Advice for getting unwanted stains out of your bathroom for good

sunshineparadox

6 min read

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Sep 13, 2025

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This page is meant to have the most generic title possible, because it is actually for leaving a DV situation. For that reason, there are also no images. It’s important to have as few assets as possible and generic wording in the title should the wrong person find this.

If this is advice you need, clear your entire history after reading it for the last hour. If you clear all history within the past day, week, etc., that will raise suspicion.

I load this advice most days, and I wanted to offer a space where comments could add additional information or advice if they want to:

Leaving domestic abuse relationships for Reddit users

You are in an abusive relationship, and you are in danger. You need to leave, but do not tell them you’re leaving and do not plan it openly. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you’re leaving. The reason behind that is they feel they’re losing control, they no longer have control over you. It’s even worse after strangulation. If they strangle you, leave before they murder you. Some harrowing statistics:

• 75 percent of homicides in an abusive relationship occur when the victim leaves the relationship, and violence upon leaving a relationship also skyrocketed 75 percent more in the past two years.
• Being strangled even once increases the likelihood of homicide by 750 percent. That is not a typo. Seven hundred fifty percent.

So yes — it is that bad, you are in danger, and you need to go.

Some tips I’ve unfortunately learned from my own experiences before getting ready to go myself. I’ve made this a little more generic sounding to account for other readers who may need support that aren’t the OP.

• Before anything else, open this on a device your abuser doesn’t have access to in incognito mode. Don’t leave traces of looking for resources.
• Get a “go bag” and hide it where you KNOW FOR A FACT your abuser will not find it. I hid mine under the donut in my car. But they can’t find it, because it will cause risk if they do. If you have kids, each kid needs their own. The kind of things you want to stick in this are medication, birth certificate, social security card, green card, and other paperwork you need for benefits and proof of your identity. You can also store money, a change of clothes, really basic stuff. If you’re able, photos and family heirlooms, but remember they’re not worth your life.
• Get a change of address. If you use the same address as you have with your abuser, they will get the associated mail, statements, bills, etc. in the mail instead of you. This would give them so much visibility on your new life.
• Open a secret bank account in your name.
  — Use your new address.
  — Do not use the same bank that any known and shared bank accounts are located. They may be able to access these accounts if they were able to before, especially if you are married.
  — Stow away change, extra money from your paycheck, whatever you’re able. If it’s from your paycheck, say something about changing the number of deductions or increase in taxes. Keep bonuses, raises, and cost of living raises a secret and definitely send those to the secret bank account. If possible, friends or family could “donate” money via transfer to that account to help.
• Slowly change accounts they won’t notice and you need to keep (e.g., student loans) to online only statements (e.g., “e-statements”). This is somewhere in account settings, and it will vary by company.
• Make a new email account and link that to your secret bank account and use your new change of address.
  — Connect it to a new account for your ridesharing app of choice.
  — The app should also use the new bank account or debit card.
• Obtain a burner smartphone.
  — You want a phone that is capable of texting, calling, messaging apps you use with your loved ones like WhatsApp, and a ridesharing service. The last one is important.
  — Do not turn it on until you leave.
• Avoid using a computer, laptop, your current phone or tablet if you can. If you do, check for keyloggers, cameras, and voice recorders.
  — The r/cybersecurity subreddit has a number of ways to find a keylogger. The article is 7 years old, but the suggestions still hold up.
  — Cameras can be found by using the flashlight function on your phone and moving it around. If a camera is there, the light will bounce off the camera and expose it. Don’t move it, though. Get sneakier.
  — Use incognito mode. In Firefox, the option is called “new private window”. In Google Chrome, this is called “incognito mode”. In Apple Safari, this is called “private browsing”.
  — If at all possible, borrow a loved one’s device when you see them, a coworker’s, or go to the public library.
• Wait for them to go to work, a trip, some function. When they do, take your shit.
  — Check your car, purse, bag, children’s things for a GPS tracker. Sometimes it’s a dedicated device. Sometimes it’s something like an Apple AirTag.
  — Turn off any apps meant to share your location and location sharing on your watch, tablet, phone, and anything else. Sometimes it’s the device’s basic location sharing, or sometimes it’s a dedicated app like Life360. Do this first.
  — Turn off all social media accounts and your previous email. Do not open them again.
  — For important accounts that you cannot just shut off and use a new account (e.g., social security administration), change your email to the new email, change your password to something new, and change statement/billing information over to the new address. If you can’t do it immediately and are required to call the service, wait until you are in the new place to do so. You may need to tell them you’re fleeing DV, and you may need your social security number.
  — Then turn off your phone and other devices. Do not turn it back on. That phone will be dead to you for a while.
  — Preferably use a ridesharing service to get to a safe place. But you can drive or use public transit if you can.
  — If possible, go to the home of someone your abuser won’t know the location of. This increases your safety but also the safety of those harboring you. Your parents, etc. will be truthful when they say you’re not there.
• Loop in law enforcement and explain your situation. If they are helpful, give your specific details. This is especially important if you have children and will need to protect the custody of. They will help you with a restraining order. If they are not helpful or sympathetic — especially if your abuser is a LEO — go to your city/counter’s domestic violence advocate for these things.

Other resources for you

• Domestic Violence National Hotline which has a giant X in the right-hand corner of the screen so you can exit out as quickly as possible if your abuser intrudes.
• Purple Leash Project which helps abuse victims escape safely with their pets. If you have a pet and want to take them, this resource will help with that. This is the resource that Purina (animal food) uses in their commercials. Other people in the subreddit have co-signed this resource as helpful. Local shelters may be willing to provide you with temporary boarding in order to get you and your pets out safely.
• Independent Domestic Abuse Services quiz to gauge whether your partner is abusive.
• Find a shelter near you and see what resources nearby shelters can offer you. International links available. You can filter this list by shelters who offer co-housing resources for your pets, too.
• “Why Does He Do That?” by Lucy Bancroft on signs and explanations behind abusive behaviors in a relationship, free as a PDF on the Internet Archive.
• “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker on your anxiety and fear in a relationship as a signal from your body that something isn’t right, free as a PDF on Bookey.
• “What My Bones Know” by Stephanie Foo on PTSD as an alternative to “The Body Keeps Score” which has retraumatized some unintentionally, free as a PDF on Bookey.

Changelog

• October 29, 2025: Updated links to “What My Bones Know” & “Why Does He Do That?”, new title per redditor suggestions. ❤
• Saturday, September 13, 2025: Added a suggestion about making a change of address from another reddit user,
• Tuesday, August 19, 2025: Added DV quiz, shelter locator website, three PDF links to books on abuse and PTSD (last five bullets).
• Saturday, August 16, 2025: Created document.