Sensefield1

How old are you?

If you're young-ish, still in your 20s, I'd just have a blast with a beautiful woman for a while and then get the fuck out before it gets even worse. Because it'll get worse. Don't marry this woman no matter what.

If you're a bit older, get out. Just get out. You can find plenty of people who aren't 8 or 9/10 but you still find attractive that will REDUCE the stress in your life, not increase it. Be picky, find those people.

I know you're thinking, "oh man people are looking at me with this girl and they're like what a badass, his girl is so hot. I'm so jealous." Maybe some do think that, but that absolutely doesn't matter. 100000000% doesn't matter.

If you continue on this path and put a ring on her, when you're in your late 30s, 40s, and sitting around doing laundry and she yells at you for the 3rd time that week about how you slightly folded the towels incorrectly, you'll realize how right I am.

I've told her that. When I asked her if she was ok with me going out, I also made it 100% transparent that I would be completely ok if she did exactly the same. She has a couple good friends who are social people, I said, hey, why don't you message _____ and set up a time to go out on a Saturday night? She gave a kind of vague response about thinking about it. She's not really the party type. I would feel so much better if she were to hit up a club or bar or something, but that's just not what she's into.

Also, in terms of finding someone else, I'm not trying to humble brag here but she's attractive and smart enough that if she were so inclined she could find a guy in a heartbeat. That's absolutely not the problem.

I think she's also worried about the same things I am, especially in relation to our daughter.

We go out all the time, honestly I spoil her fking rotten. But she's incredible and doesn't really act spoiled, so I just enjoy this time while it lasts. 10 years or even fewer from now she won't want to have anything to do with me, so I'm enjoying these years while I have them.

Sorry you had to go through all of that, but it sounds like you're in a much better place now

No we're just roommates who are taking care of a child, all of the other aspects of dating are non-existent.

Thanks for the well wishes!

My wife stalks my social media including reddit, instagram, snap, etc, so there's literally no way I'm going to give any hints as to what she looks like. This is an alt, but I'm still not going to risk it. Sorry man :(

I would feel bad divorcing without marriage counseling first, and I think she'd be interested in it, but my hopes for this relationship being salvageable is non-existent.

It's not like I want to love her again, or even like her again. I don't want to love this person and I don't like this person anymore.

But maybe I'll be surprised by the amazing power of counseling and I'll have my mind changed. Maybe it'll make such a huge change in her attitude that I'll be like oh, years of abuse were nothing, this new person is the love my life again.

Yeah I commented about this in another post, but I realized I got together and even stayed together with my wife because she was/is extremely attractive, and in that department way, way, way out of my league. I regret making that decision every single day.

When we met she absolutely wasn't what she is now, or at least not to this degree. I don't know what happened. Maybe she's been hiding it this whole time.

Where I live, children walk to school. Where I'm looking to move is actually slightly closer to the school she'd be attending.

Ignoring the Christian part, yeah we've had this conversation. It's not about being the head of the house, it's about treating each other with mutual respect, which I feel does not happen from her side.

I'm meeting human beings, which I haven't really done in 6 years. Some of them are women who are clearly interested in me, and while I haven't yet, recently I've thought, "would going home with one of them be that bad..."

And the resounding consensus is that yes, it would be that bad, and while my wife is being emotionally abusive, cheating on her is just as bad if not worse regardless of how it would make me feel in the short term.

Don't have to apologize, I think it's natural to infer that I'm hiding something in my story to make me look better or my wife look worse, or something. Thanks for the well wishes!

We met when I was in my early 20s and she was/still is EXTREMELY beautiful and looks-wise way, way, way out of my league. But she was the type, and you don't have to believe me here but I swear it's true, she was the type who didn't know how attractive she was. She was much kinder during that time, and not nearly as picky with things being a certain way or stubborn back then. So it was just a bad combination for a horny 20 something like me, and I can see that now. But I don't care how she looks now, and that being one of the factors I took into consideration when getting together with her is something I super regret. She could instantly transform back into her 20 something self and it wouldn't change a thing, she's become an awful person.

So basically this is all my fault, and I don't really think I deserve sympathy for being in my position, but I'm still happy people are giving advice on how to get out of it anyway.

We just stuck together for a long time and I felt I would never meet anyone better, although in hindsight I met people that were way, WAY better for me and I regret not moving on when I had the chance.

My daughter is the coolest person I've ever met and she's my whole world right now - I think anyone who has met me probably instantly realizes that. I feel like I could go back to being independent again in the doomsday scenario where my wife somehow gets custody and runs away, but it would not be a fun process.

I don't mind too much that people are making assumptions, but I still feel the need to explain myself, you know ;(

This might sound counter intuitive but I don't think this is a recent or sudden change, or at least it didn't go from 0 to 100. I think it was more like 50 to 100, with our daughter being the catalyst.

We both take care of our daughter pretty well I think, but if my wife takes my daughter out by herself it almost always ends poorly, they both end up unhappy, and I have to pick up the pieces. So I've just accepted the fact that 60% of the time I take my daughter out by myself and we have a great time, 30% of the time we go out as a family and there's a huge argument either before, during or after, and then 10% of the time my wife takes her out and that's a total coin flip.

I can't see any world where my wife would accept me going out and having relations with other women, although I've talked to guys who are in that situation.

