Jerry Wise

Jerry Wise's Post

Jerry Wise

June 3

Going no-contact can feel like the only way to protect yourself.

And sometimes, it is necessary.

But distance alone doesn’t create freedom.

→ You can block their number and still feel tied to them on the inside.

Many people think,

“If I just cut them off, the anxiety will go away.”

“If I stop talking to them, the pain will stop too.”

But in reality—

The chaos doesn’t end just because the conversations do.

It keeps showing up.

In how you over-function.

In how you people-please.

In how you question yourself.

In the way you still feel like a child—trying to earn approval that was never freely given.

That’s not your real self.

→ That’s your family’s emotional programming still living inside you.

That’s the family superself.

You don’t have to be in the same room to still be under their emotional influence.

Going no-contact without self-differentiation might give you silence—but it won’t give you peace.

Real peace happens when you stop living from the role they trained you to play.

When you stop reacting to their voice—in your head or in your body.

↳ That’s how you begin to get your family out of you.

Not just by walking away from them.

But by walking toward you.

That’s the difference between physical distance and emotional freedom.

Ready to break the pattern for good?

Join my FREE Training to build the self you were never allowed to have. Link in bio!

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Deborah Ebbers

I do agree that if you haven’t gotten it out of you it needs to be worked on, but I disagree that a person has to work it out with the abuser or the flying monkeys . I’ve thought a lot about what you have said over the last several months, in regards to working through a situation instead of leaving it….staying in an abusive situation to work it out is sometimes just impossible. I left my covert narcissist mother last October, it has been the best thing I ever did. I am healing and finding peace within, finding my own voice in my life and finally moving ahead. I could never have done this trying to work it out with her or the family. You can’t heal if you’re being constantly manipulated and pinged. You don’t even know which way is up. I have taken total responsibility for dealing with my life and that is why I left.

I do think differentiation is very good advice, but for me staying in the soup was not an option.