Rainy Sunday by EM

Word count: 2,900

Murdoch woke up and stretched slowly. He heard the sound of heavy rain on the tile roof above him, which only made him want to pull the covers up and stay in bed. His room was darker than normal as he had the heavy drapes pulled across the windows, and with the dark clouds outside, he could just make out shapes in his room.

His next thoughts were of his two sons who had gone in to Morro Coyo last night. He was pretty sure they spent the night due to the storm; at least he hoped they did.

Like him, they were probably sleeping in on a rainy Sunday. Murdoch got out of bed and went to the window and looked out. The yard was full of puddles and he could see the horses in the corral huddled together next to the barn wall. Rick would put hay out later when the rain stopped, but right now, there was no point as none of the horses were interested in leaving the shelter of the barn wall.

Stretching once again, he heard a tap, and Juanita let him know she was leaving a jug of warm water outside his door.

He opened the door, carried the jug over to his washstand and began washing up and shaving. Next he got dressed and brushed his hair. Frowning at his image in the mirror, he turned away to address the bed covers and straighten them, even though he knew one of the ladies would be in later to make up his bed properly. With another glance around the room, for the first time in so long, his eyes settled on a trunk. ‘Maybe it’s time to get rid of that.’ he thought to himself.

Without a backward glance, he left his room and went down to breakfast.

After breakfast with a second cup of coffee, he sat at his desk and tried to go through some of the mail that had been left from last week. His thoughts kept turning to that trunk. It’s been there for more than 20 years, but this is the first time he’d noticed it in years.

Giving up on the correspondence, he wandered back into the kitchen with his coffee cup. Teresa was off visiting a friend for the week, and he hoped the rain would stop later so the boys could get back without getting too wet. Refilling his cup, he made a decision and went up the back steps to the second floor, and back to his bedroom.

Pulling the drapes wide, and lighting two lamps, he took a hard look at that trunk. He realized he didn’t need it anymore, as the two most important people in his life were part of his life now. His family was complete. It was time to put the memories away.

His first impulse was to call a couple hands in to just move the trunk to the cellar, but something made him go over and run his hands across the carved lid. It had been Maria’s from before they were married. He never looked inside when they were married or even after.

With a deep breath, he opened the trunk. Folded inside were her clothes, some combs for her hair, a couple shawls, and a Bible. He was surprised she left the Bible. He remembered her reading it almost every day.

He picked up the Bible and ran his fingers over the engraved letters. Once gold, now the gold had mostly flecked away. He opened the Bible to the first page and saw handwriting that was similar to hers that had her full name on it. Maria Margarita Estrada Miramontes. He smiled when he saw that Maria had written y Lancer after Miramontes. ‘So she cared at one time.’ he mused and turned the pages and stopped at the family record. Maria added Johnny. December 18, 1849 a boy, John Luis Lancer Estrada.

Thinking to give the Bible to Johnny, Murdoch turned to put it on the bed. It slipped out of his hand onto the floor. Hoping he hadn’t damaged it. He carefully picked it up and he saw a piece of paper sticking out.  

His heart started beating quickly, and with fingers that were trembling, he picked up the paper. It was folded and had his name on it along with a bible verse.  She wrote; Ephesians 5:25-30 tells us husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the church and give himself up for her. Murdoch, even when our spouses are imperfect, we are still called to love them unconditionally. I am trying to love you unconditionally my husband, but you make it too hard.

Sitting on the side of the bed, Murdoch turned the paper with his name on it over and over. He swallowed twice and stared at her handwriting before realizing he was stalling. With fingers he couldn’t quite keep still, he opened what turned out to be a letter.

In Maria’s handwriting he read,

My husband, I am writing this to you in Spanish, so that my feelings are clear. I’ve taken Johnny to go visit my sister in San Jose. Every day it is becoming clearer to me that I am not the wife you want me to be.

I can’t take any more of the arguing and then the silence. Murdoch, you have to decide if you want to build a life with me and Johnny, or if you only want to build a fantasia to show a judge we have a perfect family for your first son. I understand that you need to show a judge you have a stable family and wealth in order to win back Scott, but is it not also important that you have a happy family? Johnny and I cry for you when you are gone for days and then you sit behind your desk drinking for hours. It has got to stop.

