▶ №13355905[Quote] [Voice Chat]
I stumbled upon soyjak.party late one night in the summer of 22, fueled by boredom and a morbid curiosity. I fancied myself a connoisseur of 'jaks', believing I had an eye for the truly 'gemmy' ones. I started posting my collection, confident they’d be praised, but the response was… hostile. They called them 'coal', 'mid', even 'objectively bad'. It stung, but I figured they were just jealous. Then, someone posted Cobson.
Cobson. It was perfect. The Wojak's vacant stare, the subtle sheen on his bald head, the sheer, unadulterated… *gemminess*. I couldn't stand it. Blinded by spite, I typed, 'Vantablack coal,' and hit enter. That’s when everything went wrong.
The next morning, my vision was blurry. I chalked it up to sleep deprivation, but the blurriness persisted, morphing into a constant haze. I needed glasses, something I’d never needed before. Then came the itching. A persistent, maddening itch on my face. Looking in the mirror, I saw the beginnings of a stubble. An uneven, patchy stubble where there had been smooth skin just hours before. I shaved it off, but it grew back faster, thicker.
Dr. Fauci, bless his heart, tried to explain it. He ran tests, looked at scans, muttered about ‘impossible biological anomalies’ and ‘chroniton displacement’. None of it made sense. All I knew was that my body was changing. The changes accelerated. My jawline softened, my cheeks became rounder. A strange craving took hold - a deep, primal need for… soylent. I’d scoffed at the stuff before, but now I devoured it, feeling an unholy satisfaction with each chalky gulp. I started buying soy-based products in bulk: tofu, soy milk, soy protein isolates… my apartment transformed into a soybean shrine.
My personality warped too. I found myself increasingly online, drawn to the glowing screen like a moth to a flame. I started posting on Reddit, arguing about… well, I don’t even remember what. Pointless, pedantic arguments, fueled by an insatiable need to be right. I felt a constant, low-level anxiety, a nagging sense of inadequacy only temporarily alleviated by upvotes.
Now, I look in the mirror and barely recognize the reflection. Gone is the sharp, discerning eye for 'gemmy' jaks. In its place is a soft, blurry gaze, magnified by thick, uncomfortable glasses. My once clean-shaven face is perpetually shadowed by a coarse, irritating stubble. I am a Soyjak. A living, breathing, soy-guzzling Soyjak, forever doomed to scroll through Reddit, desperately seeking validation in the cold, uncaring void of the internet. And it all started with a single, spiteful comment on soyjak.party. I can't help but wonder, with a gnawing dread, what other horrors lurk within that cursed domain. I can feel myself losing the ability to think for myself and I know my individuality will be gone soon, replaced with the hivemind's collective consciousness. There is no escape. Only the endless scroll.
