By Xiao Hai, Translated by Bradley Quy
โI am Hu Xiaohaiโ (Wo jiushi hu xiaohai ๆๅฐฑๆฏ่กๅฐๆตท) was composed as the lyrics of a rap song by Xiao Hai, a migrant worker poet. It expresses a young migrant workerโs discontent, frustration, and struggle. In this version we have removed the repeated parts to make it more like a poem. The original lyrics and the recorded rap song audio can be found here.
ๆๅซ่กๅฐๆตท
ไฝๅจ้ๅทๅฎๅบๅฐนๅๅบ
ๆพ็ปๆๆฏไธชๅไธๅ ซๅฒ็ๅฐไผๅญ
ไนๅพๆ็ๆณ
ๅฏๅฆไปๆ็้ๅฟ
ๅทฒ็ปๆ ขๆ ขๅฐๅฟซ่ขซๅ ้ดๅ่ฌ
ๆๆพ็ปไธ็ญๅจ้ฟไธ่ง็ ไธ่ง็ๅทฅๅ
ๆฏๅคฉๅๅไบไธชๅฐๆถไธ็ญไปฅๅ
ๅ็ขๅฐ็ฒๅ็ถๅค้ ่งๅพ็ๆดป่ฟๆๅธๆ
ๅฏไธๅนดๅนด่ฟๅปไบๆ่ฟๆฏไธๆ ๆๆ
ๅชๆฏๅ็ปๆฒงๆก
ๅงๅจ่ฏดๆไธๅๅฎ้
่ฏดๆๅชไผๅๆขฆๅชไผๅนปๆณ
ๅฆๅฆ่ฎฉๆไธๅ้ฆๅคดไบๅฃๆฐ
ๅฏๆๆปๆๅฐๅไธไปๅฟ
ไพ็ถไธ่ดซๅฆๆด
ๅจๆฏๅคฉๅคช้ณๅ่ตทๆฅ็ๆถๅ
ๆ้ฝไผๆๅฐๆ ้็่ฟท่ซ
ๆฏๅฝๅค่ฒ่ถๆฅ่ถๆทฑ
ๆๅฐฑไผ่ถๆธ ้่ถๆๅ้
่ฑไบ้ฃไปถ่่ฒ็็ ดๆงๅทฅ่ฃ
ๆทๅทฅไบไธๆไธๆฒกๆๅ ็ญ
ๆๅป่ฟฝ้้ฃๅค้ณ
ๆๆๅฐ่ฝๅฏ
ๆๆๅฐ็ฏ็
ๆ่ฝ็ถๆ ๅฎถๅฏๅฝ
่ฟๅคงๅฐๅฐฑๆฏๆ็ๅบ
ๆๅๆ็ๆ่พฐ
ๆๅขๅ็ๆไบฎ
ไปปๅญ้ฃๆทฑๅค็้ฒ็
ๆๆนฟไบๆๅไนฑ็่ธๅบ
ๆๅฐฑๆฏ่กๅฐๆตท
ๅๅฐ็ๆตทไนๆฏๆตท
ไปฟไฝไปๆช้ๆฅ
ๅฐฑๅทฒๅๅ่่
็ญ่กๅฟซ่ฆ่ๅฐฝ
ๅฏๆฏๆๅฟ่ฟๆไธ็
ไธๅๅคๅฒไบ
่ฟๆฏๆฒกๆๅฏน่ฑก
ๆ็็ฑไบบไฝ ๅจๅช
ไธบไฝๅฏนๆ่ฟๆ ท
ไฝ ไธบไฝ่ฟๆ ท
ๆไนๅธธๅธธๅจๆณ
็ๆดปๆไนๅๆไบ่ฟๆ ท
ไธๆฏๆไธๅคๅชๅ
ไธๆฏๆไธๅคไปๅบ
ไธๆฏๆไธ็ธไฟก่ชๅทฑ
ๅ ไธบ็ฐๅฎๅฐฑๅไธๅขๅๅพ
ๅกๆปกไบๆ็ๅๅ
ๅ ตไฝไบๆ็็ผ็
ๆๆณ่ฆๅๅบๅฃฐ้ณ
ๆๆณ่ฆ็ๆธ ๆนๅ
ไธ็ฎกไฝ ไปฌ่ฝไธ่ฝๅฌๅฐ
ไธ็ฎกไฝ ไปฌ่ฝไธ่ฝ็่ง
ๆๅฐฑๆฏ่กๅฐๆตท
ๅ ไธบๅๆฌขๆตทๅญ
ๅซ็่ฟไธชๅๅญ
ๆๅทฅไบๅไบๅ ญๅนด
ไพ็ถๅๅฐๆ่ฝฌ
่ทไบๅๅ ไธชๅๅธ
ๅไบ ๅๅ ไปฝๅทฅไฝ
ๅนฒไบๆ ๆฐ็ไบงๅ
ๅไบๅ ้ฆ็ ด่ฏ
ๅฏๆฏๆ็ๅฆๅฆ
่ฟๅจไธบๆๆ ๅฟ
ๆ็ๅฆๅฆๅ
ไธบไฝๆป่ฟๅจไธบๆๆ ๅฟ
ๅฆๅฆๅ
ไธ่ฆไธบๆๆ ๅฟ
ๆๅทฒ็ป้ฟๅคงๆไบบ
โๅฐๆตทๅ
่ฏฅๆพๅฏน่ฑกๅฝ
ๅฐๆตทๅ ไฝ ไปไนๆถๅ็ปๅฉๅ?โ
My name is Hu Xiaohai
I live in Yingezhuang hotel
In Beijingโs suburban village
Once young and full of dreams
Those dreams have been laid to rest
I used to work in East and South China
In factories for fourteen or fifteen hours a day
Finding hope at the bottom of a bowl and bottle
But after all these years, what do I have to show?
Stuck in the middle of lifeโs ups and downs
Girls always told me Iโm not realistic
Only able to dream and fantasize
Ma always told me to rise above
But I was doomed to be the underdog
Doomed to never-ending hardships
