Court Ruling from the UK
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
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I didn't see that this was from r/jokes so the punchline was that much better
I thought it was pretty good and I knew it was a joke haha. I'm american though so I suppose the joke is not at my expense.
You're making us look bad dude, just wait in the proverbial car.
The English Football team visited an orphanage in Brazil.
"It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope",
said Jose age 6.
Heh. I read this one before the World Cup began. It's even better reflecting back on it now.
I think that joke was made at the beginning of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, except it was South Africa instead of Brazil & Josefa instead of Jose.
One morning, two Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles. One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!"
His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly, and replies, "I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him first??
Alfernate punchline:
"Give him a biscuit, he might let you"
"You just need a biscuit." Or maybe "Got a biscuit on you?" Let's it go either way.
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Upvote simply for knowing who Lewis Grizzard was
Similar version except it's two rednecks and the punchline is "But that dog would bite you!"
It's funnier with a southern accent.
As an australian, i have no idea what a southern accent is. Could you explain?
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To boost the morale of the England squad the FA have organised a friendly against Iceland. If that goes well they hope to play another friendly against Tesco before a tough game against Asda.
What's the difference between England and a triangle?
A. A triangle has 3 points.
When I was a kid in the late 80's we used to use that joke for the Seattle Seahawks. Boy, things have changed since then.
When I first heard this joke, it was the Toronto Maple Leafs
It's still the Leafs.
I first heard it as the Houston Texans. 10 years later it's still funny.
Being a Packer fan, it was always momma bear poppa bear and baby bear. Baby bear wanted to live with the Chicago Bears
http://www.britishburnassociation.org/burns-units
Even went for the British version. Bravo
didn't see that one coming...lmao, thanks OP
Oh man you got me... bastard.
Fucking love it
Always heard this with the Mets and Yankees.
BAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
http://instantostrich.com/
Too easy.
"All officers we have reports of shots fired over on Youjustgotserved St. Bring some ice, possible burn victims"
Yeah i think i was high when i wrote that...
You could also use Australia instead of England in this. And considering Australia had a 0.00001 chance of winning the World Cup.
still better odds than England.