her possible reaction but I realise now that this is not the place to joke about that, sorry!

Reply to comments: sorry I'm not sure how to reply to comments/questions apart from going one by one so hoping this works! First of all, thank you so much for all your advice, although it doesn't all apply to us it's been really good to hear other perspectives. Again, trying not to give too much away:

1. My backbone - believe it or not, I'm actually pretty firm with my mum when it comes to other things. The reason this is such a difficult decision is that I'm an only child.

2. Therapy - She's made it clear this is not an option. Her behaviour is pretty cyclical (we'll be fine until she randomly blows up again) so there's no point asking for apologies because it's clear she won't change. We're moving towards radical acceptance at this point. IMO she hasn't done anything to warrant NC so far but we definitely go through periods of low contact.

3. Relationship with his parents - pretty good. But the comments here have made me realise that checking in with them is a much higher priority than I thought (which inevitably means probably telling them). They're usually chill but we shouldn't assume.

4. Spur of the moment weddings - I love the sound of a backyard wedding but unfortunately this is not possible where we live. There's a compulsory legal period between telling the authorities you plan to marry and actually getting married, so everyone would know we would've had time to tell them.

5. Separate legal wedding and ceremony - it's pretty common here to get legally married before your "wedding day" just to take the pressure off, in our case these would just be a few years apart. Our finances are currently tied up in a project which is going to take another 12-18 months but we don't want to put our lives on pause so this was always the preference for us. Plus it gives us several legal protections which are especially important for me. And I can assure you it's not a "gift grab" - we've lived together for several years and don't need 6 toasters. A fun, peaceful wedding with everyone in one place would be a gift enough.

Thank you for all your comments and suggestions, we clearly need to think a bit more about this but the most important thing for us is having a special day with no regrets.

I (29M) live in Canada and moved into my current apartment building about two years ago. I am of South Asian heritage, but I was born and raised in Singapore, so my cultural background is a bit different from many of my neighbours.

About a year ago, a new neighbour (30sM) moved into the unit next to mine from India. We have generally been on good terms. He is friendly enough and we have chatted in the hallway a few times. That said, I have noticed some behaviours that have made me uncomfortable in shared spaces.

For example, in common areas he sometimes acts in a socially unaware way, like staring a lot during conversations, pointing to strangers in public, or making comments about people around us. He also occasionally leaves mess in the building’s shared hallway, like sweeping dust out of his unit instead of disposing of it properly, which the cleaning staff then has to deal with.

A few months ago, I saw him at a nearby riverbank area participating in what looked like a religious ritual (he is Hindu). During it, he dumped what looked like offerings into the water and surrounding area. From my perspective, it looked like littering or illegal dumping, so I recorded a short video from a distance on my phone.

Later, I posted it on a sub I sometimes browse that focuses on civic behaviour issues in India and diaspora communities and educating people. It resonates with me as I do not like being associated with that especially as a singaporean. I did not include his name or any identifying details beyond what was visible in the clip, and I honestly did not think much more of it afterward. Fast forward to now, the video was apparently reshared on TikTok or another platform.

Someone recognised him from the angle and context, showed it to him and he confronted me. He was very upset, saying I violated his privacy and misrepresented a religious practice. I ended up deleting the post, but the situation between us is now very tense.

I did not intend to publicly shame him personally. I thought I was documenting what I believed was improper disposal of waste in a public place, but I can also see how it has been interpreted differently and why he is upset.

So, AITA for recording and posting it?

A month ago, my brother Mike (37M, fake name) told our family that he had a new girlfriend, and last Sunday my parents invited her over for dinner.

It's important for context to mention that my brother hasn't had much luck in his dating life. He's had a few relationships in the past, but they've all ended badly, usually with a lot of fighting and shouting by the end. A lot of the blame certainly lies with his girlfriends, but he's not the perfect partner either. He's the type of guy who's obsessed with things being done his way, demands your attention when he wants it but ignores you the rest of the time, and can be pretty controlling overall.