With the rising sun
I am in a haze
As the darkness comes
The fog clears and I am sober
Throw off my ragged coveralls
Skip the monotony of work
Iโm only chasing the sunset
I canโt help but feel isolated
I canโt help but feel insane
Although I donโt have a home to return to
Mother Earth embraces me
I gaze at the stars
I whisper to the moon
I let the evening dew
Wash my unkempt face
I am Hu Xiaohai
The smallest sea is still a sea
Forever old and never young
My blood is running thin
But my heart stays in the thick of it
Thirty years have passed me by
Yet to find love
Where are you, my love?
What have I done to deserve loneliness?
Why are you like this?
I often contemplate
How did life get this way?
Itโs not that I didnโt work hard
Itโs not that I didnโt pay my dues
Itโs not that I donโt believe in myself
This is just my reality
Suffocating me
Blinding me
I want to speak out
I want to see clearly
I donโt care who hears me
I donโt care who sees me
I am Hu Xiaohai
My favorite poetโs namesake
Iโve worked for fifteen or sixteen years
Going around and around
Countless cities
Countless jobs
Assembly lines
Pathetic poems
Ma is still worried
Ma, why are you always worried?
Thereโs no need to worry
Iโm grown
โXiaohai
You need to find a wife
Dear Xiaohai
When will you get married?โ
Authorโs Bio: Xiao Hai (b. 1987) came from Shangqiu City in Henan Province, the philosopher Zhuangziโs hometown. He has drifted in different cities as a migrant worker for many years and composed over five hundred poems. He was a member of the Picun Literature Group and won the Best Poet prize at the First Laborersโ Literature Awards. Translations of his poems have appeared in World Literature Today.
Translatorโs Bio: Bradley Quy is a senior at the University of Oklahoma, pursuing a double major in Chinese and international area studies. He has been studying Chinese for ten years and has participated in international Chinese speech competitions, most recently being named the North and South American champion at the 2020 Chinese Bridge Speech Competition for College Students.
Chinese Literature Today