BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE, it's important to say: Neither Tohru nor I, nor anybody we've been associated with, has accused Jon of grooming minors. I've seen this rumour passed around as an interpretation of my words and I want to make it very clear that this is a misunderstanding so severe I was surprised when I saw it. I don't have any evidence of Jon intentionally grooming minors and that's too serious of a claim to make with no evidence. If anybody's repeating that based on what I've said, please stop. Thank you.
Hi. Everybody involved can guess who I am. There's no need to introduce myself.
(I don't know how to format on forums so won't bother trying.)
It may be hard to believe, but everything I've done has been for the betterment of Redsun. I'll try my best to explain.
A little while after Jon and Tohru had their fallout, Tohru and I talked about what happened. He was overwhelmed and confused about what was happening within Redsun as a result of him wanting to cut contact with Jon. I joined the Redsun discord to see what was going on and get a better feel for what was happening socially.
I immediately detected a group of problem members: they treated the chat like their personal group chat, posted softcore furry porn all the time, completely ignored and talked over any unconnected users (new or established), regularly brought up extreme politics almost out of nowhere, and generally made parts of the chat non-functional for anybody they weren't friends with. Staff favoured them, and would ignore when they broke rules. They also didn't play on the servers. I've seen this kind of thing before, where a small social group becomes the "regulars" that get away with anything they want, while the needs and preferences of the less networked majority get overlooked. This kind of dynamic repels newcomers who feel unwelcome which makes it difficult for communities to grow. For the health of the whole this kind of behavior must be hindered before it can start, or disbanded once it's established.
Out of curiosity, I asked around to other users and got the same story every time. It seemed like everybody who talked to me was fine with trans people, but because this group was so prominently trans, they felt complaining about the group would be interpreted as transphobia. Nobody disliked them for being trans (and the group was not exclusively trans), they disliked them for being obnoxious, self-centred, and hypersexual. Tohru and I discussed this and realized any rule made that would get their behavior in line would be interpreted as an anti-trans attack anyway because it would transparently be aimed at this group, and that the concurrent staff liked them too much to take action, so I suggested trying to "bully" them into behaving like civilized users. ("Bully" in this case meant "remind them that they are not the center of the universe and their behavior is inappropriate for mixed company using somewhat pointed means".) He told me Quag and I could do whatever I thought would work. To be explicit, I never asked if we could be discriminatory and he never granted us permission to be.
To give some context to onlookers, one of these problem users who seemed well-liked would regularly show up to the chat to tell everybody how horny she was, post audio files of moans, interrupt conversations by talking about herself, and generally just focus on nothing but sex and being trans. That last part was not a big deal to me, until she found out I was a cis woman; within minutes she'd messaged me to tell me men were too hypersexual, and then go on to explain to me, unprompted, about how her hormone regimen made her horny all the time and was giving her frequent morning wood. I was extremely uncomfortable and wasn't too nice to her after that point, but as it didn't happen within Redsun itself I didn't bother reporting it to the moderation team. I'm sure this was seen as me being mean for no reason, or even anti-queer, to people who had no idea why I didn't like her.
In Serrt's screenshot, it looks like Tohru commanded Quag and I to specifically target Macie with transphobia; this was him poorly typing a reply to a long voice message from someone he considered a friend, not anticipating it could be passed around for a hostile crowd to interpret it as maliciously as possible. That screenshot leaves out that the conversation preceding was about how this group had been a problem, and how Macie specifically was taking glee in Tohru being upset about what was going on. Macie is an extremely bloodthirsty individual that has been directly named as someone who made people unwilling to participate in the chat, even on everyday topics. Tohru would have every right to not want such a psychopath in his community, especially one who took satisfaction in his pain; but still, Macie was not specially targeted within that group, especially not with "weaponized transphobia". Macie had such a reputation for claiming people were transphobic to her over small slights that the staff had discussed what to do about her before, months before either Quag or I even knew Macie existed.
