'If you're walking alone at night, and this is all you see: run.
This text is an account from a survivor of an attack from a cryptid. The man who wrote this is no longer with us.
Me and my wife got in the car. After a lengthy dispute about our broken marriage, we decided to get some fresh air and talk it out over some nice views. She was still mad at me though, told me I would be sleeping on the couch, though I guess now I don't have to. When we got there, we started talking, though I guess it's none of your business what we talked about. But for a fleeting moment, it was as if we almost felt like we loved eachother again. That was until I felt something rub my back. I thought it was her at first, but it felt oddly rubbery. I asked her if she was wearing gloves, she looked at me like I was an idiot and said "No?". I think for a short while she felt insulted, like the love was slowly fading from her face. But that's when we both noticed the leering shadow standing over us. Tall, overweight, disformed. We slowly turned around. Staring back at us was some chicken balloon thing, it's skin was so shiny, it's feet were malformed, it looked disgusting, and it moved.
I immediately made a run for it, but my wife could not catch up. That thing was stronger than it looked, I couldn't just let it take my wife, I don't know what he was going to do to her, so I ran back. I grabbed some rocks and threw them at the thing, it didn't seem to like it. It dropped her and she started bleeding, then he came straight at me. I grabbed another rock and as it bolted towards me, I scraped it's face, causing air to slowly start escaping. It did not bleed, it was effectively a walking balloon mascot, like you'd see waving around outside of a store, though I can only imagine that this thing would be advertising some sort of fried chicken or whatever. It grabbed me and started choking me with the force of Mike Tyson. Surprisingly it was capable of that. My wife made a run for it, she got to the car and drove away immediately, what a fucking bitch. As I was choking to death, I could only really think about my dumb pathetic life, my retarded kids, my bitch wife who doesn't love me, but she should. My dumb job, but somehow, thinking about these things just made me angrier and angrier. I managed to grab another rock, and I scratched multiple holes into the demon, resulting in air gushing out and it flying away like a blimp. I ran away from it as fast as I could.
When I got home I beat the shit out of my wife and I made her sleep on the couch, we're still going through the divorce process. Anyways I don't know if any of that information will help you on whatever retarded SCP thingy this shit was or something like that, but I guess it's serious if you guys are shining bright lights on me, standing in black suits and ties. Can you guys let me go now?
The survivor was found dead shortly after. Cause of death is still unknown, though... we have our suspicions...
If you see this cryptid, run and then contact us immediately.
