The Mental Shortcuts That Help Avoidants Stay in Control (and Cost You Your Sanity)

You are sitting across from them at dinner. Or maybe you are on the couch. Or on the phone. The setting does not matter because the feeling is always the same.

They are calm. You are not.

They just told you they need space. Or that things are moving too fast. Or that they are not sure what they want anymore. And somehow, in the process of explaining why they are pulling away, they made it sound like they are doing you a favor.

You leave the conversation feeling like you just got broken up with by a life coach.

Here’s what nobody tells you in that moment: you are not losing your mind. You just ran headfirst into one of the most sophisticated emotional defense systems human beings have ever developed.

Let’s get something straight right now.

Avoidants are not emotionally stupid. They are not wandering around in a fog of confusion, accidentally stepping on your heart while trying to…