The Big Stuff

// TRIGGER WARNINGS //

(For all purposes, this isn’t a list of the things I’ve done nor the things I didn’t do.)

(It’s just a list of what’ll be mentioned in the document, even if just once.)

Neo-Nazism, Attempted Murder, Grooming, Rape, Bestiality, Incest, CSEM, Suicide, Harassment, Ableism, Ageplay, Catfishing, Blackmail, Manipulation, Roblox Condos, Swatting, Self Harm, Racism, Doxxing, and more.

Read at your own discretion.

[WARNING]: Some hyperlinks will contain explicit content. Obviously, all references to/depictions of explicit media will be censored, but that doesn’t take away from the potentially harmful nature of the content. To have a safer reading experience, all hyperlinks containing explicit media will look something like this. View these at your own discretion.

[IMPORTANT NOTE]: I’m writing this document as an 18 year old. I was born March 20th, 2007. Keep that in mind for any details/comments pertaining to my age.

Hi.

I want to make it clear that this message comes from a place of deep regret and self-reflection. I know many people are upset and disappointed in me and how I’ve acted over the past few months. This letter isn’t easy to write, but I believe it’s necessary to help others find closure for the things I’ve done. I’ve spent a very long time thinking about my behavior and the person I was becoming, and I understand I’ve caused enough harm to where it’s hurt people I care about and used to know. I can’t undo the pain, but I want to take full responsibility for my actions without making any kind of excuses for them. I truly feel remorse for everything, and I hope that by writing this, I can begin making things right as they should’ve been. To reaffirm: I’m writing today to take full responsibility for my actions–both past and recent–and to assure the public that I will be stepping away from the internet to reflect further, building on the time I’ve already spent (mostly) offline gathering my thoughts and the courage to put this into words. This document and its contents are mainly directed towards the people I affected and used to know. Not everybody is going to know what I’m talking about, and that’s fine. All that matters to me is that those I’ve hurt receive their closure and that I have certain allegations against me expunged. This is all as sincere, honest, and from the heart as I could possibly make it be.

Why do this?

I know that it’s taken a while for me to actually push this out, and I’m sorry for that. The radio silence from my end is mostly because of how stressful it’s been for me to go online or even exist in the same spaces I once did. After May 28th, when everything came out, the online harassment, isolation, abandonment, and the way I was spoken about contributed to a nearly immediate mental collapse. I don’t say this to sympathy bait, guilt trip, make excuses, nor anything else like that–I say it as a necessary truth that shaped the months that followed. I was pushed into the worst mental state I’ve ever been in, and for a long time, I wasn’t able to process anything clearly. I couldn’t speak for myself, I couldn’t reach out, and I definitely couldn’t offer the kind of closure that people deserved, whether that be the ones I hurt, those I called friends, or even myself. That silence wasn’t me trying to run from responsibility, even though it might’ve looked that way. It was me being completely unwell, broken, and truthfully unsure if I’d ever be okay again. That isn’t what I would’ve wanted. If I were in a clearer place, I would’ve faced all of the backlash & made a response to everything the moment shit hit the fan. I would’ve reached out, spoken, answered, owned up, and done every other thing that I should’ve done in the heat of the moment. But I just couldn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to push out something that would’ve satisfied my victims, former peers, and myself had I acted while I was unstable. And I know that my silence only created more damage–I’m deeply, deeply sorry for that. Again, I’m saying all this not to gain sympathy nor to guilttrip, but to provide a real explanation. Not everyone will believe it or accept it, and that’s completely fair. I’ve made my decisions, and now I have to live with their outcomes. But at the very least, I wanted to explain why I’m doing this now, even if it’s long overdue.

On Fungus:

Out of everything that has been brought up about me, one thing I will stay very firm on is the fact that Fungus is not a neo-nazi. While there are indeed pictures of him posing with Hitler & Nazi imagery as well as making very racist statements, those images are not proof of deeply held extremist beliefs. Instead, they reflect the behavior of a 13-year-old child with an incredibly edgy, unfunny, and reckless sense of humor, one who was groomed into thinking that such “shock” content was funny or rebellious in the first place. Fungus lacked the maturity to truly understand the historical weight or moral implications behind what he was imitating, and this doesn’t equate to him genuinely holding neo-nazi convictions. He was a severely mentally ill kid, caught up around bad influences who were much older and more manipulative than him. Those influences twisted his judgment into engaging with “edgy” humor that, while disturbing, did not reflect a sincere ideology. There’s a lot that I’ve already shown to support this, but I’ll show it all again with some additional context to cement my point:

• RLPS member who spoke to fungus stating that his motives had nothing to do with his victim being turkish
• fungus’ mother’s thoughts on the situation (1)
• fungus’ mother’s thoughts on the situation (2)
• what fungus was charged with–cited from his mother’s own words

While some might argue that these points alone don’t disprove the label of “neo-nazi,” what they do show is that when police had full access to his computer during the investigation, no evidence of active extremist involvement, planning, or hate crimes was found. If Fungus had truly been a committed neo-nazi, there would have been an undeniable trail of organization, targeted hate, or racial motivation behind his attempted crime. However, the actual charges against him make it clear that his actions were tied to a personal conflict with his sister, not race, ideology, or extremist politics.

To summarize: Fungus’ motive behind his attempted murder had nothing to do with race and was instead based on a complicated personal matter. He was not charged for any hate crimes, and the thorough investigation of his PC confirmed that there was no extremist network or agenda backing him. Of course, none of this is meant to downplay what he did at all–Fungus, regardless of his age or mental illnesses, attempted to take a life, and that in itself is inexcusable. I’m very thankful that no lives were lost and that he’s facing proper legal consequences for his actions, but it’s still important to be accurate: Fungus was a groomed, mentally ill 13-year-old whose “shock” humor and manipulated worldview led him down a terrible path–not a hardened neo-nazi with genuine ideological hatred. This distinction matters because it’s how I’ve been approaching his rehabilitation. I do not think it is immoral (or wrong) to lend financial aid to his mother, knowing it supports both their family’s recovery and Fungus’ chance at proper treatment. I strongly believe that with the right resources and ongoing help, Fungus will eventually be able to live a near-normal life without posing harm to anyone by the time he is released from rehab. None of this is meant to take away from the fact that I did, at one point, add him into Forsaken as an NPC. Looking back on it now, I recognize just how thoughtless and immature that decision was. At the time, I treated it as a careless joke without considering the consequences, but I’m now fully aware that it was just insanely disrespectful. It’s something I regret deeply, and I want to make it clear that I take full responsibility for having done it. I’m genuinely sorry to everyone who may have been hurt or disappointed by that choice, and I recognize that an apology alone doesn’t erase the mistake. All I can do moving forward is own that mistake fully and make sure my current actions reflect the respect I failed to show then.

On StopiBlue:

StopiBlue was banned and had all of his ingame credit removed on the same day that I was informed of his background. My initial plan was to have their animations remade by other people and silently remove all of his contributions from the game that way. However, with the progress on those remakes being at a standstill, I re-added his ingame credit when he threatened to DMCA my game some time after. I seriously believe that this was the absolute worst choice I could’ve made in this situation. I want to emphasize how insensitive it was of me to prefer bowing down to an ageplaying, sexually manipulative degenerate as opposed to just outright removing his content & enduring the short-lived community backlash from it. It was an insanely selfish action of mine that I view back on just as poorly as the sea of other horrible, abhorrent choices that I’ve made in my life. However, one thing that I do want to address is that I was not the one who unbanned StopiBlue. In February, when StopiBlue was making attempts at getting back into the Forsaken community, Ava received a DM from one of StopiBlue’s friends and insisted on handling it because I was having a rough day. From what I’ve been told, Ava unbanned them because they weren’t informed on StopiBlue’s history and was being DMed by one of his friends to unban him from the discord or else he’d file a DMCA (I don’t have any proof of this on hand other than this message). Similarly, this was an improper action, but I won’t speak too much on it because I’m sure that Ava will talk about & hold themselves accountable for it in their own response.

On leaking a 16 yr old’s nudes, sending gore, & catfishing:

I want to start by offering a sincere and full apology to anyone hurt by my past actions. Everything that I’m about to address here is all insanely awful–like, deplorably awful. My goal right now is not to deflect blame, but to be honest, take accountability, and explain the context behind all of this as truthfully as I can. What I’m sharing is based on my own memory (which is blurry due to how long it’s been) and what I’ve been told by former RLPS (stands for robo’s local pizza shop–an old discord server I owned from ~2019-2021) members who were there when these events happened. If any details are off, I apologize. I’m not trying to twist anything–I’m just trying to tell it as clearly as I remember.

In 2021, when I was 13 years old, I shared a “stick” pic of someone I dated when I was ~11-12, who, to my memory, was somewhere within the age of 16-18 at the time of the photo being taken and was under the assumption that I was ~14-16 (I remember that there was a point at which they sent a picture of themselves to me during their senior year where they were wearing a fortnite costume & pretending to drink a slurp juice–If I recall correctly, I think that this was around the time that they sent me that image, but I could honestly be completely wrong). I don’t remember the exact age of anyone whatsoever, so I really wouldn’t take my word to heart here. That relationship was insanely messy, and I was very immature and emotionally impulsive. God knows how sorry I am to have ever even engaged in it without knowing the severity of what I was doing. One thing I want to mention, though, is that, from what I remember and have heard from others, one of the main reasons behind why I shared that photo was because a similarly explicit image of me had already been getting shared around by people from the same circles as the person I dated. I remember the image clearly: it was taken in my bathroom and focused on my red and black plaid pajama pants, with my “stick” slightly hanging out (if anyone has more context or receipts about this, please reach out). When I found out that people were sharing an image like that around, I immediately stopped caring about what others thought of me and what the correct way of acting/thinking was. I felt the need to retaliate against the people mocking me, but I didn’t even know who most of them were–only that they were friends with the person I dated at the time–so I had no way of responding directly. In a misguided attempt to fight back, I tried to put on this “cool edgy villain” persona so that I’d appear threatening enough to where people would stop sharing that image of myself around (I was also just doing a bunch of manic shit, like sending the image that got leaked of me around as an attempt to show that I was unbothered by it [1]). By this point, I had been taken advantage of by multiple different adults who were twice my age (notably Yedlex), so I just wanted to feel like I had some kind of control in my life. It’s also why I acted so hostile in these images [1] [2]. Though, by doing all of this, I ended up dragging people who I’m still not sure were involved or not into the situation and shared the photo that’s now being referenced in the recent allegations against me. Sharing any kind of explicit content like that, regardless of the circumstances, was insanely fucked. I cannot emphasize enough how harmful and violating that was, and I regret it more than words would ever be able to describe. As for the accusations of sending gore, I have a vague memory of what kind of content was sent, and I can confirm that it happened. I never fully understood the impact it could have on somebody else considering I grew up around circles who shared similar content–racist, graphic, imagery & videos that I became desensitized to way too early into my development. This is no excuse though, and as much as I now recognize that edgy behavior as inappropriate, it doesn’t cancel out the effect it has, and I take responsibility for that. Regarding my catfishing, I never had the intention to actively deceive or manipulate anyone. When I misrepresented my age and gender, it was out of insecurity and a desire to belong & look mature (and also because I didn’t know transgender people were a real thing at the time. Though, when I found out about them through the misogyny around me, I didn’t want to be one because I thought that they were bad people based on what others around me were saying about them), not malicious intent. That doesn’t make it okay, though, and I know that I had some seriously negative impacts on people who wanted to get with me back then. I’m so sorry for all of the harm and confusion I caused because of what I did. I was a 13 year old who made bad, thoughtless decisions, ones that I wish I could take back. Nothing excuses anything that I did, but I hope it gives some needed context for people who wanted a proper conclusion/explanation. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting and trying to grow since then, even to the point where I think I subconsciously removed all of these actions from my mind–I genuinely didn’t remember doing anything like them and had to ask someone I knew from back then if anything being brought up actually happened [1] [2], at which I was disgusted with myself upon finding out it was all true. The entire thing was a massive violation of trust and privacy that I can’t take back. I’m truly, profoundly sorry for the hurt I caused, for how careless and reactive I was, and for not being the person I should have been.

All important legal addenda can be seen here.

As an additional note: Police have searched my computer multiple times before via forensics (starting in 2022), and found no sort of illegal material during any of those searches.

Upl:

You’re fucking disgusting.        

Nico & Chi:

Out of anybody who’s been affected by my actions, I believe that Nico, Chi, and their friend group has been through the worst of it considering they’ve been a target of harassment since 2023, only for it to calm down from my end in 2024 but extend further throughout the years through my now ex-friends. There’s a lot that I want to talk about, hold myself accountable for, and explain, but I most importantly want to apologize for the years of hurt that I’ve inflicted onto them. Nico, I’m sorry for taking the pictures that you showed me in 2021 and pretending that they were me just to get more attention from others. I’m sorry for making up fake screenshots of StarCat and pretending that they were doing weird shit with me just to get your attention. I’m sorry for obsessing so desperately over you when you cut me off after finding out about the two former actions. I’m sorry for making up fake conversations between you & I in my head and on my private twitter account and just blaming it on me being a “mentally ill 14 year old” (which, although true at the time, did NOT excuse anything). I’m sorry for lashing out on you in January of 2023 when Melody told me about what you guys were saying about me behind closed doors. I’m sorry for working on some dumb fucking FNF mod with porn of your OC, animated roblox sex scenes, insults to your mental, and etc. in it. I’m sorry for developing such an unhealthy obsession with you for an entire year. I’m sorry for refusing to believe that I was obsessed, lying to myself that I was just “upset” even though what I did far surpassed any natural feeling of pain. I’m sorry for refusing to properly hold myself accountable, even in that huge message I wrote to ’hold myself accountable for everything’ as robotic_developer. I’m sorry for sneaking into your personal spaces, lying about and forging interactions between my two identities to further you & your partner’s trust in me. I’m sorry for downplaying everything I’ve done to you & your friends when Chi called me out for it in March. I know that there’s more that I’ve done that I just can’t remember, but I’m really just sorry for fuckin everything, man. I really did try to be better–I don’t know if any of my actions showed any of that effort off, but I really do mean it when I say that I tried. But, regardless of whatever kind of intent I had or purpose I wanted to accomplish with some of the things I did as Souldrivenlove, I know what kind of content you’d appreciate seeing in this document. As much as I really don’t want to rat out my former friends & associates, I agree that not everything I’ve just apologized for was my fault alone, and I know that you want every other individual involved to hold themselves accountable as well. I’m gonna take the next few paragraphs to go into detail about what led to the creation of Cabie & Friends, who was involved in it, who participated in/orchestrated the harassment campaigns against you & your friends, and etc. There’s gonna be an unrelated topic mentioned initially, but everything will tie in together by the end of it all, I promise.

