I used to work at a kinda fancy café. We roasted our beans and sold them. People could either buy bags of beans or ground beans. A woman (with her young son, under ten years old) is looking at the bags of beans and ground beans and asks:

Customer: “Why is the grounded coffee the same price as the beans?”

Me: “Well, they are both 500-gram bags, so it’s an equal amount of coffee. The only difference is one is grounded, and the other isn’t.”

Customer: “Well, that’s a lie, because one bag is clearly bigger than the other!”

Me: “No, they have exactly the same amount; they weigh the same. The beans take up more space than ground beans, but it’s still the same amount of coffee.”

Customer: “You’re lying, and in front of my son, no less! It’s morally wrong for your company to trick its customers, just because they’re paying a lot for the coffee!”

Her son, who has stood silently beside her the whole time, whispers:

Son: “Mom, 500 grams is 500 grams.”

The mom points dramatically to both bags:

Customer: “Yes, but those 500 grams are more than those 500 grams! It’s a con! Now be quiet when the adults are talking!”

Son: “I’m going to remember this when I’m taking M&Ms from the big bag at home. Squishing them down means there’s less of them. Score.”

I don’t know what this family’s ‘big bag’ of M&Ms looks like, but it was apparently enough to make the mom realise how stupid she’s being, and she waves me off and walks away without another word, son in tow.

Our restaurant is decent but not particularly high-end. We have to keep reminding the new guy of this, who is fresh out of culinary school, working his first kitchen job, and seems to think he’s the next Michelin-starred prodigy.

Me: “Hey, [New Guy], you’re using olive oil in a vinaigrette instead of the canola the recipe uses.”

New Guy: “Yeah, I saw that, but olive oil tastes better.”

Me: “It does, but it’s also like triple the price, and coagulates in the fridge. Just use canola.”

New Guy: “But it’s better.”

Me: “Again, I’m not arguing that point, but I’m telling you not to. Use canola.”

New Guy: “But I can’t. It goes against my principles as a chef to make mediocre food.”

Me: “Okay, well, we sell this dish at [price], with the margin being about two dollars when using the canola vinaigrette. If we use olive oil, we lose about a dollar per dish. We sell about a hundred of these a day. You ready to contribute a hundred dollars a day for your principles?”

Suddenly, his principles were juuuust fine using canola…

I work in an electronics store. A coworker is having trouble with a customer on the phone and calls the manager over.

Manager: “What’s the issue?”

Coworker: *Covering the phone’s earpiece with her hand.* “She wants a speaker that doesn’t use lithium-ion batteries, because they explode all the time, according to her.”

Manager: “Oh, well—”

Coworker: “—Also, it needs to work straight for at least a week without being plugged into a wall.”

Manager: “Hmm, that’s gonna be difficult.”

Coworker: “Also, it needs to provide club-quality music to a full house by itself.”

Manager: “…Are you done?”

Coworker: “And needs to be able to fit into a standard small girl’s jeans pocket.”

Manager: “…”

Coworker: “And she doesn’t want to spend more than a hundred bucks.”

My manager rolls his eyes and takes the phone.

Manager: “Hi, ma’am. Yes, I’ve been informed, and what you’re asking for is not possible.”

Pause.

Manager: “Because such an item does not exist.”

Pause.

Manager: “Because it’s not possible with current electronics.”

Pause.

Manager: “No, I can’t just go into the back to make one. If I could do that, I would not be managing a superstore in Vermont.”

Pause.

Manager: “You’re more than welcome to call Apple and suggest they go make that.”

Pause.

Manager: “Yes, good luck trying Walmart. I’m sure they’ll have more stock than us.”

He puts the phone down.

Manager: “Apparently, we just lost out on a major sale. If you need me, I’ll be in my office consoling myself.”

I’m an audio engineer for one of the military bands in the US. Even though I’ve been working professionally in the music industry for many years prior to entering the military, my lower rank (E4 for those who care) is often a barrier to communicating with higher-ups.

