r/StraightTransGirls

Like I'm attracted to women, I know this for sure, but I'm scared to date one because I worry I'll be expected to act manly: to top (the thought terrifies me), to take charge, etc. I worry I'll be seen as masculine by comparison or something.

But with men it's more like affirming to date them cause I am no question the woman of the relationship. I don't have to worry about topping, or being more masculine than him, or any of that.

I hope I can get over this fear, and maybe srs will help cause I won't have to worry about topping, but idk

Is this at all a common experience?

I’m 29 mtf and started my transition in 2014 the summer after I graduated high school.

I got into sugar dating and eventually escorting by trans friends who did it and I used it as a way to fund my transition costs. I got stuck in the lifestyle for 9 years!

I’m grateful and lucky to have loving supportive parents who hve always told me there’s space for me to move back home and quit sex work when I’m ready to, and I finally am.

I’m currently going through my belongings and downsizing so I can move back into my teen bedroom at my parents house, only 5 minutes away.

Sex work will forever hold a special place in my heart, I was lucky enough to never have any traumatic experiences other than the clients who wanted me to top them but I knew that was part of the game and I did what I had to do. Sex work helped me in many ways but it also stole almost all my light and life inside me, so I’m getting out while there’s still some life inside me.

My main motivator is finding love. I know dating is a shit show, I haven’t even been on a proper date in years. But I’m done feeling like I have to choose selling my body for rent instead of living a more modest and less $$ life but be more eligible for love. I’m monogamous and I don’t want to date someone who’s okay with me escorting either.

I’m a bit nervous but mostly excited to begin this new chapter. I’ve been suffering mentally for years alone in this apartment, it feels like Groundhog Day most of the time. I’m ready to change my life drastically and I know it’ll be hard. I’m hoping this brings me closer to finding my future husband, if he even exists. If I don’t at least I tried.

I know at 29 moving back with parents I should feel like a loser but I honestly feel proud and I feel like a new person coming back. I’ve learned so much from life, became stronger, I truly love and know myself and I have a strong sense of boundaries and self respect. I funded my boobs, FFS, laser hair removal, fillers, trips, shopping sprees, rent, groceries etc on my own and for years. I learned photography, editing, advertising. People skills and I also became an expert in sex !

I am ready to go on and now try to become a housewife and hopefully beat the allegations that “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” lol

i went on what felt like an excellent first date today, where we talked about all kinds of niche topics for almost four hours…just to get a message saying how much he hoped to see me again, but that he didn’t feel a romantic connection.

this is one of many such cases since i started transitioning, and i honestly just don’t know if it’s because i’m 27 and men my age don’t know what they want or if me being trans plays in at all.

i’m just so tired of putting myself out there and constantly getting rejected especially when i’m pouring myself into these men. does it ever get better, or do i just get to be lonely for the rest of my life?

I have noticed a growing trend where of trans women constantly post pictures or videos that empathize or show their dick prints, and honestly, it breaks my heart because now the world will think that every trans girl is exactly like that.

It feels like no matter how elegant, feminine or private I choose to be, society still box us all together and sees trans women as the OF girl or sexual category instead of as women.

I understand that those girls are marketing themselves, but I wish they could do it in a classy way that doesn't black paint us. I'm not shaming anyone's confidence or freedom to express themselves, but I wish more people understood how this oversexualised content harms the rest of us who are just trying to live a normal , respectable life.

I even avoid being recognized as "that trans girl" because I don't want to be associated with that kind of representation. I just want to be seen as a normal cis woman, not a sexual object.

Txt for date x

TLDR: This guy kissed me on my shoulder and later apologised for it over text. I wanted to convey that I didn't mind it and I liked it.

For context, this guy was my junior back in my uni. We met through a competition we were organising together. Since then, I had been getting vibes that he liked me.

One day, while I was walking on campus alone, he called out my name so loud that almost everyone around us could hear his voice. It was like he had some emergency. Then he rushed to me and said, "Oh, I just wanted to say hi"

Another time, he brought some food from his hometown, and he was distributing it to everyone, and they all were just digging in, and he said, "The rest is for Vans (me)".

He used to live in the same building as me, and we often interacted, but his friends used to tell me that every time they passed by my room, he would say, "Oh, that's her room, btw".

My friends even said that he might be into me, but I was too dumb to realise it then.

The realisation came one day when I was sick and he came to check up on me. He had just gotten back from a conference trip, and he gave me an F1 sticker because I am an F1 fan. I was flabbergasted by this gesture- it was not a big gift, but I liked the fact that he remembered things about me. However, it was too late, and I was about to graduate, so I did not pursue it further.