Note: All videos, evidence, accounts, etc. that will be linked below are downloaded in the case that any of the originally linked content is taken down. If any of the links cease to work and/or display anything at any point, then I will replace the original attachments with reuploaded ones.

Vs FNB:

Vs FNB was an FNF mod developed & published by most of the current Something Evil Will Happen devs on October 9th, 2022. Their collaborative involvement/participation in the mod was confirmed to me by cynical billy, the game designer and programmer of SEWH, when they reached out to me after the development team found out I had been expressing distaste for the game privately due to what they took part in against me when I was fifteen. This was the first direct confirmation ever made to me about who the team behind the Vs FNB mod was, because in every other time I sought out accountability, they would just lie about it. Anyways, an update to the mod released on October 23, 2022, which is the version I’ll be talking about in this document. This mod contained songs poking fun at personal situations between my then-partner & I, false allegations against myself [1] [2] & my friends, and images of my face which could have only been accessed through a doxbin at the time. This would mean that they were illegally accessed & included since I did not consent to having any of my personal information, face included, published onto any kind of site, let alone one like doxbin. This mod left some severe mental damage on my friends & I, and like mentioned previously, every time we tried to hold the SEWH devs accountable for their harassment campaigns, they would all just lie about their involvement. There are other things that they’ve done even before the mod released which I’ll try to talk about with as much proof as I can gather, though a lot of it has since been lost to time due to most of the involved users privating/deactivating the accounts that they harassed us all on. [1] [2]

• Vomic drew crude porn of me when I was 15 on a burner account that’s still up to this day (nsfw warning)

• This account can be linked to vomic through:

• the artstyle used in the porn they drew of me being identical to what their style was at the time. (the eyes are the most identical part between the two)
• the account’s first ever follower being apart of their friend group

• This account harassed me, my friends (at the time), and others with the porn they drew of me several times over. [1] [2] [3]   
• This account has a very, very, very, VERY!!, very weird fascination with hitler, which will be present in some other claims to be listed.
• The account also labels themselves as a “babyfucker” instead of a pedophile to correct “people who call them a pedophile”.

• The SEWH dev team & some of their friends have been affiliated with many strange accounts, which I’ll try my best to prove here. I’m gonna sound like a lunatic, though, so just try to bear with me.

• Dafaq Pals

• This account can be linked to the SEWH dev team (specifically vomic) through:

• The Dafaq Pals Youtube account, more specifically a fnf song cover video published by the same account featuring its members (emersynth, ledger, and vomic), including from what I can only assume is their voices & faces at the end of the video 

• There’s nothing overly bad about this account other than some weird comments about hitler, but the importance of this account lies in the people it’s connected with.

• NikocadoFucker

• NikocadoFucker (nsfw warning) is a burner account that’s still up to this day which posts about and retweets vile content, including but not limited to posting AI images of steven universe supporting israel, talking about the cock sizes between two babies, making tweets saying "if he raped you, are u snitching?", and posting about hitler, which is a common trend between all of these accounts.
• This account can be linked to the SEWH dev team (specifically vomic & s8ku) through:

• interacting w/ people at the same time as the onision lover burner 
• being mutuals w/ the dafaq pals account and often interacting with it
• and even interacting with members of the SEWH team directly before they were ever well-known

Everything listed above is a consistent, traceable pattern of harassment that’s gone unacknowledged and unaccounted for by the people behind it until right now. The harm that the SEWH devs have caused to me & my friends never went away because nobody ever owned up to any of it. Not once. Though, this isn’t meant to be any kind of “exposé.” This information is only being put here to show off what inspired me to make the FNF mod that started the harassment that Nico, Chi, & their friends faced. However, if anyone has the drive to dig deeper than I did, then go for it–there’s definitely more from the accounts listed that I didn’t mention because it’d either be unnecessary to include or too difficult to prove a connection to.

Cabie & Friends (C&F):

Background Info That I Think Is Necessary

What I’m about to talk about is gonna make me sound like I did nothing to make Nico think that I was a manipulative, disgusting person, but I did a lot not just to them but to others that they knew. We met back in mid-2021, when we were both 14, through Friday Night Bloxxin’ (FNB), an old game I worked on, and we started a short friendship which then turned into a short relationship/situationship (Idk what to label it, it was really confusing. Also, Nico often says that we were never close nor did we ever date. I don’t like that I have to prove that we were close, but I know that she’ll continue to lie about it if I don’t, so… [1] [2] [3]). That all came to a close really quickly, though, because a week or two later is when I got exposed for making lots of edgy, racist, & vulgar comments, and she cut ties with me shortly after. That wasn’t the only reason why she did, though. Around this same time, I created a fake conversation between me and another user that Nico found annoying/creepy back then because I saw it as a way to bond with her over shared experiences with someone who’s weird (Obviously it isn’t the way to do that at all, but I just felt I should mention what my thought process was at that moment). The conversation I made up was of the aforementioned user sending a “stick” pic to me. This created a small situation between me, her, and the user I faked screenshots of because of the severity it held (honest to god I didn’t know it would’ve been an insanely egregious thing to make up of somebody at the time), which led to Nico requesting that I stream my screen to her to show my DMs with that user. I believe that’s when she saw that I had been sending that same user pictures that she sent me (NOT ANYTHING INAPPROPRIATE) and pretending that they were of myself, which she cut me off for shortly after. The only reason why I did this in the first place was because I had previously come from a much more toxic, racist, misogynistic community that heavily influenced my earlier values and left me with barely anyone in my life who actually cared about me. I was so desperate for attention to where I resorted to getting it through immoral means. This ranged from provoking negative reactions by mistreating others to clinging to any positive affirmations I could find in order to prop up my self-image. I really don’t know how to explain my actions, other than the fact that I was severely mentally ill and a severe victim of grooming. Regardless of the circumstance or how young I was at the time, though, this was some seriously disgusting shit to pull, period. I hate reflecting on what happened because it just reminds me about how long I’ve had serious issues for, and how much I’ve let them consume me. After Nico cut me off, something in me changed for the worse. Like way, way worse. I developed an absolutely insane, deeply unhealthy fixation on everything that had happened between her & I, and I couldn’t let it go. I would spiral constantly, replaying every interaction in my head, dissecting it, berating myself endlessly, as if doing so would somehow bring closure or make the guilt go away, but it never did. Hell, it got to a point where I created fake scenarios & conversations between Nico & I and posted them in private places like my old priv twitter just to make myself feel worse about everything. I wasn’t trying to tell any weird stories or push fake narratives of somebody else to the public, I was really just trying to make myself feel horrible over everything that went on. I would imagine her saying things like how she hated me or how disgusting I was, and I’d post those things on my priv like they were real. It was this deranged cycle where I used the idea of her, and the shame tied to everything that happened, to feed into the worst parts of my mental state. I thought if I just made myself feel enough pain over it, it would somehow make things right, but it really didn’t. It just broke me even more. I know that this shit all sounds like I’m trying to garner sympathy or guilttrip people, but I’m being so serious that this is like 1:1 of what my thought process was during the time. I don’t want it to come off as if I’m trying to excuse anything I did, though. No kind of mental illness justifies the lies I told, the conversations I faked, the people I hurt, or the way I dragged others into the mess I made & was making. Nico–I’m so, so, so fucking sorry, dude. Not just for what I did, but for how much I turned my own issues into a reason to latch onto & obsess over you, and turn your distance into a weapon against myself. I can’t even imagine how it felt to learn about what I was doing over you. You didn’t deserve any of what I put you through. I’m sorry.

The Main Spiel

Around early 2023, I met somebody named Melody, a person who was in the same friend group that Nico & most of their other close friends were in at the time. They told me about a lot of stuff that Nico & Chi were saying about/doing to me, leading me to find out that they were making fun of my mental illnesses [1] [2], gloating about having [1] [2] [3] [4] and even leaking [1] [2] my personal info, having their friends manipulate me & pretend to be my friend for the sake of leaking my priv to them [1], excessively stalking & documenting information about me from all the way back in February 2022 up til 2023 [1], and some other alleged things that one of their similarly close friends, TadOfSalt, told me about around the same time. I was never able to get concrete proof of what they talked about, but from what I was told, they allegedly made fun of me being swatted, falsely labeled me as a groomer, drew hate art of me, and a bit more that I really can’t remember anymore. Whether or not any of these things really did happen is beyond me, because again, there was never any proof shown about them–they were only told to me through somebody who, to this day, is still in close contact with Nico & Chi (TadOfSalt). Additionally, a majority of these issues have already been talked about and are things that Nico & Chi have held themselves accountable for–please do not use them as a fuel for any kind of fire because I only chose to include them for the sake of giving context as to what kicked off development behind the Cabie & Friends FNF mod. My memory’s a bit hazy on the details of what happened after this, but I remember being banned from a game’s discord server that Chi was a mod in, and it started this huge obsession of “having them & Nico feel the same pain I felt” when I saw that they’ve been stalking & leaking stuff of me for at least a full year. I could 100% be wrong with what I’m about to say, but I think that it all began when I got Chi fired from their position as moderator in that previously mentioned game discord server. Though, I really just wasn’t satisfied with that, because I was under the impression that they were just going to find other places to spread mockeries of my mental illnesses, personal information, and untrue claims about me being a groomer. This led to the creation of a burner account called DeepwokenFan317 and the start of Cabie & Friends, an FNF mod that was published by that burner on March 15th, 2023. It took much inspiration from the previously released VS FNB mod and had the same goal of it in mind–to harass & make fun of whoever’s included in it by any means necessary, using the excuse of the mod being about “bad people” to justify and rationalize the harm being done to others (which, if it isn’t obvious enough, was a very bullshit excuse to harass people). It included a bunch of awful songs that I’ll list out in bullet points so that none of the details are sugarcoated or anything. Also, just as a small note, there were two main difficulties of the mod: normal & doxxed (hard). Some of the songs had different things to them on the doxxed difficulty, so I’ll list off all of that, too.

• Dumb Dog

• Just a really short song that fades into a slideshow of the stuff Melody told me about regarding Nico & Chi
• Doxxed difficulty had a harder chart

• Pibby Doxxer

• Song with Nico’s OC infected with the pibby virus; had a gimmick where hitting a pibbified note would do damage to you
• Doxxed difficulty had a harder chart & displayed this info on screen
• Inspired by VS FNB’s Triple Trouble song (both were abt pibby)

• The Deep Calls

• Song featuring Nico & Chi’s OCs which aimed to make fun of Nico supposedly prioritizing Deepwoken over their partner–something that was told & shown to me by Melody through one of Chi’s old private twitter accounts. If it hasn’t been made apparent enough already, this was never true. Nico & Chi have a healthy relationship, and any bad stuff that has happened or will happen in it is none of my business nor is it anyone else’s
• Had a gimmick where hitting a deepwoken note would open deepwoken on your browser
• Inspired by VS FNB’s Cheater song (both aimed to mock relationships)

• Roblox Sex

• Arguably the weirdest song in the entire mod for what it tried to make fun of & the stuff it included. It aimed to mock one of Nico’s friends (I think Loyola? I could be wrong) using synapse to give everyone in their game boobs locally (meaning it’s only visible for them & nobody else).
• Had dog bone notes which played a pizza tower scream sound & shook around an image of Nico’s OC with.. White Stuff on it

• The only reason why this was included was because one of my ex-friends (who I won’t name because I don’t have proof of our interactions anymore–I know that they’d deny it if I were to name them now, so there’s no point) sent me the image and told me that it was a “leaked commission that Cabie got” and that I should include it because it showed that they were weird for getting stuff like that as a 15 year old. I never thought about how, even if it were a leaked commission, publicizing material like that even further was a bad act in itself, and I’m sorry. Also, because people think I’m a pedo for doing this, Nico & I were the same exact age at the time. That doesn’t justify anything nor am I trying to defend what I included at all, I just don’t want to be called a pedophile when I’m not haha.

• Doxxed difficulty played a roblox humping scene at the end of the song

• I genuinely forgot everything about how this ever got implemented, but I do have this, that and this (i guess?) to show that it wasn’t my idea to include it at first. Regardless, this was such a fucked thing to watch be created & then implement into an fnf mod, and I’m deeply sorry. Words will never be enough to show how fucked I feel for the stuff included in this song (with both this scene & the very weird image of Nico’s OC), but at this point, I don’t think there’s anything I can really do about it other than to come clean abt everything & give closure to the people affected, which is what I’m trying to do here.

• Movies

• Included because I thought edgy shock content was funny at the time; it was just /v/-tan forme de movies vs BF

The mod was insanely fucked, but I seriously believe that the roblox sex song was the worst thing included in it. I don’t know what the fuck was going through my head dude, none of that shit was even borderline funny. I feel like I was only implementing it because I didn’t wanna be a pussy in front of my friends at the time and also because I was upset that nothing ever came from vomic drawing & posting scuffed porn of me, but that’s really no excuse for anything at all. This entire mod & the things that came from it have left such awful stains on my psyche and I honestly wish I could just go back and erase it all. I hate that I ever thought it was okay, and I hate that I dragged other people into something so gross and humiliating. I can’t defend, justify, nor rationalize anything that came from it and I’m deeply sorry to those who saw, heard, and were affected by what I made. It’s something I’ll always regret, and I know it’s going to stick with me as a reminder of the kind of person I never want to be again.

After C&F:

Once the mod came out, there was a group chat made with Chi, Nico, a supervising third party, and I three days after the mod was released (March 18th, 2023) to settle things. During that confrontation, we all laid out our perspectives, and I genuinely tried to apologize for most of my behavior. I really did feel remorse back then (and still do now) and I wanted to try to move forward on better terms. For a short while, it seemed like there was finally room for peace, and I believed that maybe things could improve.

