The first time Stiles calls Derek he doesn’t expect anything, he just tries for the heck of it but he’s secretly hoping Derek hasn’t ditched his phone and will see it’s him on the caller ID and pick up. But the call goes immediately to voicemail. Stiles’s heart skips a beat and he holds Derek’s henley tighter to his chest. Derek hasn’t ditched his phone, he just turned it off.
He leaves a voicemail. Just saying hi and asking how he’s doing and that Stiles himself is doing okay even though they both know its a lie. Stiles have been having a hard time dealing with Derek leaving him behind in this cursed town. He doesn’t blame Derek though, how can he. A part of him wished he had bothered to ask Stiles if he’d like to come with him. The answer would have been yes, of course. It would probably have been considered kidnapping since Stiles was still 17 but he could have dealt with his dad. His father wasn’t a complete idiot, he knew Stiles was having a hard time. He was the one to hear Stiles cry himself to sleep at night with Derek’s henley hugged to his chest. He was also the one to wake him from the horrible nightmares that plagued him on most nights. His dad knew leaving town would probably be the best decision for Stiles but Derek hadn’t asked and Stiles was still in Beacon Hills.
In the days following Derek’s departure, Stiles starts leaving more and more voicemails to Derek’s phone. Usually at night before going to bed when his heart breaks all over again thinking about Derek’s touch and his lips on his skin and his intense eyes on his. The pain of it all still make it hard for Stiles to breath.
Sometimes he cries in his voicemails and after hanging up he feels guilty. He doesn’t want Derek to feel bad for leaving but he can’t help it when he’s talking into the phone, thinking of Derek, wherever he is. Stiles hopes he’s finding whatever he’s looking for but it’s hard for Stiles to imagine him being happy without him. It probably makes him a horribly selfish person but Stiles have spent so many hours daydreaming about what his life would be if he and Derek would be together for real. How they would build a life for themselves and make the best of it, try to find peace together and maybe just maybe some happiness too. He knows in his bones Derek feels the same about him. He may have had doubts before the night they spent together but after, it was impossible to doubt for even one second how Derek wants him just as much as Stiles wants him. So he tries his best to sound normal in his voicemails but some nights are harder than others
One night is particularly hard. Right after Donovan. Stiles is losing his mind he’s sure of it. He can’t breath and he wants Derek here but he’s gone, he’s still gone, he left him here and Stiles can’t fucking leave because what if Derek comes back and Stiles is gone? He calls Derek’s phone and he’s pacing his room as it once again immediately goes to voicemail. Stiles leaves the type of voicemail he will definitely regret leaving later but right now it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t say much. He can’t really breath and he’s sobbing. There’s also these sounds coming out of him he’s not sure he’s ever made before. Like an animal dying. He’s pretty sure he’s dying in any case, everything hurts and his chest is on fire. He thinks he might be saying those things aloud but he’s not really aware of anything anymore. He feels his phone leave his hand and his body falling after it.
He wakes up on the floor of his room, the side of his face throbbing with pain. He passed out and fell on his face. Typical. He’s disoriented and he pats around looking for his phone as he painstakingly sits up. He finally finds it and it’s dead. He looks around and bus room is bathed in grey light, the sun just about to come up. Jesus, he had been in the middle of leaving Derek a voicemail and it must have kept going until his phone died or something. He plugs it in and takes a moment to wipe his hands on his face. He feels like shit. Everything in his life is shit. At least his dad is working a double shift and didn’t witness all of that. He would have probably had Stiles institutionalized.
He drags himself into the shower to distract himself of the a panic attack he feels looming.
As the scalding water helps with his sore muscles he thinks about the voicemail he left Derek. His mind is a bit fuzzy because he had been so upset and in the middle of the biggest breakdown he’s ever had but he remembers it and he’s embarrassed. As if he needs to be embarrassed on top of feeling everything else but he is. He hopes Derek never fucking listens to his voicemails. He’s so pathetic. And now he’s a killer too apparently. He pukes in the shower. It’s mostly bile and he moves away from it and let the water wash it away. He sits down shakily in the bathtub and turns off the shower, head on his knees and eyes fixed unseeing on the tiles above the faucet.
He doesn’t know how long he stays in there but he hears the doorbell ring downstairs and he’s up in a flash, almost faceplanting coming out of the tub. He puts on some sweats and a t-shirt as fast as he can and goes to the door.
His apology for taking so long die on his lips as he sees who’s on his doorstep.
-o0o-
“What happened to your face?” Derek asks, brows frowning in concern as he extends his hand to the side of Stiles’s face where there’s bruises blooming there.
Stiles looks stunned and he’s motionless but when Derek’s hand is about to make contact with his skin, he jerks away.
Derek’s hand freezes in the air but he drops it after a beat.
There’s a pressure in his chest as he takes in how awful Stiles looks. He lost some weight since the last time he saw him and he has dark bags under his eyes as if he hasn’t gotten a full night’s sleep in months. His cheeks are gaunt making him look haggard. Right now his eyes are wide with shock and his mouth open. He obviously didn’t expect Derek to show up even though Derek had sent him text after text when he wasn’t answering his calls.
Derek had been listening to Stiles’s voicemails from the start. He had turned on his phone maybe 2 or 3 weeks after leaving Beacon Hills to find more than 20 voicemails and missed calls from Stiles. It had broken his heart to listen to Stiles’s voice but it had also warmed him. He could tell Stiles hadn’t been doing so good but he never realized it was to this extent. Stiles’s last voicemail had chilled him to his bones. He had been out if his place and in his car driving to the airport before the voicemail had been over. He had never been this scared ever since his family died in the fire not even when Laura had been missing had scared him this much. Stiles had sounded like he was dying on the phone. Derek had realized he was probably having a panic attack and couldn’t breath but he got even more scared when he heard a bang and a thump and then nothing else until the voicemail stopped on it’s own, out of time. He had tried to call Stiles but it never went through so he texted and texted, saying he was coming to Beacon Hills, that he was getting on a flight, he’d be there in a few hours, to please stay put. He never got any answer and with Stiles’s reaction now, he realizes Stiles probably didn’t even see Derek’s calls and texts.
