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Enmeshment Is Gross: Why Emotional Incest Should Be Considered a Form of Child Abuse
Let’s talk about something deeply uncomfortable and long overdue for a public reckoning: enmeshment, otherwise known as “emotional incest.” You’ve probably seen it. Maybe you’ve lived it. You might have called it being close with Mom or just a tight-knit family. But if you grew up being your mother’s therapist or your father’s surrogate spouse — emotionally, of course — you weren’t close. You were trapped.
And frankly? That sh*t should be illegal.
What Is Enmeshment, and Why Is It So Icky?
In healthy families, there are boundaries. Not walls. Not electric fences. Boundaries. A child knows they are loved, but also separate. They are not responsible for their parent’s mood, their marriage, or their existential dread.
In enmeshed families, that boundary is a fog machine. Kids are sucked into adult emotional dynamics before they even understand long division. They become emotional support animals for parents who never should’ve had access to a uterus, a sperm donor, or a Pinterest account called “My Little Man.”
We’re not talking about affectionate families here. We’re talking about a father who vents to his 9-year-old daughter about how Mommy just doesn’t appreciate him…
