epolsipol

But that is truly humiliating.

May be trans only*

He is a gynecologist. ;

I may be transitioning in order to escape traumas and ridiculous expectations too.

Anyways, I like transition, but I hate the idea that people are born trans

What does that says about transmaxxing? Is being a woman bettar?

lool

In the future, neglectful parents will be the norm and they will feed their kids "Happy Milk", avaible in any grocery store, which contains drugs that make the kids smile and laugh 24/7. Happy Milk will be greatly recommended by doctors from all over the world, as it will be scientifically proven to destroy sadness in younger kids.

Allowing neglectful parents to live worry-free lives, just as they love it.

The only ones that can punish emotional neglect parents specifically, are the victims itself.

But I don't really want to do that to my pathetic aging parents. As they age, its like they become more childish, its like they started looking at me as their parent 🤢. Well, I am sorry to disappoint you, but do I have the tools to be good to you? I am broken inside. Go away, enemy.

Reality is sad. I wish we were all friends. But I grew to hate myself, you raised me like that and now my life is a mass of darkness. Now what? You act dependent and childish? Just go away. If it depends on me now to catter to you, you will turn as suicidal and depressed as I have been all those years. Go away, parents

My father was a very bad parent. He expected me to act like a clone of him, to be his follower. I could have been given freedom to develop my own world views and that would benefit me more than my selfish father's guidance(neglectful and controlling).

And he was not good to me, he was jealous and didn't want me to do better than him, but at same time he was proud of me as if I was his piece of art. He would do things such as return gifts from cousins, or when I told him a girl was nice to me in school, he talked about how popular he was as a kid, and he was always that type of jealous, competitive, belittling, provoking, but at same time he would be proud (as if I was his project).

So I tried to act like him as he wanted. But at same time I had this feeling that I shouldn't do too well or live for myself. It was suffocating.

Also he would do as he wanted, and force me to travel 2x a month for a total of 1300 kilometers. I threw up almost everytime, meaningly I had to endure nausea and throwing up 3~4x a month.

I was angry for many years. This pos has some kind of sickness that turns he into some kind of evil. He is a bit psycho, he dehumanizes me a little bit and is out of touch with my feelings.

My mother was bad too, but human levels of bad. She would put me in extracurricular classes in special schools and stay busy with work for most of the time. She would spend no time with me. She was also not sexy. She had me in her 40's, and I didn't got to experience a young mother's touch.

I had a mental breakdown at adolescence. I experienced psychosis. Panic attacks. Social anxiety. Etc. It was probably because at that point, I was tired of performing the task I was taught to do, by my stupid father. I rebelled. Truly, after that ,I was never able to be the person I was before that mental breakdown, I dramatically changed and adopted a bit of a psycho personality.

That is how I think I am transitioning now. Because I give up being a man. I accepted it will be easier to just live as a woman.

The traumas that are built when you are a little kid, vulnerable and scared, in the big world, are usually much deeper than the traumas from adulthood. The woman version of me, is happier, she came to life when I was already somewhat a capable person, able to defend myself, not as gullible and weak compared to my kid self, able to discern the absurdity from other people. So I could guide her toward a decent place, a safer, happier place. Different from my male identity, which is deeply damaged

I feel a bit of pleasure to" kill the son". I craved suicide before, much because I gave up my life, and because I actually wanted to hurt my parents.

But if I can kill the son and destroy my parents's project without actually dying, its even better. I am enjoying it tbh.

So I don't think I was born trans, I actually enjoy the idea that I choose to be trans. And I enjoy the idea that my parents gave me such a hard start in life that I had a mental breakdown and choose to trash it with my own hands.

It feels bad to be like" oh father, please treat me as a girl, I was born that way, dont you see it" , but it feels good to be like "stop father, your son is dead, or slowly dying, its all because of you guys". The second alternative feels much better.

I also feel a sense of disgust when he is like "I accept that youre a woman"...and treats me like that. He is supposed to crave and desire the son I am killing and I am supposed to be mad with disgust because he expects me to be that son. That is how I like it.

Anyone relates?

😢. Sure I am a bit of a psycho as you can see, but please be kind.

I swear if your parent ever stopped and told you that they were not the best parents, then you didn't had the ultra mega neglectful type angel.

"Angel". lol.

What I mean is, my father have conditioned me to act tough, to act like a man, a straight man, ever since I was a small kid, and I was suffering so much all that time. Even being trans alone is torture but to have to act like a particular type of a man, made me have a burnout crashout as a teen... I started having psychosis, I was going insane.

I subconsciously blamed my father. It felt like it was all his fault for denying me a sense of comfort and safety in name of acting like a lil Chad.

So then a lot have happen in those past years, including me causing my mother to grow distant to him as a form of vengeance. (😹 stay wifeless loser).

He has such r*p*** mindset that he never bothered how I felt, you know the type of man that gets happy when he gets what he wants but never wonder how their own family feels? r*p*** nature.

Slowly I punished him over the years, slowly, at same time I sent the equivalent of a giant ball of hatred energy, wishing him to die as years passed. You know, that bad feeling when you deal with a negative person in the grocery store or something, I sent 5000x of that.

Did he ever abandoned me? Did he ever got mad? LOL. No, he just suffered. Just as a kid, slowly, I submitted to his selfish desires, as my mind slowly got teared apart into insanity, depression and stuff.

Now I pray to the skies for my boobs to grow, so he cries the death of a son. Those past few months, I have felt his fear of loss after I threatened him with my death. I fed on its energy, fantasizing about how he would be crushed by my suicide.

Unfortunely, thaT unintelligent man failled to realized that he didn't raised a son, but an sick enemy, haha, a goddamn demon.

So what do I do now that I have dedicated my life toward the evil ways? I was once a loving child who would obey their parents and endure the suffering religiously. But after the burnout, it changed forever.

Will my father experience burnout as my boobs grow and I start wearing dresses? Will he also change forever? If so, I think its fate, I hope he can choose the best option of just discarding me out of his life though. Because I still dislike him.

But in his r*p*** fantasies, he is the happy father of a depressed son or something.

Die stupido, dieee.

Like, try being chased by a r*p*** demon for your entire life, I had literal nightmares of him comming to kill me. I fantasized about punching his dead protuberant tummy. I prayed for invisible creatures to kill him when he went on the roads. I tried to kill him by sending hatred energy. I laugh at how much I hate him, and I have laughed at the though of his death. I never hated someone more than my father. And... In the end I thnk he enjoys the whole experience? Like a mashochist pig? Guided to the depths of sickness in the name of love?

You would think I am just insane and was born mentally ill, but no, I was pushed to my limits.