I’ve hired an escort to my sister’s home, and will be waiting for your answer.  I need time to think without the argument, and you need to decide if you can commit to us as much time and care as you do your ranch and your quest for your first son. I will not hesitate to leave you if you again break your promise to us. If you can make that promise, send a message to the church and they will pass it along to me.

If I do not hear from you, I will know you do not want us. Please know that I am desperate for you to hear me and for you to value me as your partner as well as your wife.

Maria

Murdoch sat stunned as he realized the enormity of the letter. Unbidden tears formed in his eyes as feelings of horror and regret passed through him. He stumbled to his bed and found the chamber pot in time to retch up his breakfast.

Sweating and shaking, he staggered over to the wash basin and splashed water on his face and poured a glass of water. Rinsing out his mouth, he sank down on the side of the bed and held his head in his hands.

‘How on earth did I miss that?’ He asked himself.

He tried to remember back all those years to that horrible day. He’d tried to block out those memories. When he couldn’t find Maria and Johnny in the house, he and Paul searched the gardens and barns to discover a buggy and a horse missing. No one heard them leave.

He remembered going in to Morro Coyo and hearing the whispers that his wife had been seen with a man. A gambler they said. He remembered the disappointment and anger he felt at her betrayal. Those were the emotions that had been driving him all these years.

He assumed they were heading south to her parents in Matamoros. She had threatened a few times to return to her parents’ home. He shook his head with dismay. He still couldn’t understand why she wasn’t happy as a mother and the mistress of the ranch. He thought they were happy, except for those outbursts of temper. If he were honest, it was her fiery temper, as well as her beauty that attracted him to her.

Once he opened the door to those locked away memories, he remembered going back to the ranch and making provisions with Paul and Cipriano for his search.

He ruined a good horse in his haste to find his wife and son. He scoured the Mexican border, and he went as far as Matamoros. Her parents hadn’t seen or heard from her. Trying to decide his next move, he met Joe Barker, who offered him a job as a deputy. By then he was low on money so he took the job.

When he saved up enough money again, with no sign of Maria and Johnny, and feeling alone and desperate, he went to New Orleans and took a clipper to Boston. Even though he had lost one son, he was ready to recover his first born.

Harlan’s cruel remarks about his ability to be a proper father to his son, and his failure to find his wife and his youngest son, ate at his confidence. Seeing Catherine’s eyes, and the trusting look on his five-year-old son’s face as he shook his small hand, make him realize that perhaps Harlan was right.

When he left Boston, he took a ship back to New Orleans, and a stage back to Texas. Stopping in again at Maria’s parents casa, he was devastated to know that she hadn’t returned.

He avoided Joe Barker, because he didn’t want to tell anyone he had failed in his quest to get his first son.

He sent a letter to Paul from El Paso letting him know he was working his way home.

By the time he got home, he’d been gone almost 2 years. The house felt dead without Maria and Johnny in it. He was exhausted when he went to his bedroom and saw her things here and there throughout the room.

He remembered the acute feeling of loss and anger when he looked at her belongings, and he gathered them up along with the Bible that was sitting on her nightstand and tossed them into the trunk.

‘How could I have not seen that trunk for almost 20 years?’ he asked himself. He’d gotten so used to not looking in that dark corner of his bedroom.

Now he had to live with even more regret, and figure out what he was going to tell Johnny.

---

It was now mid afternoon, and the sun had been shining for a couple of hours. The puddles were starting to dry up. Murdoch had taken some of his anger out on the anvil while he shod two horses.

He was now at his desk, but was hoping and dreading his sons would be back soon. He would’ve liked to pour himself a drink, but he needed a clear head. He felt like his heart dropped to his stomach when he heard horses coming in. He looked out the window and saw his two sons.

Too soon they were walking through the French doors. “Hey Murdoch, that was some storm wasn’t it?” Johnny said as he hung up his hat and took off his gun belt.

“How was your night boys?”

“It was a good night.” Scott replied, “however with the storm it was quite a scramble to try to find places to stay. Johnny and I were lucky to get the last room at the hotel.”

“Are you hungry?” Murdoch asked knowing he was stalling.

“We had lunch before we left.” Scott replied.

“I thought you might be back before now since the sun has been out for quite a while.”

“We would’ve been, but we decided to check some of the creeks and fences on our way in.” Johnny said, as he sat down in one of the chairs in front of Murdoch’s desk.

