Heart_o_Pirates

I bought $15 Walmart sneakers for a decade. They'd last maybe 3 to 4 months.

I've been doing better financially the past few years and decided to try out a decent pair of Nike's. A trail shoe. Meant for hiking.

Spent $120 on this pair. They're coming up on year 3, and are just now starting to fray in all the typical places.

Sometimes you really do get what you pay for. Still be selective though. Function over fashion.

Honestly?

I'll admit I'm biased on the grounds that I'm the only male born to my generation within the family. I was surrounded by women my entire childhood.

I've heard far more vile and sexist remarks from women regarding partners / hookups than anything the media claims as locker room talk for men.

Maybe I just wasn't exposed to it. Maybe the men I had around in my 20s were above average in this regard. But A LOT of women overshare and disparage their partners when talking amongst "the ladies"

And again, I acknowledge I'm biased. But these women DO exist. In far greater quantities than we generally admit.

5 month old post?

I live comfortable with my income and have money to put aside for retirement and investing. I'm not broke by my standards.

You think what you want though. Have a good day.

You don't even have to google things. Just speamk loud enough for your phone to pick it up.

People say I'm crazy. I first caught on to it when TALKING about buying a kayak with a buddy while out fishing. Never typed it in anywhere. Ads for outdoors equipment, canoes, kayaks, etc. Even youtune started recommending channels related to outdoors stuff and products reviews by creators.

It's invasive.

I was single for 12 years before I found my current partner.

I focused on me and blew off a ton of women. The first 3 years of that 12 I still chased. The remaining 9 I was rejecting women because they weren't up to my standards. My current partner did most of the persueing. Though she claims she just gave me opportunities to persue. Different perspectives I guess, but we're happy.

Was single from 22 to 34.

Really started getting my act together around 25. Was very deliberate about it at 27 and have kept that momentum ever since.

When I started ignoring women and blowing them off, they came out of the woodwork.

Focus on you.

It's an interesting take. Most abusive relationships are reciprocally abusive. Both parties abuse each other.

50 to 60% of marriages fail. This goes higher for 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriages.

Yet, 80 to 90% of divorce filings are women.

Men and women cheat at the same rates.

I'm not saying there aren't men who do what you claim, there absolutely are. But it's a delusional claim that it's 80 to 90% of the married ones.

Telling women to vet their men better has merit. It's not a pretty truth, but it is one. Everyone, men and women, could use a healthy dose of self accountability.

We have two dedicated days a week for "snuggle time"

We just lay in bed naked together and snuggle. She likes the skin-to-skin and I just enjoy being close. Sometimes this is all we do on those days. Lay together, or just sleep.

Regular sex is nice and definitely a relationship booster. But I want the cuddles more. Sex is just the cherry on top.

I'm 35. I'm only a year into my relationsbip and was single for the 12 years prior. I am unsure if I'll marry her.

I love her deeply. But I'm still unsure.

These things aren't mutually exclusive.

I'm against marriage in general though. The ring and ceremony means nothing to matters of the heart.

Your relationship is what you make of it. The legal hoops are exactly that... legal hoops. Unless you have a solid financial reason for the long term to get married... why?

To prove something? Commitment? 8 years is a pretty strong commitment already. Ceremonies are flashy and expensive. And 50 to 60% of marriages fail.

Why ruin a good thing that's been going for 8 years?

For that part of Utah, two trees in a yard IS a "wooded area"

I'm from the midwest. A wooded area here is more like 200 acres used for hunting.

Context is important.

My lady slaps my ass at every opportunity. It's annoying as all hell.

But I like it.

Trump wants activity in the housing market for brownie points and clout. Forgetting the vast majority can't afford it anyways.

They know it's on the verge of collapse again. Lots of rich investors with assets in the housing sector.

I'm waiting for the day they drop the bombshell that taxpayers will be bailing them out again. They got away with it last time to save the big investors. They'll for sure do it again.

Everyone told me my hairline was fine for a decade. No balding. I look great.

Then my niece was old enough to have real conversations with. Knealt down in front of her and asked how my bald spot was.

"Oh uncle Frank, it's starting to get bad. You look old." As she scratches the spot.

Adults politely lie. Kids don't.

Roastme is the same thing. But for adults with dark humour.

Some people want the truth. Even the hard truths. Some people live comfortable lies.

Roastme will say the things nobody would say to you real life.