I'm really curious how I'll feel once it's just me again. Will it really be that much of a change in my overall demeanor? I hope so.

Our stories are quite different, but I think we're very similar in this part:

I was happier at home just when he wasn’t in it.

This feels so true. When it's just me and my daughter things are blissful. Things are so smooth and easy, things go great. Then as soon as she gets home there's always something to complain about. One time I took a day off and organized the entire literal goddamn apartment and the first thing she pointed out when she got home was that I didn't vacuum the hallway. Like, you just can't win.

Thanks so much for your story, it definitely helped me a lot.

Anyway I'm glad you're in a much, much, MUCH MUCH better place now, congratulations!!

I do indeed, read OP edit

Literally nothing has happened with anyone beyond me showing cute pictures of my daughter to some of the women after I drink too much

Can you elaborate on what makes you think I'm looking for a second abusive wife?

I dunno how to minimize my daughter's stress in that situation. If she was not part of the equation, and this shit was still happening, I would've been looooooong gone.

um, I didn't leave the house without my daughter by my side, except for work, for an entire 6 years, and I was being abused the entire time. My eye is wondering now I guess, but she had literally nothing should even COULD question up until literally about 2 months ago, when I finally hung out with a friend just 1 on 1

I'm in therapy. I didn't bring up the cheating thing but I told her way more than I told you guys, and she didn't outright say it, but she suggested that sometimes relationships have to end for the good of everyone involved.

But I still wanted to get other people's opinions on it, considering there's a child involved and I want her to be happiest most of all

Ah no, I mean "don't cheat" makes sense and after reading a ton of posts in here saying that I've decided not to.

But "stop cheating" is confusing to me because I'm not sure which part of my post describes me cheating on her already.

Oh god that's the worst, "look what you made me do"

Like if I punched her in the face and said, "I did that because you didn't wipe the counter right after you used it" I would be immediately and rightfully crucified for it, but her saying, "I'm only telling you to leave and never come back and ignoring everything you say because you didn't wipe the lint off of the dryer door, that's your fault" is just a totally ok and normal way to act?

I've been condescending, so I need to tell her that I won't tolerate her behavior...?

I feel like my daughter will be in 100% stress central and my wife won't know how to control it, and it'll be up to me to deal with my daughter's emotions like always, and that will necessarily involve being with my wife again, which just sounds like a pain in the ass lol

I'm really confused about this, is going out with friends and talking to people, including women, cheating? A lot of people are saying I need to stop cheating, but in my brain this isn't cheating, this is just being social. Am I being dumb here? Have I cheated by just going to a bar with a friend and talking to whoever is there?

Is going out with friends and talking to people cheating? I'm not pretending to be dumb here, I haven't had any 1on1 time with another woman so far, and that's like the lowest bar for cheating I can imagine.

We've had that (last) conversation at least a dozen or more times. It's not always family, but it's always something (sometimes me, sometimes not).

Her: You left your sweatshirt on the floor!

Me: You have 4 shirts and a pair of pants just sitting on the floor, how is it that you're only concerned with my sweatshirt?

Her: Yeah but two weeks ago you didn't finish all of the leftovers I prepared.

Me: Ok, is that what you're upset about? Me not finishing the leftovers?

Her: No

Me: Ok, do you think you know what you're upset about? It doesn't seem like it's the sweatshirt or the leftovers.

Her: Well today at work...........

And we'll go from there.

I'm not saying this excuses anything, but if my wife asked if she could go out on weekends and party and meet guys I'd immediately tell her yes. If she came home one night and said, "sorry, I met someone else, he's perfect and never makes mistakes, we have to get divorced" it would be an extreme relief, honestly.

I'm so worried that without me, I have no idea what will happen to her emotional instability.

I started to think of this a while ago when I realized my daughter would say things like, "it's ok mom, please don't be angry" and go and get her a glass of milk or something. Just like, the fact that she feels like she has to take care of her mom's emotional well being is suuuuper super not good, right??

If we were to divorce, I think we could amicably agree on joint custody. I know there are situations where alimony is still relevant with joint custody, but I think it would be ok.

I feel like separating for x months and figuring things out from there might be the best solution here, I just dunno what would happen with my daughter for that amount of time. Ideally we'd share custody, I'd have her one week she'd have her the next? I guess? But I know that'd still be extremely stressful for my daughter.

Yeah it takes a certain type of teacher with a certain type of relationship with their students to be able to pull that off.

But it was definitely way easier/more fun than like tiptoeing up to them in the teachers' room afterwards and being like "um excuse me, um about last class...you said something that wasn't....um, completely correct, ummm" and hoping they don't flip out.

Yeah he was honestly a true bro and a great teacher. We were both good at acting on the fly and the students were already conditioned to expect stuff like that on occasion, so I don't think anyone really suspected anything.

It worked out so well and since I taught ES also at the same time I started doing it there on purpose. Like intentionally writing obviously wrong things on the board ("1 2 3 4 6 7 8 9 10") and waiting for someone to correct me, and throw this huge fit over it like a student had the gall to try to correct me only to sheepishly admit that I made a mistake. They loved it every time, so it basically works with anyone.

Let's math it out.

We'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she's 30. Considering the art book and her backstory of moving schools, I think that's the minimum, honestly.

30/2 = 15
15 + 7 = 22

Joker is 16 (MAYBE 17), so yeah, at the very least she's too old for him.