Guys, please read my extremely NSFW Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic told from the perspective of Groot here.
I’m trying to get a real life book published, and since this is the only thing I’ve ever accomplished in my life, I’d greatly appreciate more views and kudos—otherwise agents will look at this like it’s some kind of joke rather than the serious and deep passion project it truly is.
your body dysmorphia is just satire. that voice saying “i’m so ugly” is only saying that because the thought of a hot bitch like YOU ever being ugly is so funny. you’re not ugly that’s just the onion
“that’s outside weather!” wrong, that’s lying in a warm sunbeam shining through the blinds while I fall asleep feeling a lil delicious weather
consent being a fluid concept that can be revoked at any time is fantastic because imagine inviting a cuck all the way over from the other side of town and as soon as they sit in the cuck chair you just say “I don’t feel like having sex anymore” and they just have to sit there until their uber comes. in the cuck chair.
gang member found killed with strangely markiplier shaped hole in chest
dude he’s a pro and he’s dating a noob, it’s a problematic skill gap, it’s not a healthy pwnage dynamic
Never idolise ANY celebrities because they are human and they can and WILL make mi—
oh. No, i wasn’t talking about you, Mpregnant mark ruffalo. Yes, i know it’s hard
they never said yoda was canonically a virgin. they never said he didn’t fuck jedi bussy alien freak style.
*throws a penny in a wishing well*
darth vader: what did you wish for
Me: for all sex workers to have a safe, beautiful, blessed day
Yoda in his gay ass swamp: a safe, beautiful, blessed day I am having
