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The Rise of Ethical Non-Monogamy — and the Backlash From a Monogamous Society
For every couple embracing ENM, there’s a society ready to judge. Here’s the truth about the rise of ethical non-monogamy — and why the backlash is so fierce.
I didn’t set out to be a cultural argument. I set out to build a life that fits: a marriage that’s honest, loving, and — yes — ethically non-monogamous (ENM). Some days it feels groundbreaking. Other days, it feels like I’m carrying a neon sign that reads “Explain yourself.”
If you live openly in ENM, you know the drill. Family members who whisper. Friends who go quiet. Therapists who reduce any problem to, “Well, it’s probably the non-monogamy.” And strangers who treat your private agreements like a public referendum.
Beneath all of this is a cultural current with a tidy name: mononormativity — the assumption that “one-and-only” monogamy is the natural, healthy, and moral default, while anything else is suspect, immature, or pathological. That assumption doesn’t just live in dinner-table opinions; it shapes laws, clinics, pulpits, and algorithms. It makes people like me legible as a cautionary tale rather than what we are: adults practicing consent, care, and choice. Scholars increasingly use “mononormativity” to describe the social elevation of the singular — one partner as the only legitimate…
