A Country Cousin Christmas by SandySha

Word Count 2,146

Thank you, Terri Derr (Doc), for help with the beta
Inspired by Ray Steven’s song ‘A Redneck Christmas.’

Episode tag to Chad

Murdoch stepped outside, the cool night air wrapping around him as he paused beneath the arches of the front portico.  Looking up, he admired the wide night sky. Tonight, the stars seemed particularly bright and close. He felt like he could reach out and pluck them from the heavens.  

He closed his eyes and sighed, remembering last year’s Christmas.  It had been perfect—the first with Scott and Johnny home with him.  Christmas dinner had been roast beef and a wild turkey the boys had hunted.  Maria and Teresa outdid themselves with roasted potatoes and green vegetables; for dessert, there had been apple pie and fruit cake.

If only this year’s meal had been as satisfying.  Murdoch’s eyes widened.  He pressed his clenched fist against his chest as a wave of discomfort washed over him, and an eruption of pressure started to build.  A deep burp escaped his lips, and he grimaced as the familiar agony of heartburn began to creep its way up from his stomach.  A bitter, oily taste filled his mouth, an unwelcome reminder of the ‘feast’ he’d just indulged in.

The French doors opened with a soft creak.  Murdoch turned slightly to see Scott and Johnny walking out to join him.

“Boys.  Are you alright?”

Neither of them said anything.   

“Did you…” He burped again.  “Did you get enough to eat?”

“Yes, sir.”  Scott pounded his chest.  “More than enough.   It was an interesting meal.”

“Johnny?”

Johnny raised a hand, his face paling to a sickly shade of green.  Panic flickered in his eyes before he sprinted toward the side of the hacienda, words tumbling out in a hurried breath, “I’ll be right… back.”

Scott started to follow when Murdoch put a hand on his son’s arm.  “He’ll be alright.”

“He might… but I won’t.”   Scott hurried after his brother. 

Murdoch covered his mouth, hoping not to have to follow his sons.

Soon, Murdoch could hear both sons retching.  A few minutes later, the boys slowly walked back to the portico, holding each other up.  “Are you alright?”

Scott gave a slow, thoughtful nod as Johnny trudged over to the water trough.  Johnny pumped the handle, sending a steady stream of cool water over his head.  He took a moment to rinse the taste of greasy vomit from his mouth.  Finally, he slightly swayed as he made his way back, collapsing into one of the chairs near the French doors, the wood creaking under his weight as he leaned back.

Murdoch put a hand on Johnny’s shoulder.  “Feeling better?”

Johnny started to nod, but he quickly started shaking his head.  “What were Maria and Teresa thinking by turning Chad loose in the kitchen?”

“I know, but Chad was feeling homesick.  Yesterday, when he mentioned fixing the meal, I thought it might help if he had some of the foods he was used to at Christmas.”

Scott looked back through the glass of the French doors into the lighted Great Room, wondering what Teresa was doing. 

Murdoch said as if reading his oldest son’s mind, “Teresa wanted to help Maria clear the table and properly dispose of the leftovers.”

“Yes.  I’m sure she does.   It’s a shame…”

“Now, Scott, Chad was only trying to share his culture with us.”

 Scott tried to reply, but it came out as a belch.  “It was a bit…unusual.”

Johnny snorted.  “You can say that again.”  The memory of the evening’s meal flashed through his mind.

******

As the clock struck six, the Lancer family, along with Sam and Val, had gathered around the dining room table.

Remembering the year before, Johnny was excited about the long-awaited Christmas dinner.  There had been too many years when he celebrated the holiday with an empty stomach.    

He scanned the table, taking in his family’s cheerful faces.  Everyone was smiling except Teresa, who sat quietly.  Her usually vibrant complexion was tinged with a pale, unsettling green.

Just as he started to ask her what was wrong, an unfamiliar aroma wafted in from the kitchen.  Maria, her head turned to the side to avoid the rising steam from a large tureen she was carrying, stepped into the room.  She placed it in front of Murdoch and quickly backed away. 

Murdoch smiled up at her.  “Gracias, Maria.”

