[deleted by user]

“ Don’t dip your quill in company ink”- Yes, thank you I know but at this point hindsight isn’t helpful

For the record, I'm not against boinkin' coworkers, but you seemed to already know she had a boyfriend, and that's what gets you a rolled-up newspaper to the nose.

Talking to her doesn’t work. Ignoring her doesn’t work. Being nice to her doesn’t work.

Align your behavior with the kind of relationship you want to have with her. If you're okay with continuing to bang a girl with a boyfriend, then do it. If you want to invest a lot of time and effort into trying to maintain a friendship, do it. If you want to establish a strictly-professional working relationship with her from now on, do it.

In addition to aligning your OWN behavior with the kind of relationship you want, you also need to establish boundaries for that relationship. What kind of behavior from her is okay and not okay with you? And if she pushes or breaks your boundaries, what negative consequences can she expect? If she acts in a way that shows you that you don't want to be friends with her, will you tell her you'll stop being friends? If she acts in a way that's highly unprofessional, will you bring it up with a manager?

What exactly is her goal here? Is it intentional? Is it insecurity? What is it?

Internet strangers aren't in a position to give you any sort of firm character judgment or mental health diagnosis of this girl with don't know. All that we can tell you is what you already know: she's treating you hot and cold, and seems incredibly mixed and contradictory in her actions. She has a boyfriend, but invites you to fuck. She mixes whether she's angry or friendly with you. She doesn't sound predictable to me.

But what you DO know is what YOU want. So align your actions with your behavior.

She's seeking your attention. That's why she is happy for a while after you give it to her. 

Oh I just read the part about what your dad said. He is 100% correct.  

She knows she's acting crazy, she is doing it on purpose to get your attention. That's why her emotions seem to flip so easily, she's not actually upset about anything. She's having fun. It's for play. 

Someone with that lack of integrity to her BF will never treat you with integrity. Thinking about "why's she doing this?" is a waste of time.

Leave her alone. If she won't do the same, find a new job.

Have you tried asking her? I'm a big fan of direct communication. Pull her aside and say "hey, I know things got messy between us in the past but let's clear the air and figure out where we actually stand with each other."

What do you need help with? You’re both people of low moral character. She’s a cheater and you’re the guy who hooks up with others in the house they share with their SO. Why don’t you do the right thing and tell her BF what really happened and maybe she’ll quit her job.

Listen to your father.

You opened Pandora’s box. Have fun.

I think she didn't know what she wants and you are tempting to her?

Here's a novel thought. She's literally mentally imbalanced. Perhaps she's bipolar, has cyclothymia, or even borderline personality disorder.

If your need for a young, cute thing is > messiness and potentially having job ramifications, carry on.

You went after a woman over ten years younger than you, who you work with and who has a bf? Dude, grow up.

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Does she have BPD or other mental health issues. Sounds like you stepped on a landmine. Not placing any bets on rational suggestions here because clearly you've entered the twilight zone.

I read your tldr, looks like she got what she wanted and doesn’t want you anymore.

Keep it strictly professional. Unfortunately for some people, the more you pull away the more they want you. Do it anyway, for your own career and safety. Never see her alone outside of work. She already lied to your boyfriend about you once, so ask yourself this: what other lies might she tell if you were to get involved again? What else might she accuse you of? This is serious.

Did this happen a while back and did this coworker happen to be covered in dumb tattoos

Dude you are 40. Why you out hear still getting played like a dumb high schooler. She got a man and she just playing you and you are too thick to get. She doesn't get attention at home, she runs to you. Gets a bit and runs back to the bf. Then she lies to the bf to make him jealous which I am sure it got the bf attention and concern for a while. Stop being a pawn in some insecure girl's game.

Dad's onto it. She wants your attention and possibly even flirting and indications of interest.
But she's also complicated her own situation by having a partner, and then cheating on her partner and then lying to her partner.

Girl likes to make drama, has poor emotional regulation and a broken moral compass.

In case it hasn't occurred to you yet, this is obviously a relationship you do NOT want in your life.

That's combination of attraction, and poor self control and desire for attention is f*ing her up badly and creating a nasty yoyo situation for both of you.

Two options-

1. Straight up confront her. Show appreciation for her and that connection you had, but make it VERY clear that you're not available to her. This is tricky because you want to keep the peace, and maintain friendliness, but build a very solid, visible wall regarding romance. Maybe you've decided work relationships are a hard NO. Maybe pretend you have a committed gf now. Anything to make it clear you are not available to her, full stop.

If you're lucky, it might work. You can still give her attention as a coworker and friend. She can still feel appreciated and have her attention itch scratched. But it stops there.

This might be a hard line for you, or her to walk. So option 2-

2. Distance yourself from her. That could mean anything, changing up your team arrangement, changing departments, changing jobs. Your current situation is really not tenable and it's going to create problems for you at work. The more you pull away the more she'll feel rejected and act out. Could lead to HR problems, harassment claims, ugly stuff.