In my “if it doesn’t bring me peace or come to me with ease, then I don’t want it” era…
This week I was reflecting on my time and particularly my work in Botswana. The first couple of months I was there, I was hustling so hard to get Personal Safari photography work.
I was writing emails, making phone calls and arranging face to face meetings with people in the Safari industry who had access to the people who would ultimately be my clients.
EVERY single person I met face to face said yes to my concept. Every single person I met said “this is a great concept and we want to implement it into our offerings”. And here is the real kicker; every single person that I met face to face and had said yes, ghosted me straight after…
I sent follow up emails, made calls, sent texts. Not a single business that had said yes to me and what I had to offer, followed through on their word. I pushed and pushed and pushed and it was rejection after rejection… you can imagine how I started to feel after months of this.
I was trying to control the outcome but the reality was, in hindsight (love that for all of us), that that just wasn’t my path.
The thing I thought I REALLY wanted wasn’t for me.
Now I’m back in Australia due to visa issues, way beyond my control, I imagine what would have happened if all those “yes’s” turned into booked gigs… I would have had to have left the country regardless and then have had tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars owing to clients for work I could not fulfil…
I was being protected.
Being in control can often give us a false sense of safety. Sometimes we think we know what we want but often that ‘thing’ isn’t the best for us.
The only thing we can do is trust. Trust that what is for us will come to us at the right time. Trust that we don’t have to hustle, push, control or fixate to get everything we want plus more.
I don’t know how my life will look in 6-12 months. There’s a lot of uncertainty. All I know is, that what is right for me, will show up.
Trust can feel scary but the more you lean into it, the more you realise how much more peaceful and happier your life will be.
I hope this resonates with someone. 💫
Little life update ❤️
If you asked me what I have done in the last two months, I’d respond with “very little”, however upon reflection this couldn’t be further from the truth.
I returned from Botswana a shell of my former self. I was numb, burnt out, unhappy and somewhat traumatised. I even felt my personality had changed and not for the best.
Never again in my life do I want to feel the pain that I felt, the moment I stepped off the plane, back in Australia. And as they say, if nothing changes, nothing changes.
The pain I felt was a catalyst to being so committed to change and healing there was no other option to magically make it disappear or ignore it. I’ve had to face it head on and take radical responsibility for where I’ve been and am in life, regardless or not if I had any control of the outcomes.
I’m on week seven of doing some of the deepest, consistent and most necessary personal healing work I think I have ever committed to. If you’ve been here for a while you will know I love a good therapy session and some beneficial self development. And the work I’ve been doing hasn’t been “talk therapy” as for the most part I understand my behaviours and wounds, but, I’ve been engaged in deep, energetic, somatic work that highlights and releases years of stored trauma and pain that is held within the body.
I want to look back when I’m 50 and say “when I was 40 years old I made a choice to put me first, work deeply on all the wounds that were holding me back and as a consequence, the last decade has been the most magical of my life where everything I ever wanted plus more, came to fruition”.
Fundamentally, when I’m at my best, I’d describe myself as “sparkly”, just like the girl in this photo. It’s not a competition to be someone else, it’s a process to be her again, but more healed, whole and with a whole lot more self worth. ❤️
It took around 10 days to create this Reel.
10 days of finding the motivation. 10 days of backing and trusting myself that I know how to create a business, I’ve done it plenty of times before.
10 days of battling the doubts, imposter syndrome, mental fatigue and barriers I’ve created in my own mind.
And funnily enough, last night I remembered what happened with the farmer. The advice I gave him, I now give to myself, seven years later.
Bedeckies may not ever be big enough to be my sole income. I may only run it for six months. There is no expectation or pressure to win or be a success here as it has a much greater reason for existing than it may seem.
To simply give me a positive purpose whilst I move and heal through this chapter. ❤️
When life gives me lemons, I create a new business. 💁🏼♀️
I’d like to introduce you to my newest creation @bedeckies
What the hell is a Bedeckie you ask? Well good question, because it’s a made up name just like “Vajazzle”. And similar to a vajazzle or to vajazzle, meaning ‘decorating your genitalia’ with rhinestones or jewels to make them, erhm, look “prettier”, Bedeckies are the same, BUT much more PG, for your home decor or any other thing you own that may need some life or personalisation.