Though, during that same confrontation, I initially lied about not working on the Cabie & Friends mod. In truth, I was terrified of the consequences that would come with admitting the full extent of my involvement with a mod that I knew was a bad thing to produce and publish. It was a cowardly and selfish decision on my part, and I regret ever lying about it deeply. By trying to protect myself, I only added more dishonesty to an already toxic situation. I wish I had just owned up from the start instead of hiding behind excuses, because that only made it harder for anyone to believe I was genuinely sorry. (I know it’s hard to believe my words–especially now–but I have this to at least show I was genuinely upset for what I did when the confrontation happened) But even after I felt remorse & somewhat apologized, it didn’t last. A handful of my close friends were upset that I had even attempted to reconcile with Nico and Chi. Because of that pressure, I backed down from my initial stance and returned to hostility–not because I truly wanted to, but because I didn’t want to risk losing my friendships. That doesn’t excuse the decision I made at all, but it’s the truth behind why I abandoned what could have been a resolution. From there, the harassment that followed publicly was made much worse by myself & the people around me. Looking back, I wish I had stood my ground during that confrontation. I was genuinely remorseful about my actions, and I should’ve been way more honest about my involvement in everything that happened and stayed committed to making amends instead of letting outside influence drag me backward. That moment is one of the biggest regrets I carry, because it could have been the turning point where things ended instead of spiraling further. After that first confrontation and my back-and-forth stance on whether I wanted to reconcile or keep fighting, my involvement with the whole DeepwokenFan account stuff really tapered off. I wasn’t super invested in it anymore; most of what happened afterward was other people egging me on or taking the lead while I sort of sat back. At that point, I didn’t actually care all that much about running the account or keeping the drama alive, but I also didn’t want to look like I was “backing down” to my friends, so I let it keep going. The only time I really stepped back into things was during the second confrontation I had with Nico & Chi sometime around late June of 2023, and I’ll be honest–by then, I wasn’t driven by any sense of hurt or revenge anymore. I was just being a dick for the sake of it. I knew better, I knew the damage the mod and the burner already caused, and instead of trying to disengage, I doubled down on antagonizing because I thought it made me look tough or unbothered. In reality, I was just dragging everything further into the mud and making myself look worse. Looking back, I realize my lack of genuine involvement doesn’t make me any less accountable. Even if I wasn’t the one actively pushing things forward, my silence and occasional contributions still fueled the problem. By staying connected to it at all, I let the whole mess keep breathing instead of ending it when I should have. That’s fully on me, and it’s another part of why this whole chapter is one of the biggest regrets of my life. Also, I didn’t really know where/when to mention this, so I’m just gonna do it now for the sake of my own dignity: In May of 2023, Melody reached out to Nico & Chi and showed them a bunch of stuff like this to them to inform them about things that I said & did to them. A chunk of what they said was accurate (mainly stuff about the mod), but there was ironic/edgy as fuck things I said that I didn’t actually do, like fucking a coconut & schlerking off to Nico’s sona (It was incredibly revolting for me to even say these things and I seriously regret how I used to act). I could go on and on about a lot of stuff I said I did that I really just didn’t do, but I feel like that’d be unnecessary compared to actually explaining why I lied about anything to begin with. The only reason why I lied was because, at the time, Melody would always ask me about any “dark secrets” I had. I slowly told her about some stuff I did as a 13 year old–harassing others, gambling, lying about my age & gender, etc.–but she’d always ask to hear more about my past some time after those conversations would end. I eventually ran out of things to tell her, so I just started making up shit to satisfy her. I still think that everything I said was fucked beyond belief (especially my sexual comment about Nico’s sona, that was disgusting)

The Harassment Campaign During & After C&F:

A lot of stuff happened following the release of Cabie & Friends, and to this day, the people affected by that harassment were never given any kind of closure as to who participated in it. I won’t really talk too much and I’ll instead focus on providing that closure & apologizing for everything that happened. I won’t have many screenshots to support my word because I’ve been kicked from all of the private spaces where this harassment went down, but if anyone mentioned wants to hold themselves accountable, then please do so–there’s no use in running anymore. Please don’t harass anybody.

• Original Cabie & Friends Devs / Participants / Otherwise Complicit Users

• Unioni24k – made the sprites for nico; has left the internet entirely
• V1z – made the sprites for pibby nico, ranae (i think? They might not have made ranae’s sprites), chi, and loyola i think
• Ult – made all of the icons except for the /v/tan-related & fat albert ones
• Iris – made some concepts for other people that could’ve been included in the mod (most going scrapped). They made a concept for a user called Samantha and as well some for other users, but none of Nico & Chi.
• Chloo, Calders, Melody, SaltGenerator, Fq0e – misc help, commentary, & feedback

• Alt Account Involvement

• DeepwokenFan315 was created by Melody and I. We were both behind it up until the mod came out (March 15th, 2023) I think? I handed it off to Fq0e sometime after the mod was released, and after that, I stopped actively tweeting on it. Fq0e was the one who was majorly responsible for everything that happened afterwards.
• MinecraftFan820 was created by Melody and I iirc. I can’t remember if anyone else was given access to it or not before it was deleted, but there was probably nobody else.
• I’m like 99% sure that I only ever had access to the drycablee account and never actually posted on it cuz I genuinely remember nothing about it.
• Ready2DieFan is just me.

• Misc. Harassment

• Sasha/Pawtchup – drew incredibly suggestive art of Nico when they were 16; currently has no public identity (to my knowledge)
• Fq0e :

• Made a bunch of gifs on tenor to poke fun at the C&F mod
• Tried to revive Cabie & Friends with Tree once I handed the DeepwokenFan315 account over to them
• Posted most of the really weird stuff on the account [1] [2] [3] 

• AndrewDotWeb :

• Made some C&F fansongs, though I only have this one on hand, in which he made everything except the art used for the visualizer.
• Made this entire thing; it was based off of the art that Tree made in which Nico said “hello [dude] im dogwoken” (can be seen here)
• Made the visualizer for the Notive song (which has Isaac in it for whatever reason–I think he just asked to be added somewhere cuz he didn’t like Notive).
• In addition to the above, they also animated basically everything for the Notive song and was the one who was most involved in its development

• Tree :

• Made some basic concepts [1] [2] for the Cabie & Friends Revival that Fq0e was working on
• Drew the “hello [dude] im dogwoken” image shown here
• Drew the image which was allegedly “portraying nico as a Sonny McCarthy” (a fictional character) shown here

• [POST-WRITING UPDATE]: I talked to Tree briefly (we aren’t on speaking terms, so don’t harass them for “still being my friend” or whatever), and they have this and that to say about the two images above (mainly the McCarthy one).

• Leaked a screenshot of Nico’s priv to a group chat we were in
• Made chainsaw man inspired comics that portrayed Nico as one of the devils; mostly lost media now but I do have this
• Drew recreations of what happened to George Floyd with Nico & me shown here

• They never asked if they could draw me like this nor did they ever even get my consent to, but I just kinda went with it because I had like. Zero clue how to respond to it???? I just tried to laugh it off which is something bad in itself but it was seriously just such a weird thing to see out of nowhere and I didn’t know how to react to it at all.

There are definitely tons of issues & events that aren’t listed here that I can’t remember, but this should be a majority of the things done to Nico & their friends. Please don’t harass anyone mentioned nor use any of the things that they’ve done as evidence that they’re “awful people”. A lot of these actions are from 2 (soon to be 3) years ago. That doesn’t mean that I think the pain from these actions should be negated, but I do think that the people responsible, most of whom are still teenagers today, shouldn’t be punished to the point of total career death at all.

Working On Calamity Corp:

I want to be transparent about my involvement with Calamity Corp (a game that Nico, Chi, and their friends owned) since my decisions and choices made during the period where Nico & Chi were unknowingly in contact with me still weighs heavy on my mind. My decision to help on that project was not driven by malice, spying, or any intent to undermine their team. At the time, I was trying to make amends for the harm I had caused in the past. In my mind, contributing to their game felt like a way to show remorse and to give back, even if it wasn’t the right way to approach repentance. Looking back, I understand how misguided that was–I was completely unaware of how inappropriate or harmful it would be perceived, and I regret not realizing that sooner. I also want to stress that, during my time working on Calamity Corp, I never leaked any of their content, private information, or internal discussions. I also never engaged in slandering or actively talking poorly about their development team. If anything, the only concerns I ever expressed were scripting-related; I remember pointing out that some of the game’s systems were coded inefficiently and could have been improved. I never meant to insult nor degrade anyone’s work, and was just trying to give my genuine perspective as a developer. I also want to apologize for lying about my identity while working with them. At the time, I did not grasp the full severity of hiding who I really was, even though I now understand how serious and damaging that deception was. As hard as it may be to believe, I genuinely didn’t realize just how severe and manipulative that lie would appear. I carry real regret for that choice, and it is something I am committed to owning fully rather than trying to excuse. In summary: my intentions with Calamity Corp were never to exploit, sabotage, or hurt anyone involved. My involvement came from a place of misguided repentance, and I see now that the way I went about it was wrong. I regret the dishonesty, I regret the hurt it caused, and I’m sorry for not addressing any of this sooner.

Deviation Point

As much as I want this section to be entirely about accountability, there are some concerning actions that Nico & Chi have displayed in past & present time that I feel should be acknowledged. These actions will be discussed in a separate document (like how I did when talking about Upl) to prevent the main focus of this document from being lost. Please go here to review all accusations–as a lot of it is admittedly very concerning.

Souldrivenliar / FuwattiProductions:

Similar to the Deviation Point section above, I don’t want to dedicate an entire section of this document to anything other than taking accountability. All of my thoughts about these accounts & their associates can be seen here.

On March 18th:

March 18th was the day everything came to a head, and it’s also one of the hardest days of my life to look back on. That morning, Ava–my partner–had been sent to a mental institute after an attempt on her life. That single event just absolutely shattered me. I felt terrified, powerless, and completely unprepared to process what was happening in my personal life while also being forced to face the backlash for various things I had done. None of this excuses the way I acted, but it’s an important part of context for why I lashed out the way I did toward Nico, Chi, and others. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was overwhelmed, angry, and grieving, and instead of taking even a moment to breathe, I projected that instability outward. By the time I went live on stream later that day, I was in such a fragile state that I almost chose to end my life in front of thousands instead of addressing anything. The only reason I didn’t was because I realized at the very last minute how much permanent damage that would cause for people far beyond just myself. So instead, I tried to explain and defend myself, but what came out wasn’t clarity or honesty–it was aggression. My words were sharp because my heart and mind were breaking at the same time. Again, this doesn’t excuse anything. It doesn’t erase the fact that Nico and Chi bore the brunt of my emotions that day when they deserved better. But it does explain why I was so reactive, why I defaulted to hostility instead of reason, and why I came across as manipulative or uncaring. I was just scared and spiraling. Looking back, I regret everything about how I handled that day. I should have stepped away, taken care of myself, and let the dust settle before saying anything. Instead, I spoke from a place of raw panic and pain, and the result was only more hurt for the very people I had already harmed. March 18th currently stands as one of my biggest reminders that being overwhelmed or suffering personally doesn’t give me the right to unload that pain onto others, and I’m sorry for how horribly I treated the entire situation from back then.

On the sale of Forsaken:

This was never my idea and hasn’t been even during March 18th. I never wanted to sell the game in a million years–it’s too much like a child to me. However, to prove this, it’d require me to go into way too much detail of what my personal life was like back then, which I’m not too comfortable with. Instead, I implore you to read Ava’s document whenever it releases, which will be covering this same topic in more detail since they’re the one who pushed me to sell the game both during March & May.

On the charity fraud & stolen funds:

There’s been a lot of misinformation surrounding the charity funds raised during Forsaken’s earlier success, specifically claims that I committed charity fraud or outright stole the money. This is misleading because some of these claims are supported by events that took place before the charity gamepass was even created–this was purely my own money. I want to clarify the truth behind what happened, because while how the situation looked in the public was awful and I absolutely understand why people were upset, there was never any intent to scam or withhold anything from the charities that were promised those funds. To be transparent: the delays in delivering those funds were not because I misused or pocketed them, but because of the complications involved in setting everything up for Forsaken properly. At the time, I was working on forming an LLC to process the game’s income through a legal business structure. Creating an LLC isn’t as instant or simple as people might assume. It involves tons of legal documentation, approvals, fee payments, bank account setups, and long waiting periods to hear back from applications you submit for it. It was important to me that donations were handled through something official, not just my personal account, both for legitimacy and to avoid potential tax or legal issues later. After getting all of this squared, I tried to get a DevEx request approved on Roblox to convert the Robux earned into real currency. This too was a frustrating process. I submitted multiple requests that were declined for dumb reasons, and had to wait between multiple different submissions & appeals. While all of that was still being done, the controversy that erupted on May 28th hit, and everything just went downhill from there. I was already under intense pressure, mentally spiraling, and struggling to keep up with anything, so nothing was finalized until sometime in June, which is when the donations were finally able to go through. As for the idea that I “stole” 400M R$ from the group: Forsaken, at the time, was entirely my intellectual property. No one else had any legal ownership, employment contract, revenue claim, or formal stake in it. The game, its income, and its direction were all under my control, so withdrawing any amount of money from the game was fully within my rights. That said, just because I could’ve doesn’t mean I should’ve. I understand now that, regardless of the technicalities, it was a bad decision to handle it that way. It broke the community’s trust and made people feel like their contributions were misused or manipulated, even if the money did eventually go where it was supposed to. I’ve had time to sit with that, and I regret the way it was handled. I should’ve been clearer, faster, and more transparent from the beginning. I have since given the money I took from the group to the Forsaken Team out of my own volition, and I apologize for any damage that my actions have caused.