As long as you go in with the right mindset, you should be okay.

Had a girl at my job try to pull this because I wouldn't date her. She just coukdn't fathom a guy single for years being kind to her, and not being interested. Threatened to tell HR I was manipulating her as her boss.

Thankfully all the other young women put a stop to that shit real fuckin quick.

Had mine last year. They explained rhe procedure and made sure I knew EXACTLY what it was. Penis diagram and all.

They asked if I had any questions at the end.

"You're not going to try to talk me out of it?"

Doctor literally said "We're not in the business of telling you what you want. We're in the business of making sure you make healthy educated decisions."

I'm an average looking guy. Below average when I don't put in effort. I use to chase. Quit. Single for 12 years. I've been "ew, grossed" a few times. I just walked away.

I found my lady at the end of that 12 years. I make her laugh. With the neckbeard and unkempt hair. Looking like a slob keeps people away. Blessing really when you accept it.

You're gonna run into these types your whole life. Wear their insukts as a badge of honor. They can't attack your character unless you give them a reason to. That's more important.

I like to spend my early mornings (shift end) at parks. Park. Smoke a cigar. Walk around, listen to music. Bring the old pup. The lady joins me when she can.

I'm a hermit most of the time, not a busy social life, no kods. I have the freedom of time. Not everyone does. But this is how I adjust.

Frankly love the lifestyle. Nobody out and about on nights. It's peaceful. Barely any traffic. Get to know the regular overnighters at your 24 hour stops.

Moat importantly, get to avoid all the people of the city but still have the amenities.

Sure thing kiddo.

Writing comprehension would have avoided these petty arguments over rhetoric.

But you're getting your rocks off on it. It reeks of arrogance and childishness.

You know what you did.

You put age gap in the title. So either you knew exactly what you did and are purposefully obfuscating your argument to avoid the accountability of realizing that your argument isn't a one-size-fits-all judgement, or you're completely detached from reality.

People date. Adults date. Dating is complex. People of all shapes, sizes, colors, creeds, sex, age, etc have varying preferences. You're infantilizing the very women you claim to defend.

Adult women choose who they date by their own moral virtues, not yours.

slow clap

Sadly. A fishing pic works better for women.

She gets out of the house and off her phone. And it's not a bar or club.

"Proof or it didn't happen."

I'm sure you tell the same thing to women who are assaulted.

Fuck you.

I work with autistic children at facility exclusively for violent ASD kids.

Best answer. Fuck this guy. Straight up disrespectful. Drunk doesn't excuse anything.

There's is a very small miniscule percentage of people that can handle male/female "just friends" relationships without there being tension at some point. And everyone who says different is delusional.

He knows he has feelings and he opened the door of opportunity for it to flourish.

Done.

I try my damnedest to be understanding and forgiving of human behavior. The result of working with kids on the autism spectrum for 10 years and my own self-work for the past 7 years.

My best answer for this is the following. Women come from a perspective of plenty, men come from a perspective of scarcity. You can't entirely blame women for being choosy when they have options. And you can't entirely blame men for wanting to gorge when they are starved.

I think all of us could do better. We could take a good long look at ourselves and hold ourselves to account for our shortcomings. Regardless of gender, sex, identity, race, creed, finances, culture, or any other distinct attribute.

We live in a day and age where practically the entirety of human knowledge is literally at our fingertips, in iur pockets. And what do we do with it? Watch cat videos.

And yesterday she was interested in not-OP.

That's where I'm at with this. I don't think she's "wrong" for exploring her options, if that truly is the case. I just also think it's a shitty thing to do to someone.

I wouldn't persue this chick after thag. She'd lose my respect. I wouldn't hate her for it. I just wouldn't like her after it.

She knows what she's doing. She fessed up... she knows. She might even genuinely feel bad, acknowledge it's a fuckup, and learned a valuable lifelong lesson from it.

It just wouldn't be me helping her learn more valuable lessons.

Hey. You must read all 400 comments and utilize the upvote and downvote feature as it is described instead of on popularity and your feelings.

The AUDACITY you have to come in here and ... speak your opinion.... before having read and contemplated EVERYONE elses!

gasp

You have severely inconvenienced Karen above by FORCING her to have to read the same joke.... repeatedly!

Now go apologize for breathing oxygen, having thoughts, and a sense of humour. Karen deserves it!

To crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women.

Okay.

