This is a story I've had gestating for several years on-and-off. The basic ideas behind it date back all the way to 2017, while much of the plot was sketched out intermittently from late 2018 to mid-2020, with the most active periods of creative development being specifically from November 2019 to August 2020. To put it bluntly, I've sat on my ass since then and have written very little despite much of the story being plotted out. This first chapter has been ready for a long time, so I've decided to finally post it so I have some motivation to start plowing through it.

The setting is largely an 'altered' version of the game's continuity, as in the basic outline of things presented in the games is taken and made slightly more realistic. I'll explain further in the endnote.

Most of Mario's adventures had begun with Princess Peach mailing a letter to his house. Later, at the end of the whole affair, he would look back and consider it oddly fitting that the whole thing, much different than any of his previous adventures and most of the ones that would follow as well, began differently too.

It was not a letter but a telegram, not from Peach but from her Steward, Toadsworth, and he did not receive it at his house, but while he was vacationing at the resort town of Peach Beach. Toadsworth's telegram had been very short and said little.

Master Mario STOP I hope you are well STOP I am deeply sorry to disturb you while you are on vacation STOP However your presence is required in the capital STOP

It was fortunate that Mario knew where Toadsworth lived and worked (in Mushroom Castle), as "the capital" was very vague.

Mario checked out of his hotel early that morning, had his bags shipped home through the post office, and paid the fare to take a direct Warp Pipe back to Toad Town, capital of the Mushroom Kingdom. Being forced to cut one's vacation short would've bothered most people, but Mario did not mind-it was hard for him to relax, and he found it much easier to focus on work.

The Warp Pipes were a rapid transit system consisting of a network of pipes, which usually were green in colour, that used some magical technique to speedily move passengers from one location to the next. Many pipes were local 'hops' between two close-by areas, but some existed for long distance travel across the Kingdom.

When Mario exited the pipe at the other end, he was greeted by cheers. A crowd had gathered around the Warp Pipe Terminal in Toad Town-in the past, when he was on his way back to the capital, word of his return had sometimes leaked out. The crowd was only there to greet him and dispersed shortly after-Mario regularly walked around Toad Town and he guessed most of them knew they'd probably see him out and about in the streets in the days to come. The only people who actually came up to talk to Mario were close friends, zealous members of his fan club, and out-of-towners who didn't usually get the chance to talk to the Hero of the Kingdom. He did his best to make time to talk to all of them.

It had been eleven years since he and his brother Luigi had become heroes, since they had stepped into their roles as the twin protectors of the realm.

Less than twenty minutes later he had walked the distance from the pipe terminal to Mushroom Castle. The seat of royal power in Toad Town for generations, Princess Peach's grand estate stood on the north end of a large plaza in the center of the kingdom's capital. In the middle of the plaza was a fountain, about ten meters tall. At the base of the central pedestal were four Toads facing, each facing in one of the cardinal directions and spitting water out into the fountain, and all the way at the top was a statue Mario knew to be of Julius Toadstool, the Mushroom Kingdom's first King.

Behind the statue, on the other side of the square, was Mushroom Castle.

The Toad at the gate-an officer of the Royal Guard-waved him on in. Mario guessed that Toadsworth had informed them he was coming, as even he usually had to show an invitation to enter.

Mario shivered a little when he entered the spacious castle foyer-the temperature dropped what felt like a good fifteen degrees compared to outside. An attendant escorted him upstairs to Toadsworth's office, and left him outside the door. Mario knocked.

"Eh? Come in, come in." Toadsworth said from inside. "The door's unlocked." Mario entered.

The office was spacious, with a desk on the far end of the room. Two ordinary wooden chairs sat in front of Toadsworth's desk, while a larger, cushioned one sat behind it. On the other side of Toadsworth's chair was a window to the garden behind the castle. Along the left wall was a bookshelf, and the right was shared between a painting of Princess Peach and a map of the Mushroom Kingdom, as well as a door marked with a sign identifying it as Toadsworth's private toilet.

On the right side of the room was a coffee table with a pot of tea and two cups sitting on it, as well as a closed briefcase. There were two green couches, one on the near side of the table and one on the far side. Toadsworth occupied the latter couch.

