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I’m scared
I’m sorry ahead of time everyone, but I’ve been needing to vent some for a while now. Wall of text incoming. I personally prefer to keep things as private as possible, but it’s not always the best option. I’ve also been incredibly scared. Scared of what might happen if I spoke my half. I left Andrew because he was an angry individual obsessed with his internet status, and not with our relationship. I tried for years to make him happy and was unable to before I realized that you cannot make someone happy who is unwilling or unable to BE happy on their own. He claims I never introduced him to my friends, but whenever I tried he shrugged it off with absolutely no interest. He claims he supported me every step of the way, but all he did was treat me like a personal maid and cook. The whole ordeal with my computer breaking down was fixed for me by close friends while Andy claimed he was buying me a new one personally. He argued with me about which one he would buy and told me that I had to pay him back as soon as possible. He was emotionally, and occasionally physically abusive when he didn’t get his way. Our personalities were just not compatible even though I tried my best. Once when I was cowering in a corner crying after he threw things across the house, he stopped to tell me how cute I was in this position. After I had decided it was in my best interest to get out of the relationship, I told him that we were breaking up and that I would be leaving as soon as I could, which was within the week. During that week, I awoke to him on top of me groping me, dry humping me, and ejaculating on my face and chest while repeating “Sorry…” over and over before he left for work. I was too scared to contact police and had nobody I could trust nearby. Even after I left, when he would contact me he was brash and hurtful, placing all of the blame in his life on me, including multiple suicide threats, and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I even requested that he not bother any of my friends, which he promised me he wouldn’t and then… https://docs.google.com/document/d/1N0y4V4MjTwrQE0-c1xm8UXx3G3v6r6RGQBYB30U0aDg/edit?usp=sharing . THIS is why I decided to block him from all forms of contact with me. And for the record, I do not want him to use any of my characters, or any likeness to my characters. He has explicitly stated that he would not use my characters if I expressed I did not approve.This is a very very very hard post to read, because I know you’ve got to be absolutely terrified. But THANK YOU for saying this, and THANK YOU for making a statement yourself. Reading the latter half has me so angry, I’m shivering.
But you know what? People got your back, LOTS of people. Girls that Andrew has gone after, people he’s been nasty to, hoards of professionals who absolutely find him the most deplorable human being. He seems to forget how many people just don’t like him, and being toxic never got him anywhere before - it won’t now either. It’s been a decade and he’s only gotten worse over time, and more agressive.
Whats my stake in this? Lemme lay it out. It’s a small story, but has a long history.
2005 - I was dating Brandin Johns, and we were both fans of Andrew’s animations, particularly his Megaman ones.2006 - Andrew makes a slightly whiny note to me about wanting an art trade. I was shocked! Someone I admired wanted a trade, and though his note bothered me I agreed. We traded my robot Pai , and his tiger character Mary Anne.2007 - Throughout the year Andrew and I spoke, usually him going on about his obsession with Jessica Elwood. Showing me smut art of his oc AndyKatt and her Mink character going at it… she was avoiding him, and for good reason. So he tried to use me to befriend her, and it never quite worked. So then he started doing that towards me, drawing ocs while in open canvas and being kinda clingy.2008 - Over time I’d told Andrew repeatedly I was taken and in a serious relationship, no interest in more then being polite friends. He would complain and moan about his problems, I’d let him because hey we all gotta vent! But there came a time when Brandin was very sick, and began to go downhill. I was staying months at a time in the hospital with him.
While in the hospital Andrew messaged me, I remember so clearly: sitting near the hospital room window, it was raining hard in Seattle. The room was cold, Brandin was passed out from many blood tests that day. So… I for once, was trying to vent about how tired I was and how I just wish Brandin didn’t have to deal with this.