One of the thread posters said they used to turn to Redsun as their escape from the problems of the real world. That's what the discord is now. Trump hasn't been mentioned (outside of a silly joke or two) in over two weeks. The chat is more occupied with posting ducks and pigeons than anything political. New users are welcomed in just fine and have started posting without issue. People who left fearmongered that the chat would become an alt-right haven but that just hasn't happened. The tone is passive trans acceptance, not a fencesitting position between trans rights and trans genocide. Tohru has said that the only informal policy about this kind of thing is you have to be willing to get back what you give, so if you call for the death of demographics you don't like, people are allowed to aim back with sarcastic comments about death to your favoured demographic. It sounds like a really easy rule to follow: just stop wishing death on people.
As for certain touchy subjects, Tohru has to follow the law. He's rather cautious as his name and finances are attached to the servers; if somebody gets hit legally for what happens here, it would be him. It's very easy to get angry about him making certain decisions, like the UK forum ban, but he needs to protect himself as this could follow him for the rest of his life. His personal moral code doesn't get to count. There should be some empathy for the position he's in in trying to balance the ability to speak freely with user comfort and international legal codes.
You don't have to like my methods. I'm sure sometimes I crossed what some people would consider a line. But I did it for the health of Redsun. And despite what some people are saying, the servers are fine. Player counts and donations remain stable. Numbers don't lie. People boycotting a server they didn't use is never going to have much impact. That was part of why this clique was a problem in the first place.
From what I've managed to gather, the narrative surrounding my presence goes like so: About a decade ago, I became obsessed with Tohru at random, and started to hate Jon for no reason. I blew my connection with Tohru and have waited for my opportunity since to get control over him again. A few years ago I tried to use Jon to get back with Tohru, and he was a sucker and fell for it. I was such a stalker that when I somehow found out he had a falling out with Jon, I snuck into his life, convinced him Jon was a monster, tore him down psychologically, isolated him from everybody moral in his life, and am attempting to rebuild him back up as a "tradcath husbando". Also I want influence over Redsun for some nefarious reason and am instituting my own friends in place of Tohru's decent good people.
It would be really difficult to explain how each part of this is laughably crazy, but I can at least add some perspective to show it's wildly inaccurate and fueled by dishonesty, instead of just baseline idiocy and conspiracy theories.
Jon has been telling people that I "fucked up with [Tohru]" all those years ago. What he leaves out was that Tohru, while drunk out of his mind, threatened to kill himself and went offline. After trying every other approach to contact him to make sure he was alright (including calling his personal phone) and asking other people who knew him what I should do, I phoned his local police for a wellness check. I'd assumed I'd be able to apologize if he hadn't harmed himself, but that it would be unforgivable to do nothing if he had. I long suspected, and Tohru recently confirmed, that Jon was whispering to him that what I had done was controlling, invasive, dangerous, and obsessive, and I needed to be cut off for his own safety. Nobody else took any action to make sure he was safe despite knowing he'd tried suicide before. He'd been my best friend and the termination of that friendship was confusing and blunted.
But why would Jon tell him such things? Boston, his ex-girlfriend. Jon's entire friend group thinks she's nuts (because she is). She's the source of the narrative I was obsessed with Tohru; what Jon told me at the time was she was jealous I liked Tohru more. I only have speculation on why she went nuts on me, but by the time I found out she had a problem with me she'd already blamed me for everything wrong in her life and wanted me dead. She accused my friends and I of stalking (I still don't know all of what else she accused me of) and went so far as to make alts to monitor me, yet Jon and his friends all simped for her for some reason I'll never understand. She was transparently malicious and petty but was allowed to exist in Redsun as a (non-contributing) dev before she was finally removed, only after she and Jon had their falling out and she accused him of some very nasty things. Going into detail about what she did isn't really necessary, but it's very weird to me that the source of this narrative about me goes back to a girl who absolutely must be disbelieved about everything else she claimed.
When I needed help dealing with Boston's malicious behavior, Jon was right there to tell Tohru to not even give me a chance to explain. I had no idea at the time Jon was having sex with her. Tohru would refuse to talk to me to hear my side, even when this girl went so far as to use my real name to insult someone in Redsun when I wasn't there to complain about it; reports about what she did were ignored until later, when I had to yell at Jon personally to get him to act as the admin he was at the time. I have proof he told the staff she should've been punished earlier. I also have proof he told her she did nothing wrong and felt forced to punish her for appearances. Jon repeatedly fueled this conflict by telling all sides what he thought they wanted to hear, presenting me as crazy to her and her as crazy to me, and probably us both as crazy to his friends.