On avoiding accountability:

One of the biggest criticisms I’ve faced over the past few months is that I’ve been avoiding accountability. That I’ve stayed silent, disappeared, or even acted like nothing happened. And I 100% get why people feel that way. From an outsider’s perspective, literally everything I was doing probably seemed like I was trying to hide and dodge the backlash by waiting for things to blow over. But that isn’t what was really happening. After May 28th, once everything surfaced, I went through the worst mental collapse I’ve ever experienced. The constant harassment, the complete isolation, the way people talked about me–some rightfully, some not–pushed me into a state where I couldn’t process anything clearly. Even just logging on to check up with my now ex-friends became overwhelming. I was terrified to say the wrong thing, break down publicly, or make things worse in a moment of panic. I wasn’t running from accountability, I was honestly just mentally unwell & frozen. During that time, I started doing what I could to stay grounded, even in small, insignificant ways. Sometimes that meant playing games like Roblox–not because I didn’t care, but because I needed anything to take my mind off everything happening. It was a temporary distraction to keep me from spiraling further, or from doing or saying something impulsive that would hurt people even more. I know some people took this as a sign that I didn’t care or wasn’t taking the situation seriously, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I was hanging on by a thread, and those small distractions helped keep me from breaking completely. There was even a moment where someone screenshotted my account idling on Minecraft for 12 hours and used it as proof that I was playing all day while staying silent. In reality, I had opened the launcher, left the game menu on, and ended up falling asleep. I never even started playing. But I understand why that image looked bad. I’m not trying to justify it at all, just want to explain what really happened. All of this is really just to say that my silence wasn’t avoidance in the way people might think. It was the result of being crushed under everything I had done and the weight of knowing how badly I had hurt others. If I had tried to speak sooner, it wouldn’t have been a real attempt to make things right. It would’ve been unstable, defensive, and ultimately damaging to everyone involved. I needed to be in a better place to fully face what I’d done, and I wasn’t there yet. I know that waiting this long to speak might hurt people more. I know it made everything worse. And I’m deeply sorry for that. I’m not asking anyone to forgive the silence or the timing, I just want people to know it wasn’t out of apathy. It was the result of me being mentally unfit to do what needed to be done until now. And I’m not saying that as an excuse for anything, either. It’s just the truth.

On running onto a new identity, TheOnlyRobloxGAMERS2:

I think it’s necessary that I address TheOnlyRobloxGAMERS2, a roblox account that I used a while back. After everything that happened, I was at the lowest point of my life mentally, emotionally, and socially. I was struggling to keep myself grounded, and in that period of collapse, the only real comfort I could find was playing Roblox with the few friends I still had left. That account was not created to deceive or harm, but to just give me a place to exist while I tried to stabilize myself and take time to write this response. The only reason I ever got involved in Tearcane’s project was because they had confided in me about their fears of being financially unstable and expressed uncertainty about if they would ever have opportunities beyond a 9-to-5 job at a fast food joint. I wanted to help them avoid that outcome by helping with some scripting for their game, with full plans to leave the team as soon as my contribution was complete. The intention was always to help them get on their feet, not to “replatform” myself, profit off of anything, nor interfere in anyone else’s space. It’s true that Upl was on the same team, but I never engaged with them, never worked directly with them, and never even crossed paths with anyone else on the development team apart from a single four-word comment I left in passing. To me, that hardly counts as meaningful interaction, and it certainly wasn’t meant to be taken as something hostile or manipulative. I know that working on the game was a bad thing to do–especially since I didn’t have this document published during my stay–but I swear on my life that I had nothing but good intent going into it. Hell, the reason why I backed out was because I didn’t want to cause harm to anyone. I think that I do deserve the consequences that came from my irresponsibility, but I also don’t believe that this mistake makes me an “abusive psycho” who deserves to be painted as if I set out to cause others deep harm. I wasn’t there to manipulate, deceive, or relive the mistakes of the past. I was there because I cared about a friend and wanted to help them avoid a future they were afraid of. That doesn’t make my dishonesty okay, but I hope it at least makes clear that my intent was never to inflict any kind of harm unto anyone.

On continued activity on the Souldrivenlove alias:

There have been multiple instances where I appeared in spaces under the Souldrivenlove alias even after being called out in May. These appearances were reckless, negligent, and extremely inconsiderate of the accusations against me. Even though most of these interactions happened in private spaces with close friends–which still doesn’t excuse my behavior–there was one particular incident that crossed an even greater line. I joined a public game with an audience of people who knew about my background in full detail. Doing this was incredibly disrespectful, not just to the people I’ve directly harmed, but also to the wider community that once looked up to me. During that session, most of what I did was lighthearted in tone, saying things like “can we team” and “I’m new.” But at one point, I saw a user bring up how I had severely affected a friend of theirs–ironically, the friend being Upl. That moment snapped me out of the ironic, detached way I had been interacting, and I walked up to the user to apologize and tell them that I was sorry for what I did to their friend (A post of this interaction can be seen here). Though, the way I approached them came across as mockery, and many people understandably interpreted it that way. While that wasn’t my intent, I know that it doesn’t erase the harm or perception my actions caused at all. Their feelings about my approach are completely valid. Some time after the events of that night, I privately reached out and wrote a direct apology to them [1] [2]. They obviously chose not to forgive me, and I fully respect that decision. I don’t believe I should be forgiven for something so tasteless and inconsiderate at all, anyways. Though, I hope that by acknowledging how wrong it was for me to show up in that space at all, and how much disrespect it conveyed to people who had already been hurt by me, it moves me another step closer towards properly holding myself accountable for all of my shitty behavior.

On miscellaneous claims that I believe need to be addressed:

There have been a wide range of accusations made about me since the original callout in May–some true, some exaggerated, and some completely false. Each of these has carried its own weight, because even small or untrue claims can still shape how people see me. I don’t want to ignore or dismiss anything that’s been said, so in this section I’ll be going through these different accusations directly, clarifying what actually happened, what didn’t, and taking accountability where it’s due.

Skarlet

Skarlet’s a user that I used to speak with frequently about a year ago because of our shared interests and personal situations. During our contact, we pursued a romantic relationship whilst I was already in one with another user, Marcy, in which I lied about my identity and was nearly responsible for Skarlet severely harming themselves through a long series of events that involved a lot of manipulation & deception. All the while, I lied & deleted crucial evidence that they would’ve been able to use to speak out about what I did to them just to save face. I knew that what I did to her was horrible and I was afraid of any of these actions going public. And, when they did eventually go public during March 18th, I immediately swept it all under the rug, which is no way to ever be treating somebody that I’ve hurt like this. I no longer want to hide anything, and I want to be held completely accountable for what I did to her. Sure, Skarlet did things to me that’ve left serious marks on my mind, but absolutely nothing validates nor justifies the way that I treated her. The pain that I caused is something that I wouldn’t wish on a single person in the world–not even my worst enemy. I genuinely believe this was one of the worst, most damaging things I’ve ever done, because my actions here nearly contributed to someone ending their life. Although Skarlet and I are now on far better terms, nothing will ever erase what happened or the harm that I caused. What I did to her was, in hindsight, deeply reckless, cruel, and almost unimaginable. I’ve carried that regret with me ever since it happened, and I know I always will. My only hope is that by fully owning up to this, I can begin the long process of holding myself accountable and, someday, find a way to forgive myself for the pain and harm I caused her.

Retravulsive & Friends

I used to be in this one friend group with a few other people in it about a year and a half ago. I unfortunately don’t remember most of their names, but I do remember that one of the users in it was named Retravulsive. Skarlet was in here, as well. Though, I wasn’t in it in the way that most people would be in a group chat–I would often be present as two different identities at the same time, Robotic_Developer and Souldrivenlove. This in itself is manipulative, though the even worse thing that I did to these people was send them a bloodied, cut up picture of my arm during one of my spirals. By sending that picture, I crossed a line that should never have been crossed. No matter what state of mind I was in, no matter what kind of mental conditions I have–I put people in a position where they had to witness something traumatic and disturbing that they never asked to see. There’s no excuse for anything I did. I knew, even in the moment, that what I was doing was wrong, but I chose to do it anyway only because I didn’t want to be seen as a liar when it came to harming myself. I left unsuspecting people who I used to call my friends with memories that I know must have been uncomfortable at best and scarring at worst. Like with Skarlet, this is something that I’ll always regret for as long as I live. I can’t take anything back, no matter how much I wish I could, and I can’t undo the pain I caused, either. I was manipulative and deeply insensitive at the same time, and I hurt others out of my own impulses. If anyone from that group reads this, then please understand that I’m terribly sorry for everything that I did back when you knew me. I know that the damage has already been done, but I promise to God that I’ll never let myself repeat the same kind of cruelty and recklessness that defined me back then.

Kae

Over the past several years, a great deal has come to light about my behavior online between 2019 and 2021. I want to be completely transparent about what happened so there is no confusion or evasion of responsibility on my part. During that time, when I was roughly 11-13 years old, I engaged in manipulative and deceptive actions toward people who trusted me–most notably Kae. I lied about my identity, including my age and gender, which led to a false sense of trust and emotional connection. I initiated and encouraged inappropriate conversations, including sexual roleplay, with someone I had deceived into believing I was older than I actually was. I completely violated their boundaries and their trust by doing this. I know that my actions have caused lasting harm–both to them and to the larger circles that surrounded me–and I’m deeply sorry. There is no excuse for any of this. The responsibility rests entirely with me. I want to continue on this topic by sincerely apologizing to Kae, who suffered directly because of my dishonesty and manipulation. I led them to believe that they were in a safe, mutual friendship–even a relationship–when the reality of it was built on deceit. I essentially catfished them, concealed the truth about who I was, and took advantage of the trust and emotional openness they showed me. They never deserved to be lied to or placed in a situation that left them feeling exploited and confused. Nothing I say can undo that damage, but I want to acknowledge it clearly: what I did was wrong, manipulative, and inexcusable. To others who were affected by my behavior, including all of those in my former communities and projects, I owe the same acknowledgment. For a long time, I couldn’t truly recognize how destructive my actions were. I spent years convincing myself that I was misunderstood–that people were exaggerating or that I wasn’t “as bad” as others said. That mindset was admittedly cowardice disguised as ignorance. It wasn’t until early 2022 that I began to see my actions for what they were, because that’s the time where I stepped away from the toxic spaces I surrounded myself in and actually “entered the internet” (aka start interacting with others outside of the circles I was in at the time). For the first time, I understood that the pain I caused was not just emotional fallout–it was the direct result of my own decisions. Coming to terms with that has been one of the most painful but necessary processes of my life. I’m so fucking sorry for everything that I did as a pre-teen–all of that behavior was not normal by any means whatsoever and I should’ve been able to spot it out much sooner than I did.

Ava

I had originally planned to discuss my relationship with Ava as a larger topic in this document, since we’ve both deeply hurt each other in the past. However, out of respect for Ava’s privacy and the concern that shared details might reach the wrong people, I’ve chosen to keep everything between us private. All of our issues have already been addressed and resolved in private, anyways. That being said, I do want to clear up any misinformation: Ava is not a rapist, she never withheld any of my belongings, and she is not an abuser. These are false claims that were pushed out under duress. Please don’t label her as anything other than what she really is–a person who was struggling to figure things out and acted unlike herself because of her stress.

Iris

When shit was hitting the fan in May, an old friend named Iris spoke up about a situation between us that was interpreted as me allegedly grooming him. I just want to say that this is flat out false. Iris brought up this allegation & his feelings about it to me during a time where we briefly spoke, and we both came to the conclusion that we were both doing something wrong at the time. We also agreed that it’s just not really worth bringing up anymore because we were both just kids doing stupid stuff b/c of hormones. If you want to listen in on the full conversation we had, then it’s here.

[POST-WRITING NOTE #1]: In case it isn’t obvious enough, Iris and I aren’t on speaking terms. They reached out to me for a brief moment specifically so that this section could be included.

[POST-WRITING NOTE #2]: Iris recently reached out to me again to address some false claims he pushed out a while ago. He also wanted me to add that ”we never sent videos/images and it was only audio.”

Lucasberry

Apparently people were talking about how I groomed lucasberry when I barely even talked to him? I didn’t do that, like… at all. I don’t even know what else to say because it’s such a weird accusation with no merit nor evidence to it other than someone randomly stepping up and saying “Yes, this happened!”

TheLastEpicGamer2007

Thelastepicgamer2007 wasn’t even my account. It was an alt that one of my friends had for playing Ink Game. Once a callout was made about “the account being mine" by Mex  to “spread awareness” (Which isn’t true. Mex just wanted to rally people to harass a group they disliked, calling them a ’pedo cabal’ even though they were all minors, and openly admitting their real motive wasn’t justice but resentment over me leaving their group for being racist, transphobic, and edgy), though, they left the account behind and gave the details to me so that I could mess around and do whatever with it. If I remember correctly, all I really did was tinker with the bio at one point (before realizing that the thing I changed it into sounded corny so I just removed it) and talk to like two dudes he had added on there. I do have a Roblox account that I use for playing games, but it has nobody added & will remain that way indefinitely.

Mex

Mex has been a central figure in spreading misinformation and weaponizing the current controversy for their own gain. They’re the one behind the soulbassslut account, which they used alongside their friend group to harass and ridicule people who cut ties with them. Rather than engaging with the allegations against me in good faith, Mex’s group consistently treated the situation as entertainment, creating group chats solely for the purpose of attacking & doxxing others. Mex’s circle has a pattern of just not caring about any of the allegations, instead co-opting them as tools for revenge against myself and their ex-friends. For example, they accused a few people that I seldom talk to of being pedophiles solely because they didn’t like them. Eventually, their behavior turned from making up false allegations against others into outright doxxing. Only a few days after their “TheLastEpicGamer2007” callout, Mex and their group publicly leaked the private information of somebody I know who’s completely unrelated to any of the controversy I’m involved in. It was deliberate witchhunting disguised as “exposing predators.” The screenshots attached make this clear, showing how Mex and their circle joked about doxxing, admitted their motives openly, and mocked the fallout afterward. Mex’s involvement shows a consistent pattern: they don’t care about accountability or safety, only about hurting those who left them. They’ve chosen to target people with slander, doxxing, and racist “inside jokes,” proving that their actions were never about protecting anyone–just about unrighteous vengeance.