"Ah, Master Mario!" The old Toad said warmly. "Come, come!" Mario shut the door behind him, and went to sit down on the unoccupied couch. "Tea?" Toadsworth asked, holding up the pot and a cup. Mario nodded graciously and accepted the cup once it was filled.

"How's the weather?" Toadsworth said distractedly as he poured his own cup.

"Nice enough." Mario replied.

"It's always like that this time of year. Mid-April is good, warm weather. Not too far in either direction, sunny most of the time but not too long without rain..." Toadsworth trailed off so Mario continued the conversation.

"I was on the coast when I got your telegram. Weather's nice there."

"Eh? I suppose it would be. Right now's a good time to be on holiday."

They sat in silence for half a minute before Mario addressed his reason for being there. "Your telegram. It didn't say why I was needed back here."

"Oh, yes." Toadsworth glanced at the briefcase. "Tell me, Master Mario...are you aware of what I mean when I talk about the cabinet and ministries? I am referring to the Kingdom's ministers and bureaucrats."

Toadsworth explained the general framework Mairo already knew-ministers were appointed to oversee the various government departments. Simple stuff, really. He wondered where this was going.

"So," Toadsworth continued. "We-that is the Princess, whom I represent in all things, and the Toadlands Minister, whom management of the ministerial appointments generally falls to-would, well, like to appoint you Minister of War."

Caught off guard, Mario spit out the tea he was drinking.

"Me." he said after wiping off the table with a napkin. "You must be joking."

Toadbert shook his head. "I never joke about matters of state, Master Mario."

"Me. Lead the war department."

"Yes."

"Me."

"Yes."

"Lead the war department."

Toadsworth just nodded this time.

"With the way things are now?"

"Precisely the reason we want someone of your reputation and expertise."

Mario thought about it for a few seconds. He was sure he could do whatever the position required. He had been a soldier long ago, and strategy was not unfamiliar to him; both he and Luigi had, at the Princess' urging, taken a six-month-long course at the Royal War College about two years ago, and a decade ago at the end of Bowser's last invasion he had taken command of a large force of Mushroom Kingdom soldiers in order to drive the Koopa Troop back across the eastern border.

"I'm not turning it down," he said at last. He felt that wouldn't have been an option anyway. "But why?"

Toadsworth glanced away for a moment, not meeting Mario's eyes.

"The current Minister, your would-be predecessor, is stepping down. The assembly is-ah, well the Princess should be the one to explain that to you. But putting it simply, someone of your fame will be acceptable to most."

Mario decided not to ask what that meant-he generally tried to avoid getting too involved in the kingdom's politics.

Of course, he imagined that would now have to change.

Wonky swallowed nervously.

"I have a job for you, Crump." he said. "But these people…they're shady."

Crump-formerly Lord Crump of the defeated and apparently obsolete X-Naut organization-had become a hired gun in Rogueport. The mere idea of conducting business in Rogueport, let alone business of a violent kind, suggested something nefarious and afoul of the law, but Crump merely worked as a bodyguard or sometimes guarded folks' valuables. Up north, in Mushroom City, this occupation was referred to as a 'rent-a-cop', while down south, in the Metro Kingdom, these were merely two of the many duties private detectives were hired for. The denizens of Rogueport had no use for such titles, and Crump didn't care what people called him so long as he got paid.

"What do you mean by that?" Crump asked. They were in the crumbling undercity in Rogueport's sewers, in the hole-in-the-wall Herb T.'s place. "They have ties to the Piantas or one of the other syndicates?"

"No, I'd know if they did." Wonky said. "I know everything that happens in this city. They're not from 'round these parts, I can tell."

"Foreigners?" Crump asked. "Or are they just from elsewhere in the M.K.?"

"No idea." Wonky said. "It was a Shy Guy who hired me to spread the word, but she could've been acting as an intermediary."

"So they approached you?" Crump set down his cola.

"She said her employer knew I could be trusted to find the best mercenaries in town." Wonky said. "That's...well..you."

"What's the job?"