“I got your voicemails.” Derek says lamely. He doesn’t know what else to say.
He looks as Stiles closes his mouth and lets go of the doorknob. He watches Derek as if he can’t believe he’s standing there. Eyes going between Derek’s eyes and then his face goes unreadable when the shock passes.
Seconds pass and Derek is about to ask if Stiles is alright when Stiles slaps him. He slaps him so hard his head turns and he looses balance for a second. His right cheek stings and he turns back to look at Stiles and sees he’s about to slap him again. He grabs Stiles’s wrist instinctively and Stiles uses his other hand to try to land another hit but he grabs that wrist too.
Stiles’s face isn’t unreadable anymore. There’s tears streaming down his face and he looks furious but Derek can see the pain behind it all. Stiles is suffering.
He grips Stiles’s wrists tightly and brings them to his chest, bringing Stiles close.
“I’m sorry!” He shouts in Stiles’s face. His chest is tight and he’s fighting tears himself. “I’m sorry.” he says again more gently, “I’m sorry I left without you.”
Stiles lets out a broken sob and sags against him, his legs buckling and Derek picks him up into his arms and walks inside.
He pushes the door closed with his foot and walks up to Stiles’s room.
-o0o-
He’s here, Derek Hale is fucking here, he finally came back and the only thing Stiles was able to do was to slap him in the face. He doesn’t know what made him do it exactly just that one moment he was relieved like he’d never been relieved before and the next he was hurting so much it made him furious. He’s glad Derek had stopped him and even more so when he had apologized. It was like it had been the only thing Stiles’s body and soul had needed. For Derek not only to come back but for him to acknowledge the mess he made when he left. Even if Stiles had never truly blame him for leaving, he can’t help feeling the way he is. And right now it’s like some kind of floodgates had been destroyed because he’s crying like he’s never cried before. The months without Derek had been some of the worst of his life and the night before had been the sick apogee of those shitty months and now all of his emotions about it are coming out while he’s sitting in Derek’s lap, on the side of his bed, in his room.
Derek is rocking him gently and he’s kissing his hair, his temple, his forehead and he’s murmuring soothing words in between his kisses. All of his ministrations just makes Stiles cry harder.
When his sobs calms down and he feels like he can speak again he starts telling Derek everything he didn’t say in the voicemails. How he had missed him like Derek had taken his heart, his very soul and left. How that night they had shared together had somehow ruined everything but had brought so much clarity. Because it had confirmed to Stiles that Derek was the love of his life and being apart from him would just make him suffer. He tells him that if Derek had bothered asking him he would have left Beacon Hills with him. He tells him about the nights he spent crying himself to sleep hugging Derek’s henley and he’s a bit embarrassed about telling Derek all of that but he needs to know. And finally he tells him about the events of the previous night. Why he had called and left such a distressing voicemail. He plays with Derek’s leather jacket’s collar as he speaks and Derek stays silent and listens.
When he’s done, he’s all out of tears and he’s just happy to be sitting here with Derek. And the fact that he didn’t throw Stiles out of his lap or said anything harsh tells him maybe he’s not disgusted with him or too disappointed in him. Not that he was really worried. He knew Derek would understand. He’s still playing with Derek’s jacket collar and he moves his face a little to brush his nose on the underside of Derek’s jaw making the man look down at him. The tenderness in Derek’s eyes threatens to revive Stiles’s tears but instead he closes the short distance between them and brushes his lips to Derek’s. Not quite a kiss yet, more like the idea of a kiss.
Suddenly, Derek moves him slightly to put his hands on the sides of his face and he kisses him properly. Stiles melts into the kiss, sliding his hands into Derek’s soft hair and he can’t help making little needy noises into the kiss. He missed this. He parts his lips immediately when Derek’s tongue brushes them. It’s tender so so tender and Stiles feels like he’s becoming a puddle held up only by Derek’s hands on his face.
Derek finally breaks their kiss and Stiles whines. He doesn’t want to stop. They have months to make up for but Derek keeps him in place when he tries to chase his lips for more kisses, making Stiles frown.
He watches Derek’s face attentively and realizes Derek is trying to say something. Stiles decides to wait him out. Derek had listened to him without interrupting and Stiles can do the same. He takes one of Derek’s hand in his and plays with his fingers as he waits for Derek to find his words.
-o0o-
He watches Stiles play with his fingers and he feels his heart swell in his chest. He feels like he’s going to burst he’s so happy. Despite everything Stiles confided in him he’s so happy. And he promises himself Stiles will never go through any of that ever again. He wants to tell Stiles as much. He also wants to tell him how being with him makes everything better. How every second he was away he wished Stiles was there with him. How every single day he debated coming back but he was a coward. Too scarred by this town and too scared to face the feelings in his chest for this boy who deserves so much better but somehow didn’t want anyone else. How he hadn’t found the courage to ask him to come with him that night and how he would never make that mistake again. And so he does. He tells Stiles everything. Every little thing. And Stiles listens and plays with his fingers, his jacket collar and then his fingers again. It’s soothing, helps Derek concentrate on his words and when he’s done Stiles looks up at him and Derek notices he has tears in his eyes. He’s momentarily afraid he said something wrong but Stiles circles his arms around him and hugs him tight. Derek returns the hug happily, feeling his own eyes fill with unshed tears and when Stiles whispers “I love you, I’ll go anywhere with you.” in his ear, the tears fall.