Essentially, Bedeckies are graphics (pre-designed or custom created) that can be placed on your tableware, candles, lamp bases, water bottles, bins or most surfaces that are smooth.
Bedeckies can be made food-safe and can be temporary or permanent depending on how you apply them.
After being a wedding photographer for such a long time I saw a need for more personalisation when it came to events without the high price tag of having custom ceramics made. I also thought in the current economy it’s a great way to update what you have without the updated price tag.
Bedeckies offer a cost effective way to spruce up the most boring of things and spaces. (We’ll be introducing a semi-permanent tile range too!)
There is truly so much potential with this business and as I create it (with champagne taste on a beer budget), I’m going to show you, how I do it.
Today was sample day and although I’m no “stylist” I’m pretty stoked at my Bedecking…
Tag a friend who loves to DIY, who has an event coming up or who may even like to wholesale these beauties.
If all goes well, we’ll be launching mid September. WISH ME LUCK! 🥳
Something can be equally be the greatest and the most challenging experience and that for me was my year in Africa.
I had never been prior to first arriving in Cape Town and within a week I knew I wanted to stay.
Drawn there by an intuitive pull, Cape Town in South Africa was and still is one of, if not the best cities in the world I’ve ever been fortunate enough to visit. So much so that only three months after arriving I returned to Australia and sold everything I owned, including the kitchen sink believing that’s where I’d stay.
It was then only days upon returning back to CTP did I meet a man who lived in the Botswana bush. A world and a culture away from the western lifestyle I was used to and loved but an adventure nonetheless.
Botswana was for me one part magical and nine parts a place I did not thrive. The six months I had there, were, dare I say a little traumatic for me, yet in hindsight, I’m glad that it was still a part of my Southern African adventure.
Nothing seemed to fall into place and I think that was a tell tale sign that it just wasn’t right. Getting kicked out due to visa reasons was probably the push I actually needed for the best.
I learnt a lot and had a lot of personal growth over the last 12 months. I’ve become more patient, more grateful, have less value around “things” and truly understand my own resilience.
I was always a bit of a people pleaser before I moved to Africa, but now I can confidently and firmly stand up for myself without being a push over and that is probably the biggest takeaway for me.
It’s truly impossible to put a year of adventure into 20 small clips, but here’s some of the moments that make me smile and remind me of the times that were incredible.
Would I go back to Africa again? Yes, without doubt but now with the understanding each country offers something different, I can be a little more selective to where I may end up.
“What do you want?”- The first question my therapist asked me yesterday, after I got her up to speed with what’s been happening in my life in the last 18 months.
My response?
“I have no idea what I want but I can tell you what I don’t want” and upon reflection, I feel that’s a good base to start when it comes to rebuilding my life.
I’ve had a week back in Australia and it’s been filled with mixed emotions of feeling numb, denial, anger, grief yet also extreme gratitude for the people here who are supporting me.
I’ve also felt immense guilt that stepping off the plane and back into Brisbane, a place where people would do anything to live in, felt like a place that just wasn’t for me anymore. It was home for almost 20 years and now it’s just a place my friends live in.
Someone made comment that I am running away from my problems, but honestly I’m searching for a place that makes me feel alive… and that answer comes with a lot of self awareness and a lot of investment in discovering what personally, makes me tick.
It’s a totally weird phase to be in. No home, no job, zero certainty but at the same time, I also know I have immense flexibility and opportunity to craft my future exactly how I want it to be with zero limitations.
Never did I imagine at 40 I’d be here, facing this circumstance and that’s the beauty and equal reality of life. It can change unexpectedly in an instant but it can also work out beyond what we ever dreamed.
For the meantime, my current and only priority is on offloading the stress I’ve been carrying for months and I have a cute little business startup in the pipeline which is keeping my busy mind positively focused. (Surprise, surprise).
There’s a lot of things I’m not missing about Botswana but the things I do miss are fundamental to making sure I’m extremely grateful for that chapter of my life, despite the challenges it came with.