"They said they'd tell when they hired you." Wonky said. "Said it was secret. But they'll half pay up front, and they'll pay nicely."

"How nice is nicely?" Crump asked.

"30,000."

"Thirty thousand coins?" Crump hissed, struggling to keep himself from shouting and drawing the other patrons' attention.

It was almost too good to be true. But Wonky never lied.

Three hours later, Crump was up on the surface, in Rogueport proper. It was a clear night, no clouds in the sky. Cold, too. Much colder than one would expect for April.

Two Shy Guys stood before Crump. One was tall and wearing a blue cloak, while the other was of average height and wore the standard red cloak most Shy Guys wore.

"Wonky said you're the best in Rogueport." the taller Shy Guy said.

Crump snorted. "That's one way to put it. I went up against Super Mario himself and came out alive. Three times."

"Quite a boast." said the shorter Shy Guy.

"But Wonky said the same," said the taller Shy Guy. "And Wonky don't never lie."

"So where's the fifteen grand up front?" Crump demanded. The shorter of the pair produced a small question block.

"Right here." the Shy Guy said. "You have half an hour to go drop it off at your place."

"Meet us at the docks." the taller Shy Guy said.

Crump dashed back to his apartment. After confirming that the question block did indeed contain the agreed-upon amount of coins-magical items existed for this very task-he secured it in a chest.

Crump made it to the docks with just a minute to spare.

There were three Shy Guys now, another red-cloaked one having joined the two from earlier.

"This him?" one of the red Shy Guys asked. Her unfamiliarity with him and female voice signaled to Crump that she was both the new member of the group and the person who had reached out to Wonky.

"Yeah," said the tall Shy Guy. "It's him."

"Him," the shorter one echoed.

"Me!" Crump said.

"Right, so you've accepted the payment?" the new Shy Guy said.

"Yes."

"Right," she said. "Hold on, sorry about this."

Before Crump could say anything, she removed a small white fluffball from the folds of her cloak. Horrified, Crump realised what it was-a Sleepy Sheep.

Sleepy Sheep were devices extremely useful in close quarters combat. Using a magic principle that was beyond Crump's understanding, they knocked targets unconscious.

The last thing Crump felt before he blacked out was mortified embarrassment at being caught off guard so easily.

General Guy was in disgrace.

He had been in disgrace for nearly a decade now. It was under his leadership that the Koopa Troop had launched its great assault on the Mushroom Kingdom's capital of Toad Town during the War of the Star Rod. And it was under his leadership that the feared Mario, the superman employed by the Mushroom Kingdom, had beaten the Koopa Troop back. General Guy's battalions had dug in miles away from Toad Town, with the Dimble Woods at their backs, and held off against the Mushroom Kingdom soldiers pursuing them.

When word came that the Star Spirits had all been freed and Mario had stormed King Bowser's aerial fortress, rescued Princess Peach, and defeated the Koopa King, the Koopa Kingdom's armies had begun a disorganised mass retreat from the Mushroom Kingdom. General Guy had managed to take command of the Koopa Troop and organised a rear guard under his command, staving off complete disaster.

General Guy hadn't feared an early retirement for his failure at Toad Town-he had done the best he could against the infamous 'Super' Mario-but he had expected severe punishment. A formal censure was standard procedure, and probably a court-martial and a reassignment to some backwater colonial garrison.

He had been ready to face his punishment with dignity. That was the honourable thing to do, and as he was a soldier first and foremost, he placed a high value on his honour.

So, he was absolutely blindsided when he was let off with nothing more than an official reprimand and a demotion from General of the Branch to Major General.

He had been on the edge of conquering the enemy capital and lost, and only received a slap on the wrist. That could only partly be attributed to him successfully organising the Koopa Troop's retreat.

"I don't understand!" he had incredulously shouted at his father in private, after the hearing was over. "I failed the Kingdom! Under my command, we lost the initiative and were pushed back from the Shroomish capital!"

Lord Guy had chuckled. "Boy, do you really think I would allow them to go after you like that?"

"Eh?" General Guy was confused.