Andrews reply? “Well if he… you know… dies… you can always move down here with me, I’ll be there for you…”
How nice of him. You can imagine how upsetting that would be, to hear how a ‘friend’ openly hoped someone you loved would pass away to make you available. As if I would have EVER been available to him in the first place! I immediately said that was not cool, Andrew upset and belligerent and after another five minutes I said “Why are you still talking?” and that was that, blocked ever since. Basically putting him out of my life and contact circle for ever more. Since then we’ve barely crossed each others path, and when we do he seems very cautious - as he should be. I’m not the nicest person in the world, nor do I fear him or anyone he knows. I don’t know where this “army of whiteknights” rumor comes from, because as far as I can tell he has very little to come defend him.2008 - So, Brandin passed away as we both knew would happen in the end. And nothing Andrew will after say, or do, will ever compared to an ounce of a human being that Brandin was. Brandin learned about how Andrew was treating me, he was so upset that this person he admired SO MUCH… an artist he LOOKED UP TO, would ever wish his death so that he could take his girlfriend. No one understands how it fucking ate me up inside, how much I wish he had never known that but I couldn’t keep it from him.—————-
So yeah, pretty fucking painful. Thats the kind of human being Andrew is - it is no way anywhere near what the OP is talking about, but its flavor text for anyone who wants other proof of the guy being a scumbucket. I was super lucky to not get more involved with him then that, considering how he makes a habit of pursuing female artists. He’s done so in the past, and on DA he was notorious for it - there’s quite a lot of lady artists who have stories similar to mine.I am totally behind the OP on this. %100. It is something very brave to talk about abuse, and this man -absolutely- is capable. Please be careful out there, friends!Re-blogging for the evening crowd. I’d also like to point out that Andrew Dickman is currently denying any wrongdoing, and accusing everyone of lying about him. He is literally trying to discredit and silence everyone he’s harmed and harassed, all while trying to hide behind a flippant attitude of ‘Whatever, I’m such a great artist that none of these accusations matter and I’m gonna keep doing what I’m doing.’I’d also like to add that at this point, I personally believe anyone who still chooses to take Andy’s side can safely be classified as a rape apologist who supports manipulative behavior and emotional abuse.If any of you are reading this and you’ve had your own bad run-ins with this guy, I strongly implore you come forward to share it. He thinks he can get away with mistreating people by hiding behind his fans. The more people coddle him and tell him he did nothing wrong, the less likely he will ever take responsibility for what he’s done.
I got so tired of reading this wall of texts that now I’m involved in and this has to stop. Why are you scared for something I didn’t and can’t do to you at all?! I am doing nothing to you and haven’t for months “leave me alone” was when I left Diane alone for good… I don’t talk to Diane, I don’t look up her stuff except for now because my god, the walls of hate, HOW can I ignore this?
Whether you believe me or not, I am not this fucking monster out to get everyone. I don’t know who this droidlust is at all! I don’t know who “Brandon” is, and I certainly as hell have never in my life said “If your boyfriend died, would you go out with me”!!! Are you serious?! I am tired of this slander and I don’t know what to do so this is my final recourse before this gets out of hand which it already has!
So I looked her up,If droidlust is “neolucky” I assume(?), I DO confess years back, I did hit on her through instant messenger at one point, as one would do when you are single and looking. All I remember is that she had no interest me and while I didn’t know she had a boyfriend, if I had known he was in the hospital I would never have said ANYTHING like that, I don’t care who you are, that is fucking character assassination and I’m sick of having to told to sit back and just let it go. As for Jessica Elwood, I was a dumb, lovestruck idiot who gave her artwork for for lovey dovey words, I was accused of being an idiot for falling in love with someone I didn’t know personally ten years ago and I moved on from that.
I am being accused of being sexually abusive to to people I have never met and people are going out of their way to “warn” others about me who have absolutely no idea where the hell this is coming from! I should never have touched the design I thought Diane gave me as this has been the most regrettable decision of my life and I was hoping, if anything, Diane would at least come to me privately to take care of the situation and I would have happily deleted her from my roster. I had no ill intentions with her at all. The day I posted Bitsy is where this all started, if she truly wanted me not to use her, she would have told she, I am not lying when she told me she offered me the character the day she made her when I was developing Pixels!
I had to put this on my nsfw blog because I am being attacked for things I didn’t do and I have to apparently “confess” to something I never did. I am not going to fess up to anything that I did! But what I’m about to say is embarrassing.
When Diane and I were in the midst of our break up, we had sexual moments twice, this was what she considered “friends with benefits”. We had sex once and enjoyed it, but the next morning in question where I ejaculated on her was when I woke up with morning wood, we were still close together in bed and I felt her hand stroke at me. It got me horny and she stayed there, pulled up her shirt and yes, I ejaculated on her. It was the morning so I was getting ready to go to work, I said “sorry, sorry, sorry” because I made a mess on her and I cleaned it up, in which she replied, “that’s okay, have a good day at work” obviously not my proudest moment, but this is truly humiliating to confess publicly to say the least and I can’t believe I had to do this in my life and she’s making it out as I was some kind of predator!