Because gratitude is the simplest and most powerful way to increase our happiness, overall wellbeing and generate more great things in our life. And who wouldn’t want that?
Grateful for this pic of me doing my thing by my beautiful friend I made in Botswana @tambezuidenhout ❤️
Luckily the camera man never dies 🫠
The little electrified wire fence that surrounds our property gives such a false sense of security. It’s there to keep large animals out, like Elephants, but the reality is, if they do want to get through, they will.
Afternoon walks always come with some hesitation and an amount of anxiety because you just never know what’s hiding in the bushes.
This bull Elephant was only calling my bluff, this time.
There’s nothing better than witnessing someone do something they’re an expert at.
One of the highlights of living in Botswana was spending a day with expert big cats tracker @gregahartman.
If you’ve ever watched Living with Leopards on Netflix or BBC’s Big Cats 24/7, you would have seen Greg as one of the cameramen and team that has spent years watching and documenting the lives of big cats in the Okavango Delta.
After all this time, Greg has become one with the Leopards and understands their behaviours, habitats and movements better than anyone I’ve ever met.
A fascinating and once in a lifetime experience to soak up and be in awe of his knowledge and expertise here in the bush.
Writing this feels like being hit by a bus. 😢
I truly believe that when you’re on the right path in life, most things just flow. It’s not always easy but you will generally move in a positive, uphill trajectory.
My time in Botswana has been the completely the opposite and now, after six months I’ve waved my white flag and am bowing out.
The decision to leave and head home has ultimately been made by my Visa outcome. Botswana makes it terribly difficult for any expat to reside and build a life here. I cannot explain to you the hoops I have had to jump through in fighting to prove that I am a value to the community and this country. They simply do not care.
Besides the tremendous stress of fighting to stay here, there are many other factors that just haven’t worked in my favour.
It’s been a terribly isolating time with a huge challenge to settle into a country that I had no friends, community or work on arrival here.
There have been a few key incidences that have also left me tremendously devastated. Such as capturing a local prominent couple’s wedding over five days and not being paid a cent. The first time this has happened in documenting over 700 weddings.
Yes, some parts have been magical here, yet those special times have been overshadowed by constant daily challenges. There have been more days of tears than smiles and that’s telling in itself.
Returning to Australia scares the shit out of me. I own nothing there now. Restarting life won’t be easy but all I can do is trust that it will all be ok. What will I do for work? Where will I live? So many things I must figure out.
Obviously devastated by this outcome, I am processing the closure of this chapter of my life and the consequent ending of my relationship the best I can, still half a world away from the people who know and love me the most.
I leave my rescue dog Skip, the house I had started to make a home, a life and a love I had accepted would be my future, to step into the great unknown.
The universe has been telling me for months this is not where I should be and I’m finally listening and I hope I can refer back to this post in time and see that it was actually all for the best ❤️
I have been thinking about this exact week for most of my life.
Earlier this week I turned 40. A milestone birthday for most, but particularly significant for me.
You see, three days after my 12th birthday, my Biological Dad was killed at age 40, in a plane crash.
This would be a very sad and traumatic time for any child however my experience was unique in that I hadn’t seen my Dad since before I turned one. I knew about him but had never had the opportunity to reconnect even though I was at an age that that’s what I wanted. The first and only memory I have of him was seeing him in the morgue.
Naturally, that incident shaped my life. For many of my teenage years and early 20s I had no understanding of who I was or what I had to offer the world. I had no self worth and couldn’t find any sense in life.
It was at the age of 27 when I started getting therapy, did life start to come together for me. At this time, I realised that the legacy of his death was for me to go and live the fullest life I possibly could, that he never got the chance to do.
And I feel I’ve had a good hard crack at honouring that legacy.
Very few people can say they drove solo around Australia for 100 days, deliberately with no money and survived. Or that they climbed to the highest point in Australia in -13°C in a crop top and bike pants. Or that they started a Fashion Business, a Social Media Consulting business, a Podcast, a Wedding Photography business amongst a bunch of other things. Or that they took a chance on a gut feeling and moved to Africa. Or that they spent time with a tribe in the Mentawai Islands. Or mustered cattle in one of the most remote areas of Australia just for a holiday.
