sophieinyourworld

So I (27F) was driving down the rolling hills in the countryside (I'm staying at my parents' house for a few days). I like to go on spontaneous, drive-straight drives by myself a lot to clear my head or just space out and listen to music. I do this a lot. Anyway, as I was driving this morning, I suddenly had a vision come up in my head. I was me, but in the future, but not that distant and I was in a big sunny kitchen but I was in my body, not a spectator of the outside. And in this vision, I was stroking the back of a little boy (maybe age 2 or 3) head very tenderly. His hair was black (like mine) (I am Chinese) and it was cut in a little bowl-cut, straight. I was smoothing his hair affectionately. I instantly recognized that he was mine. Like an intuitive, "he is mine." very clear, no doubt at all. And while I don't have any clear-cut images of his exact face or expression, I did see his eyes--not the exact shape or whatever, but I recognized myself in his eyes, like an extension of my own soul I recognized it in his eyes, which were the same shade brown as mine.

And then it was gone. But I instinctively felt that that little boy was mine, it was a protective vibe, and that he was my son. And it was just a glimpse, but I think his soul is in mine. And that whoever he is, he will be my miracle child.

A little bit of background: I am unmarried and not in a committed relationship with anyone, never been pregnant. (I actually might suspect I'm infertile, but that's another story and also unconfirmed so I don't know, but one of the signs of infertility is having unprotected sex for at least a year and nothing, and I have done that in the past), which is why I suggested he's a miracle. And whether or not I am infertile for real, I actually have always thought I didn't want children. Even in high school, college, early 20s, when my best girl friends would fantasize about getting pregnant and naming their babies, I had no interest. I mean if anything, I kept a collection of girl-only names list in my Notes app a few years ago, ideas for a "future daughter" but really I liked them for character names in the stories I wrote (I'm a writer). So even if I did feel I was going to be a parent one day, I expected girls? I'm also very soft, sensitive, and feminine and not what anyone would really expect out of a "boy mom" but I digress.

The point is, I never saw myself having children. Never really had a nurturing or maternal instinct, never got jealous of friends with kids, envisioned a child-free marriage (I follow the CF community on reddit too for insight into my ideal potential future life), and actually like have been concerned for a while as I'm dating, how am I could going to tell someone I''m seeing seriously that I don't see kids in the future and how likely it is I'll find a guy who doesn't want kids eventually, and felt doomed about this potential dreaded conversation I'd have (with a guy who doesn't exist in my life yet).

But I'm also a very sensitive, highly intuitive, spiritual type of person, an empath. My intuition, although I get rare flashes and have difficulty to access insight on command, is always right. Even when I doubt it, such as now, at the same time I'm like, why did that feel so natural, right, and instinctive.

Anyway, I'm not going to go baby-crazy and hunt a husband/father figure any time soon. I'm really not ready for that. But I just felt something so strong and I wondered if anyone else experienced anything similar or if they can offer their thoughts on what I've experienced?

Also side note, I spoke to my mother about this vision i experienced, because I remember she told me she experienced something similar years ago but I guess I didn't pay too much attention to the story at the time. So I FaceTimed her and asked her about it again today. She said that many years ago, before she even met my dad, she had a vision of a dark-haired little girl, Asian she's sure. The thing is--my mom is white. She is Irish-American with red hair and fair skin, my dad is obviously Chinese, but she hadn't met him until years later. Anyway, she is very sure that that little girl she had a glimpse of was her future daughter, and sure enough, I was her firstborn.

I'm not sure if it's this instant recognition of "this is my child I am someone's parent" I'm concerned with, but more that I felt, in my vision, feelings of intense care, protectiveness, and affection that I've never felt before but recognized as familiar and natural. And then it went away. So I guess it's more about the emotions it's evoked, not really focused on the reality of actually having a son (because who knows, I could end up w a daughter, or no child at all), but I felt in my heart that I was his mom.

TLDR; I had a vision that I saw my future son, even tho I am not pregnant or with someone.