Kix

Kix is a user who’s been spreading some blatant misinformation about me (mostly minor but one claim being major). I want to quickly get the major claim out of the way, that being that I groomed one of their friends, comedy_individual. This isn’t true. My interactions with that person were often really weird, and they even convinced me to draw absurdly suggestive artwork of their oc before (which I won’t share too much about–it’s a very uncomfortable topic for me). I confronted Kix personally about this, and they even said themselves that they were wrong about the accusation. I also want to take a minute to address some much more minor claims that they’ve pushed out, because a few of them really ticked me off. So, about this "doc" that I wrote about them… I mean, yeah, it’s true, but not in the way that they’re framing it out to be. The document they’re talking about can be seen here. It was originally meant to be a long reply to a thread of hateful comments they pushed out, similar to how people used to write out long twitlongers when they had a lot to say. However, I felt that posting such a long reply like that would incite harassment, which led me to instead opt out of posting it publicly and instead handle our issues with each other privately. Kix then posted a followup thread about it–that’s it. Also, since I know that Kix might bring up my history with a user by the name of Kotek, I just want to say flat-out that I really don’t care about it. I think that what happened with him–having false grooming allegations placed under his name–is awful, but I don’t want to force myself to interact with someone who’s done weird things to me in private before. He’s done nothing criminal nor absurdly weird, of course–just odd stuff that I personally don’t want to associate with. Anything about Ava’s involvement with Kotek is beyond me, though.

Manipulating People During March 18th

This is something that I really don’t know if I did or didn’t do at this point. Much of the information that was weaponized against me during March was completely false. Claims like me knowingly keeping StopiBlue on the Forsaken team (when I was actively trying to replace their work), or that I fabricated being raped (which I cannot even begin to unpack without triggering my own trauma), or that I harbored genocidal intentions from a dumb thing I wrote when I was 13 are just a few examples of how exaggerated some of the claims being made at the time were. Even the claim that I was trying to “extinguish homosexuality” using Forsaken’s audience is based on some edgy random shit I wrote when I was barely a teenager and still struggling with internalized homophobia in a deeply toxic environment. A lot of people were resurfacing old information from a version of me that barely understood myself, let alone anyone nor anything else, and then framing them as if they were part of some master plan I was executing in 2025. When I saw a bunch of people take my worst moments and treat them as proof that I’ve always been acting in bad faith, it fucked with me really, really badly. From my POV, it looked like a bunch of people that I used to know trying to remove me from a project that I built from the ground up using anything they could find as proof to fuel their narrative. I didn’t know what to say or how to even begin explaining things. I wasn’t acting irrationally because I was hiding anything, I was doing so because I genuinely didn’t understand what was happening or how to respond without making everything worse, which ironically led to things getting way worse. Additionally, as a “cherry on top,” Ava making an attempt on her own life on the morning of the same day made things so, so much worse on my end. I was scared, unsure of who to trust, and still in a state of trying to process what was happening. On the stream that I held that afternoon, I was seriously considering just not talking about anything going on and instead just livestreaming my suicide. But as I was waiting for more & more people to tune in, I realized that doing that would’ve left permanent damage on so many more people than the ones I had already affected, so I made a last minute decision and instead tried to actually address things as well as I could’ve under the pressure I was receiving. I don’t think I handled any of it well at all, though. Looking back, I barely talked about anything that was seriously concerning, and for the topics I did address, I did so in a way where I was clearly mentally unwell which also made me an unreliable narrator. I understand why people feel manipulated, but I completely reject the idea that I was using people intentionally. I was clawing at whatever scraps of control I had left in a storm that was tearing everything else away. Again, I seriously do not know if I manipulated anyone on March 18th. If I did, it was not intentional or malicious. I wasn’t some manipulative mastermind orchestrating people’s emotions or decisions. I was a scared, shattered version of myself trying to hold everything together while my name, work, and history were being torn apart. If anyone felt used, hurt, or coerced by me during that time, then I am sorry. I really, genuinely did not mean to cause any distrust or harm.

Cap’s Supreme Superiority

On the notion of March 18th, I want to address a false claim that I spread about a discord server called Cap’s Supreme Superiority (CSS). I alleged that this server contained users who were spreading illegal material–CSEM. This was a false accusation, and although it was never my intention to lie about something so severe, that doesn’t take away from the fact that I still pushed out fabricated statements about others who could’ve been affected by them. The only reason I made that statement to begin with was because I misremembered an incident and convinced myself it had taken place in CSS. That memory, however, was inaccurate, and regardless of what I believed at the time, I should never have made that claim in the first place. An accusation of this magnitude is incredibly serious, and making it without concrete proof was incredibly reckless and irresponsible. For that, I’m truly sorry. I take full accountability for what I said and the harm it caused. I’ve already been making efforts to be much more cautious and responsible with my words, especially when it comes to accusations of that nature. I hope that some of those efforts can be seen through how this document has been treated so far.

Being Into Condos

I talked about this once before, but I figured I’d attach what I said about it a while back so that it’s included in here, too.

“tldr: there was this person named patchi that i dated in late 2023 to early 2024 out of my desperation to be with someone who’d give me attention at the time (something ive always struggled with ever since i was a kid), and they would always pressure me into doing a buuunchh of stuff that i was always uncomfortable with while we were together. while we were together, i was 16 and they were 18 (i was almost 17 by the time we broke up, though). they always frequented roblox condos even before we got together, and i only ever found out about it a few months into being with them. however, i never cut ties with them for that because they’d always make that kind of stuff out to be something that seemed so much less serious than what it actually was. it was only until after we broke up that i cut off all of that behavior & went back in check (for the most part) with my personal life. admittedly, i did have times shortly after the breakup where id ’relapse’ into the behavior they coerced me into, but it was very shortlived & i was mostly back on my feet by like april of 2024. but ye, i have went into a roblox condo with them before out of pressure & desperation, and it’s not something i look back on fondly. a lot of my active resentment towards that gross part of the roblox community stems specifically from my awful interactions with patchi and the really gross feelings that they’ve left me with. i even started utilizing ruben’s anti-condo bot to completely wipe my game clean of those kinds of people because i want nothing to do with any of them. i hve a few photos of our argument prior to breaking up, theyre a bit confusing but ill try to send them in order. [they have some mentions about patchi’s condos & what she’d do to me just so that you know im not lying about what im saying here]” [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [8] [9]

Never Changing Since 2021

Seeing this screenshot get passed around as proof that I’ve always been the same person in present-day as I was in 2021 is kinda funny because it’s from a conversation I had with an ex-friend of mine when I was seriously spiraling from everything going on. There’s a lot I said in that convo that I never meant at all (i.e: never changing, twotime & 007n7’s lore being projections of myself onto them, etc), and this especially is one of those things. I know that I’ve changed since 2021 for the better because I used to prance around calling people the hard r, sexually harass randoms, ’beam’ (I hate this term) roblox/discord accounts for fun, threaten others with their own personal info, and etc. back when I was like 12-13 because of the environments I grew up in indoctrinating me into pursuing that kind of behavior. I don’t do any of that shit anymore and haven’t since I was just barely 14. But at the same time, I know that I’m still a very convoluted person who’s done a lot of fucked up shit, even in recent. I don’t think I’m the best version of myself that I can be yet at all, but I know without a doubt that I’m a significantly changed person from the kid I was in 2021.

Ghostwriting This Response

I know that a special somebody’s gonna bring up how this entire document is ghostwritten (aka written by others, not me). I wanna come out and say that statement’s completely false before they say anything about it at all. Every word, sentence, explanation, apology, and admission you’ve read here was written by me, and me alone. The only help I received during the process of making this was guidance on how to structure it while I was still mentally frail, which extends onto what topics to prioritize and which sub-topics needed addressing (mainly people who ). That’s it. Nobody wrote any part of this on my behalf. Nobody cleaned it up for me. Nobody shaped my tone, arguments, or apologies. And if you don’t believe that, then here’s the complete histories of the document from July 24, 2025, 6:39 AM EST and October 8, 2025, 12:27 PM EST just to show that I alone am the only one who’s written anything seen here.

Mala Being The Original Forsaken Creator

I’ve seen a lot of confusion about Forsaken’s origins and direction recently, so I want to clarify things in a way that does justice to both sides. Mala wasn’t trying to claim ownership of my work or erase what I poured into the project. His vision was always more rooted in a “Damnation-style” experience–something oriented more around roblox horror media and tense, thrilling gameplay. Meanwhile, my vision of Forsaken (especially during its development and at release) was built around replayability, general Roblox media references, and a structured gameplay loop designed to keep people entertained for as long as possible. There’s a lot of game design behind Forsaken that I came up with to give it as much of a chance of success as possible, but I don’t think explaining all of it is necessary. The directions that Mala & I both had clashed, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care or wasn’t contributing. Mala did a lot to get Forsaken started, and the game really wouldn’t have been created if not for his involvement. He set up the dev server, drafted an early roadmap, suggested roster/future ideas, and brought tons of his friends onto the team. If things had gone differently in his personal life, he probably would’ve been much more present–he was dealing with a lot at the exact same time Forsaken was in heavy development, and unfortunately that left me handling most of the day-to-day directing and management. That doesn’t mean his ideas or vision weren’t valid; they just weren’t what I wanted Forsaken to become. I still directed and managed the actual development of the game up until release, including everything from creating the main gameplay loop, deciding Forsaken’s Roblox-based identity, to coordinating & keeping track of the team’s tasks. That was the most dedicated & committed I’ve ever been to a grind, and I think that shows in how Forsaken performed on launch day. But in hindsight, I really do think I handled things poorly when it came to keeping Mala involved as a director. When conflicts over our visions occurred (which were rare enough as is–Mala was never really given an opportunity to direct anything because of his personal life getting in the way as well as my increasingly poor treatment towards him as Forsaken continued to grow), instead of working through them, I made decisions unilaterally. Eventually, I booted Mala off in a way that left him feeling like his contributions and creative intent didn’t matter. That was unfair and honestly messed up of me–it erased the reality that he did shape parts of Forsaken, even if my version of the game ultimately took precedence. Forsaken as people know it today reflects my original release-era vision, not Mala’s Damnation-like vision. But it’s also wrong to say Mala was just “tagging along.” He had passion for what Forsaken could have been, and if not for the personal struggles he was facing, he likely would’ve contributed much more. I don’t want it to seem like he was trying to steal credit–he wasn’t. And I don’t want to ignore that I was harsh in the way I pushed him out, which left him feeling disrespected.

[TL;DR + EXTRA INFO]: Forsaken was a project that I started up with two other users: Mala & Trebla. Trebla was removed from the team really quickly because of concerns that Mala & Aaron held, so talking about them is pointless. Mala had a vision for the game that was never expanded on because he experienced severe problems in his personal life, which unfortunately rendered him unable to actively do anything notable for the game for months. Because of this, Forsaken ended up being entirely directed by myself, which means that it aligned with my vision instead of Mala’s. He considers himself the original owner of Damnation in the sense of owning the vision that the game could’ve followed had he been able to actively involve himself in Forsaken’s development more. Meanwhile, I’m the original owner of Forsaken and the vision it had when it was released on December 25th, 2024.

Involvement With Forsaken

[THERE WAS CONTENT HERE, BUT IT’S NOW REDACTED. I CAN’T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING FOR LEGAL REASONS.] But guys please make sure you aren’t being manipulated by anyone here. I can’t say anything of course but god it hurts me spiritually to see so many people believe such massive lies like they are right now.

Petplay On Priv

I think the thing most people are concerned about regarding this topic is that there were minors following my private Twitter account while I was discussing… “explicit subjects” on it. I looked into everybody who was following my priv at the time. The only minors who were actually on that account during that period (to my knowledge) were Lucas and Ennakon, who are all currently 17. I only just turned 18 earlier this year. I’m aware that there’s the possibility of one of these individuals being 16 at the time of me posting about.. “Odd topics.” However, the age difference between Lucas and I is 1 year, 2 months, and 27 days. As for Ennakon, it’s 7 months and 15 days. The age differences aren’t severe enough to constitute any major mental advantages between them and I, nor are they evidence of a crime or inherently immoral, since simply talking about sex in front of them is not illegal nor abusive in nature considering the circumstances. And, before I ever even began talking about explicit topics, I actively worked to remove far younger individuals from the account [1] [2]. I even put in a small content warning so that anyone who was still on my priv would know what they were getting into. Regardless, though, I understand that what I talked about was inappropriate and comes across as weird and uncomfortable. While that wasn’t my intention, I take full responsibility for how it looked and how it may have made others feel.

[POST-WRITING NOTE]: I've just been made aware that one of the users on my priv, Neikpya, was ~16 at the time of odd content being talked about. I genuinely had no clue that they were this young, and I was fully under the impression that they were much older. I wish I had proof to back what I'm stating here, but I don't, and I'm incredibly sorry. Even then, it's still fucked that they were on there regardless, and I should've done additional work to verify their age. I'm sincerely sorry, genuinely.

Being a Neo-nazi

Not many people know this (which is shocking since this has been something very commonly said about me), but I’m Jewish. Idk why I’d ever support an ethnic cleansing of the Jewish whilst being a part of that minority myself. Sounds kinda counter-intuitive don’t you think?

What I’m trying to say is that I’m not a neo-nazi and that there isn’t any proof supporting me being one other than behavior I was groomed into believing was morally acceptable when I was 13-14.

Being a Pedophile

I’m freshly 18 right now. I get that this started circulating because of how I sent a dick pic of a 16 year old, but I was 13 when that happened & under heavy influence of grooming, manipulation, indoctrinated morals, and etc. I’ve never even had an age difference between me & any of my past partners that exceeded a year (excluding people who were older than me, which made up most of my ex-relationships). I’m not into kids, nor am I a criminal.

Being a Groomer, Rapist, Predator, & etc.

I am none of these claims. I can’t really properly counter anything though because there’s nothing to concretely support me being any of these claims. Maybe it’s because I’m not a groomer, rapist, nor a predator, though. People really love to use these buzzwords when it comes to talking about me, and I never really understood it.

Really Minor Issues

Alright, so:

• This wasn’t me–it’s a fake screenshot
• Neither of these guys are me, either 
• I didn’t even make the 007n7 milestone concepts T_T
• I don’t play vrchat nor do I ever plan on actively playing it. I don’t like the game because a lot of people who play it are weird.
• This message here has a bit of merit to it, so I’ll run it down really quickly. In the conversation that this screenshot was taken from, a bunch of people I knew as well as some randos were joking around and making fun of pedophiles. With how I was still a minor at the time, I made a joke that mocked something that a pedophile might actually say to somebody else. This message is of that joke. It’s still a very weird comment, don’t get me wrong–but it’s not something that proves I'm a pedo. It was just a dumb attempt at humor that aimed to mock & insult actual pedophiles.