A few weeks back, I went to campus for my graduation ceremony. I thought I would give this guy a shot, but I was there for only a few days, and I had to meet so many people there. I met him almost at the end, briefly, and I told him that I was leaving the next day. Before I left, he gave me a really tight hug and at the end of the hug, he kissed me on my shoulder (I was wearing a tube top, btw). Ngl, I was turned on.

However, a few days later, he texted me and said, "Hey I am sorry I kissed you on your shoulder. I hope I did not make you uncomfortable. I should have aske for your consent first before doing that"

Idk how to react to that

So a month ago my ex boyfriend reached out , wanting us to get back together and I refused. Then he said 'but you know I love trans' I mized that and blocked him. I felt triggered together today when I came across a public group of trans dating on Facebook and men are busy saying 'I like trans', 'trans is the best' , 'hi I want trans,(then put his contact numbers'. It feels so dehumanizing, disrespectful and makes me feel like an object. I am a trans woman , not just trans. I am a woman, before trans I am a WOMAN! Men are really disrespectful

A girl like us, sent to men’s prison where she’s been sexually assaulted multiple times.

I went today for a clinic to do my blood samples extraction. Routine. Then a middle aged woman on the desk look at me and said: “ Go to the next table. He has more experience” then started laughing to her other female colleague. The guy on the desk was probably gay. I ignored. Then she said again to him: “you look gay but I know you are not gay “ joking with him and they proceed joking and laughing at each other. He was very nice to me though.

Obviously she said that because she assumed I am trans woman or maybe she read my medical records.

Did I do the right thing ignoring them or I should have said something? It’s always a challenge to answer such commentsj because they can always claim I’m crazy and they are not talking about m

I [now 30, MtF] started transitioning in my 20’s and it seemed dating then was a little easier, but now trying to date, looking for someone around my age, it seems ever so more difficult. Tried several dating apps and despite being in a blue city in a blur state, dating scene for trans is rather minimal. Any advice on where to start in the dating life in your 30’s where things are safe?

I don't like it. It feels dehumanizing. I'm a human, not a "doll". It's something I'd only expect from a boyfriend/husband... It seems to used a lot in this subreddit

By all accounts, I am very lucky bc I have a bf who accepts me for me. But I do not feel worthy of his love. I feel like such a nuisance in his life - from not feeling like I pass, to feeling bad if his friends and family found out, to the fact that I’m fat/ugly, to the fact that I’m insecure and worried he might just leave me bc he’s tired of dating a trans girl and it’s just “easier” to date a cis girl. Do you all feel similar?!?

Im a pretty feminine looking trans girl that started estrogen 9 months ago (no FFF yet) and I have had a lot of men take me out on dates and was falling for someone but I ended things with him around a month ago… i am attracted to and only date very masculine straight men. I sometimes feel sad because I haven’t found the right man to be my bf yet. Any advice from trans girls that are further along that have a boyfriend?

idk if anyone knows angela vanity she did storytimes in 2016 and had a whole fun vibe. ive been following her for a while since i watched her storytimes as a kid. wellll she randomly dmed me attacking me saying i was talking shit about her and calling me a crack whore.. so confused omlll i have sc but i dont want to start drama im just confused why someone i looked up to suddenly has a problem with me and came for me and blocked me

Lately, I’ve been wondering what this process is supposed to feel like. I see a lot of people talk about how transitioning brought them peace, joy, or a deep sense of alignment, but honestly, I just feel indifferent most of the time. Not bad, not good, just… neutral. It’s like I expected some kind of emotional breakthrough or a strong sense of self, but instead, it just feels like life kept moving and I’m along for the ride. I don’t know if that’s normal or if it means something deeper about how I’m approaching transition. For those of you who’ve been through this, did you ever feel indifferent too? Did that change over time, or is it just part of the process?

Yeah, I know... validation through others is not that healthy... Still...

Went on my first date with a man yesterday, it was awkward AF (as all first dates are) but it was really nice, he was nice and im glad I went 😁.

since transitioning I've always been very upfront in my dating profiles in mentioning that I'm trans, usually in the first sentence with 🏳️‍⚧️ emojis and all. I mostly did this out of fear of rejection later in the convo, or feeling like I was somehow deceiving men, or maybe just bc I felt like I was clockt enough anyway so might as well say it

but over my transition I've found that despite this increasingly run into guys that seem to not notice it and swipe right anyway, only in matching later after reading my bio and finally noticing it, so I guess I'm not as clockly as I thought anymore. this has made me start to consider if I should just remove the disclosure from my profile and disclose in conversation with men instead, but I'm curious how that switch has gone for some of y'all.

do you experience a lot more direct rejection after disclosing? do men get mad about it? when do you feel safe enough to share that information? I def don't think I could pull off going on a date without disclosing beforehand, in person there's still enough to clock me of someone was really paying attention (FFS can't come soon enough), so my intention is so bring it up between early convo and meeting up.

