We cant find a sign using Istikhāra
Hey everyone,
I could really use some advice and perspective. My family and I have been doing Istikhāra regarding my marriage. The problem is, we’ve all gotten different feelings or results.
For example, my mother felt uneasy after having a dream and thinks that’s a sign it’s not right. I personally have felt calm and ease about moving forward with only good dreams appearing thus far. Another family member had a dream that was so neutral it confused everyone even more. Now we’re all stuck, unsure which sign to trust or what to make of it.
I’ve read that according to scholars like Imam al-Nawawī and Ibn Ḥajar, Istikhāra isn’t really about waiting for dreams or mystical signs, but rather about praying sincerely, using your judgment, and trusting Allah with whatever unfolds.
Still, it’s really hard emotionally when everyone interprets their signs and feelings differently. Has anyone else been through this? How did you handle conflicting Istikhāra outcomes within your family? And how much do dreams weigh in?
Any thoughtful input or experience would mean a lot.
Thank you.
Istikhara is often misunderstood. It is not meant to help you make a decision. It’s to give you the satisfaction that your decision is being made with Allah’s blessing and that the outcome will be good for you.
There’s no promise of a sign, signal or even feeling. You do istikhara just as a means of putting your trust in Allah so whatever unfolds will be the best for you (provided your duaa for istikhara is even accepted - many people overlook this). You can do istikhara even after you’ve made a decision and if it goes through means it was good for you, it if falls through means it was bad.
If you feel the match is a good, righteous spouse who will make your deen and dunya easier, then do istikhara and go for it. If Allah makes it easy for you that’s great and if not and it doesn’t work out then at least you’ll have no regrets and know it was for the best.
There is no sign you have to wait for.. istikhara is a Dua in which you're seeking what's best for you. You pray it having full trust in Allah and then use your mind to proceed on making the decision you feel is right for you! It's a great cultural misinformation to have multiple people do istikhara on your behalf.. that adds nothing but confusion and doubt. Those who feel uneasy about something to begin with will have dreams of doubt regardless. Please proceed with the decision that makes sense in your mind keeping reality in front of you. You've prayed istikhara - take the steps to move forward and if it works out then this was best for you. And if not then this wasn't! I also suggest looking up the meaning of the istikhara Dua.. it's quite beautiful and liberating.
This. There’s no sign for istikhara. You’re basically making dua and trusting Allah with the outcome
You’re correct but I still hear scholars and imams tell people stories about someone they know who did istikhara and received a “dream” or a “sign”.
Istikhara should be done by the main concerned person and not shouted to everyone.
Re-do an istikhara don't tell anyone, depending on what happens move forward or refrain.
May Allah guide you to the right path
Why don't you ask more people in the community to make istikhara and then hold a vote? Jk. The decision is yours, so the istikhara that really matters is yours. And you're right about the opinion of it not needing to have a dream; that's a common misinterpretation.
That's totally contradictory to what Istikhara is. Istikhara isn't about you asking allah to make a decision. Its you making a decision, THEN putting the trust allah it'll work out.
Read the english translation of the dua, theres a gap for you to mention your decision.
The way I approach Istikhara is this
I pray 2 rakah and recite the istikhara dua. Then proceed with the decision. If it is not meant to be, something will happen that will stop it, otherwise it will proceed.
You have asked Allah SWT for guidance and he will guide you along the process
Istikhara is making dua and then trusting Allah with the outcome. You should also do shura which is consulting with well-meaning advisors and getting their opinion, make your decision, then make isitikhara
Im not a scholar by any means but I have also read that it is not about dreams at all as we are incapable of understanding them and actually even some prophets did not interpret dreams but fact check me. Its more about you feeling secure and close to Allah swt and putting trust in him. Dont give in to pressure and rush this important decision and PLEASE do not ignore red flags like any signs of abuse. A red flag isnt if he is poor etc but a red flag maybe he constantly asks for ur money etc so be logical in the difference and open your heart and in Allahs timing inshaAllah dont rush just let his timing happen and inshaAllah i hope you marry the best person for you ameen.