Some superiors see the value in my experience and advice, but many others see the rank and disregard my opinions. It’s not uncommon for me to be “loaned out” to non-band events to provide guidance. Also, this story takes place during 2020, when the military was under WFH orders.

I was in my barracks room, mixing some tunes on an average weekday, when I got a call from my First Sergeant (1SG). He’s essentially the head honcho in my unit, just under the commander.

First Sergeant: “Hey [My Name], [Unit] is having a battalion-level change of command ceremony today, and they’ve had issues with their PA system in the past. Can you go help out and make things go smoothly?”

Me: “Totally!”

This was a fairly high-level change of command ceremony at the Lieutenant Colonel level, and the past few ceremonies had gone poorly due to technical problems. I was happy to help. 

I get prepped and make my way over to the location to start poking around the system. The gear being used is pretty beat up, and it looks like they chuck it all in a dirty closet. Whatever, it still turns on for now.

I notice some people setting up the speakers behind the lectern, in a way that would cause feedback as soon as the mic was unmuted. Also, the cable runs were prime tripping hazards with no cable ramps or gaffer tape to hold them down.

This isn’t just a safety risk; it’s also a good way to rip out all the connections from the gear. There were a few other minor issues that needed fixing, but those were the most mission-critical problems.

I go to find the person in charge and spot a Sergeant Major overseeing. I make my way over to him and introduce myself as the sound technician for the band, here to help and advise with sound stuff. Off the bat, he’s a little short with me.

Sergeant Major: “What can I do for you, [My Name]? We’re a bit busy here.”

I reiterate I’m here to help with the PA and condense my observations into words. I’m partway into explaining the dangers of his speaker placement when he cuts me off.

Sergeant Major: “This isn’t our first rodeo, so we know what we’re doing.”

At this point, I’m still going to give it my best shot before this event trainwrecks. I make my way over to the Staff Sergeant, plugging in speakers, and we start talking about placement and feedback. A minute or two later, the Sergeant Major comes over and interrupts us.

Sergeant Major: “Hey, didn’t you hear me earlier? We don’t need you here. You can f*** off.”

Roger that, Sergeant Major.

So, I go home and report why I wasn’t able to help.

The next day, my First Sergeant tells me how horribly the system was feeding back, along with crackles and pops. Totally derailed the vibe, to the point where the new Lieutenant Colonel chose to leave the lectern and just talk loudly instead of using the mic.

Moreover, the Commanding General of the base (a three-star) had attended and was apparently very unhappy with the whole thing. And lo, the next week, a memo comes down to me from the office of the Commanding General to upgrade the sound system and put together a training on how to run it.

Still makes me laugh thinking what that Sergeant Major’s face must’ve looked like when they figured out that the only person qualified enough to advise them was the one he had told to f*** off.

A woman storms up to the customer service desk at the grocery store and angrily states to my coworker and me:

Customer: “My car is stuck in your parking lot! It won’t start!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that, ma’am. Would you like us to call someone?”

Customer: “No! You don’t know anything! I want you to charge it!”

Me: “Oh, is it a battery issue?”

Customer: “Yes! It’s an electric vehicle!”

Me: “Oh! I see. The gas station across the street has some EV charging stations, but unfortunately, we don’t have any in our parking lot.”

Customer: “So you agree?! Me running out of charge is your store’s fault?”

Me: “No, we do not agree on that. Keeping your car charged is your responsibility.”

Customer: “You don’t know anything! It’s not my car! It’s my husband’s!”

Me: “That doesn’t matter, ma’am. If you like, we can call a towing company to tow your car to a charging station, or even home.”

Customer: “And [Store] will pay for that, yes?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We just have a company we use. You’re welcome to use your own if you have—”

Customer: “—No! [Store] needs to provide charging stations for customers! If you don’t have them, then how are we supposed to keep our cars charged!”

Me: “Ma’am, that would be like [Store] being responsible for keeping regular cars’ tanks full of gas every time they come in to shop. It doesn’t work like that.”

Customer: “Ugh! You don’t know anything!”

Me: “Well… at least I know that electric vehicles need to be regularly charged.”