What the Playground Can Teach Us About the Psychology of Power

A few weekends back, I took my nieces to the park for some fresh air. But when life throws teachable moments your way—especially ones that involve mind games—Aunt Violet knows what to do.

Kayla is five; Andrea is seven. As is common between siblings at that age, Kayla looks at Andrea like she can walk on water, following her around like a puppy, believing anything Andrea says with blind faith.

Andrea’s getting to an age now where she is becoming increasingly aware of how much leverage she has over Kayla. Power.

All in all, Andrea is a patient and generous big sister to Kayla. But lately, I have noticed that now and again, she’ll flex. To be fair, sometimes it’s because she needs a little breathing room. However, over the last few months, a newer motive has emerged—dominance assertion.

Out of nowhere, Andrea will declare, “I don’t want to play with you anymore,” in the middle of a game or activity she suggested, without any trigger or provocation.

Because it works. Kayla will scramble to reconcile the situation — offering extra turns, surrendering toys, asking what she did wrong. She grovels. Anything to…