“De nada, Patron.”  She covered her nose and mouth with her apron and hurried back to the kitchen. 

Murdoch tapped his wine glass to get everyone’s attention.  “I want to thank Sam and Val for joining us again this year.   We also have a new member of the family.”  He looked at Chad.  “Chad, we’re delighted to have you with us this year.”

Chad was grinning.  “Thank you, Murdoch.”

“In fact, Chad asked if he could prepare tonight’s meal.” 

“It sure made me feel good to do something for everyone.  I hope you all like it.”

Johnny’s eyes went back to Teresa, whose shade of green had deepened.   “Teresa, you help Chad with the dinner?”

Teresa shook her head and swallowed hard.  “No…Chad insisted on doing it all himself.”  She glanced at the newest member of the family.  “Isn’t that right, Chad?”

“That’s right.  I wanted to do all the cookin’.”  

Murdoch took the lid off the tureen.  “Now, what have we got here?”

Chad beamed.  “I know you like to start your meals with soup, so I made you something special.”

Murdoch sniffed the dish.  “It has an unusual smell.  What is it?” 

Chad announced proudly, “It’s the best possum stew you’ll ever taste.”

Scott’s eyes widened.  “Possum stew?  I’ve never had possum before.”   

“Oh, you’re in for a treat then, Scott.  Possum tastes a lot like chicken.”

“Chicken?”  

Chad nodded.  “But, I added a few extra touches.”

“Well, I’m sure we’ll enjoy it.”  Murdoch began to ladle the stew into everyone’s bowls.

As soon as everyone was served, Murdoch looked around the table.  Every pair of eyes was fixed on him, waiting for him to make the first move.  Hesitantly, he lifted his spoon and dipped it into the steaming bowl. 

Chad waited until Murdoch took his first sip.  “Whatcha’ think?  Good, ain’t it?”

Murdoch covered his mouth with one of the hacienda’s best cloth napkins.  He reached for a water glass and took a long drink before answering, “I don’t think I’ve ever tasted anything like it.”

Sam took a spoonful of the stew and started chewing.  A moment later, he pulled something out of his mouth.  It looked like a rubbery string.  With a crooked smile, he put his spoon down and pushed the bowl away.  “That’s …good, but I think I’ll save myself for the main course.”

Val nodded.  “Yeah, it’s real good, but if I fill up on… that… uh, I won’t be able to eat another bite.”

“Well, then.” Murdoch looked over his shoulder.  “Maria!”

Maria carefully placed the final dish on the table, turned, and hurried back to the kitchen, but not before giving Murdoch a sympathetic look.

Murdoch was just starting to carve the turkey when Sam abruptly pushed his chair back and stood.  “You know, Murdoch, I just remembered…I need to …”  He ran his hand over his mouth.  “Yes, I need to deliver Mrs. Elson’s baby.  Yes, I’m sure it was Mrs. Elson.   Thank you for having me, but I really need to go.”

“Sam—,” Murdoch started as Sam hurried toward the front door. 

The next thing they knew, Val was on his feet.  “Yeah, I… well, I’d better go with the Doc.  Someone needs to make sure he gets there all alright.”

Johnny pushed back from the table.  “Maybe I should…”

“John…sit…stay.” Murdoch’s ‘you’ll do as you’re told, and the matter is closed’ tone settled over the rest of the family.  “Neither Sam nor Val needs your help.  You’ll stay right here with the rest of us and…” his eyes scanned the table, “enjoy the meal.”

As Val walked past Johnny, he patted his friend’s shoulder and caught the barely audible whisper of Johnny’s voice, “Coward.”

Val grinned, leaned down, and whispered in Johnny’s ear, “Damn right.”

******

Murdoch’s voice brought Johnny out of his unpleasant musings.  “I’m sure you wouldn’t have enjoyed some of the ‘delicacies’ that we had in Scotland.”

Johnny shook his head.  “Call it what you want, but I’ll tell you, old man, I’ve had better meals in a Mexican prison.”

Scott cleared his throat.  “I have to admit the possum stew was different.”