"It would be...damaging, to say the least, to our family's prestige if my youngest child was publicly reprimanded. I intervened behind the scenes, and Field Marshal Koopa saw fit to let you off. Still, though! A demotion? How embarrassing for us!"

"You…you intervened?" General Guy couldn't contain his shock. "You intervened in my hearing!"

"His Lordship felt it prudent to prevent any harm from falling upon your career, and by extension, the family name." Charles, Lord Guy's butler and the only other person in the room, had said. Charles was an aging human man with light skin and a full head of graying hair.

And that had been that.

General Guy was still a ranking officer and member of the Troop Command Staff. Even as King Bowser and the Mushroom Kingdom Princess signed a treaty ending years of hostilities, the Command Staff kept on making plans for when war would break out again, and General Guy was still consulted and trusted.

General Guy was not in disgrace in the eyes of his peers and his kingdom, but in his own eyes. His father had sought to spare their family's honour the shame of having one of its scions be a publicly disgraced military officer.

But Lord Guy did not truly understand the concept of honour. All he was saving was the family's pride. And in the process, the family had been dishonoured by his underhanded behaviour.

What truly stung General Guy was his own dishonour. Like any man, he found being shielded from punishment by his father at his age humiliating. But even worse was not receiving the punishment he deserved. He had failed his country, and justice must be delivered. To avoid punishment was dishonourable in its own right, but to have done so because of family connections and corruption…

It disgusted him.

After that, General Guy began noticing things that had escaped his attention before. A bribe here, little nepotism there. Corruption at the heart of the Koopa Troop and the proud kingdom it served.

That was his country. That was the motherland he had dedicated his life to serving.

"Tell me, General." Prince Ludwig said. "How go the mobilisation drills?"

Prince Ludwig Koopa was visiting the family home, Shy Manor. Ostensibly he was there as a purely ceremonial visit. Ludwig's true reasons for paying them a visit were that Lord Guy was a close political ally of his in the cutthroat world of King Bowser's court and that General Guy's oldest sister had recently become Ludwig's mistress. They were having dinner in the main dining room. Lord Guy sat at one end of the table, and Ludwig sat at the other. General Guy was seated at his father's left hand with Cecilia, Lord Guy's middle child, at his right. At Ludwig's right was Ophelia, the eldest daughter and his new girlfriend. Charles was standing silently behind Lord Guy's chair.

"Army Group Delta still lags behind in readiness," General Guy said. "I've talked with Colonel Goomba about it, but so far nothing is changing. We might have to talk to Prince Roy about moving them back to the reserves, and have Army Group Kappa take their spot in the western line's front echelon."

There hadn't been fighting between the Mushroom and Koopa Kingdoms in a decade, but officials on both sides of the border found it prudent to maintain constant readiness. Ever since the Mushroom Kingdom had signed a defense pact with Sarasaland, this had become doubly important for the Koopa Kingdom. War with the Mushroom Kingdom was one thing. War with both the Mushroom Kingdom and the Sarasans was quite another. A war on two fronts-in the west and in the north-could see the Koopa Kingdom defeated if they played their cards wrong.

"I hope you figure it out before war breaks out again." Lord Guy said.

"We will." General Guy said. "Though it doesn't matter how ready our soldiers are if the Logistical Corps doesn't get its act together."

"What good are soldiers against Princess Toadstool's dogs?" Prince Ludwig growled suddenly, his nostrils flaring. Cecilia jumped in surprise. "Those damn plumbers!"

Ludwig had personally fought Mario and Luigi several times in the old wars, and been soundly beaten in each battle. His body's wounds had long since healed, but the damage to his pride remained.

"These aren't like those quick kidnapping missions." General Guy said. "Even the Mario Brothers won't do much against the might of the Koopa Kingdom war machine."

"We need an edge though." Ophelia said.

Lord Guy cleared his throat. "Cecilia, Charles, would you leave us please?"

"Yes, milord." Charles said, bowing his head in respect before disappearing into the servants' door out of the dining room.

"But daddy-"

"Now, Cecilia." Lord Guy said firmly.

Cecilia scowled, but hopped off her chair and stomped out of the room instead of protesting further.

"Should I leave also?" Ophelia asked.