Idk what to do. He's a great guy. A good man. Realistically I couldn't hope for better. He has a stable job, good income. He's kind, warm. We bought a house together. A big one. Go on holiday twice a year. He wants to marry me. He's seen me at my absolute worst and still stays with me. He loves me, warts and all. He doesn't care one bit about the trans thing. Basically, I have everything I never thought I would, I never dared hope for. But I don't feel attracted to him anymore. Our love languages are different. I don't feel attraction to him physically. Not emotionally either. Not anymore. And I don't know what to do. Should I blow up my good life in the vain hope of finding my rugged dream guy? Or should I swallow it, plaster a smile on my face and pretend for the rest of my life?

Idc what anyone says, I’ve asked this question hundreds of times on dating sites. Only magats are ashamed enough to buck at the answer, everyone else’s answer is freely given and clear. Regardless of if they abstained of voted for someone other than the blob in office.

Why you ask? Because if they voted against your rights and freedoms they will use you till the ice goons come to get you then they’ll sleep like a baby about it and they do not really care about you. I am not telling you that you can’t share you body and time with these men, but wanting you to make that decision from an informed perspective.

Although I can’t see why anyone would want to share their time energy and body with such a person…👁️👄👁️

Ive been literally sooo lonely. I really wish i could get a bf and it just seems hopeless at this point. I hate dating apps and i hate how hard it is to find a man genuinely into anything more than a hookup. Its a lonely world out there sometimes :/

I started hormones 8 years ago and know I wanted to be a female since I was a kid, but I discovered hormones at 22, and transitioned at 24, I got FFS, BA, SRS, I got extremely lucky with my height, hips, voice and body proportions in general for some reason. Basically I'm 100% stealth without effort and being extremely lazy. I have no friends and I'm always inside my room, I'm very cynical and terminally online, but when I have to go out for medical reasons, the catholic church or buy groceries I not only I always pass but also get mistaken for someone WAY younger than my age (people always think I'm a high schooler, and think my mother is my guardian if we are together)

So what happens to me? Why I don't see myself as a "real woman" I don't get it. Sometimes I see other passing trans people online or just a feminine woman I say ,"I wish I was woman" as weird as it sounds.

I'm super anxious and clumsy, always looking at the phone, having seasonal obsessions with a specific topic, then drop it and obsess with something else, I struggle to keep my room clean, never wear makeup nor stylize my hair, etc.

I don't know why I feel like this, it's contradictory, when I started transition I said "after I pass and go stealth I will probably live like a normal woman" but I still struggle to see myself as a woman, I feel like a fraud.

My psychiatrist is switching me from Remeron to Lexapro, I was wondering if any of the girls are on this and have experience weight gain along with taking estradiol? I believe I probably gained 15-20 lbs talking remeron and thats one of the main reasons I wanted to switch to something different. He says this one do not have many side effects so im hoping its a good switch. I know he said that I could have a low low libido with it but jokes on him my libido is already low. Ha!

Please help me with these confusing thoughts and feelings

Hello there I saw that this group was active and very friendly and I didn't know where to go to ask these questions and try to educate myself

I just wanted to paint the picture for everybody here to give context and try to explain myself the best I can as I feel very confused and overwhelmed with the feelings I've been feeling recently.

I was out a couple of weekends ago when me and my friends went to put favourite bar and had a few drinks and I danced the night away and before I knew it there was a tall blonde extremely beautiful lady at the end of the bar! What stuck out to me was her make up and hair it looked so professional compared to everyone else's at the bar! Whilst ordering I complimented her hair and make up and she was taken back by comments but seemed very thankful and grateful that I complimented her and i then cheekily said " I'll see you on the dancefloor" a couple songs and dances later I was approached by this stunning rather tall ( I'm 5 ft 9 on a good day and I believe she was a bit taller then me which isn't a bad thing it was just surprising!

