Democracy Dies in Darkness

Carolyn Hax: Trying to relax, a retiree ends up ‘paralyzed by options’ instead

Grieving a beloved uncle, a recent retiree wants to make the most of the time remaining — but not live by a clock.

4 min
(Illustration by Nick Galifianakis/For The Washington Post)
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Adapted from an online discussion.

Hello, Carolyn: Early 60s, retired from my job two months ago. Was glad to do so. Though I did enjoy the teamwork, I have never been really career driven as some of my friends are. Work to live, not the reverse.

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Paid off my mortgage, don’t feel depressed as such — but seem to be paralyzed by options, and frightened. With the recent death of a much-loved uncle, I am very aware of how quickly time can pass. I want to enjoy leisure and down time but not vegetate. Today I had booked a swimming session, but I did not feel like going out, so I ended up staying in bed for hours. Now I feel stupid and guilty.

What readers are saying

The comments on the article about retirement emphasize the importance of allowing oneself time to adjust to the new phase of life. Many suggest taking a period of rest and exploration without pressure, as it can take months or even a year to find a new rhythm. Engaging in... Show more
This summary is AI-generated. AI can make mistakes and this summary is not a replacement for reading the comments.
By
Carolyn Hax started her Washington Post advice column in 1997, after five years on the Style desk and none as a therapist. The column includes cartoons by "relationship cartoonist" Nick Galifianakis — Carolyn's ex-husband — and appears in dozens of newspapers.
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