Joking About Being a Groomer & Pedo In Private Friend Group Spaces

This is something I’ve done since I was 14, back when people were calling me a groomer and pedophile at that same age. I found it absurd that people would genuinely label a teenager that way, so I started leaning into the accusations a little and making fun of them in my friend groups. Over time, this became a habit that stuck with me, especially since the accusations never really stopped. If I’m being honest, I sometimes still catch myself making those kinds of jokes. But I know now that continuing with them is not only irresponsible, but also deeply harmful and insensitive. Joking about it, even in private, minimizes the seriousness of the topic and makes it seem like I don’t care, which couldn’t be further from the truth. For that, I want to apologize sincerely. I regret keeping that pattern going for so long, and I’ve been making a conscious effort to distance myself from those jokes and stop using that kind of humor altogether. My core goal moving forward is to show through my actions–not just my words–that I take this seriously and that I respect the weight these topics carry.

Really Weird Shit

Can you guys stop doing this [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]. It was pretty funny the first 500 times but it started getting irritating after someone showed up to my house in person and made tons of weird ass comments. And to those of you who’ve wished for and/or encouraged others to take part in murder upon myself, my family, or my friends, fuck you. Fucking freaks.

What I’m doing now:

Right now, I’m focusing on rebuilding myself in a real, grounded way that matters. I’ve started seeking counseling, and I’m working on identifying the roots of my behavior–the trauma, habits, and mindsets that led to so much of what I did. It’s not an easy process, and it’s not something I expect will change me overnight. But I’ve reached a point where I need to realize that being a sorry, traumatized, and abused teenager isn’t enough. I’ve spent too long trying to justify or minimize my behavior under the guise of mental illness, bad environments, and personal pain. While all of those factors may have influenced who I became, they never excused my actions, and they never will. That’s something I’m finally beginning to truly understand and internalize. Alongside that, I’ve come to the hard realization that I can’t really have a platform ever again in the future, which is fine. I’ve made my bed, so now I need to lay in it.

To the victims and the community:

To every individual I’ve hurt, be it directly or indirectly, I’m so, so fucking sorry. I know that an apology will never erase what I did, nor will it fix the emotional damage, betrayal, and violation of trust that I caused. Some of you were people who believed in me, supported me, or simply existed within spaces I contaminated with my presence. Others were the direct targets of my lies, manipulation, harassment, or negligence. No matter how your life intersected with mine, if I brought you pain, then I want you to know that, from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry. Not only did I cause harm for specific people in my life, but I also hurt an entire community that looked up to me like I was a role model. Instead of rising to that role with responsibility and care, I let ego, immaturity, and selfishness guide me. I fostered a toxic environment, failed to speak up when I should have, and prioritized protecting myself over doing the right thing. The trust I broke is something I may never get back, and I’ve come to terms with that. I know many of you will never want to hear from me again. I understand. I only hope that stepping away, speaking honestly, and no longer hiding behind silence or deflection offers even a small amount of closure–if not now, then eventually.

Closing words:

I’m not doing any of this to ask for forgiveness. Truthfully, I don’t think I deserve it. I don’t want this to be seen as some big attempt at redemption or salvaging my platform. I’ve wanted to fully own up to what I did without any strings attached for a while now; this entire document is the product of about four months worth of thought, writing, evidence collection, & effort. I know about the hurt I’ve caused, the trust I shattered, and the damage I’ve done that can’t be undone. All I hope for now is that this message helps bring clarity or peace to even one person affected by what I’ve done. If nothing else, I want the indefinite silence that follows to be a real one–not out of avoidance this time, but acceptance & rehabiliation. I want to really be better this time, and trying to regain any kind of public presence online isn’t going to help with that.

Thank you to those who once believed in me. I’m sorry for all I’ve done. I mean that.

Individual Statements

With the main focus (and the part most readers will care about) now covered, I want to dedicate the rest of this document to personal messages–some from me, and some from others who’ve been involved or affected. These are directed towards people I feel deserve to be addressed, though I’ll avoid getting too personal since I know that this will all be publicly accessible. I also wanted to include a few words from those close to me who’ve read this before release, because a select few individuals wanted to offer their own perspectives on everything.

Messages From Those Close To Me

There are a handful of people that I’ve maintained contact with who’ve read this document before it was published. A few of them had some messages that they wanted me to include here; they wanted their thoughts on everything to be highlighted somewhere.

Toxi

“Regarding my involvement with Cabie & Friends as included in Soul's document

First and foremost, I'd like to say that I had no idea what the severity behind my actions were, I was around 15 at the time of this happening (I'm 18 now) and insanely impressionable due to unfortunate circumstances with my personal life from when I was younger. This isn't an excuse but rather an explanation for why I did these things (which will be explained below) so recklessly and carelessly.

My involvement with the Cabie & Friends mod was handling the Twitter account of it after Soul handed it to me, in the span of me having it I posted and shared a lot of terrible, insanely bad shit that involved Nico, Chi, and her friends.

Posting a casino roulette gif thing which shows diaperfur art of Nico's sona

I got nothing as a defense here, what I did was extremely dumb and must've been terrifying to Nico and her friends, especially with the nature of the art having a sona of someone that was a minor (at the time). I posted it with the goal of inflicting shock to Nico, Chi, and her friends. Again, I have nothing as a defense here, It was extremely stupid for me to post this and I regret ever posting it. I hate that I even thought it was a good idea to consider posting it, I hate that I thought nothing of it but that it was just funny. I do remember that someone replied to the gif and I replied back in a non-serious tone, joking about deepwoken and rogue lineage. To whoever that is I'm extremely sorry for disregarding your replies with stupid ass jokes, I wanted to seem like a tough person.

Posting gifs that promote the mod and uploading them to Tenor

I was inspired by the Vs. FNB devs making gifs that are in similar nature and also uploading it to Tenor. Them doing that made me and everyone that was in that mod worried and I hoped to invoke a similar feeling to everyone that was included in the mod. I honestly think that this was very fucking evil for me to do and I do wish I knew my thought process behind it. I can't defend myself on this and I am sorry for doing that, I also very much regret doing this and everything I did that helped in the process of creating and spreading this mod.

While the next thing I am going to talk about isn't related to the mod, I do think that it's important for me to mention as I still hold very large amounts of guilt over it. My memory of the entire thing is hazy so bare with me here (I struggle with memory issues, I barely remember anything before 2023.)

A few months before Forsaken was published in Roblox (I think), I was helping with an event in Epic Department (a Roblox group). I was not going to join because I was afraid of making things awkward for Nico and anyone else involved with her had they joined (They are part of the group). Because of this, a friend of mine reached out to me about it (I thiiink?? I do know that I talked about it to a friend though) and they convinced Nico to talk to me so that we could talk things out. It went fine for the most part I don't think I need to detail much stuff about the conversation that me, her and chi had. What's important though is that I gave her the impression that I had cut ties with soul and that I no longer support her. This is because I think I said that I cut her off, the thing is I didn't, but that's because I was actually planning to cut her off until I found out about Forsaken and I thought that just maybe I'd help me and soul be closer like how we were years ago. Because of this, I've lied about a very major thing which (at least, I think it did) helped us get to some sort of agreement. I very, heavily much fucked up and I'm extremely sorry about it. I had shattered the slightest trust that we had created from the conversation we had and I still regret it to this day. I still talk to people about it to this day, It was never a thing that I just brushed off and forgot about. I regret it and I'm extremely sorry.

I wish nothing but peace for Nico, Chi, and their friends. I hate that I contributed to that mod, I hate that I contributed to the fear you guys experienced, and most of all I hate that I just lied to Nico and Chi. I've said this again and again but I still do regret it to this day and feel guilt over it.

I can't pull the "But I was young! And stupid!" card here (this specific situation) because I lied to them a few months before I turned 17. I think that I was conscious enough at that time to realize just how extremely fucked up it was for me to do that, and I hate that I never thought about how it'd affect them, I'm genuinely sorry about it.”

Tree

[[ Tree’s document where they take accountability for their actions ]]

Anonymous User

“For around a few months, I have maintained contact with Soul and have read through this document. There are many things that I think they should be held accountable for, but due to a variety of factors like social media and honestly the main audience for Forsaken being teenagers, a lot of things that Soul did were misconstrued & some were even hallucinated into existence. I am entirely aware that putting my name here could blow up in my face. I just don't think a lot of what people throw around about Soul is true. I've said this from the start. I don't blame anyone for thinking that Soul was any of these things, but I also implore you to be open minded when reading this document. It's very easy to go into things without an open mind. I've known several people who've been fucked up hard by them and this is by no means a justification for their actions. Soul should be held accountable for the actions they did do, not what they didn't do.  I hope this document recontextualizes several of the accusations levied against their character, all of which vary in truth.”

Lucasberry

“I know some of yall are gonna be fucking crazy upset with me for even having contact with Soul. I’ve had contact with him for around 3 months now, MANY of the people you all are close with, know, and even look up to have known about this. And I mean MANY. I don’t think it’s my place to say who knew but it may or may not be said soon. Other than that, I'm sorry to those disappointed. I’m not “friends” with Soul though. Don’t get it twisted. I’ve simply remained in contact with him for getting SOUL in contact with others for important personal private matters. Sorry to everyone I hurt even with slight association.”

People I Don’t Care About

There are a bunch of weirdos that I’ve come across in my time–from insufferably hateful people to outright pedophiles–and something I’ve noticed about all of them is that barely any of the big offenders have ever received consequences for what they’ve done. I’m going to highlight those individuals and their wrongdoings in hopes that it’ll finally bring them to justice, as well as write a few final statements to people I just personally dislike.

maky / mae / dismaeved

I find it deeply troubling that I am being falsely labeled as a pedophile while your own actions are directly that of a predator. You are 21 years old and have been sending explicit material to 16 year olds. You even admitted to it yourself when I confronted you about it. And, somehow, you’re still allowed to have a platform? Gross.

willow / saltgenerator

I find it incredibly insulting that you, of all people, are attempting to force your way back into spaces you were previously removed from for attempting to groom minors. The reason this information spread was because of me, and it was not the result of “lies and slander,” as you have repeatedly tried to claim. I already know that anything I say about you will be met with an almost-immediate rebuttal from you, so I’ll just let the images speak for themselves. Every unique user/victim will be censored in different colors.

• A concerned user’s testimony (the image they sent can be seen here)
• Interactions between two of Salt’s victims
• Interactions between another set of Salt’s victims: [1] [2] [3] [4]

• Images from the fourth attachment are here: [1] [2]

• One of Salt’s victims lashing out at them for taking advantage of her
• Another one of Salt’s victims being pressured into saying they were never groomed by Salt themselves (on 9/30/25) 
• Salt calling a minor who follows them "mature enough" (is also mentioned by the first concerned user)

• The full thread is still up, although salt’s account is now gone from the conversation. View it here.

• One of salt’s victims and their experiences with them

• [IMPORTANT NOTES]: The victim was 17 until December 18th, 2024, the images are in no consistent order, and were shared on January 16, 2025.
• [POST-WRITING NOTE]: This is so fucking disgusting in ways that I can't even begin to explain. 

There are plenty more interactions that I could share here, especially one where Salt made attempts to groom a freshly-turned 18 year old into a vore fetish, though the users involved in those interactions would rather not have them shared anywhere.

waxatak_

Do you know how insensitive it is to not only insult one of Salt's victims to the point of them silencing themselves but to also make an edit making fun of what you did to them only a day after you were shown exactly what Salt's done to others? I don’t respect you, and I especially don’t respect how you used my legal name as an attempt to claim superiority over me. Fuck you.

kay / wanted2bedead / aki_slush

I understand why you don’t like me now–is it because I’m Jewish?

I also understand why you wanted to get a platform off of forsaken, is it because the community has a lot of impressionable kids in it that you can spam explicit images of animals, porn, more porn, even more porn, lots more porn, & nsfw accounts to? You better own the fuck up to what you did to all of your victims and give more than just a half-assed apology this time. I was INFURIATED when I heard about the first tenth of pain you’ve inflicted onto all of your victims. If I were you, I’d be worrying about more people coming forward about what you’ve done to them & having your new identity leaked because of it, so I’d log back on and get straight to apologizing for everything you’ve done to these people instead of coming after and lashing out at them at random.

