Using animal names to abuse each other is a stereotype that we could do without

Then there are the long-denounced wolves: call a dude a “wolf” and you are not paying him a compliment. In the flesh, wolves probably live better disciplined lives than we do. Women who go at each other with nails extended and teeth bared and screams and shrieks are in a glorious “catfight” – cats that actually do so are never described as being in a “ladies affray!”

Our nearest relatives don’t get spared either: call someone a monkey, or worse, a chimpanzee or gorilla or ape and see what happens. And if we think these animals behave badly, all we really need to do is to take a look in the mirror… or go and stand before the simians’ enclosure at the zoo, or any of the hallowed edifices where our administrators gather.

Not a lounge lizard! (Photo credit: Ranjit Lal)

Anyone who is fond of their food is labelled a pig or a hog – and yes, while pigs and hogs are enthusiastic foodies, have you watched people at a long buffet table at a five-star hotel where someone else is footing the bill? They’ll outdo any self-respecting pig or hog, shoving each other in the ribs with their elbows as they try to clean up the lobster and caviar. Certainly, the porcine have better table matters, even if they may snuffle and dribble as much.

Agreed most people loathe rodents, so calling someone you disparage a rat or bandicoot seems par for the course. But rats are very intelligent and share so many characteristics with us that the joke is on us (Why do you think so many medical experiments are done and drugs tested on them before being used on us?). There are other small highly energetic creatures that we don’t spare either: ferrets and weasels for example, using their names to insult ourselves. And these guys are really highly-evolved and hyper-efficient killing machines tuned to perfection to hunt their prey.

Poor donkeys have suffered for eons and how often have we called someone a “donkey” or an ass when they mess up? Donkeys really are sweet and patient animals and yet I find myself calling idiots “gadhas” time and time again! We call the stubborn – mules – but really mules are usually stubborn for very good reasons, while “human mules” are usually just being pig-headed! (Oops, there I go again!)

Duffers are also called buffaloes or bhains, and while agreed they may not look the sharpest, they certainly do know how to use those sweeping horns. And alas, in the decadent West, “cow” has not been used as a flattering reference to women, something that should considerably upset our sentiments.

Reptiles, alas, have always got a terrible deal. Thus, a two-timing, backstabber is called a “snake in the grass”, though most snakes – even if they don’t blink their eyes – are really beautiful creatures with polished coils. Worse, we speak of their “forked tongue” – which is really nothing but a stereo-enabled odour system that helps them pinpoint their prey. Ugh, but they wriggle and writhe which gives us the heebie-jeebies, but then so do our children when they are tickled!

A slinky, sharp-suited dude haunting hotel foyers with a gratuitous smile on his face is of course nothing but a “lounge lizard” hunting for women. Frankly, no lizard with a sense of self-preservation would dare do that; it’s flies or mosquitoes any day!

As for birds, when there’s a will to be milked, we do say the “vultures are gathering” and, of course, “culture vultures” attend pseudo-intellectual soirees.

Creepy-crawlies don’t get spared either: call someone a cockroach and it’s certainly not a glowing reference to a tough dude that can survive a nuclear missile attack. Call someone a worm and sadly, we are not complimenting them on their ability to turn and oxygenate the soil. A socialite flitting from party to party is nothing but a “social butterfly” though frankly, butterflies have very little time to socialise!

All these defamatory illusions have become so ingrained in our use of language that it’s going to be difficult to stop using them. But I wonder if it speaks more of the poor animal in question than it does of our own hyper-inflated egos.

But finally, a little humility: When down and out and when all seems lost, some of us do turn around and fight: like tigers!