How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
I am a 40-year-old man who has been getting regularly waxed for the last two years—think about 18 to 20 sessions at this point. I have tried three estheticians: the first was decent, but didn’t do the greatest job, the second was fantastic but went on an extended maternity leave (good for her!), and the third has also done a great job.
My concern is with the new esthetician.
She is a little more grabby, not in any sort of sexual or inappropriate manner, but the first time I saw her, I felt myself reacting and was able to keep under control. The second time, I was fully soft the whole time and pleased with the appointment. The last time, however, I found myself fully erect for the last three to four minutes of the appointment. I was thoroughly embarrassed and apologized. She said it was no big deal, it happens a lot, and no need to mention it. So now I am preparing to go for my next visit, and I am worried about this response. Is it really normal? Part of me would rather be waxed by a man if I am going to be erect, just because I feel like there is less opportunity for unintentional harassment, though Rich can probably tell me different on that. Another part of me is debating not going anymore if I cannot keep it under control. Maybe I am way overthinking this.
—Wax On
Dear Wax On,
You’re fine. Intimate settings mean intimate responses, and any seasoned laborer who finds themselves at times stationed in the field of pubes (massage therapists, doctors, waxers) knows that boners happen. You were able to discuss yours with your esthetician, which was brave. Many others would be tempted to ignore it and instead wonder how awkward/offensive this situation was for the person providing the service. Your esthetician confirmed that it’s not a big deal. She is willing to overlook this natural, uncontrollable response to stimulation because she is a professional (which also means that she wants to make money). It’s safe to say that she regards an involuntarily hard dick as a work hazard, if she regards it as a hazard at all. You like her services, so you should continue to patronize her. If she doesn’t want to wax you, she can refuse your reservation.
Would going to a guy be better? It would probably be about the same if he’s a professional. A guy might be even less awkward about it and make jokes (he very well will know what it is to be rocking inconvenient wood), but the response will range. The only broad-brush idea I’m comfortable painting here is that anyone worth patronizing will be polite and generally unfazed by your hard dick (I mean, if it’s gigantic or something, you may elicit an involuntary response or two of your own depending on their off-hours connoisseurship). Mature adults know that you can’t be blamed for an erection. It’s what you do with it that you’re accountable for. Here, the answer is do nothing. Or, perhaps, apologize, though your current esthetician specifically told you not to mention it, so I’d honor that if/when you go back to her.
—Rich
More Advice From Slate
About six months ago, I became suspicious that my husband of nine years was having an affair. He didn’t say or do anything in particular to arouse my suspicions, but I just had a “feeling.” I tried to ignore it because I don’t really believe in “gut feelings” or “intuition,” but it kept nagging at me, so I did some low-level digging into our cell phone bills and shared tablets and computers and checked to see if he’d changed his passwords to his personal devices or accounts. Nothing really jumped out at me. Unable to shake the feeling, I finally hired a private detective to follow him for three weeks.
