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Hi ya'll! I'm still flattered by the love I still receive on these subreddits. For those of you who've expressed concern about my wellbeing, I hope you're pleased to hear that I'm living a beautiful life, filled with love, animals and cookies. Thank you all who were there during my time of need, even if I didn't respond, I still appreciated the love that was sent.

Much love,

Raerae7


Bloody and Gruesome dreams, how can I get them to stop??
Bloody and Gruesome dreams, how can I get them to stop??

For the past three-four days, I've been having extremely gory dreams. Some will involve violence while others don't. Such dreams are common for me, but generally they only occur once a week..

Examples of recent: 3rd person view of the aftermath of an office building that was bombed. I can see the blood splatters from a man and his head that basically exploded into several bits; nose, eyes, I see his teeth scattered. I also viewed a mans face ripped off his skull, he's still smiling. I focus on what some are wearing and wonder if they knew this would be the last outfit they'd wear..

Last night: Think murderous gang whom try to beat each other in how many vicious murders they can accumulate. Sometimes they'd trick people in thinking they're friends or helpful cops. Then go in for a long and painful kill. Some times shredding them from the feet up, or slowly driving a dirty pole through their chest as others watch, knowing their destiny. I see a girl get away,I am that girl. she runs and runs and thinks she found a hiding spot, but is later caught from behind and forced to watch her dog tortured, (i'm a huge animal lover and this part killed me). Other times, I'll be one of the murderers whom is experiencing second thoughts on her "way of life" and try to kill people in a less satanic way. I was also the girlfriend of a man and forced to saw through his waist, i felt the bones and tissue, I felt it all. Also, there was a scene where I watched a woman slowly poisoned a man to death and ate him while his baby daughter watched.

I can't take it anymore! I don't watch horror movies, I'm never on r/WTF, thank god.. I've noticed I will get these dreams when my sleep is inconsistent and wake throughout the night. I'll be moving from my hometown to a big city within a week, could this be the explanation? Someone, please help! I'm too afraid to even nap.








I've never been good at this.
I've never been good at this.

I'm a typical 22 year old. I come from a great town, wonderful friends and a supportive (and fatherless) family. My hobbies involve the arts and volunteering with the local animal shelter..

The first time I tried to commit suicide was in 9th grade. Instead of catching the morning bus with the friends, I downed 45 sleeping pills. I woke up to my stomach being pumped. I convinced my family it was just a need for attention and nothing more.

In 11th grade I would hang a rope in my closet, put my neck in the loop and hang from it, but always be sure my toes could touch the floor. The thought of being so close to death (having that back up plan) actually helped me get through school and my social life.

20 years old. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and I find out I'm pregnant. "There's no way we can keep it, we have our whole lives ahead of us. There's no way."

It was 10 weeks. It had a body, a heart. And I took it away. I took away its life. Just two days afterwards, he leaves me. This was the closet ive been to my death. I slept in my room for days. Empty. I contemplated ways of getting through with it. Jumping off our local bridge, hanging, (pills were out of the question), carbon monoxide.

What stopped me? Knowing my mom would have to see my body. Knowing how much she went through to give us all, and how I failed. Knowing that I couldn't let her down, I started celexa 20 mg.

Its been almost two years. I'm 22. I live a dull life. I post on gw to get my monthly affection. I rarely leave the house. I smile when needed, but hide when its too much. I want to die. I don't know happiness, love. I know I'm not capable of it.

But at the same time I don't. I want to live. How?










I've learned to take everyday hour by hour if I ever get suidical. If I start focusing too much on the future, even a day in advance, I could get overwhelmed with depression and anxiety. One of those episodes nearly took my life.

Baby steps.. Just give yourself hourly goals on improvement and never forget the power of supportive friends.




Not exactly true. But I'm sure there are more disadvantages to be overweight. Just because you're underweight people think its 'Ok to make rude comments on your appearance because "you choose to be thatt skinny".. eat a insert food for Christ sake, you look like a skeleton, she's skinny but you're skinny skinny, I don't wanna break you, put some muscle on.

It really takes a toll on your self esteem. I never left the house with anything less than a sweater and pants because I felt so insufficient.







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