And with that alone I can logically agree with you most of the way

The issue is context. We're justifying the lack of empathy from women towards men in regards to a struggle men face. But we also are constantly shown that men need to show empathy to women's struggles.

You don't get to demand what you are unwilling to give. Women say exactly what I'm saying now when things are flipped.

I'm just pointing iut where I think his view has a few holes, and expanding on it. I don't think he's wrong. I don't even think he has malicious intent. I just think he missed a small part that I personally find important.

I've dated both.

I've been told all my body hair is gross and disgusting. I've had multiple women laugh the first time I took my shirt off in front of them, I've had women pretend to vomit, I've heard "ew, oh my god, gross". Just for having chest hair. One girl I dated demanded I shave from neck to knee. She only wanted the beard and said if I shaved my shins I'd be too girly. (We no longer date, she ended up cheating)

A lot of the women above, I wasn't even dating, we were at social events. Friends of friends.

But...

I've been told that I'm hairy in all the right places, and bare in all the right places. I've been told all my hair is attractive. I dated one girl in the past who was obsessed with my chest hair. She would lay her head on my chest and run her fingers through it. She used to hug me by pressing her face into my chest and deeply inhaling, even after my smelliest of days.

And now I'm dating a younger gal who couldn't give a flying fuck about any of my hair. I trim downstairs, out of politeness. But when I do fall behind on it, she never brings up, I do (because I'm hairy and aware of it and I feel guilty) but she has always said she barely notices and it doesn't bother her.

So in a long round-a-bout way of answering OP...

Yes, some people trim. Some don't. Some women like it. Some don't.

I trim above with clippers the same way I would my facial hair. No guard. It leaves stubble but it's not as thick as my face. Johnson and his boys get the same clipper treatment but I leave about a quarter inch so I'm not completely bare looking like a toddler on a cold day. I do it for my partner so she doesn't have to worry about strays in her mouth or teeth. She does the same for me. In the past, when single. I maintained nothing, let it do it's thing.

Which is why I said I can logically see his point and attempted to build off of it with my own perspective.

There is some research that shows the same behaviors that feminism claims happens in male dominated spaces, also happens in female dominated spaces, but to men instead.

Turns out, you're the cute young blonde receptionist at the machine shop. You just have a dick.

I'm in the same boat as you. Surrounded by women in the workplace. Boundaries constantly crossed. Promotions are exclusively women and nepotism. It's the same shit they scream about in the media about oppressive men.

Turns out humans suck as a whole, not just men. Everyone has their own selfish desires and capacity for evil and when given power, it truly shows the best and worst of humanity.

Be happy that you feel secure and safe. It's not true for everyone, including other men.

Freeze frame!

I'm white. I don't know what a black person's experience is like.

I'm a man. I don't know what a woman's experience is like.

I've never been raped. So I don't know what a victim experience is like.

.....

I wouldn’t really bother thinking about any of them. I’d just live my life.

All of a sudden, when the class/group identity of the subject changes, it starts to look a lot like certain types of "-isms".

You (a general you, not you the individual) don't get to demand empathy while not providing it and act surprised when you're demands aren't met.

I can logically agree with your point. I think it's mostly fair. But there's holes in that approach. And they border those "-isms".

I'm not the type to jump to conclusions too quick.

I'm 35 and dating a 25 year old. I'd be a hypocrit if I did.

But, you are not wrong to be concerned. Some men will take advantage of your youth and ignorance. Not all, not the majority, but some.

There's not enough here for strangers on the internet to give you a true judgement. Ultimately that's on you.

Another comment said to look at his dating history. This is solid advice. If there are patterns that trigger your gut instincts, trust those instincts.

A healthy person will look at their own past and admit where both parties failed. Unhealthy people will focus only on what the others did wrong. Sometimes, they didn't do anything wrong and someone did something despicable to them, so they truly had no fault. However, most of the time, there's something they can point at that they could have worked better at.

You're an adult now. With adult choices and adult consequences. You are free to date an older man if you choose. You are responsible for the consequences you are opening yourself up to if you take on this risk.

It may work out, it may not. Proceed with caution.

I'm not the type to jump to conclusions too quick.

I'm 35 and dating a 25 year old. I'd be a hypocrit if I did.

But, you are not wrong to be concerned. Some men will take advantage of your youth and ignorance. Not all, not the majority, but some.

There's not enough here for strangers on the internet to give you a true judgement. Ultimately that's on you.