As we danced to old songs from the 2000s my friend came over and tried to get her to introduce him to her friends but she wasn't having any of it and how my friend went about it good on her lol ( was a bit abrasive and upfront ) and things got a bit awkward and I tried to save the situation by offering a drink to this young lady and my friends saying I'd buy the next round

My friend then proceeded to tell me at the bar that this lady was a guy really and was very rude about it ( I never knew this side to my friend at this point so was shocked for one as I didn't expect this information and two I didn't know if he was saying that because of the prior situation and I laughed it off saying" if she's a guy then that must make me gay cause I'd sleep with her" ( trying to be macho here to save the situation with my friend as felt an odd energy)

I went back to dancing with my new beautiful lady friend and her mates and I was having a great time once again when rather impulsively I told her what my friend had just said to me about her being a " guy" and she went bright red and she then proceeded to tell me this is where the night usually goes wrong and told me that she would understand if I didn't want to dance anymore but something inside me felt so torn?!

I felt so terrible that I saw with my own eyes someone so confident and beautiful change there emotions in that second over a question that I shouldn't have just asked her and seeing as I half didn't believe it I was also feeling stupid for even saying something like that when I was having such a fun time !

I said don't be silly and I asked her to chat outside and she accompanied be for a cigarette ( how kind of her as a non smoker she didn't have to do that! ) I then proceeded to find out a bit more about her and after a great night of dancing and fun . My friends decided to call it a night and before I knew it the taxis were called for us and I was rushed into a taxi before I could say a proper goodbye .

My so called friends then proceeded to call me lots of homophobic names and made such a big deal on the ride back that I said I'd rather be back at the bar with her as you guys are lame and when I was dropped off in the car that was the last time I have seen them in person but in the group chat I was then abused a lot and so was the girl I was with .

Since then I've been left feeling very confused and overwhelmed with my feelings and I would like to know if anyone can help or advise me on the situation and what does this mean for me ?

I have noticed on this group and online that the term " chaser" is someone who chases transgender people and I can understand why it's offensive and derogatory towards anyone who is transgender ! You are all females and want to be loved and respected like them or a male if you a female to male ( sorry I'm new to this and I would never want to offend anyone and I want to be as inclusive as possible)

Am I the only one who noticed that cis het men who are open to dating trans women have unbelievable standards compared to our cis sisters? Forget it if u stand out in terms of height or if ure extra curvy. On top of that, you must be lasered from head to toe, no peach fuzz anywhere, must have big boobs, hour glass body, big ass, makeup on point, hair on point, nails on point. Meanwhile, those men have to be….just breathing and treat us like humans. The imbalance of standards is absurd. You know they wouldn’t get away with that shit w cis women, so why do we put it with it? Literally dated an average guy before who is a 4 at best and said his ex trans gf was a Filipina model. Like dude stfu and go be w her, wait, she dumped your ass.

I’d be already dating a guy, but I’m like a year into hrt and a passoid and I haven’t had anything close to a relationship with a guy, not even a situationship or anything. 95% of guys on dating apps are a turn off mainly cuz they aren’t serious men, sometimes I feel like only the shitty men get on dating apps. Maybe I should just forget about dating apps. But it’s easier as a trans woman on dating apps cuz you can disclose that you’re trans before meeting the guy. I get so many likes on dating apps cuz I’m attractive too. I could prolly get into a relationship with a complete loser for the sake of getting into a relationship but I’d rather not. Maybe I should keep focusing on myself and doing voice training to feminize my voice until the right man comes into my life without trying to jump into a relationship

Hi, I moved to nyc and feel like I never meet any dolls like me. Every trans person I meet tends to be more on the NB/bisexual side which is fine I love them but I live my life stealth (or atleast try mostly) and honestly it’s been getting more and more lonely especially everything that’s happening I feel so alone even in nyc haha.

maybe i’m just sensitive but is anyone having trouble with this type of thing. This is a long story so buckle up.

I guess i would say i fell in love with someone 2 years ago. I was 20, pre-transition at the time + it hit me when i least expected it to. He was 25 and definitely handsome. There was a lot going on in my life including the loss of my grandfather, me realizing that it was time to transition, and a lot of fears that were coming up from past traumas about falling in love.

he never really came around to “confessing” what he felt, and it became too painful to be around him if he wasn’t going to give me the love i had hoped for or be open about the way he felt. On the night that we had a serious conversation about it he did mention that he’d be open to dating a trans girl if she was “really passing” which felt like a slap in the face sitting there knowing how badly I wanted to transition. I started to heavily question if i was just a delusional bitch and was making it all up. Don’t get me wrong we had plentiful like amazing moments together, matching nail polish, meeting his family, going to pride together, late night talks, working on projects together (we’re both musicians). We spent every minute we had available together. Everyone of my friends i consulted about it thought there was definitely something unspoken there and looking back, of course there was.