“Drink?” Scott asked as he poured himself a small whiskey.

“Not right now, son.” Murdoch replied has Johnny shook his head no.

Scott joined them at the desk and sat down.

“How did everything look out there?” Murdoch asked.

“Not bad considering that downpour.” Scott took a sip of his whisky.

“We had to clear some debris out of Spring Creek on the south-side.” Johnny added, “but other than that it looked pretty good.”

“There’s a couple places that the fence in that section was leaning over. We managed to prop it back up, but we’ll need to send a crew out there to plant those posts again once it dries out.” Scott added.

Scott finished his whiskey, and went to stand up.

“Wait a minute, if you will, I have something to talk to you boys about.”

Murdoch was wishing he taken that drink, but he took a deep breath, and was ready to plow ahead when Johnny said, “spit it out.”

“It’s about your mother Johnny.”

Frowning, Johnny sat back in his chair and folded his arms.

“Should I leave?” Scott asked.

“No brother stick around.”

“Johnny, I made a discovery today. Your mother left a note in her Bible when she left.” Murdoch pulled the Bible out and set it on his desk. “I never saw it before. After the first time I searched for you, I took everything of hers, including her Bible and put it in her trunk. It’s been sitting in the truck for the last 20 years and I’ve never looked in there.”

“What did it say Murdoch?” Scott asked.

“She didn’t leave me.” Murdock said bluntly

Johnny swallowed and looked grim. “What do you mean?”

“We’d been having a lot of arguments. She said she took you and went to visit her sister in San Jose. It turns out she hired the man she left with as her escort. She gave me some ultimatums, which are between her and me, and asked me to get in touch with her, if I was willing to agree to them. She said she’d wait for my reply, and if she didn’t hear from me, she would know I didn’t want her and you.” he said looking at Johnny

Johnny looked stunned and was speechless.

Scott looked almost equally stunned. “You never saw her letter so you thought she had left, and she never heard from you so she thought you didn’t want her.”

“That sums it up.”

“That’s tragic.” Scott said

“I think I’ll have that drink now.” Johnny got up and went over and poured two glasses and brought one back for his father. He put the bottle on the desk. “We might need more of this.”

Drinking the shot in one swallow, Johnny said softly, “So she didn’t’t lie to me.”

“No, she didn’t’t.” Murdoch replied.

“She was sure mad at you, though.” Johnny said and refilled his glass. This time he just took a sip, “what were you arguing about?” He questioned.

“I was too wrapped up in the ranch. I was spending too much time away from home. When I’d get home, I’d be exhausted and I wouldn’t’t have time for either of you. We stopped talking other than to argue.” The regret rang in his voice. “It was my fault.”

“It takes two Murdoch. My mama was not exactly a saint. You were right she had a temper. I always wondered how she would say she loved you, but then be so mad at you.”

“I never meant to hurt her like that or you. Can you forgive me, Johnny?”

Johnny leaned forward and sat his glass of whiskey on the desk. He sighed, “There’s nothing to forgive Murdoch. It was a terrible misunderstanding. There’s nothing we can do about it now. I’m just glad to know what happened.”

“Me too son. I’ve had so many regrets where both of you boys are concerned. I never wanted her to leave and I always wanted you both with me.” Murdoch said with regret.

“What’s important is we’re together now, sir.” Scott added

“I’m gonna go get cleaned up.” Johnny said as he stood up and Scott also got up to go upstairs.

“Before you go, Johnny, I want to give you your mothers Bible. I was thinking of moving her trunk to the cellar, but now I think I’m going to leave it where it is in my room. If you’d like to look through it and see if there’s anything you would like to have, feel free to do so.”

Johnny turned the Bible over and over in his hands and looked at his father and had to swallow a couple times before he could say thank you.

Carefully, he open the Bible, and saw his mother’s name and in his mother’s handwriting, she had added de Lancer to her name. Turning a few pages she came to the family record and saw his own name inscribed there. He turned the Bible to his brother and pointed to where his mother had added Scott’s name as well.

Murdoch came and looked over Johnny’s shoulder. He put one big hand on each of his sons shoulders and squeezed. “Family is all that matters boys. If I’ve learned nothing else in my life, family always matters.”

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~end~
September 2023

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