In the tragedy of my Fathers passing he left the most valuable gift anyone has given me- the courage to try new things, make epic failures and yet, still keep going, all because he never got the chance in his short life to do the same.
I’ve thought about this particular week a lot over my life. Where would I be when I’m 40? In being here now I can reflect back and say I’ve done as much as I could until this point and I hope he’d be proud. Time is a gift and no day is promised for anyone ❤️
One of the most daunting things about moving to Botswana seven weeks ago was not having a single friend. No one to confide in. No one to have lunch with. No one to share stories or experiences with. It was very isolating.
However, within time and many people being so warm and inviting to events and groups, that situation has changed quite rapidly.
Maun is made up of a relatively large group of expats all who have been drawn to a place which runs off the back of the Safari Industry and conservation.
I feel so blessed that even in this short time, there were at least four girls I’ve met, that I’d happily spend two nights away with deep in the Botswana bush.
We got super lucky with the opportunity to check out Duke’s Camp in the North West part of the Okavango Delta before it reopened for the season today.
It’s crazy to think that quick girls trips now consist of experiences that only for some, will experience once in their life- whereas for us- this is our backyard.
A little outtake of a great 48 hours away! (No pro pics included).
Although I am now far removed from Australia, the more I settle into life in Botswana, do I start to see the beautiful similarities within bush communities and their people. Both relaxed, down to earth, more about the people than the performance with the emphasis of having fun and creating an adventurous experience for all.
Planning and holding a wedding in the Botswana bush is no easy feat. With the shortest travel time for any guest for this wedding being three hours, it took many hands and logistical challenges to pull this event off and pull it off, exceptionally well.
And like any Australian bush wedding, the most important things were making sure it was a good party with the best of hospitality.
Rich and Meg achieved both of those things. With most guests travelling internationally to celebrate their day, the three day wedding bonanza included Game Drives, the fundamental Braai (BBQ) and an authentic Botswana bush experience.
Even the elephants got involved by pulling up a water pipe prior to the ceremony meaning there was no water for guests to shower in.
As shown in the last image, not many can say there was an elephant behind them, casually grazing during the midst of their ceremony. A truly special and memorable moment and event for anyone.
When I was capturing weddings full time, it was always a dream to shoot one in Africa. Although that manifestation was slightly delayed, it’s wild (literally and figuratively) to think that it has now happened.
I miss the Australian bush and its people but as time goes on, I feel all that I do miss, actually exists right here right in Bots and Rich and Meg and the people closest to them, showed me that.
I’ll be forever grateful to be a part of this adventure and to capture the start of their forever.
Not your average trip to the airport…
For most guests visiting the Okavango Delta, you will either fly into your camp via light aircraft or helicopter. This is mainly for efficiency and due to lack of road access to many camps that are cut off by water.
A common part of arriving sometimes comes with a few ‘on the ground hurdles’; you never know which wildlife will be present at your time of landing.
For the safety of you and all wildlife, your Guide will arrive much earlier to scan the surroundings of the airstrip and move any wildlife out of the way before you land. A second check by the pilot will ensure that they also know where wildlife is situated.
It’s all part of the adventure and every day and every flight experience, is very different. A great way to start your Safari experience.
Took the risk(s), got the reward.
But it hasn’t been without some huge false starts and wild disappointments over the last year…
Late 2023, I lost my dog of 12 years. He had been the foundation of my life. The one thing that kept me grounded and gave me a sense of responsibility and purpose. Losing him felt like I’d lost an arm.
The following month, I decided to move abroad to Bali. This was the first time in my adult life I had the opportunity to do so given now that I was pet free and wasn’t running a full time business.
I had been to Bali many times before so I believed it would be an easy transition abroad. After the first day of arriving, I knew I’d made a huge mistake.
10 weeks later I packed up my belongings and headed back to Australia unsure of what my next step was.
I had this internal pull to go to Cape Town in South Africa next. A country I’d never been to but innately knew that’s where I should be.
But what would I do for work when I moved there? This is when I created the idea to be (possibly) the first dedicated Personal Safari Photographer; a beautiful transition from my many years as a Bush Wedding Photographer.