"If you wouldn't mind," said Lord Guy.

She got up and left the room without complaining.

"What...is going on?" General Guy asked.

"What I'm about to tell you is top secret." Prince Ludwig said quietly. "It does not leave this room."

"Yes, Your Highness."

"In two days' time, a train will leave from one of my mountain research bases carrying secret weapons technology." Prince Ludwig said. "I need someone I can trust to oversee it."

"This is very sudden, Prince Ludwig." General Guy said evenly. This was out of nowhere, and frankly, it was unreasonable for the Prince to expect him to just drop everything and rush to oversee security for a supply train, no matter how important its cargo. But dealing with a key member of the royal family required deference, so he had to be cautious about voicing his objections. "I'm very busy with my duties."

"I'm aware." Prince Ludwig replied. "But this has to be sudden. If it were planned out in advance, there is the possibility that it could leak to spies of the Mushroom Kingdom or another hostile foreign power."

"This is top secret." Lord Guy said, apparently trying to impress the need to be discreet even further upon his son.

"Wouldn't my sudden and unexpected absence be noticed by these hypothetical spies though?" General Guy asked.

"Yes, but they'd hopefully have no way of knowing what's going on." Lord Guy said.

"Whereas if this was planned, it might leak and they'd trail you somehow." Prince Ludwig explained. "You leave in two days, Major General. I'll send a Koopa Cruiser to pick you up."

And that was that.

Toadsworth had instructed Mario to go to meet with the Princess herself.

She was sitting on a small balcony overlooking the gardens behind Mushroom Castle. The table she was sitting at had a second chair at it. Toad was standing there and he pulled out the chair, motioning for Mario to sit. After bowing to Princess Peach, he did.

"How was your vacation?" Peach asked.

"Fine."

"Toadsworth explained things to you?" she asked

"I'm supposed to run the War Department."

Mario said it so casually, as if he had only been asked to keep her garden free of pests.

"That's what I would like you to do." Princess Peach replied.

"Why?" Mario asked. "Why are you appointing me?"

"It's the right of the monarch to appoint ministers to his or her government as he or she sees fit." the Princess replied.

Technically, Peach was only acting as the monarch. The official ruler was King Toadstool, but of course he was not ruling any longer.

"But why me?"

"You have the necessary experience."

"I'm just a soldier and a plumber."

"You've led legions of our soldiers against the Koopa Troop," the Princess replied, frowning. "You're a natural leader and you have experience."

"Princess, I've no experience as an administrator nor have I ever held political office." Mario retorted. "I'm not even a professional military officer; my Colonel's commission is mostly honorary."

Mario was being more than humble there. When living in the Metro Kingdom, he had served as a sergeant in their military during a war against the Kingdom of Subcon. At the end of the War of the Star Rod it had been him who had taken command of the hastily reconstituted Mushroom Kingdom army and routed the Koopa Troop's invasion force. Not to mention, he was a natural leader and well regarded by the majority of the Kingdom.

"I've recommended Toadette be your Deputy Minister." Princess Peach replied. "She is a staff officer in the reserves, and has plenty of experience in that regard. She'll be able to help you."

Peach brought her tea cup up to her lips and sipped slowly.

"Princess I'm-" Mario began.

"My decision has been made, Mario." she said coolly. There was an edge to her voice that was not usually there.

"Yes, Princess." Mario said.

It was clear there would be no convincing the Princess of House Toadstool. Mario understood. She-and by extent, the Mushroom Kingdom itself-had called upon him for leadership and it was his duty to provide.

So! As I said, this setting is more "realistic", for lack of a better term-it uses the world of the games as a foundation. For example, the "War of the Star Rod" mentioned a couple times is a version of the events of the original Paper Mario. The Toad Town battle is a revised version of the fourth chapter of the game, where the Shy Guys harass the residents of Toad Town. There's a ton of lore I've written for this little AU that I've prepared and will be revealed when relevant to the story (this is also set in the same "continuity" as "The Foreigners", a shorter spinoff work for this I've written, focusing on Toadbert as its primary character)

I hope you all enjoy the story. I've put a lot of work into planning it out.