AIO? Bf went through my phone and invited himself to my online friend group

So unless u actively hide that u have bf and advertise u are a single and looking action, what ur bf did is def problematic and u better get a new one

If u don't want that which I would understand, I suggest have some grown a$$ talk with him, to see if u can work things out with the issues he has.

Although from what I can see I don't think he can work the issues that he has. Personal opinion? That's s f no, if any girl pull that on me, that's it right than and there

I'm pretty much on bord with you about all this stuff like secretly going thru your phone is an absolute NO, the clinginess to join discords that you explicitly ask him not to join for whatever reason etc pp.. BUT and its a biiiig but for a reason: if I were in his place I'd also feel VERY bad with the way you handle the display of your relationship to the "world". Like you not comfortable with him showing affection in public (however he may choose to do so) AND online. The moment my gf wouldnt want people to know we are a couple..dunno I probably wouldnt be with her anymore.

NOR on him going through your phone without your knowledge but I do admit something isn't adding up.

You say you don't tell the server your in you have a boyfriend because your worried about doxxing, but that there your friends? Why would your friends doxx your boyfriend and not you?

There's been countless posts in this sub and others where partners were hiding their relationship from a particular group because they liked the freedom of pretending to be single, aka flirting with other people etc.

That's probably what he sees when you say things like that to him.

I mean the only thing that’s kinda weird on your side is the friend that called u his girl that was odd but the whole not looking through each other’s phones is odd to me simply because me and my gf do so even without being suspicious of stuff like if ur bf was suspicious he should have brought it up to u and asked to go through it not secretly gone through it

You’re actually a problem

Yes he shouldn’t go through your phone etc but do you actually know how disrespectful you are? Genuinely. Yes you may not want discord friends to know but why? Unless you’re a streamer and your income is because men can be a bit thirsty then there is NO reason for any kind of friends to not know. You are allowing discord friends to talk to you a type of way that makes him feel pushed out. You also say you’re more attractive - so? Does it matter?

It honestly sounds like he would be better off without you because you have a lot of quite possibly odd boundaries that don’t make sense. You’re not some massive content creator

I’m sad for him. He wanted to feel included. But he wasn’t included… j don’t think he should’ve invited himself but on top of not feeling included, you don’t want anyone to know you’re dating him or anyone for that matter? Why?

Why are so many people on this thread justifying his bad behaviour?

"Oh he's insecure, the poor lamb" fucking hell, his insecurities are not her problem. He's going through her phone, adding himself to her groups, threatening people who had prior conversations with her before they even met.

Like it's her fault for being with a guy who has serious issues like grabbing parts of her body in public and her objecting to it, well excuse her for not wanting her ass groped, that's not showing affection, holding hands, arm across her shoulder, a kiss is showing affection.

He's an insecure asshole who objectifies her, doesn't care what boundaries he trashes as long as he is getting her undivided attention. Some of you men are crazy, don't go out with any woman if you can't deal with her having a life outside of you. She explains her reasoning and some of you are like "nah fuck your reasons, I ain't gonna listen or respect them, because you are a woman solely there to soothe my ego"

This guy is immature,insecure,crazy and getting downright dangerous.

Girl get away from him, he's not good for you, he's dangerous and a threat, stop ignoring your instincts to appease a man you can never please.

NOR. When I got to the last slide where he says he's idealizing a high school relationship (this is not normal behavior even in high school) at an older age and is unemployed/worried about finances and realized that you two are not in high school.. girl.

Don't walk, RUN away from this man.

I'll admit I didn't read your whole text post because that's just a lot but he's clearly insecure. That being said you guys met on Discord so it makes sense that he would be threatened by you talking to guys that flirt with you on Discord on top of the fact that he's already insecure.

This is all just a lot. Him taking your phone, looking through it, inviting himself to the sub and then announcing who he is, all of these things are bright red warning signs and you should listen.

I don't like either side here, simply said, what he did is of course not okay and a lot of the shit u said he did before is also not okay.. But yeah I don't really get why you don't want anyone in this particular group to know you have a bf.

I mean idk, I could think it seems like you're kinda keeping your options open for someone else in there. Guess that thought is what's driving him crazy.

I hope you figure things out, i don't think you're overreacting but I do partially understand your bf. Emphasis on "partially". The whole inviting himself to the servers and doing all this shit is kinda asking to be dumped imo. Idiot move..

He was weird for going through your phone but the “i dont want anyone knowing i have a bf” can be misinterpreted and come off very shady

With all due respect, this read and seems fully like an issue between preteens. I think he wanted reassurance and went about it poorly, and you went off on him. Both of you are in the wrong imo (going through your stuff is gross, but hiding him while men call you a wh*re is also strange.) I don't think you two seem compatible in the slightest.

Maybe an odd take, but I think it’s weirder that he didn’t make a fake discord if he was just jealous and paranoid. Still a bad move, but it would have satisfied his concerns and nothing more. Feeling the need to announce himself and his role as a bf feels like a dog pissing on a tree. At worst I’d say it’s controlling and at best I’d call it cringe. No one on discord is going to be deterred, for better or worse, because he’s present.

His hyper surveillance of you without a good reason is concerning. You can’t change him and he probably won’t go to therapy, so you need to decide if this is annoying enough to split.

I completely correct my response, NOR get the f out on that relationship.

Not only he doesn't validate the pain that you have dealt with in past and doesn't respect ur needs and wants? The f dude, u know just reading this alone makes me think he either casted spell on u or his actually super duper handsome(not that it makes any of his behavior ok)

I'm pretty f insecure since I luck would have me I had a girl that was def hotter than me, but I never EVER acted like this, reading this made me feel normal which is pretty sad considering how f'upI am.

Tldr; get out or make sure that he doesn't do that anymore or it's over forever. Like just the fact that ur bf's friend making that kind of comments about ya? Dude THAT'S when this relationship should be over and done with.

Oh my god this is the neediest, most controlling, most pathetic shit I have ever seen in my life. You are NOR in the slightest. He’s absolutely ridiculous. He’s using his own (absurd) insecurities to justify steamrolling your boundaries. He doesn’t see you as a partner, he sees you as a flex. He might as well just pee on you to mark his territory.

Look yes the adding himself to your discord thing is weird but come on. You don’t want people to know you’re dating? Way to make him feel insecure as fuck. Just break up with him. Let him find someone who will actually be proud to date him. Sounds like you’re not that person. You being secretive is sketchy as shit. Honestly I feel sorry for him in this situation, not you.

This comment section is insane. Most of these people evidently believe you are owed your partner's every waking thought- and also apparently don't get boundaries, at all.

No. You are not overreacting. Personally I would break up with someone like your BF, but thats me.

Your BF is actively ignoring you, putting you in more danger, and is prioritizing his own insecurity over your well-being. Red flag after red flag. Maybe he just needs therapy, but until then he evidently can't be trusted. Change your passwords, maybe block him on everything for a while.

If someone has you feeling anything but peace, leave them where they are. Please. Stop this drama

People justifying his insane jealousy. NOR he overstepped massively, he intruded on your privacy and shows his feelings are more important than yours. Proceed with caution, id reconsider the whole relationship 

I don’t like that you got a whole social community where you have a lot of history that you don’t want to invite me into

absolutely fucking not, NOR. his behavior is controlling and invasive, and is a very scary indicator of what is likely to come

anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries, trust you, insists on surveilling you and doing weird things to act like they “own you” or sth is not someone you should be in a relationship with.

run.