Upon arriving in SA, within a week, I unquestionably knew I’d made the right decision.
90 days later I flew back to Australia and sold every belonging I owned. A firm decision that there was no returning home any time soon if it didn’t work out.
So here I was, in a new continent, country, city and starting a new career. But it didn’t go as swimmingly as planned.
I had a lot of frustrations with where I was living, building my business and immigration . Nothing seemed to be falling into place.
Five months after to moving to SA, I met Eric. Prior to meeting, I knew nothing about him, only that he lived in Botswana. Coincidentally, he also worked in the Safari Industry.
After hundreds of hours of talking on the phone and one short visit to Botswana, it was decided I’d take another risk, to move here. Something I was not prepared for.
It’s been a turbulent year with many unknowns. It hasn’t been easy but I believe every step necessary to lead me here and that’s what makes it even more special to be here now. ❤️
A morning with the Ju/‘hoansi (Ju/wasi) Bushmen.
For anyone to visit Africa, wildlife Safari’s stand by being the number one reason to visit this continent. Yet, the longer I stay here, the more I appreciate the culture and the Artisans that offer experiences and memories to equal any game sightings.
To immerse myself in the learnings of this culture who have inhabited northeastern Namibia and the northwestern Kalahari Desert region of Botswana for over 20 000 years (with some claiming as long as 100 000) in just a couple of hours, the experience and connection to this bush and new environment seeped into my soul.
These Khoisan- speaking former hunter-gatherers are renowned for their deep knowledge of the natural world, enabling them not only to survive but thrive in challenging desert conditions.
Socially, they foster a culture where leadership is informal and cooperation and sharing are valued. Women play a role within the tribe beyond nurture, where 80% of the tribe’s calorie intake is gathered by women.
Experts in tracking animals, the Ju/‘hoansi use subtle signs like footprints and broken vegetation to follow prey for miles.
Their language, Ju|’hoan is characterised by distinctive clicking sounds made with their tongue. Storytelling, music and dance are integral parts of their culture for healing and gatherings.
I would encourage anyone visiting Botswana to include this experience within their journey. A beautiful, educational and magical way to appreciate what this land offers, beyond its natural beauty.
This experience can be booked through @jackscampbotswana/ @naturalselectiontravel.
Credit for fact checking: Duniart.com
Twelve months ago to the day, I moved to Bali. I never expected 365 days later, after a second move to South Africa I’d be making a third move to Botswana, a country I knew nothing about.
I’m still processing this move. The first three weeks I cried almost every day and there were more times than not that I didn’t think this huge life change was for me.
With acceptance, each day looks brighter and with that comes more gratitude and feeling more settled.
If for nothing else it’s a huge adventure and I hope to share both the beauty and the battles that occur here.
I hope you equally enjoy the shared journey ❤️
Good friends of mine went on a Safari for their Honeymoon and returned with only one image of them together albeit half the head of the Groom was chopped off. Insert palm to face. They were lucky they didn’t also have half a finger in the image…
All that money spent, the trip of a lifetime, only to return with one, less than average, image.
Imagine an engagement shoot, a multi generational family portrait session or even a proposal captured whilst you’re deep in the African bush? It doesn’t get more special than that.
It was a joy to capture T & L at sunrise at Moremi Game Reserve. The newly engaged pair, love Safaris so these images are a beautiful way to capture their love, doing something they love.
#moremigamereserve #botswana #safariphotography #safariengagement #personalsafariphotographer
I didn’t expect this to be something I would become profoundly interested in.
As a Personal Safari Photographer, my role is to capture images for and of guests. I am not specifically a wildlife photographer and guest portraits are as equal and as important to what I capture outside the Safari vehicle.
But with the more time I spend in the bush, I can’t help but become attached to individual animals, such as Leopards.
Last week, within six consecutive Game Drives, we spotted five individual and different Leopards. How do we know they are all unique? By their markings, sizes and colours.
After spending a month in the Okavango Delta, I started to learn and appreciate each of these unique cats. I learnt about their siblings, their ages, their history, their individual behaviours and I even started to have favourites. (Take image three, beautiful Tefho with her glorious ombré coat that is golden and rich in colour).