So anyway, Sunday came and we met his girlfriend, Emma (also a fake name). The first thing I noticed was that she was younger. He had always dated women around his own age before, but Emma looked like she was in her early 20s. Not only that, but she had a very "childish" demeanor. It's hard to describe, but the way she dressed and spoke (like using the word "cute" to describe him a dozen times) gave me that impression.

The other thing that seemed strange to me was that whenever we asked her a question, my brother answered at length before she spoke. Again, this wasn't something that happened when Mike introduced us to his previous girlfriends. She was rarely given the chance to speak on her own and almost always spoke after Mike did. Overall, she said very little about herself.

Now, neither of these things is bad on its own, but coupled with Mike's past controlling behavior, it made me worry that he might be taking advantage of her. So after she left, I tried to find out a little more about her and asked him how old she was. His response was, "Why do you ask?" When I mentioned that he hadn't dated younger women before, he became very defensive and angry. He called me a creep, said I was obviously jealous of him, and stormed off. Now he's refusing to even talk about her with us, and my mother is insisting that I apologize to him, even though I had my reasons for being concerned and don't think I asked anything rude.

I’ve noticed my girlfriend has a habit of being quite lazy and expecting me to pretty much run around after her. If we’re in bed and she starts sneezing for example she’ll ask me to go to the other room to get a tissue. I don’t mind doing it occasionally but it seems ridiculous to expect t me to do it every time. 

Another example is when it’s her turn to wash the dishes, she’ll often complain she’s tired and expect me to do it and get annoyed when I say no. 

Last night she was reading o I started gaming. She stopped reading and started scrolling social media. She could see I was busy but still asked if I’d make her a cup of tea. I asked what’s stopping her doing it and she got annoyed.

 I told her it was becoming ridiculous that she just sits there and expects me to do everything for her. I said she needs to stop being lazy and start doing things herself since I’m not here to be her servant. 

She said I was being unfair and harsh but I just pointed out she can see I’m busy yet expect to me to stop what I’m doing to make her drinks when she’s not doing anything and is capable of doing it herself, 

She just said again I wasn’t being fair to her but I just repeatedly she needs to stop being lazy. 

AITA for calling her lazy?

I am moving to university in the fall from community college and have been talking to my assigned roommate. I need a loud alarm in order to wake up, but my roommate has asked me to either have no alarm at all or switch to a silent alarm. I've never tried a silent alarm before, so I tried one for about a week and I've slept through it every day I tried it. I'm not the kind of person to press snooze for 30 minutes. I can wake up after it goes off once, but I'm going to have to get up early if I want to be on time for classes. I told him that silent alarms don't work for me and I can wake up after one alarm, but he still wants me to have one. WIBTA if I refuse and keep my loud alarm?

ETA: Even though the general consensus seems to be that I'm in the clear, I forgot to add that bedrooms in my dorm are separate from each other, it isn't a shared room like a traditional dorm. As in there's my door, then a hallway to his door, so the sound should be somewhat muffled by it.

I (36f) live with my parents (85m and 77f) for financial reasons. I love my parents and for the most part I don’t mind living with them. However, they bicker and argue over the dumbest and littlest things. My mom has hearing aids and my dad is in denial that he needs them. The tv is on a lot and the volume is high so they can hear it. The house is just loud. When the two of them go out to eat, I gladly stay home just so I can have some quiet calm for a couple of hours.

My sister (45f) is a school teacher. Yesterday, she came over and brought her two kids, we’ll call them G and B. G is 11 female, B is 7 male. My sister and her kids are also generally loud people. Like any other siblings, the two kids argue and my sister just talks a lot.

