Interviewer: Mr. President. During your campaign, you have put a large emphasis on improving American relations with the tiny island nation of Rukuruku.

President: I have.

Interviewer: Why Rukuruku?

President: Three reasons. One, Rukuruku is an important strategic ally in protecting American interests in the South Pacific.

President: Two. Rukuruku is the only democracy in the region.

Interviewer: It’s the only dry land for thousands of miles in all directions.

President: Exactly. And lastly, and most importantly, Rukuruku lies a mere 10 miles from the Sunken City of R'lyeh where the Great Old One Cthulhu slumbers.

Interviewer: That’s the most important reason?

President: Of course. The Necronomicon says that when Cthulhu wakes from his eons of sleep, his rage could only be slaked with a blood sacrifice.

President: It’s imperative that Rukuruku be there to serve that purpose when the day finally comes.

Interviewer: So you’re supporting Rukuruku out of the belief that it should be destroyed in an apocalyptic future?

President: No, of course not. But 50% of my base are Cthulhu cultists.