After he realized how much dysphoria i was experiencing at the time, it almost felt like he was almost scared of it and one day after our class he completely ignored me when usually we would catch up. In that moment it felt like my world was falling apart because it was, at least emotionally. I hadn’t been able to cry for a long time prior to that but that day I was literally a waterfall. I called him in tears asking if i did anything wrong and he said no but he said he might feel that our relationship had run it’s course, and though i pleaded for him to not think that way, we still ended things but on good-ish terms. He wished me happy holidays and my mom asked how he was doing from time to time. In December of 2023 we went no contact (or tried to as much as we could). It was difficult because i saw him every day in class.

There would be few occasions when I seen him. some were friendly vibes some were eye-rolls and silent treatments. But now it’s october 2025, were no longer in the same spaces. We live in different cities. I’m much further in my transition, yet I sometimes still have a hard time not feeling sad about him. We have each other on social media but it feels like he goes out of his way to not interact with me and it doesn’t feel good. Our relationship is so complicated but i just wish he were nicer to me. I want to know if I’m not alone in this feeling. Will this feeling get better, are there ways around feeling like this? I wonder how he feels you know and what the reason is for his behavior. Is he completely over me? Do i need to suck it up and move the fuck on. Help me out girls pleasee

So I came out to my grandpa but it wasn't cute it was me cutting him off bc all he posts is bigotry and I decided to do it to make him mad and consider his actions have consequences. I sent the screenshot to my mom and uncle. My uncle just says "as long as your 100% sure" which annoyed me but he's like almost 40 so whatever. But my mom? She's taking it EXACTLY how I expected her to. I never wanted to come out to her. But I was exhausted having to hide it and I knew she'd hear from the grapevine anyway. But shes making it this whole negative thing. She refuses to call me by my new name, she doesn't correct herself. She asks the same thing "are you sure?" And others "you need to tell me these things im your mom and thats your health!" "Are you gonna chop it off?" But today really pissed me off and upset me. She starts telling me "I was hoping you'd get your life and career together before you did something like this. You can do brows forever, you can't live in an apartment forever, you need your license still" mind you im 22, and havent lived with her for 4 years now, I love my job other then the fact it doesn't pay great. And she just kept saying "well you need to know all the risks, people arent going to accept you. You'll never find a different job now!". She always hates my job when I like it. But when I was working minimum wage at a job I despised and id cry about it she wouldnt say a damn word. She's trying to fear monger me back into the closet and it pisses me off. She thinks I just woke up one day and was like "im gonna be trans!" Then walked to the clinic and got boob implants. Ive been on hormones but a year now. I was on a waiting list for a year before that, and was researching and contemplating a year before that. But she thinks I didnt put any effort into it and its a fun hobby shes literally telling me "you should have waited until you had a real career" mind you shes in her 40s and hasn't kept a job for longer then a year for the past 3 years. She's telling me she'd tell my little sister the same thing to try and make me feel better which it DIDNT. But she doesn't respect my new name which isn't even that different from my orginal. She as expected shes going "my son's trans he-" which i knew would happen but still it annoys me. She waited until I was trapped in the car with her to force me to hear this too. I want to cut her off. Ive done it before when I was younger. But I dont want the drama of having to do it and it dont want to estrange myself from my sister anymore. I just wanted to rant and complain about how evil my mom is. Everything's about her and how she feels and how shes right. She thinks its just because I like wearing makeup and its some new fad. I told her I always felt this way, I told her im an adult and can make my own decisions, I told her the entire process but she thinks shes above it all and knows whats best for me. She doesn't, all her advice ever is, is be miserable and hate my life. Any job I like isn't good enough or a real job. I need to get my license, I can't live in an apartment me whole life (MIND YOU, SHE SAID THIS BEFORE I EVEN MOVED INTO MY FIRST APARTMENT ALONE IVE ONLY LIVED HERE FOR 6 MONTHS AND AGAIN IM 22). But ugh sorry for the ramble but I hate this bitch.

In a couple of weeks I'm having my third anniversary with mi bf and whe'd been engaged for about the last month and I love him like if we just got together, or actually more, he used my name and pronouns before I even started hrt (I started only about 4 months ago) or was out publicly, he's my best friend and we do everything together, lately my hormones have been going crazy and he teases me relentlessly but I love it, I got the absolute bf lottery, my high school sweetheart turned into my future husband, he gave me the school girl experience and now he will give me the wife experience, he's so big too!(Not only in height;3) And I always feel safe when we cuddle, gosh girls I hope all of you can find a man to love that love's you back because being in love is actually the best thing ever 💕💕💕