Post
ellaroux (glip)
@glip.floraverse.com
i don't normally feel affected very much by drama but i unexpectedly came across being blamed for the domestic abuse i went through during my previous marriage, and i don't really think they understand domestic abuse, and the pain of this non-understanding is making me feel like crying
July 15, 2025 at 8:13 AM
1 quote
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i feel glad i am sturdy against cruelty, really, but i think i feel the ripples of what this must mean for how others get treated by this person, and it feels very dismal
it's important to care about agency, but if you can't do it without being cruel, that's not actually caring about agency
there are so many reasons it's not as simple as "just leave the situation" for people emotionally entangled in abusive marriages, and it really does not help to act like it's easy when you are a spectator with an agenda
it is extremely harmful for onlookers to absorb, too
i value very much that i eventually did escape the abusive marriage i was in, but i was shaking a lot in fear over being killed for this decision and i could not do it without the help of eevee (my current wife) and to feel this erased makes me feel tremendous sadness, like waves of grief
i value my agency a lot following escaping, and i try very hard to impart to others that they always have choices, but if i can't do that without judging them for their choices, i feel that is abusive, so i simply detach so as to not be emotionally invested
i can't understand being so invested in trying to hurt me that someone would victim blame every single victim (or women specifically, i guess) of domestic violence and abuse
i just can't understand it
a part of my soul left my body after being raped and it took over a decade to get it back
going through physical and emotional abuse from early childhood until almost my 30s impacted me in ways that took me almost 8 years to recover from and i absolutely cannot understand the deep lack of empathy for the emotional trajectory of it all
normally i just do not talk about these things... very rarely do i feel emotional over it anymore... but for some reason this got to me this time
there is an ache over the deep lack of their understanding of suffering and what it means to be hurt and have no emotional support
i will be fine but it's like remembering the depths of how isolated other people are from compassion/empathy
i strongly and deeply hope from my heart that they can heal whatever is making them react to abuse in the way they have, and that they can become healthy and whole