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I starting working on marriage-related advocacy when I was 19 years old. I am now 40 and wear reading glasses (a new development:) and I cannot believe we are still talking about gay marriage. I feel an inexplicable amount of rage witnessing the Senate likely overcome the filibuster to vote to codify marriage rights for same-sex couples. A significant part of my career has (begrudgingly) been devoted to marriage-related litigation. I find it disappointing how much time and resource went into fighting for inclusion in the deeply flawed and fundamentally violent institution of civil marriage. I believe in many ways, the mainstream LGBTQ legal movement caused significant harm in further entrenching the institution of marriage as an organizing structure of US civil society. That said, I also found moments of joy in witnessing the post-Obergefell celebrations, in watching people celebrate their queer love and recognize that for many people (myself included) marriage rights afforded needed material benefits.
But in emphasizing marriage for so long, we also left behind much of the community and trans people in particular to face an unrelenting backlash while under resourced and supported. Now, ahead of so much needed legislation Congress is taking up marriage while Obergefell is still intact. And not to suggest that all legal protections aren’t deeply precarious with this Court - they are. But seeing how readily marriage equality gains bipartisan support while the country escalates attacks on trans people, is disheartening.
If you are celebrating the likely passage of the Respect for Marriage Act, please don’t let lawmakers pinkwash all their continued failures and claim progressive victory. We need so much more than this. And the political capital that went into passing this means capital lost somewhere else - for voting, abortion, trans people, student loans.
So…I am going to hydrate and wear my reading glasses and keep fighting for the types of change our communities need. It is going to be a rough 2023. See you out there.
But in emphasizing marriage for so long, we also left behind much of the community and trans people in particular to face an unrelenting backlash while under resourced and supported. Now, ahead of so much needed legislation Congress is taking up marriage while Obergefell is still intact. And not to suggest that all legal protections aren’t deeply precarious with this Court - they are. But seeing how readily marriage equality gains bipartisan support while the country escalates attacks on trans people, is disheartening.
If you are celebrating the likely passage of the Respect for Marriage Act, please don’t let lawmakers pinkwash all their continued failures and claim progressive victory. We need so much more than this. And the political capital that went into passing this means capital lost somewhere else - for voting, abortion, trans people, student loans.
So…I am going to hydrate and wear my reading glasses and keep fighting for the types of change our communities need. It is going to be a rough 2023. See you out there.
Assimilation vs. liberation. Although I marched in NYC Pride parade for marriage equality before it was legal, I’m not a fan of marriage as an institution based on patriarchy. Most people want to assimilate, be accepted by and reap the rewards of this society. (Can we look at queer republicans as a case in point?) whereas there’s those of us that want to “burn it down” so that each of us is free. 💜💜💜
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So much this.
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❤️
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You need to calm down.
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How is marriage inherently violent?
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Thank you for articulating this 💙
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Tired of being run over by compromise buses . I appreciate all your work these many years and your saying plainly and in unvarnished terms that so many of us are left behind and under all these buses . When hrc calls they hear a piece of my mind
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❤️❤️❤️👏
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Oh you kids! 71, married 18 years, together 44 years
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The longer I spend on this planet, the less I understand the need for the government to be involved in marriage at all. I think people should make whatever commitments they like to each other, and bring in whatever ceremonies, celebrations, and combinations of friends/family and religious figures that they like. And the government should have nothing to do with it.
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❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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As usual, so well said! 👏❤️
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As an atheist, cis-woman married to a cis-man for 35 years, I have always resented that the legal path to couplehood/familyhood goes through the religious intuition of marriage. I would happily let religion keep marriage and define it how they want while the government defines a legal couplehood/familyhood for all citizens (aka civil unions at the state and federal levels) and remove all governmental aspects from marriage. Then have a path for citizens to be certified to perform civil unions (religious leaders and non religious people could equality get certified) so that the government recognized couplehood is civil union. Separation of church and state! That being said both my trans son and my cis daughter are getting married next year (both non religious) because the legal protections both state and federal are still in marriage, not civil unions.
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👏👏
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