If you like him , he has fear of God and is respectful/ kind in his actions and words and you feel at ease then he might be your husband and your moms anxiety can be linked to SO many other factors and maybe she needs a conversation with you to understand them. Does she have concerns about the guy that are valid? Etc or does she have high blood pressure or is a generally anxious individual or doesnt want to let you go etc theres so many reasons we subconciously have bad dreams because of. Sorry for the ramble ! I sincerely hope Allah makes this easy for you ameen.
Wsalaams, with istikhara it wont necessarily reveal to you the decision that you need to make there and then. If you look back at the meaning of the istikhara dua, it says if this thing is good for me make it easy for me bless me in this and facilitate it for me. If it isnt then turn this away from me. What you could be feeling could be nerves, the only way to find out is to keep meeting the person and if they reveal something about themselves that goes against what you are looking for then thats your sign of istikhara, or something could happen out of ordinary where you cant meet for while. Basically what I am trying to say is you need to look to see if there are any obstacles and difficulties tat keep occuring as you try to move forward. The more you see of these, then thats an indication that this proposal is not for you.
If you feel at peace when you continue to speak to her, and things seem to flow forward in right direction then thats an indication that this is the person that Allah wants you to marry.
I hope this response helps to answer your question.
Sorry but istikhara is not some magical omen that you have to wait for to receive through your dreams. Istikhara is a prayer to Allah and then you move forward with your plans. You pray istikhara, and then move forward with the wedding plans. If Allah does approve, inshallah it will happen without a hiccup. If he doesnt, it wont work out on its own. Please stop giving islam weird magical atributes such as seeing messages in dreams who even said thats what istikhara is 😭 Brother, I am sure you’re pakistani lol.
Praying istakhara doesn’t mean you will get a sign.
It means you trust Allah whatever is right for you will be made easy and if it’s not right for you then you will not be able to succeed moving forward with that specific goal
Yes, exactly this. I prayed istikhara after a guy proposed to me and everything was going super well until 3 weeks before our contract signing, he backed out with no reason that made sense. Later I found out something that made me say “Thank God I didn’t marry him!”
Don’t worry about mystical signs. Pray istikhara then use your best judgement. Enshallah what’s best for you will happen.
Yes, it’s really important that we break out of this outdated misinformed belief that praying istakhara means getting a positive or negative sign from Allah
Sometimes the sign comes with doors either opening (processes becoming easier) or closing (too many obstacles and issues making it difficult) from Allah SWT.
After making dua and istikhaara for a few days, do mashwarah with everyone involved weigh up all the pros and cons on paper and then go with what your heart is telling you inshaaAllah
This is not correct Istikhara is done before a decieion so you already have an imclination one way or another. You. Not your paarents. It is your marriage.
For example with me. Nefore meeting my husband I made istikhara and the way was easy and no obstcles that is a sign. We met and after I did istikhara again no bad feeling all was easy and the path was clear to the next step. I dod Istikhara each step of the wwy. Had an obstacle came into our path and things got difficult, issues arose that is a aign. But my experince is like pouring water form a cup ease, no hardship to eother of us. Thats a sign.
This dream business is incorrect. Stop asking your family. You need to ask advise based on your character and if she matches your character go seek refernecea for her character. Spend time dating her brothers / father and know the family. Thats your duty. Dream interpretation is a waste of time and not the Sunnah. This comes from Biddah groups
I really do not think istikhara for your marriage should be done by your family members, as well as a sign isn’t necessary. You do istikhara and take the step forward trusting that Allah will open doors and guide you on the right path.
Please do not involve family members in matters such as istikhara, it is a personal thing between you and your creator, asking advice from them is rightful, however asking them for istikhara I don’t know if it’s wrong or not but I do believe it’s not right.