As for this telling her she was cute while she was cowering, I told her she was cute every day of my life and I wanted her to feel better when she was sad. The night she told me she didn’t love me anymore was the worst night of my life and I can’t imagine it was good for her either, this was all private discussion that was only brought to light by Diane and her friends who seem to be on this smear campaign against me. I have not pursued nor have I looked into her galleries or accounts since the day she told me “I want you to leave me alone” that was all I needed to know that it was over.
Everyone is telling me to be quiet and that this will blow over because these are seriously ludicrous allegations, but I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, this is someone whom told me the day before she left “if there was ever a chance we could get together, would you try it again?” and I stupidly said yes. I still care about her well being and this is NOT helping her and this is NOT helping me or anyone involved. And this is NOT helping the several people out there who are actually being sexually abused!
Throughout our lives together, Diane would pay for her own loans, one of which she still owes my mom for helping her bypass interest. I would never have asked her to take on the financial burdens I went through, and while this is no excuse, if she wanted to look for work, she had a car. I would often encourage her to drive in which she would tell me she wanted me to drive because she didn’t trust herself. I asked her from time to time where she wanted to work if she would look for work and while she had moments where she tried, she stopped and played Final Fantasy from the night until 5am in the morning where I went to bed alone. She did commissions and I helped her set up her Patreon so she could continue getting paid. She would make me dinner and she told me time and time again that she loved to do it, she said it was a sign of love, I sincerely loved every moment with her. I honestly had nothing bad to say about her nor did I want to, but now I’m in the corner for things I didn’t do and I don’t deserve this treatment AT ALL!
I don’t care if you believe me or not, people have made up their minds at this point, in fact I know there are people who already have preconceptions about my character just because of someone who slandered me before with nothing to back it up, and who have also apologized to me for it.
I can NOT contact Diane because she has blocked me, and the reason she blocked me was because I kept asking her why she was lying to me. While I admit I may have pestered her too much, like I said, I was frustrated, confused and upset. She told me she was moving back with her mom, that was lie one, she told me she was travelling, but she moved in with friends she met on an MMO, folks I asked if I could meet and even though she said I could, we never did. She still has not paid me back for the $100 in packages I had to mail to her to an address that was not where she was and I had to deal with an embarrassing phone call from someone I didn’t know but I don’t care, I want to move on, I spent money on her for so many things, her car repairs, her computers, the cintiq she owns and much much more but hey, that’s not out of love according to anyone, money means nothing except when you have to foot the bill.
I don’t take back anything I emailed to Sai, I trusted him. I trusted Diane knew what she was doing after things died down before she actually left so I just wanted some closure, but I’ll never get it, nor do I want it now.
There, happy? you got your fuel… feel free to continue hating me for something I didn’t do. I just want to move on and do what I love to do, I do not deserve this at all! I have done everything in my power to make Diane comforted, safe and financially secure and able to do what she wanted. She has confessed to me several times of the abusive home she grew up in with her father, and I promised her with my life that I would never strike her or abuse her intentionally in any possible way, I loved her implicitly and this breaks my fucking heart to hear that she has this other side to her suddenly over… god I have no idea what it’s over. I got upset over things I could not help! I had to teach myself to not put the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I kicked and threw boxes because I did not want AT ALL to hurt people and I would NEVER raise a fucking hand to anyone,ESPECIALLY Diane and she knows this!
I am not a victim but I’m not a monster! You wanted me to respond, now STOP THIS and leave me to my work and my life in peace for god sake, please…. I loved Diane and I had a pit in my damned stomach reading this because this is definitely a side of herself she NEVER showed to me or anyone she knew when she lived with me… I hate this… I hate everything that this has become… I hated that I opened my big fat mouth at times, but this?… Do I honestly deserve this? Does ANYBODY deserve this? Please… stop… and move on…
and I still mean EVERYTHING I say about this: http://awdplace.tumblr.com/post/137249349890/i-was-with-diane-for-five-years-about-three-of but surprise surprise, people don’t believe in sincerity, only hate and anguish and that’s not what I want. If I have anything else to add, it’s too late, I’m tired and stressed and I just want to live my life without worrying about a past love that is angry at me… tl:dr: you’ll never read this… there’s too much hate in your heart… Diane, you have already said something that could never be taken back, but I implore you to please have a good life and forget me… I NEVER wanted to say anything against you, ever!
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