“Yeah, but what did he add to it?”

Scott shook his head.  “He didn’t say, but I believe it was hog jowls.”

“I thought it was rabbit,” Murdoch added.

Johnny snorted, “If it was, it was an old stringy rabbit.”

“Maybe we should ask him.”

Murdoch quickly said, “No, Scott, I believe some things are best left as a mystery.”

Johnny laughed.  “I would have thought letting him put a red bow around Jelly’s hog’s neck would have been enough to make him feel at home.”

“It’s only one time.  Next year…”

“Yeah, next year, I’m going to Mexico.”

“And I think I’ll visit Grandfather in Boston.”

Murdoch turned on them.  “Absolutely not.  No one is going anywhere.  I’ve waited 25 years to have Christmas with my family, and I’ll be damned­—”

“Everyone ready for an after-supper drink?”  Chad walked out with his usual lopsided grin.  “That was a real fine meal.  I appreciate Miss Maria and Miss Teresa letting me have my way around the kitchen.  Made me feel a little less homesick, like I was back home in Kentucky.

“Nothing like red cabbage with green turnip tops swimming in sorghum.   And it wouldn’t be Christmas without what Granny Moses called her Heavenly hash.” He licked his lips.

“Yeah, what exactly was in the Heavenly hash?” Johnny’s question made Murdoch cringe.

 “Well, she made it with a little of everything —grits and chitlins, possum belly, hog jowls, and cabbage, and then she simmered it in gopher gravy.  ‘Course, I couldn’t find a gopher to make the gravy.  Had to use the drippin’s from the bird.”

“Yeah, that was something.”  Johnny wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.  “Talking about the turkey, it was a little on the skinny side.”

Chad smiled widely.  “Why, that weren’t no turkey, Cousin.  I looked high and low and couldn’t find a turkey, so I went with the next best thing.”

Scott straightened his shoulders, afraid of what was coming.  “And that would be…?”

“Buzzard.   Fine eats there.  And did you like the stew?  I added my own special ingredient to it.”

Chad’s eyes darted from one face to another, expecting someone to ask what the ingredient was. 

 Finally, Scott gave in, knowing he’d be sorry.   “What did you add?”

Chad grinned, “Skunk, but I used only the best parts.” 

“I’ll be right back.” Johnny jumped to his feet and headed for the side of the house again.   A few minutes later, he wobbled back to his chair.

Murdoch placed a hand on Chad’s shoulder.  “You miss it, don’t you?  You miss the mountains?”

Chad nodded sadly.  “It’s a simple life, but we like it.  Right now, back in the Cumberland County, there would be snow on the ground, and we’d be sliding down the hills—”

“Using barrel bottoms,” Johnny exclaimed while rubbing his stomach. 

Chad grinned.  “Gosh, no, Cousin Johnny.  We’d be using the outhouse door.”

Scott tried to stifle a laugh.  “Wouldn’t that be a little inconvenient for whoever needed to occupy the facilities?”

Chad frowned and answered seriously, “We hung a blanket while we were using the door.”

“Good thinking.”

“Yeah,” Chad sighed.  “Them was fun times.  I sure do miss all the folks back home.”

Murdoch smiled.  “Now.  Now.  Cheer up.  Did you say something about drinks and dessert?”

“Sure did.  Come on back inside.”

One by one, they headed into the Great Room.

Chad was smiling when he said, “For dessert, I made a pie—a possum pie.  Saved some of the meat from the stew.  And it sure wouldn’t be Christmas without some of Grandpaw Bufford’s special moonshine eggnog.”

“Is that what this is?”  Murdoch’s eyes fell on a tray of drinks sitting on the coffee table.

“Sure is.”  Chad grinned and handed a glass to everyone.   “Here you go.”

Johnny lifted the crystal glass to get a better look at the drink. “Is this anything like that hell brew you gave me when we met?”

“Naw, this is smoother.   This is a real treat.”  As everyone took a little swig, he added, “I thought it needed a little more kick, so I added a little frog juice.”

It took almost an hour to clean up the spewed brew from the Great Room.

End
December 2024

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