[POST-WRITING NOTE]: (I wrote this before you pussied out and ran away, but I’m keeping it here just to remind you that you’ll always have a hit on your head ’til you properly own up to what you did.)

upl

You will never know the amount of mental pain that I experienced when I saw you get taken under everybody’s wing as a victim of mine. It was even worse seeing you constantly talk about me as if I was the worst thing that ever happened to you. I hope that once this goes live, you’ll actually reflect on how harmful your behavior has been, instead of dismissing it as “you didn’t knowww :(.” The impact you’ve had on others is immeasurable, and you’re lucky that I can’t hold you accountable for what you did in court just yet. Had you been doing this a year into the future, you would’ve been classified as a full-blown pedophile (as if you jerking off to children wasn’t enough). And, let’s be honest–you’re not going to fall out of your habits anytime soon. You’ve been at this for years, anyways. So know this: I’ll be the person responsible for your arrest. I’ll be the last thing you see before you’re driven away in a cop car. I’ll be there.

kimi

You abandoned a majority of your friends during FNB’s lifetime and left the team solely because Kmate, a black man, was hired. You claimed that your time there was miserable, that you barely received any kind of payment (you were paid ~400k R$ a month iirc which was like 35% of FNB’s monthly revenue), that you held trauma from the environment there, that you resented me for the “poor treatment” I gave you, and etc. All these wacky sorts of accusations, and yet, even now when you have the best opportunity you’ll have in your life to shit on my name, you have absolutely nothing to back them other than your own word… so surely you aren’t just lying, right? (sarcasm). I don’t need to prove anything to you because the damage you’ve done is already remembered by the people you inflicted it on. Nobody’ll forgive you for what you put them through. That was something that you did, not me. Shifting the things you did under the rug while blaming me for all else while everybody that you affected are already fully aware about the kind of person you are won’t change the past. The funniest part? You label me as a doxxer for referring to you by your full name as if your handle on nearly every online space you’re in isn’t just your first name. That’s 1:1 if someone who’s real name is Alexander Schwartz named themselves Alexander online. It’s not difficult to keep your personal life away from online spaces, and yet with one google search of “Kimi Fireable,” you allow your face, name, and other details about yourself to be displayed to anyone through a profile that has . Anybody curious or spiteful enough to do some digging on you gets access to all of that info which you can very easily start hiding–but you don’t. Take that shit down already.

emersynth, ledger, vomic, and others

Fuck you. I still remember all the shit your group put me through. You’re lucky that lots of it is lost to time, otherwise I would’ve put all of it in here. I pray that people open their eyes and start to see the kind of people you all really are.

yedlex

Out of every person I’ve written to so far, I know for sure that you will absolutely never see this, but I still wanted to at least get my thoughts on you out there. I fucking hate you. I will never be able to undo the damage that’s been etched into my mind because of you. Even now, I still see people who you & I used to know mock me for what happened between us. I was lying about my age at the time, but I was still 14-15 to you. You were 18. And you knew. You fucking knew. Don’t try to pretend you didn’t. You knew exactly what you were doing, and you did it anyway. I remember when you asked me if “it would be a problem that you’re 18” when I told you how young I was. You acted like it wasn’t a big deal, like I was just “mature for my age.” But I wasn’t. I was just available for you. A stupid, young kid for you to sink your claws into without anyone noticing. And I can’t get that part of my life back. I can’t erase the morning I woke up only to find that all of our interactions were made public by an ex-friend who didn’t even ask if I would’ve been alright with that. I can’t undo the nights I sat in bed terrified of what all your friends would have said about me by the time I woke up. I can’t even convince myself that I was a victim of you anymore–that I wanted you to do what you did to me. You don’t, and will never, know what it’s like to walk around feeling disgusting in your own skin because someone you trusted decided to poison it. You don’t know what it’s like to never speak up about every other person to have used me in the way that you did out of fear that I’d be blamed by their friends for it. Out of fear that they’d say I was the one flirting, lying, and asking for it. But you were the adult. You had the power. And you used it to make me feel wanted, just long enough to break me. I hope that one day, the weight of what you did suffocates you. I hope it catches up to you like it did to me. Because I am not the same. I mourn the version of me that never got to grow up without your shadow haunting every step of their growth. And maybe, even if you did read this, none of it matters to you. I already know that I was just another kid in a long line of others you’ve chewed up and left behind, like Kay and Bub. But just so we’re clear: you will never leave my mind nor will you ever be forgiven. Not by me. Not by the child you hurt. Not by the person I’m still trying to become despite you. Fuck you. I prospered in spite of you. And that will always be my victory, not yours.

People I Care About

I love all of you. All of these messages are written from the bottom of my heart. I hope nothing but the best for all of you going forward.

[POST-WRITING NOTE]: I’ve written out more messages to a select few users, though I chose to not include them in here because they were uncomfortable being included (out of fear that they’d face harassment & whatnot)

kaiser

Been a really wild ride, hasn’t it, bro? I’ve been really excited to get to writing this part, because it’s the perfect excuse to express just how much you mean to me. But first and foremost, thank you so much for sticking by my side for these past (nearly) six years. We’ve been through so many different communities together–from the humble TC2 days, the chaotic (and admittedly very edgy) era of RLPS, the struggles in FNB, the recovery process we went through during Buckshot Frenzy’s development, and finally, Forsaken–the game where we finally figured ourselves all out. We’ve been through some incredible highs and genuinely devastating lows, so much so that I honestly don’t think that any other pair of friends would’ve stuck it out the way we did after everything we put each other through when we were younger. I know that we both did and said a lot of things in the past that we’re not proud of, especially during the RLPS era, but I’m grateful that we both grew from it and didn’t let it break our friendship. Not everyone that I met stuck around through all the different phases of my life, but you did, and that means the world to me. Thanks for always being there, man. Thanks for laughing about dumb jokes with me, for getting way too invested in games I worked on, for supporting me when things got rough, for sticking your neck out for me when I needed it the most, and for remaining as somebody that I’d call my brother anyday. Here’s to all the memories we’ve made, and to the ones that you’ll make in the future with those close to you without my involvement. Love you, bro.

coolfer3

Hey, man. It’s been a while since we last talked, but I wanted to reach out and say something that’s been on my mind. We’ve known each other since the RLPS days, and honestly, I’ve seen the good, the bad, and everything in between. Back then, especially with the whole ENN and R2DA era, things went in a direction that made you into someone really different. I know RLPS didn’t help either–it kept us both in a place where we were doing things we really weren’t proud of. But I also want to say how proud I am of you for cutting ties with everyone from that era and stepping away from it all. I’m sure that it took a lot of strength out of you, and even if we haven’t talked much since then, I think it shows how far you’ve come. Not everyone can recognize when an environment they’re in is toxic and make the choice to move forward with their life. On top of that, I’m really thankful for how you were there for me during my own rough times–especially this past May when shit really hit the fan. You didn’t have to listen, comfort me, or give me advice, but you did anyway, and I’ll never forget that. It meant a lot to be heard out from somebody that I thought wouldn’t hear anything I’d have to say ever again. Even if we don’t talk like we used to, I still value our friendship and everything we’ve been through. I just wanted you to know that.

sleats

God bro I really hope that your career in music ends up going really fuckin’ well for you someday. I always listen to all of the tunes and music that you send–all of that is some of the best shit I’ve heard in a long while. I have no doubt in my mind that, with enough time & patience, you’ll strike your big hit sometime into the future. Fuckin’ love you, man. Hope that the rest of your week goes amazingly.

goder

I wish we were able to grow into something closer back when RLPS was still around. I totally get your reasons for not wanting to do that, though–I was an insanely, insanely shitty person. I respect you for staying reserved and for leaving the chaos before things came to a head with Fungus doing what he did. And, honestly, since now’s my opportunity to be honest–I really look up to you. The way you constantly strive to finish your projects even if you know you aren’t the best at what you do, the way you always try to make something unique & original even if you’re fully aware that you’re probably just gonna end up doing something that’s been done before, the way you always give it your all when you want to get something done–that’s the kind of shit that inspires me, man. But if there’s one thing that I wish I could do like you that I just know I’ll never be able to do, it’s to remain consistent and true to my word when it comes to wanting to make a game with you. Because I’m sure we both know damn well that if I were to ask a question like that to you right now, you’d hear about it for an hour or two before I get too busy to get serious about it.

chocolate

You’ve always been one of the realest friends I’ve had, man. Thank you for always being there to tell me off when I got too self-centered or distant, for saving my ass whenever I needed it (even if I barely paid you back around the times you would), for listening to me talk about my own life’s issues, and for everything else you’ve done for me without any strings attached. You always showed up in the ways that mattered–even when I was at my worst, even when I deserved none of it. I can’t believe that all it took to end up with a friendship that’s lasted years and actually kept me grounded was for us to meet in some weird ass corner of the internet (god bless ccwiki but not actually). I know I’ve made tons of dumb choices, said stupid things, and sometimes treated people, including you, like collateral while I dealt with my own mess. I’m sorry for those times. I regret the ways I pushed people away and the moments I made your support feel one-sided. I owe you a lot more than I can put into words, and I’ll keep trying to repay that by being better & more interactive w/ you, not just by saying I will. Fuckin’ love you, man. But if you don’t hop on fort this weekend then I might kill somebody. See now that I said it in public you jus gotta hop on bro it’s against the rules if you don’t ok

kmate

AY BOY I WANT A RENDER OF KING AND JASON FORME DE COMBAT INITIATION KISSING NOW!!!! Jokes aside though man, I just wanted to talk a bit about how far you’ve come since the first time I met you. From that FNB cancer lord animation that had broken elbows, leg sliding, practically static poses, and an ugly ass r15 rig to the kind of shit that you’ve been doing recently, being able to witness all of it has been nothing short of a pleasure for me. You’ve always been the first to call me out on my bullshit whenever I’d start something dumb, and you’ve never stopped being the first, either. You and I of all people should know that we definitely didn’t have a perfect history together, but for what it’s worth, I appreciate what we had before things came to a close. I hope nothing but the best for you and the others you’re working with on FNB moving forward. Kick AFN’s ass for me, brobro.

goldenfreddyfazbea1r

God, dude, I’m so fucking sorry for everything. It eats at me knowing that I managed to mess things up with you after all these years. We’ve known each other since I was seven–you were literally my first online friend–and the fact that I let that slip away hurts more than I can explain. When we reconnected earlier this year because of Forsaken, I should’ve taken that as a chance to really catch up, to learn who you are now, and to just spend time with you again. Instead, I barely interacted with you, always putting Forsaken and other things first, and in doing so, I practically disregarded you. I regret not playing more games with you, not asking about your life, and not giving you the attention and respect that our reunion deserved. You didn’t owe me your time, but you still showed up, and I didn’t return the favor. Then May came around, everything blew up, and you cut me off completely–and honestly, I can’t blame you for that at all. I know my actions, or lack thereof, came at the cost of not only Forsaken, but also of knowing the person you’ve grown into after all these years. That’s something I’ll always regret, because losing the chance to really reconnect with my first friend feels like one of the biggest failures I’ve made in all of this. I’m sorry.

toxi

I know that I’ve said this to you before already, but I’m so fucking sorry for disregarding our friendship in the ways I did. I feel horrible knowing that I prioritized Forsaken over the bond that I spent years building with you. Sure, bag is bag, but the bag could be chased or replaced at any time. Friendship is irreplaceable–it’s built on trust, loyalty, and the kind of understanding that can’t just be bought with a bag. Money, projects, and accomplishments may have all brought me satisfaction in the moment, but none of them will ever be able to compare with any of the memories I’ve made with you, man. I wish I could go all the way back and ensure that I treated you better.

norlandoo, velvet, & the others i met through the mccarthy gc

I wish that I reached out to you more, talked to you more, and just did more in general with you. I hate knowing that I disregarded our entire friendship together over a game that, ultimately, caused more harm for my personal relationships than it did good. That’s not anyone’s fault other than my own, though. I’m the one who let my worklife take over everything–I had so many opportunities to reach out and interact with you and my other friends, and yet I never did. I just wish that I knew better and acted better, haha. Love you all, though, and I hope you’re all having good lives.

tree

[POST-WRITING NOTE]: The screenshots are a lot more mean-spirited than I wanted them to be. I’m way too lazy to reword them, though, so please just pretend that I said them in a really nice way to you. Ok? Ok.

Hey, man. I want to be upfront with you about how I’ve been feeling lately. Over the years, I’ve done my best to support you, both personally and financially, because I genuinely cared (and still do care) about you as a friend. Even when I was struggling myself, I tried to be there for you. That’s why it hurts so much when I see my name being used as a scapegoat for things I didn’t do, or when stories get told in ways that paint me in a light that isn’t true. There have been a few times now where you’ve admitted to putting the blame on me when it wasn’t fair. I let it go at the time, but it’s continued to happen, and that’s hard to sit with. On top of that, there were situations where I was accused of condoning or funding things I originally had no part in, and even though I know you’ve had your reasons, those claims caused a lot of harm to me. I’ve also seen things said about me not paying you properly, even though I made sure to follow through. I’m not saying any of this to attack you. I just really need accountability here, because the way that things have played out has weighed heavily on me. At the same time, though, I do want to thank you for being my friend up until everything happened. Despite the conflicts and hurt, I know that you’ve been there for me and supported me in ways that I’ll never forget. We shared a lot of good moments that reminded me what genuine connection looks like, and I don’t want those to be overshadowed by all the noise or conflict that followed. No matter where things go from here, I’ll always be grateful that we crossed paths and that, for a time, we were able to be there for each other.

mikey

I’ve always appreciated how dedicated you were to messaging me almost everyday, even when I was too busy to respond. I just wish that I was able to show that off properly before shit hit the fan, haha. Thank you for always being there, even in times where I’d never expect you to be. I remember that one of my friends described you as a ‘golden retriever’ kind of friend, and I understand what they meant by that now. You’re loyal & defensive for those close to you and blunt & genuine whenever you really need to be. I appreciate you a lot, man. Also, off-topic but I really think you'd like one of these songs [1] [2]. They’re pretty good.

the dangerous agency

I don’t even know where to start when it comes to how much you all mean to me. I really, genuinely appreciate every single moment that we were able to share together. The hours we spent playing games together was great, yeah–but the chaos, the way we’d always make each other laugh, and the day going by in what felt like just a few hours whenever we were all on call is what made it so memorable and worthwhile for me. The memories we made while setting up our modpacks, endlessly troubleshooting crashes & lagspikes, or arguing over which mod was breaking the game might sound like an annoying experience to anybody else, but to me, those moments were priceless. They were the kind of simple, genuine fun that only happens when you’re around people who feel like family. I still remember how we’d jump from game to game like it was nothing–lethal company, roblox, content warning, fortnite, minecraft, repo, risk of rain (when we were in the mood for it), and the random steam games we’d discover just to laugh at together (like overcooked 2, stickfight, jackbox, that one game where we ran a store, and etc). Even if our gameplay was messy and chaotic more often than it should usually be, it was ours. We never played solely because we wanted to win–we played because we wanted to have fun with each other. We’d kill each other by mistake (like with Andrew stepping on a landmine) and laugh our asses off over it instead of getting mad at each other, we’d waste our money on stupid shit in lethal and fuck around with it instead of having somebody get upset over not being able to have spent it on something actually worthwhile, we’d playfully poke fun at somebody & make light of their mistake if they messed up instead of getting on their case about it and making them feel like shit. We weren’t playing games like we were competitive acquaintances who wanted to get the highest score, we played like we were family. All of those late-night game sessions were both entertaining and comforting at the same time. They were always the escape I had from everything else going on in my life, and I’m sure that you guys would be able to say the same. I’ll never forget the late nights when I’d stay up even though I knew I’d regret it in the morning, just because I couldn’t stand to miss a moment with you all. I’ll never forget the movie nights where we’d commentate and laugh until our sides hurt, the random clips of gameplay we’d take that still make me smile when I stumble across them, and the times where we’d get serious to comfort one another or open up about anything on our minds. It’s always been rare for me to find people I can laugh with, complain to, and still trust to have my back when things get rough–but somehow, I found that with you guys. This group chat was like a little piece of home for me. So thank you–for the memories, for the laughter, for being there, and for everything, honestly. No matter where life takes us or how much time passes, I’ll never forget you. I love you guys more than I can put into words, and I’m sorry for everything that’s happened this year. Goodbye.