Jon's problem with me is that he doesn't understand me, at all. Everything I do is distilled into "she's just crazy and evil", and as far as I can tell part of that is fueled by how he doesn't understand women. He also doesn't understand Tohru, despite being confident enough to inaccurately translate his behavior, likely for years. He was going so far as to try to convince Tohru he had bipolar disorder and has likely tried to armchair diagnose me with something too.
Most of the rest of this narrative of us relies on these people having no insight at all into Tohru and I's friendship. I could explain, but quite frankly it isn't any of the public's business, and the people who think I'm a demon wouldn't believe any of it anyway. The one recent piece Jon lies about that infuriates me is about what happened in that three-way reconciliation call a few years ago. He tells people Tohru was "uncomfortable the whole time" and lied to get out of it as fast as possible. What Tohru told me is that he was uncomfortable because he knew he fucked up with me and trying to make amends carried the risk of me discarding him forever. It disturbs me that nobody bothered to message Tohru to even ask about what his feelings were, instead choosing to believe Jon's statement about Tohru's feelings above what Tohru knows his own feelings were. (As an aside, I got back in contact with Jon to tell him "I told you so" about Boston being crazy and dangerous, not to get access to Tohru, which is what he's been going with.) My opinion of him has changed over time, but until this recent conflict I'd forgotten about him again, because he really isn't anything special enough to remember unless he's causing a problem. It was shocking to realize he hadn't changed at all and was still willing to lie to get out of trouble.
One thing I really want to clear up is that Tohru and I are not a couple. People seem to just take that for granted and it's very weird they do. Can a man and a woman not just be friends? Why is it so hard for these people to believe a woman could like him for him and not for some secret agenda?
Now, I would like to defend two of my friends that Jon has slandered:
Bloodcam has gotten over all this a long time ago. The guy doesn't have the attention span to remember grudges. He came back to Redsun briefly to work as a deputy because Tohru needed help on very short notice and he thought he could do it. Turns out he couldn't for a few reasons. Him feeling bullied and stalked back in the day was primarily fueled by Boston showing up everywhere he went for TF2, with Jon's friend group always showing up soon after, to the point he ended up having to stop playing. She was obsessed with him and claimed he was stalking her, just like she did me. He was also accused of "being a snake" and leaking chatlogs, when all he did was pass along rumours Jon started about people he had beef with; it isn't Bloodcam's fault that the people who found out about those rumours were mad at Jon for telling them in the first place. It's easy to condemn him as having "main character syndrome", but it's a lot harder to empathize with that so many coincidences can feel like conspiracy and he was right to feel paranoid, even if he was wrong about being followed (though I don't think he was wrong).
Pesto was called a bigot for deleting one of Jon's selfies from the Redsun discord. He deleted it without knowing about the skirt, but did know it came from Jon's porn blog where he had pics of his erection in panties and with dildos up his butthole. In the picture itself it just looks like boxers. Quite frankly, Jon presenting it as a SFW image is very generous as I doubt he'd show it in a work environment (SFW means "safe for work", and I'm not even comfortable posting it here, let alone a workplace). Pesto specifically said Redsun was not craigslist as he deleted it, because it was a selfie centered on Jon's crotch. Given I've heard that Jon had a recent habit of posting diaper porn selfies in the discord, I don't think he learned his lesson about not posting lewds in mixed company. Him trying to use allegations of transphobia/homophobia to sidestep his very weird sexual behavior is quite frankly pretty offensive to trans/gay people. As for Pesto being made a community manager "despite not playing", he was one of the originals who had the idea of Redsun in the first place, was popular enough to run a successful personal server uniting several communities (that at least one of the admins asked to fuse with), had been both a mod and a dev for the life of the servers and in its predecessor, and had been inactive due to serious internet problems that had just been fixed; while his appointment might've been a surprise there was nothing particularly unreasonable about it, and the only person raising specific complaints was Boston (who again lied).
