Democracy Dies in Darkness

Carolyn Hax: Son’s secret child is revealed, and his wife blames all who knew

There’s backstory to family’s apparent silence and the son takes full responsibility, but daughter-in-law isn’t hearing it.

4 min
Make us preferred on Google
(Illustration by Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post)
Column by

Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: I need help with a really messy situation. My adult son has been contacted by a teenage child who we now know, via DNA testing, is his from a relationship that ended prior to his knowing about any pregnancy. But a couple of months after this past relationship ended, his then ex-girlfriend contacted him and told him she was pregnant. He was devastated because the relationship had been serious and long-term but become very toxic and he was just so relieved to be out of it. He was in the military (still is) and tried to convince her to terminate the pregnancy, but that was not what she wanted.

What readers are saying

The comments reflect a complex family situation involving a man who discovered he has a teenage child from a previous relationship. Many commenters criticize the man for not pursuing a paternity test earlier and for not informing his wife about the potential child, leading to... Show more
This summary is AI-generated. AI can make mistakes and this summary is not a replacement for reading the comments.
By
Carolyn Hax started her Washington Post advice column in 1997, after five years on the Style desk and none as a therapist. The column includes cartoons by "relationship cartoonist" Nick Galifianakis — Carolyn's ex-husband — and appears in dozens of newspapers.
NewsletterMondays for 10 weeks
Voraciously’s Essential Cookbooks
The virtual cookbook club you’ve been waiting for. Sample recipes from 10 cookbooks we consider essential for home cooks right now — and decide what to add to your shelf from there.