vess

I remember it was just a year ago when we were playing random bullshit in the Dangerous Agency and having the time of our lives while doing it. I remember playing with the smart, dorkish, and playful Andrew that I’ve made timeless memories with. But now, with all I’ve seen & heard about you in present-day, I think that the Andrew I knew is gone. Now there’s just the stuck-up, isolated, and easy-to-anger Andrew that you’ve become. You left the DA behind for what, man? Because you didn’t want to be associated with someone who’d stick their neck out for you even if it would’ve never benefited them? (not talking about myself even though I’d do the same) They cried their heart out on call with you, which is something they’d never do around anyone they didn’t consider family, and all it took for you to leave them was a single bad occurrence that was brought up to you? Forsaken changed you, man. You care so much about your status as one of the game’s developers that you stopped caring about those you celebrated with while the game was growing. I hope that you change that part about you someday.

purobi

You took me under your wing back when I was still a 14 year old lunatic who didn’t really understand how to treat people or myself. Looking back, I think that was one of the first real turning points in my life. I had a few friend groups back then, sure, but I never really had any kind of genuine, worthwhile connection with any of them–they were all just spaces I hung around because they had people who I’d mess around with. When I started surrounding myself with people who actually cared, people who showed me what it meant to be better, I slowly (and I mean really slowly) began to figure out what kind of person I wanted to be in the future. You were one of those people. You saw potential in me before I ever did. You’ve watched me grow from being that edgy, careless, and honestly pretty manipulative kid into someone who’s finally learning what it means to be kind, thoughtful, and self-aware. I’m so thankful for all the years of friendship we’ve shared and for the fact that you never gave up on me, even when I didn’t make it easy. You’ve been there through some of my worst moments and still chose to believe I could be better. That means more to me than I can ever really explain. Thank you for being my friend, for believing in me, and for sticking around long enough to see me change. I hope I’ve made you proud of the person I’ve become–because you were a big part of why I made it here.

sebi

Working on Buckshot Frenzy with you and tree was one of the most consistent, genuine, and enjoyable experiences I’ve ever had on a development team. Even though the core idea behind the game wasn’t original, none of the things we did for it ever felt like “work” to me. It always felt like I was creating something special with people who actually cared, laughed, and pushed each other to do better every single day. You made the process fun, and you helped shape a game that I still look back on as one of my most proud works. It really goes to show how far you’ve come and how much you’ve achieved since the FNB days. Even beyond buckshot frenzy, you’ve built something for yourself through hard work and passion, and I couldn’t be more happy for you. I’m really thankful to have been your friend through it all, even if we stopped talking as much as we used to before shit hit the fan. I hope that the future treats you well, man. Godspeed.

frostic

You’ve always been at the receiving end of most of the jokes that we’d make in leocord, but I hope you know that none of that ever came from a place of malice. If anything, it was because we all cared about you, even if we were terrible at showing it sometimes. You’ve always been patient, kind, and so much stronger than people give you credit for. You stuck around through all of our chaos–the dumb arguments, the inside jokes, the REALLY stupid ideas that we ended up going through with–and you made it all better just by being present. You might’ve been the one everyone joked about, but you were also one of the people who kept things grounded. That alone means more than I think I ever said out loud. Thank you for putting up with me, for laughing with me, and for always being yourself through everything that's happened in leocord. You’ve been a huge part of some of my favorite memories, and I’ll never forget that. I love you, man

phantasma

I wish I actually interacted with you more back when we knew each other. I’m sorry for not being a good friend.

parlo

I want you to know that I never had any bad intentions when you reached out to me about making a video covering everything that happened back in March. I’m truly sorry for how things ended up going–it was never what I wanted. I know you’re a good person at heart, and I also know what it’s like to want to leave behind the parts of yourself that you’re not proud of, to just bury them and move forward. I’m not even sure how to perfectly say all of this, I just really wanted to apologize for letting you down and for adding stress & frustration to your plate. You didn’t deserve that. Not from me, and not from anybody else.

tearcane

The people who harassed you never did it out of good faith, and I hope people open their eyes to their true nature once this goes live. I hope that you’re protected and kept safe by the people who understand your side of the story.

angel

I’m referring to you by your old alias because I know you wouldn’t be comfortable if I were to namedrop the one you’re currently going under. That small conversation that we had shortly after I released a doc in March responding to stuff was very sweet, and I’m happy to know that you’re doing well after all these years. I can’t imagine what kind of stance you have on me now considering everything that’s transpired, but I wanted to at least say that I tried my hardest to be better from how I used to be. I don’t know if you saw any improvement yourself while we talked–I wouldn’t expect you to because we barely sent more than a couple of messages to each other–but regardless, I hope that you’re okay after what your ex did to you.

patchi

I won’t name drop you with your new alias because, despite all that you’ve done to me, I still hold hope that you can be a better person. But never compare me to lumin again. If you think that you aren’t responsible for even a fraction of the things I’ve done to others then you’re dead fucking wrong. You got me into condos. You cheated on me twice and I had the gall to let you back into my life every single time. You sweet-talked me into falling for you just as you tried doing with Ava recently. You lied to me and manipulated me into doing so much heinous shit and there’s nobody to fault for that other than Yourself. What I ended up doing to people is a whole different story but don’t go and think that you’re some sweet angel because of it–you Aren’t.

[POST-WRITING NOTE]: Thanks for apologizing. I don’t forgive you, of course–but I hope that you’ve been treating others better than you’ve treated me.

arsa

I really want to believe that everything you’ve done was out of genuine concern, but it’s way too hard for me to keep telling myself that given all that I’ve seen from your friends. I know that they don’t represent your own thoughts, but with how you still associate with all of them after all of the horrid things they’ve said and done to others, I just can’t believe that what you’re doing is in good faith. ESPECIALLY when you sheltered Upl as a victim. That was fucked, dude, and I’m absolutely certain that you knew that. It shouldn’t have taken this long for you to realize what kind of person they are. But honestly, at least you didn’t do what Chi did when it comes to her. At least, I really hope you didn’t–I don’t really know if you were being fully honest in any of our interactions regarding them, but there’s nothing proving that you weren’t, so there’s no point in me worrying about that forever.

awaken

I really hate that one of our last real conversations was about how much we both disliked people who refused to take accountability for their actions–and then I went and did the exact same thing. It’s something that’s stuck with me for a while, and I genuinely feel awful about it. I never wanted things to end the way they did, and I swear I tried to avoid letting it get to that point. I know I hurt you by disappearing and going silent when you probably needed some kind of closure or honesty from me, and I take full responsibility for that. I should’ve said at least something instead of just vanishing outright. For what it’s worth, though–I really do appreciate the short amount of time that we spent together. I know that nothing’ll go back to how it used to be, but I hope you know that I still care and that I’m truly sorry for how I handled everything.

hanadarkheart

I really wish I was better, man. Not even just smarter, but genuinely a better person. You always reached out to me whenever you saw that I wasn’t doing well and tried to comfort & guide me in whatever ways you knew were possible. You wanted nothing but the best for me, and I still managed to fuck everything up last second. Words won’t cut it–I know–but I’m really, really sorry. I’ve said this about a billion times by this point, but I really wish I could rewind time and do everything differently. I think about it a lot at night–all of the other possible outcomes that could’ve been made into reality if I acted properly, thought rationally, and treated those around me the way they deserve to be treated. I know I can’t change the past and that the choices I made are my own, but I just wanted to say it one more time–I’m sorry. For everything.

ghuz

Fuck, man. I’m so fucking sorry. I know that you’ve left some brutal, permanent marks on someone else’s mental health, but I can’t help but feel like I’m the reason why you ever even did that in the first place. If I wasn’t in your life, you likely would’ve had a much better time in all of your relationships because you would’ve treated them with the care & respect that I never showed you. I never even knew how fucking awful the choices I was making were. I never knew what catfishing was, never knew what trans ppl were–hell I barely even knew what I was doing in our relationship because I didn’t know what a relationship was meant to be. Yedlex & others fucked with my grasp on friendships, relationships, and how I’m meant to treat people as a whole. I got rewarded by them for doing all the wrong things (I would be given positive attention & affirmations if I erped with them, they’d thank me for keeping their fucked secrets which made me feel good, etc) and I feel like that treatment extended onto me because I started doing things to make others happy in the moment instead of happy in the longterm.  

romy

I’m so sorry, man. I really treated you like shit. I should’ve fought harder to keep you around instead of acting as if I never cared about our friendship. I really did care, and even now, I still value the time that we spent together. I remember all the times we played rivals, final stand 2, criminality, etc. even if we didn’t play often. I remember all the times we’d gossip about things that went on in our lives, about all the dumbass jokes we’d make together, about how the first time we ever spoke was because I got mad at you over something stupid, and about almost everything else, man. I wish I was better for you. I’m sorry.

the forsaken team

Much love. :)

the forsaken fanbase

Originally, I genuinely considered tearing into a large portion of the fanbase for being entitled, cruel, and overwhelmingly negative to others & the people who work on Forsaken. But I quickly realized that would only feed into the same cycle of hostility that’s already so deeply ingrained in the community. Instead, I want to take a moment to reflect on why online spaces like Forsaken’s often feel so volatile, and why I and others, especially those still working on Forsaken, shouldn’t pay too much attention to it (aka shouldn’t gaf abt it)

I believe that the internet is overflowing with the voices, creativity, and chaos of teenagers, many of whom are still discovering who they are. It’s a volatile mix of growth and confusion, ambition and naivety, ego and insecurity. This is 100% not something that’s unique to Forsaken, but it’s definitely highlighted in its community because of how huge it is compared to other roblox communities. And a lot of those people are neurodivergent teenagers who are still prone to making mistakes, pushing boundaries, and acting on emotion more than logic–it’s part of growing up. But I really think that a lot of these same people tend to forget that the internet isn’t a vacuum–it’s a place where the things you say to others will be saved & remembered, where the people on the other side of the screen carry those words with them into their physical lives. Especially recently, I think that everything has become a competition of who can be the loudest, harshest, or most “morally correct.” Because of this, the humanity of the person on the receiving end of any argument, debate, or highschool-grade callout gets lost. And when that happens, the entire community suffers because the culture shifts from one of shared passion into one of paranoia and hostility. That’s why I think it’s so important, especially in Forsaken, for people to remember what drew them here in the first place: the love for the game, the stories, the characters, and the creativity that fuels it all. Losing sight of that in favor of drama only hurts the same thing everyone’s here to enjoy. I’m almost absolutely certain that Forsaken would have a much better environment for people to grow in if we were all more centered on collaboration and genuine critique instead of outrage. I’ve seen people like Tearcane and Marcy get torn apart over things that, in the broader context of life, are incredibly small. Not harmless, but not irredeemable, either. I think that the instinct to speak out when someone disappoints you is understandable, but that instinct can very easily mutate into cruelty. What could begin as something like “I don’t really like that thing you did recently” or “Aren’t you engaging with/doing X?” can snowball into character assassination, public shaming, and targeted harassment. It becomes a mob, and more often than not, the original “sin” doesn’t justify the witchhunting/harassment that follows. And I get it, a lot of the people behind these dogpiles are also teenagers, young adults, or just people acting in the moment. But there’s a huge difference between saying “this person made a mistake” and weaponizing that mistake as a reason to destroy them. You can set boundaries without demanding someone’s social execution. What would make things better for everyone is if people just said what they felt plainly, gave space for reflection, and then moved on. Obviously, this is a perfect scenario that’ll likely never happen (because people would be either too critical or the person receiving flak wouldn’t actually learn from their mistakes), but what I’m trying to imply with it is that not everything needs to be dragged out, and not every mistake needs a public punishment. People, especially teenagers, deserve room to grow, and they’re more likely to do that when they aren’t under intense waves of harassment. Though, what’s truly sickening, is how often I’ve seen people encouraged to harm themselves or told they “deserve” abuse simply for being cringey, doing something without thinking about who it’d hurt, or just plainly making a single mistake. Like, I’ve seen people bot the replies of vulnerable teenagers who messed up and say the most abhorrent shit you could think of to them. That’s fucked fucked, dude. And no, I’m not writing all of this to ask for sympathy nor am I trying to excuse anything that I or others have done by saying “ugoooh we’re all just dumb and didn’t mean it ok.” I’m just asking people to remember that, at the end of the day, everyone in this mess is human with families who care about them and lives that they’ve spent years & years living. We’re all flawed, emotional, and trying.

Actual Closing Words

It’s difficult writing something like this. There’s no perfect way to end something that’s spanned years of your life–countless memories, late-night conversations, community highs and lows, friends made and lost, lessons learned the hard way, etc. etc.. But I’m going to try.

There’s a bittersweetness in letting go. Even at my lowest, these identities– Souldrivenlove and Robotic_Developer–carried fragments of who I wanted to become. There were parts of me mixed in between my indoctrinated hatred that hoped to build something meaningful–to create, to share, to inspire, and to belong. I won’t pretend that everything I did under those names was good, because it wasn’t. But I also don’t want to completely disregard the parts that mattered–whether to me or to the people who chose to stick around during the best and worst of it. I had fun. I created things I was proud of. I connected with people I would’ve never met otherwise. I learned how to be creative, how to lead (even if poorly at times), how to build something that people actually cared about. And in the middle of all the messes that were made, there were moments that genuinely made it all feel worth it. To the people who followed my work, engaged with my projects, got into Roblox development because of me, laughed with me in voice calls, argued with me in DMs, or even just crossed paths with me once or twice–thank you. You helped shape an era of my life that I won’t ever forget, no matter how hard I try to distance myself from it. But I’ve spent waayyy too long telling myself that “I can still fix things” while clinging to a version of myself that needed to be let go. So I’m gonna finally let go of it.

With all of that out of the way, this story is now (finally) at an end. I’m gonna continue to seek out professional help and therapy so that I can really try to be a better person this time around. I hope my absence gives peace to those I’ve hurt and that, with enough time, I become the kind of person who never hurts people again. You may end up seeing me again sometime in the future, but before that, I’ll be taking a bunch of time away from public online spaces so that I could seriously focus on bettering myself.

Yours truly,

Soul.