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She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
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She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
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She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.
She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
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She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
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She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
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You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history.
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She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.
She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.
By using Twitter’s services you agree to our Cookies Use. We and our partners operate globally and use cookies, including for analytics, personalisation, and ads.
By using Twitter’s services you agree to our Cookies Use. We and our partners operate globally and use cookies, including for analytics, personalisation, and ads.
You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history.
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She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
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She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
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She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.
She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.
She genuinely believes that I have sexually assaulted her. And I considered her a friend and am genuinely sorry for what she's going through, but feel that a blameless perspective would try to examine how the miscommunication happened. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
In my view, this was neither foreseeable nor deliberate. I sincerely wish that we had each communicated our circumstances and needs better, but there is nothing I can do about it now that the damage has been done. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I hope that she heals. I understand she may need to talk about it in order to heal or get closure. She has asked me to never contact her again, and I am doing my best to abide by it (Slack missing a block feature notwithstanding). [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
but I also cannot allow myself to get smeared without stating what my experience/viewpoint was, nor can I allow myself to be the target of attempts to psychologically harm me in return. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
I understand that she's feeling suicidal and traumatized, but... it is counterproductive to try to attack me to the point of me becoming suicidal too. This was always going to be a mistake I was going to regret for the rest of my life :( [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD]
So I don't know what to do other than be clear and transparent to the community, and... otherwise try to give her space.
if this results in consequences for me, then they very well may be consequences I deserve. You be the judge. [cw: allegations of sexual assault, cPTSD] [fin]
(note: please please please do not try to identify or deanonymize her or take any action against her. the last thing I want is a further escalation of the situation. all I want here is for things to deescalate and for both of us to heal from this. it's a shitty situation.)
In short:
(1) Liz lives with a dog. Liz's clothing has dog hair on it.
(3) Liz had consensual sex with someone.
(4) That person has phobia of dog hair and didn't say so.
(5) That person thinks Liz deliberately/maliciously got dog hair on her.
(6) She accuses Liz of sexual assault
I think this is the best example I've ever seen - by a tremendous margin - of 'how to defend yourself without being horrible'. I'm sorry you're both going through this, and I'm in awe of your ability to manage the situation.
Consent accidents do occasionally happen. It's part of the risk-aware of "risk-aware consensual kink"...
and I think that when they do, we need to be able to understand what happened, rather than lashing out, or blanket just denying that anything happened, both of which suck...
Also the idea of "subjective truths" is common here, but less so there. If she's willing to simply accept no contact as an outcome- despite her subjective truth that she genuinely believes, that's very generous of her. It's the best we can hope for given the circumstances.
Yeah, and as a friend pointed out, no-contact has its limits when the person starts publicly smearing rather than agreeing not to talk to or about each other...
0 replies0 retweets0 likes
End of conversation
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