Another comment said to look at his dating history. This is solid advice. If there are patterns that trigger your gut instincts, trust those instincts.

A healthy person will look at their own past and admit where both parties failed. Unhealthy people will focus only on what the others did wrong. Sometimes, they didn't do anything wrong and someone did something despicable to them, so they truly had no fault. However, most of the time, there's something they can point at that they could have worked better at.

You're an adult now. With adult choices and adult consequences. You are free to date an older man if you choose. You are responsible for the consequences you are opening yourself up to if you take on this risk.

It may work out, it may not. Proceed with caution.

It tracks more than your answer.

It can tell how you move the cursor, the time between clicks, and other measurable things.

AI does most of this rapidly and efficiently. Humans do not.

This is also why the questions become more convoluted and odd. AI adapts to new ruleset, questions adapt after.

And the cycle continues.

Lol...dates.

My current partner and I's first date was walking my dog.

Only the foolish think dating requires money. Find activities you enjoy that are free and stop viewing relationships/dating as a financial investment.

Save the expensive shit for someone who has already shown they will participate in the mundane with you simply by enjoying your company.

Why are you "chasing and begging for attention" from a guy you placed in the friendzone?

You either like him more than you're admitting.

Or your hoping for male validation from someone you know isn't going to give it to you.

Do what the commentor above said about energy matching. And figure out what exactly you want from this.

It is a VERY rare man who will let feelings go and just be friends. Despite what everyone says otherwise. People that say that works lie to themselves. If you or them are 30ish and under, assume it doesn't work. They'llbhang around with minimal effort and hope you'll change your mind. Above 30 isn't much better.

Don't lie to yourself.

Mine is a manual.

6 cylinder 4.6L

"Sport" - 2 door. Mine has only ever moved on it's own when I accidentally left it in neutral. Fixed that habit quick.

I'm about to hit 230,000 miles.

I was told the transmission was replaced by the owner before the guy I bought it from. Dude did some custom work, especially in the interior. My center console was ripped out and replaced with a custom made toolbag that easily comes out and velcros back in. There's other small things done that lead me to believe the dude told me mostly the truth.

The day before I met up with the dude he apologized and said he accidentally smashed the back window out while cleaning it. He was headed to the junk yard to find a replacement hatch and planned to rip off the whole thing. Told him I didn't care, planned to still show up. When I arrived he was just finishing up. I helped finish up and we smoked and talked the history.

Dude was chill. It needed work. Plenty. But the engine ran solid. Just everything underneath was in rough shape. It's the midwest, I was use to this. But the rust was minimal for what at the time was an 18 year old vehicle that spent it's entire enduring midwest winters and salt.

I know I got a little lucky. And I'm grateful.

I shower before almost every sexy-time even when she says I don't have to.

It's not unreasonable. Some smells will always exist. Welcome to being human. Not everyone is blessed with zero odor. If you were overly demanding about it or expected perfection, you'd be wrong.

My partner will shower with me even when I'm rancid. She just wants to be close. So even when she wants that intimacy "right now" and I demand a shower beforehand, she just joins me. It's a compromise that works for us. She gets her cuddles in the shower when I've washed up, and I get to feel confident and less insecure in my own body.

Perhaps being naked with him while he showers will help encourage a healthy routine for both of you. You get what you want, he gets what he wants.

Tackle the problem as "our" problem. Don't make it solely "his" problem or "your" problem.

Nobody is "pretty no matter what"

And attraction grows with time, with the right person.

I though my current partner was cute when she had a bit of belly. Her ex reemed her for it, she lost weight. He continued to be a dick. She eventually left him.

I told her this same thing when she posed the question to me.

"Will you still be attracted to me if I gain weight?"

I'm not one to hold punches. She knows this.

The truth is, it really depends on how much weight you gain, and what effort you are putting in to be healthy. A little extra weight? I'm gonna find you attractive. Develop a bit of pudge on your belly? All good. I'd be a hypocrit if I said otherwise. I'm no Hemsworth myself.

Your 4th belly roll is slipping out under the bottom of your shirt? I'm sorry, I'm gonna lose attraction.

As her partner, I'd be suggesting we do more active activities. More outside and movement time. Even more sex will burn excess energy.

Am I going to drop her when that happens, right away? No. We can work on these things. Put in effort. It's a problem we can tackle as a team.