Normally, I’m a night owl and go bed between 11pm and 12am. The house was loud with everyone there and I wanted some quiet. So around 10pm I said I was going to bed and said goodnight to everyone. Recently, I have gotten in the habit of reading before bed. I got in bed, turned my reading light on, and grabbed my book. I read a little more than normal, since the book was getting to a good part. Around 10:40, G comes into my room, because my cat was in the room with me and she wanted to say goodbye to her. Shortly after B comes in too. My sister comes upstairs to get the kids and apologizes to me. I told her it was ok I was just doing some reading before bed.

After they leave, my mom comes in my room and says “You are the rudest person, I’ve ever met. The kids are here and you say you’re going to bed, when you’re actually just reading a book. They left upset that you would rather read a book and ignore them, than spend time with them.” She threw in the fact that when I go to my cousins house, about once a week, I stay there til at 11pm at least. It is true that I stay there a little later, but her house is much calmer, than when everyone is at my house.

AITA?

I'm 5ft 11inches. I nearly always refuse to move if I am at a gig, this particular situation happened the other day and some of the ladies there called me the A but in my opinion they are. I got to the gig early, before it started because I wanted to be at the front for the second act, as I knew the band and was there to support them. During the first act a group of ladies talked the whole way through, then did the same in the second. By the time it came to the third band, the one they wanted to watch, they moved forward.

At this point they're standing behind me and very loudly start going 'I wish the tall people would move, or kneel down' over and over. I ignored them because in my opinion if you really want to see a band that badly then just get there early. I'll admit, I didn't care that much about the final band and was planning to move to the back anyways but their passive aggressive comments made me stand there the whole time (along with their total lack of appreciation for the other bands). I stood there out of pure spite for the rest of the gig.

Wife's 50th birthday is next week, we are going to Dollywood. Been planning it for almost a year, and her closest friends and family are coming with. I spent months trying to find where to stay, what waterfalls to see, etc. This group chat (I loathe them) started a few weeks ago so everyone could be on same page and send me money for the split on stuff. Anyways, the last week everyone has been going back and forth laughing at videos of hike failures, poking fun at what may happen, and I just.... Read them. Last night, the wife ask if I silenced the group (because 2 others never responded and they never do), and I said no I read the texts, didnt have anything to add, and moved on with life. Now I am being accused of not participating or wanting to plan anything. I got us first class tickets, for a 2.5.hour flight, planned Ruby Falls (but her family changed that), and been begging to buy the tickets (but she wants to wait to save $5 with friends military discount). AITA for not hitting the laugh emoji, finding random videos on social media ( which, I only use Reddit) to send to people all day, and not participating as she has said?

So I, F23, am a wildlands firefighter and I get sent out to a lot of other states and such. Well I got sent to another state and when I got free time I decided to take a simple pic of me relaxing on my free time. It wasn't anything that I thought would be bad, it didn't even have the fire. But after I posted it I got a message from some of my family members that were saying it was in bad taste to post pictures like that since there were 3 wildlands firefighters who died recently. I told them I didn't think that it was because it was just me relaxing on my free time in the nice area I was at and I wasn't even close to the area they were at, not even the same state. They still said it was bad taste and that I should take it down to which I told them it wasn't gonna happen. They said that I'm a bad person and an asshole for it and would like to know if I truly am. Edit: the reason they said something is because it's the same job that I do and because I posted it like an hour or so after their identities were revealed.

My wife is 8 months pregnant. Her best friend got married a month ago on the other end of the country and we were unable to attend because travel isn’t easy at 7 months pregnant.

My wife had her baby shower the following weekend. Her friend was unable to attend as well because she had planned a honeymoon right after the wedding. Since she couldn’t attend, she sent my wife a generous gift.

Today my wife’s friend expressed feelings over my wife not sending her a wedding gift or card to celebrate her marriage. Had she not been pregnant we had planned to attend the wedding.

My wife took this message from her friend as petty and attention seeking. I told my wife that she is in the wrong and should have sent a gift or card to help her friend celebrate her marriage. Now my wife says I’m the asshole for taking her friend’s side over hers.

Am I the asshole?