Are Femcels the New Incels?
Is the movement the fault of feminism, as incels claim?
At first glance, the term femcel looks like a typo. In reality, the term refers to a community of women who have chosen to opt-out of sexual and romantic relationships. Similar to how incels, or male involuntary celibates, blame feminists for their inability to secure a satisfying sex life, femcels view misogyny and unjust beauty norms as a factor that inhibits their true sexual and romantic desires. More specifically, femcels believe that they are only desirable to men sexually, not romantically, and therefore have created internet personas surrounding their inability to be loved.
Incels have a history of being violent anti-feminists and have even gained the title of being a growing terroristic threat by the United States Secret Service. Because incels blame feminism for their lackluster sex lives, they view the cries of femcels to be far from valid. The reason is most incels believe that women have it easier than men because in their opinion, everyone wants to have sex with women. Therefore in their eyes, femcels are just being too picky. Others have made their way to TikTok comments and have called the creation of the femcel community “cultural appropriation.”
The issue for femcels is not about being sexually attractive, it’s that sexual desire is not satisfying enough for them. The female experience is not devoid of pain and inconvenience. Interpreting being sexually desired but not respected as being “too picky” goes to show what incels believe being sexually desired means. These women want genuine connection and want to be desired in all ways, not just sexually. One femcel articulated the feeling of only being sexually desirable to Elle: “Being the person a man is willing to ejaculate into is like being a toilet. It can be a very dehumanizing experience.”
Femcels have similar experiences to all women such as only being desired and not respected, which is exactly why feminists have rallied for generations to ensure women have equitable experiences. But where there are concerns about dehumanizing sexual experiences, the community also engages in misandry, or a deep dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against the male sex. This makes it difficult for those outside of the community to support or hear the concerns of femcels. On TikTok you’ll see dozens of members from the femcel community dragging men about their poor qualities and dating habits. When you look deep into the commentary, there are people commenting that the extreme misandry is exactly why no one wants to date them. One person commented under the TikTok above: “if EVERY man you meet is like that i’m pretty sure they aren’t the problem.”
It’s hard to know which came first, the misandry, or being mistreated by men. But one thing’s for sure, femcels have a deep disdain for the current dating pool and its beauty standards, while incels believe feminists are to blame for their sexual dysfunction. In either case, both groups have their own perspectives, but are femcels wrong for their approach?
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