I always ask Guides, “what is your favourite animal to sight?” and 9/10 would always respond with the same- the Leopard.
I initially didn’t really get that, but now I do.
As wild and as free as they are, you become invested in these sightings and learning about these glorious animals; an unexpected but equally beautiful side effect of spending time in the African bush.
#botswana #safariphotography #bigcats #leopard #okavangodelta
Worth the wait. ❤️
When we first discussed Valentine’s Day a few weeks back, Eric was adamant that it’s not something he believed in or thought worth celebrating due to its commercialisation.
Although for me, an ex Wedding Photographer and lover of love, it’s something I wanted to celebrate after many years of spending it without a significant other.
So I kind of resigned to the fact that this year, it wouldn’t be a “thing”.
Based on that Eric had been out working in the bush the week prior to Valentine’s Day in an area that was only accessible by plane or a 24hour drive to the closest large centre, you could imagine my surprise to be gifted something not only beautiful but thoughtful on V.Day morning.
Not only had he arranged a gift to be driven three hours from town to the camp where I was and where we reconvened for V.Day, he went above and beyond to make sure the day was special for me, because it mattered, to me.
I guess it comes down to the old adage; if he wanted to, he would.
I’m 40 in a few months and it’s been a long wait to find this.
But as far as Valentine’s Days go, this may be hard to beat.
From ballgowns to the bush…
Miss World Botswana 2024, the gorgeous Anicia Gaothusi, recently paid a visit to luxury Safari camp Tawana as part of her @missworld campaign and in collaboration with Botswana Tourism Organization to show the rest of the world how incredibly beautiful Botswana and the Okavango Delta is.
It was such a joy to capture her beauty with nature’s elements, what I know and love best.
Did you guess right?
The Baobab trees (also known as the tree of life) are becoming rarer as time goes on and Elephants eat away at their trunk as a source of water and minerals that they may not be able to access during some seasons.
It is believed that some Baobabs are aged between 3000-4000 years old so to see them slowly being destroyed without any protection, for me personally, is of great disappointment.
To sight a Leopard in one, is even rarer.
There was only a few moments to capture this young male who was quite shy and preferred to be hidden amongst the foliage.
Forever grateful for the special sightings the Okavango Delta is providing me.
#okavangodelta #baobab #leopard
Oh how I love thee! Okavango Delta, you have captured my heart ❤️
Show me something that is more fun and gorgeous than these happy, full bellied Elephants frolicking and playing in the channel on a hot Summer’s afternoon. I’ll wait.
#okavangodelta #botswana #safariphotography #personalsafariphotographer #elephants #wetseason
Imagine seeing a sighting of a lifetime and not having a camera capable enough to capture that moment?
This is as the exact scenario we faced this week with guests and the once in a lifetime sighting of the Pangolin.
It was upon dark and the grass was long. For most guests in the group, they were unable to capture any great footage of the Pangolin from their phones. It was at this point having the ability to be able to professionally capture this moment and experience for them is where the value of my services came into play.
It’s been a week of incredible sightings. Botswana and the Okavango Delta has been delivering beyond measure for all guests, despite it being low season.
It’s an honour and a blessing to be here and share and capture the experience for those who visit. ❤️
#safariphotography #personalsafariphotographer #botswana #botswanatravel #okavangodelta #tawana
A sighting of a lifetime!
To experience the extremely rare sighting of a Pangolin yesterday will supersede every other incredible experience I’m having in Botswana and may ever have in the future.
Primarily nocturnal, recognised by their full armour of scales, they are exceptionally hard to sight in the long grasses of the wet season currently happening in the Okavango Delta making this sighting even more special.
Our experienced Safari Guide, Jonas, has been guiding for 17 years and this is only his second sighting ever of these elusive creatures.
Illegally traded for their scales to be used in Traditional medicine and for their meat, as many as 8.5 million Pangolins are estimated to be removed from the wild in west and central Africa between 2014 and 2021.
What an epic sight to see this fascinating mammal eating ants and termites and share and professionally capture this moment for guests of Tawana.
#pangolin #okavangodelta #naturalselectiontravel #safariphotography #personalsafariphotographer #botswanawildlife #botswanatourism
