When was the last time you updated your dating app profile? Maybe it was adding that cute photo you took at the beach last summer. Maybe it was removing a prompt that now feels a little cringe.
For straight men, though, the answer is probably “a long time ago.”
According to Feeld, nearly seven in 10 straight millennial men have never updated, or rarely update, their dating app profiles since first filling them out.
This raises a question: Is this lack of care an early warning of the future burden women might have to shoulder in relationships? As women become pickier — as they absolutely should — even something seemingly minor, like refreshing a dating app profile, could make or break a potential match.
The data also reveals a clear gender divide in approach. Women and gender-expansive members tend to refine their profiles for self-expression, while men are more likely to tweak search parameters simply to expand their reach. Yet Feeld suggests that these differences are more nuanced than cultural scripts about lazy men versus discerning women might imply, pointing to deeper patterns in how people present themselves — and how seriously they take the art of digital dating.
Why are men not updating their dating profiles?
We’re putting our faith in dating apps to find us love, and yet we’re not updating them to reflect who we really are. Think about yourself now versus this time last year; I guarantee it’s a very different person. I mean, the Year of the Snake changed us all. So why are we neglecting this small but important task? Why do we complain about our matches, but never fix the product we’re putting out there?
“Men get less feedback from the apps, so they don’t always realize their profile isn’t working. They’re not receiving the same volume of matches and messages that women do, which means they’re not collecting data on what’s landing and what’s not,” Sabrina Zohar, dating coach and host of “The Sabrina Zohar Show” podcast, explained.
“A woman figures out quickly which photos get attention and which prompts start conversations because she’s getting constant input,” Zohar continued. “A man with a weak profile often just doesn’t hear anything, and it’s easy to blame the app or ‘women’s standards’ instead of examining what he’s actually putting out there.”
Amber Cooper, head of brand at BLK Dating App, told HuffPost: “It usually comes down to how we see the profile itself. For a lot of men, making a profile is a ‘one-and-done’ thing. They upload the basics, hit save, and don’t think about it again unless it stops working. They treat it like a license or ID card: once you have it, you just carry it around.”
Cooper continued, “Women generally move differently. We’re used to documenting our lives in real time. If we’re in a new chapter, we want our profile to reflect that energy immediately. The disconnect isn’t that men don’t care; it’s that they think the work is already done. They don’t realize that ‘set it and forget it’ actually sends the wrong message.”
What’s wrong with not updating your dating profile?
Some people won’t see this as a problem: They treat their dating profile as just a foot in the door, thinking matches will get to know them in the messaging that follows. But you need that initial swipe to get there, and an outdated or minimal profile simply won’t cut it.
“It definitely hurts them, because right now, singles — especially Gen Z singles — are looking for effort,” Cooper said. “When a profile has been sitting untouched for six months, it looks like you’ve checked out. In a dating world where everyone is scanning for green flags, a stale profile signals low energy. It says, ‘I’m just keeping this app on my phone to see what happens,’ instead of, ‘I’m actually here, ready to connect.’ Updating your profile is the easiest way to signal that you’re present, intentional, and taking this seriously.”
““When a profile has been sitting untouched for six months, it looks like you’ve checked out. In a dating world where everyone is scanning for green flags, a stale profile signals low energy.”
- Amber Cooper, head of brand at BLK Dating App
Zohar agreed, “The real issue is that a lazy profile signals lazy effort everywhere else, and if you can’t be bothered to put together a profile that shows who you actually are, women are going to assume you can’t be bothered to show up in a relationship either.”
As a woman who has used and reviewed a variety of dating apps, I can confirm it: a half-fleshed-out profile rarely excites me. When someone takes the time to create a detailed, thoughtful profile, it makes me hesitate before swiping left. (That effort alone can be enough to sway a decision or convince me to do some “shrekking.”)
What should your dating profile include?
Zohar has covered this topic in depth on her podcast and can easily pull together actionable examples.
“Clear photos of your face where you look approachable and like someone a woman would feel safe meeting in person,” she said. “Women are assessing risk every time they swipe. If your profile is all sunglasses, group shots where no one can tell who you are, gym selfies, or that one photo with the dead fish, you’re making her work too hard to figure out if you’re a real person she’d actually want to sit across from.”
Zohar continued, “Perception studies show that people are rated as most trustworthy when photographed at eye level. Higher or lower angles reduce perceived trustworthiness. Even small deviations from eye level can subtly shift how people perceive your confidence and approachability, so skip the weird angles and just shoot straight on.”
Zohar also emphasizes showing personality through specificity. “‘I love to travel and try new restaurants’ is meaningless because everyone says that. Tell me the best meal you’ve ever had and where, a trip that changed how you see things, or something you’re weirdly passionate about. Give her something to respond to that isn’t just ‘hey,’” she added.
Her final piece of advice?
“And be clear about what you’re looking for,” she said. “Vagueness doesn’t protect you; it just attracts people who aren’t aligned with what you actually want and wastes everyone’s time.”
Personally, I’m so over the classics: “I hate messaging, let’s take this off the app ASAP,” jokes about how they hate sparkling water, and “I want someone to go to the gym with.” Cool story, I still don’t know a single thing about you.
Fix your dating profile today.
Before you click off this article and relegate updating your dating profile to a one-day task, just do it. Get it done so it’s off your to-do list. Cooper recommends three quick actions that can instantly give your profile a glow-up:
Step 1: The Camera Roll Check. Stop stressing about taking the perfect selfie. Instead, scroll through the last month of your camera roll. Did you go to a game? Attend a cookout? Get a fresh haircut? Pick a photo from something you actually did, as it shows you have a life outside the app. Don’t highlight a “performative hobby.” (If you really, genuinely love fishing, the fish is totally better than nothing.)
Step 2: The Friend Audit. Men often choose photos they think look “cool,” like gym selfies or car pics, but those aren’t always what women respond to. Hand your phone to a female friend for thirty seconds and let her choose. She knows the vibe your profile should give off.
Step 3: Keep It Current. If you look different from how you did in 2024, your profile should reflect that. Transparency is the fastest shortcut to genuine connections. When you show up as you actually are right now, you attract matches who are interested in you, not an outdated version of yourself.
Updating your profile isn’t just busywork; it’s your first impression in a world of endless swipes. Show up as your current self, and you’ll start attracting matches who are genuinely into you, not a past version of yourself.