To Swing:
According to your side of the story, you weren't date-raped. Jon described you as being way too intoxicated to consent ("greened out", needing to be watched). Saying you understand how edibles affect you, but also saying you were more affected than expected, means you don't understand how edibles affect you well enough to reliably predict how you'll react to them; beyond that, you can't pre-consent to sexual activity before you take intoxicants as the intoxicants categorically invalidate consent. I know you're young and damaged and think you understand consent, but you don't have the wisdom that comes with age to understand that someone willing to have sex with you while you're high doesn't care about your wellbeing. If you don't feel bothered by what happened that doesn't change what the law thinks about it or what it says about the people who participated and/or let it happen.
If you still want to insist that what Jon wrote mischaracterizes what happened in that room, that raises the spectre of doubt over the whole document. When people exaggerate the truth they generally do it in a way that makes them look good. If Jon's writing made him look horrible, then there's no telling what he massaged to make himself look better. The document must be discarded as an accurate account of Tohru's behavior. At that point, all that's left is a he-said-he(?)-said-she-said, and the people who heard about it in the hotel from you and Jon are not actually witnesses.
If one reads Jon's account of the first night, where he and you had sex, he describes it as "cuddling". Tohru says he heard kissing, giggling, and blankets rustling, which matches both narratives. If you and Jon insist he knew you were friends-with-benefits it makes every bit of sense for him to assume you were participating in foreplay and to then flee, and it would be fair to deduce he was right when the two of you immediately started having sex on noticing he wasn't in the room. This means you and Jon subjected Tohru to a sex act he didn't consent to, as foreplay is a sex act and seeing it is participation. If an apology was given to him and he was given time to decompress he likely would've been able to cope, but coming back to the room the next day to find you, Jon, Count, and Avery had coopted the hotel room he paid for to have a foursome likely triggered an episode due to the violation he experienced the night before. He had every right to yell at you for taking his personal safe space he paid for and locking him out to turn it into a sexnest without any warning.
Jon writes as if Tohru feeling violated by what you two exposed him to was him being oversensitive, jealous, clingy, irrational, or even predatory. The core complaint Tohru has is he did not consent and you two didn't care enough to say "my bad, we didn't know you were still there". The follow-up complaint he has is that his sharp decline in function from the stress of that was ignored, he was treated as dangerous and violent for being upset, and he was left to fend for himself during a mental health crisis. If anybody there had cared they would've offered him a quiet place to calm down and talk his feelings out without Jon present, and maybe helped mediate between he and Jon, but the entire group's indifference to his wellbeing was more traumatic than being forced to listen to you two discuss the taste of cock and getting cum on the pillows. Both of you did not treat sex with the respect it deserves and he paid for that.
You say Tohru is an "evil fucking prick" but say the person who groomed you isn't a bad guy. Your moral compass and sexual boundaries are so destroyed by being groomed and the lingering hypersexual trauma that you don't understand you did something wrong preceding his outburst. You are a creep. You aren't a cute enough girl to cry and say you were scared to make all responsibility for your part in this go away.
You tell him to stay away from you and your friends. He has. He removed Jon from his community, you left on your own, and all your friends have seemingly gone too. He has not followed you. He has not tried to message you. He read Jon's writings and came up with an understanding of it you don't like. He's shown other people what Jon wrote and, without prompt, they all somehow come back with a similar interpretation; I have too, and it's always the same disturbed reaction. He's allowed to talk about you and your friends just as you're all allowed to talk about him. You chose to come back and write here. If you want to be left alone then stay away, because nobody is chasing you.
To Serrt:
You have made many assumptions about Tohru, me, our friendship, and the entire situation surrounding this. You've conflated good mental health with having progressive values. You've mixed up listening to other people's perspectives with listening exclusively to your preferred people and obeying them (remember, someone can listen to a point of view and then still disagree with it). You spent hours trying to convince Tohru I was trying to isolate and control him because he wasn't friendly with your friend group anymore. You were unwilling to listen to him refute any of your assumptions about him, me, our associates, our friendship, and our motives.
