I attempted suicide a lot, too. like playing with electrical outlets and drinking pool water and other stuff i thought would kill me instantly. what was going on

I recall having a similar kind of thing where I just really really wanted to break a bone, for some reason. I would do dumb stuff just to try to break my arm or leg or something, stuff like jumping from the top of my loft bed onto the floor

I would curl up into a ball and pray to the angel of death to come take me as I sobbed for no reason. Just, as a regular thing.