She's got medical issues that prevent her from doing things I fantacize about. Too bad for me. That effort would literally cause her physical harm.

I'm not so shallow that I can't put aside some of my preferences. But if she was laying around eatching TV all day snacking on chips and junk food while putting in zero effort... it's going to be a problem.

I hold that same standard for myself. I too have a bit of pudge. That's just fine. But I'd like to have a decently long life and enjoy that decently long life together with a partner.

As for the attraction grows portion. Time and bonding with a partner makes them more attractive. You learn who they are as a person. You experience things together. You tackle problems together. You provide love, support, patience, etc. All these things increase attraction.

It's extremely naive to believe that attraction isn't critically important to a romantic relationship. There are also times where you need to compromise. To look past things you perceive as flaws. To relax on some of your preferences. There are times that you need to tackle their problem as our problem. It's about love and support. Effort. Shared experiences.

I want to show up for my partner as a person who is putting effort towards being the best I can be for her. I want the same in return. And that expectation can, should, and will fluctuate.

Sometimes I will be "ahead". And it is my duty to slow down and extend a hand so we don't drift apart. The same applies to her when she is "ahead".

Not everyone will find you attractive. You will not find everyone attractive. And of course, everyone has their own views on what is and isn't attractive to them. But if there is initial attraction, you can build on that. Someone you find "mid" could grow into someone you can't keep your hands off of.

And! Physical attraction is only one ingredient in the attraction cake. Their confidence can be attractive for bonus points. Their stule can be. Their generosity can be. Their support can be. There is any number of physical and non physical traits that will play a factor for each and every person.

You went in the woods and were surprised that predators actually live there.

Your brother is correct.

"For example, by 2021, the Urban Dictionary.com definition changed to “A Karen will go out of her way to impose their belief structures on any unwitting or unsuspecting individual."

https://www.colorado.edu/linguistics/2023/04/14/evolving-pejoration-karen

I spent some time in therapy a couple years ago.

One of our sessions was about cleaning my damn room. Real "proud" of having that conversation. (Not) I'm in my 30's. I'm honest about my flaws though.

I told the therapist, "I struggle with it for X, Y, and Z. And while I'm on this journey of improving myself and dating, I don't want the reason for my motivation to come from a place of wanting attention from women."

Therapist tried to tell me this was a bad way to think about it. Instead steered me into ways to build better habits.

And honestly speaking, I lacked the follow through at the time. I didn't clean that damn room. "Fuck it."

Then I met my current partner and I absolutely refused to invite her into that space. I deep cleaned that mother fucker. Made it brand new. She knew, she just never saw. I was open about it, but also ashamed. Honest as could be about it. She knew I was working on myself.

Just told myself that habits are formed after 90 days. Kept at it. Made my 90 days. We celebrated, as stupid as that fucking sounds. A mid 30s man celebrating a clean fucking room.

But here we are, 2 years later. That room is still clean. And it is because of motivation to impress a woman.

Am I proud of that? Not necessarily.

Am I ashamed anymore? No.

Am I proud I developed a healthy habit. Absolutely.

Improve what you feel needs improvement. For whatever reasons you feel are motivating. As long as you aren't hurting people unnecessarily on that journey, you're alright.

This a great line.

I'm stealing it.

Thank you.

I budget for $3k in car repairs per year and people call me crazy.

It's a 23 year old Explorer. I bought it for $2k. It's in great shape for it's age and the two previous owners did what they could to maintain. Not the best, but not horrible.

Each and every person I've had this conversation with pays more than that per year for their loans on top of repairs.

Do this for a couple years with a beater and eventually everything underneath is nearly new.

I use to buy rust buckets and run them into the ground and repeat until this one came along.

Love this POS though.

This was at the bottom for me, and should be top comment.

First time I showered with my now partner I literally joked outloud.

"Don't watch this part, it's gay."

Then washed my ass as awkwardly as possible while maintaining eye contact.

She laughed and offered to help. She passed the test.

That's how I like my women.

Steamed live.

Edit: it's humour folks, chill. above made a funny typo

Vasectomy was the best choice I made at 35.

My lady was happy to get off birth control, which came with positives and negatives, but mostly positives. She had been on it for over a decade.

She's been happier for it. I'm not entirely convinced that it isn't tied to the pills, she tries to convince me I'm a great partner.

Plenty of women out there that can't or won't take birth control. You'll figure it out.