Just a few weeks into 2026, and we’re already beginning to wish we could turn back the clock. As if the growing threat of WWIII wasn’t enough to contend with, we’re having to deal with the shock of discovering that people are indulging in a frankly filthy activity that we never could have imagined in our wildest dreams.
You might be thinking we’re going to hit you with a twist on swinging, hot-oil wrestling or something involving enormous silicone toys, right? Wrong!
Because this particular orgasmic adventure involves automobiles, unnatural positions and a small, furry rodent.
At this point, you’ll very likely be picking up your phone to report us to PETA but, fear not - no small, furry rodents have ever been harmed during this activity - although it is called Hamstering.
So what does Hamstering involve? You might need to sit down before you read this…
Have you ever watched a hamster (or any other small furry thing, for that matter) drink from a water bottle? The cute little expression as they hold the teat and lap away at the spout, while a stream of tiny bubbles makes a pleasing ‘bloop, bloop’ noise.
Yeh, what we’re about to describe could never be called cute.
So, it’s like this. Take a horny couple and put them into a car (it HAS to be a car with a sunroof!) They’ll need to drive somewhere secluded, as this sordid activity could easily get them picked up by the Feds.
When a suitable hidden parking place has been found, the sexy-time can begin. People have been having sex in cars for years, but this version is very different and, thankfully, exposes the participants to a reduced risk of developing cramps or getting a gear lever jammed in a painful area.
So, with the handbrake safely applied, the guy climbs out of the car and onto the roof, whereupon his partner will open the sunroof. The guy then removes his pants and dangles his wiener down into the car.
And at this point – yes, just like a cute little hamster – his partner will begin to suck on his spout. (We’ve not tried this yet, but it’s unlikely that you’ll hear a comforting ‘bloop, bloop’ as his bubbles begin to rise).
As our regular readers will know, we’re big on equality, so let us be very clear that there is absolutely no reason why a woman couldn’t climb up onto the roof of the car and have a guy (hey, or woman) pop their head through the sunroof to tongue away to their heart’s content. We’ll call this one Beavering.
Also, think of the added thrill for the lucky receiver in this hamster/beaver scenario, who - if they position themselves correctly - will be able to watch themselves being sucked off/licked through the windshield. INCREDIBLE.
Obviously, there are a few preparations to bear in mind before trying this one out. It helps if the car has just been washed, otherwise the person on the roof might find themselves lying in a mix of bird poo and grime. Not sexy! And it goes without saying that this is strictly an evening/night-time pursuit, especially in the summer when a red-hot roof could very easily lead to third-degree burns. And we speak for law establishments around the world when we say please, do not ever be tempted to try this one on the move. It could literally lead to death.
And there we have it. If depressing headlines about the increasingly unstable political climate across the globe have left you feeling a bit down in the dumps, why not give the car a quick wash and head out to your nearest lay-by with a willing partner for a bit of ‘thirsty hamster’ time. Enjoy.
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