All I have done with Tohru socially is told him that people who make him feel shitty all the time are not his friends. They might be your friends, they might be Jon's friends, but they were not his friends; he was a tag-along sorta-friend at best and was not included in the group. I encouraged him to find friends that made him feel good about himself. From what I understand this is being presented as him feeling comfortable with chuds, but given I've met some of them and they're all very gay or trans/nonbinary, this is again based on a wrong assumption.
It's not like you would know, but an off-internet older friend of his is a practicing therapist. They've seen us interact in person and approve of me, despite being very protective of him. While it's possible for abusers to hide that they're abusive, it's unlikely that your few years of knowing him primarily online and a year or two of uni training would give you insight over someone who's been a practicing therapist for over a decade and has known him since he was a baby. You'd need to know me at all to make a judgement like that, and you don't.
Your sum up of what Tohru was feeling after PAX to Mikusch was simplistic and inaccurate. You likely fueled a lot of the drama going on by speaking with authority without understanding what you were speaking on. Also, you naming Sanddshark as someone so terrified of me was irresponsible and, while I'm not mentally ill and not going to randomly attach to someone, it was extremely careless of you to ignore your friend's fears in order to try to manipulate Tohru into bending to your whims; all it did was confirm to him how badly I was being lied about if people who never met me are that afraid of me.
It very much annoys me that the markers of his improved mental health have been completely ignored. I don't think it's appropriate for you to decide he must be collapsing as a person because he's not catering to your personal desires or fears anymore. He lives his life for him now, not for you. He seems happy and confident for the first time since I met him and it's really nice to see, and I don't think trying to get him to go back to a situation he was miserable in is fair to him at all.
You are wildly biased while believing yourself impartial, speaking from a position of authority and speculating on what happened as if you can determine it from accepted gossip. This kind of stubborn arrogance is going to make you mistreat patients/clients. You are gullible and easily tricked, and while you currently believe Tohru and I "hoodwinked" you, you don't understand that people telling you "facts" about us could be telling you rumours they think are facts. You don't seem capable of tracking a claim back to its origin and evaluating it based on that source, or understanding that an entire friend group could just be echoing claims until nobody doubts them. You don't even seem to understand that we could be simply wrong instead of lying. I'm worried for you. But you won't believe me when I say that anyway.
So I say to you, directly, you have repeatedly breached your ethics code while believing yourself moral, helpful, impartial, and objective. You've also leaned on your beginner's psychology courses to give your opinions more weight, despite not doing well in said courses. You've attempted to psychoanalyze your supposed friend based on rumours, gossip, and drama, and given him resulting advice that only makes sense if you're trying to rationalize your desires as what's best for him. Until you understand how poorly you've conducted yourself, you should not work in mental health.
To finish, it is incredibly disappointing that Tohru seems to be the only one getting blamed for not communicating. Several times now he's had to piece together what people's complaints were after he responded to what they said and missed their unspoken true point, having to deduce what they wanted based on their reactions, gossip, and third party explanations. As far as we can tell, users and staff in private group chats built up large circles where "everybody" knew what the supposed problems were, but nobody bothered actually telling Tohru they had a complaint, so he was interpreted as doing nothing on purpose. If anybody had just expressed their concerns to him honestly he could've explained himself or done what they wanted, or at least discussed their input peacefully.
Nobody would ever say he's great at communication, but the way he's been picked apart over his fumbling with it feels like people setting him up for failure, then acting like he's crazy for not wanting to deal with them. It's like people have been waiting for him to say something offensive for months so they could pounce on him while being immune to such scrutiny themselves. It's no wonder he's reluctant to talk when everything he does is nitpicked and criticized. And then he ends up blamed for things he didn't even do because he slept through the whole thing! It's not like anything he says would persuade the people who hate him anyway, they already "know" he's evil and approach everything he says with that in mind.
It's kind of ironic people will claim foul play when Tohru handles his plans with some secrecy to keep things running, knowing people are hovering around trying to spy on him and sabotage him, only to find out Mikusch worked on his server and hid the launch from Jon. Even though I hate the guy I kinda feel bad for him. That's a really dick move.
