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How is rape traumatic?
Now before you downvote me to oblivion and ban me that wasn't meant to be sarcastic or anything. I'm actually legitimately clueless as to why or how a rape survivor is affected after. I personally haven't been raped before that I know of. I know everyone is different and it will probably affect others differently but I don't grasp the concept as to why/how is rape traumatic.
Edit: Since this post has gotten some attention again I will post what I responded to a more recent poster with what should've really been an edit:
"Thanks for taking your time to respond to my question I read every response even if I didn't comment on most of them. Im sure you're tired of hearing this by now but what happened to you wasn't your fault and it sucks that it happened. I'm happy to read that you're working on overcoming your issues. Truly this whole post and all the responses showed me a new perspective on why rape and sexual abuse is such a horrible thing to do. So, thanks once again not just you but everyone else that commented as well."
To the people that seemingly are mad at me all I can say is you're doing more harm than good. This is exactly why I posted this question here because it's morbid, and it's something you can't ask without getting berated and told how insensitive you are. Doing that doesn't explain anything to the person with the question and it just makes them afraid to ask later.
On a very simplistic level, it removes all sense of safety and power/control from the victim. You fought, you screamed, you were powerless to stop it. It's a feeling of true helplessness that can permeate all facets of your life. Even with therapy, and lots of work to move passed the traumatic event emotionally, for the rest of your life you know you're more vulnerable than you ever knew you were before and that never goes away.
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Wow that actually clears things up pretty well. Thanks, I always had a hard time understanding but was too afraid to sounding like a douche.
This post shows amazing insight, empathy, and ability to communicate. I wish I could live in a world full of people like you.
Threadkiller. Add to it that from that day forward there will be people that will be disgusted by you for having eaten shit, that will call you a fucking shit-eater to your face or whisperes behind your back. There will be people that think you deserved to be forced to eat shit because no-one wants to eat with them. If you're unlucky, maybe people close to you will treat you differently, pull away or reject you because the thought sickens them.
This is by far the best explanation of rape I've ever read... I wish everyone who questions rape could read this... Well done
I actually feel somewhat violated just from reading that.
This is sadly accurate, I'm glad you got to put this feeling into words; makes it easy to understand it.
r/threadkillers
Personally for me the hardest part was accepting the fact that I was drugged and raped. I didn’t think I was raped and made up excuses for the rapists. Since I was drugged I couldn’t move or talk properly although I do remember trying to move away. I didn’t say “no” because I couldn’t talk. I could only mumble and try to get away. My thought process was that since I didn’t explicitly say “NO” the guys could have been drunk and didn’t know I wasn’t okay with what was happening (DUMB, I KNOW). My friend is the one who took me to the hospital. The rape kit is also hard to get through since it’s quite painful and intrusive. The only thing I denied getting done during the rape kit were pictures being taken but I still had to go through multiple doctors looking “down there” and contemplating on whether I needed stitches or not since the tear was so deep. After physically getting better you still have to deal with how the event mentally affected you. I couldn’t sleep well, had nightmares, flashbacks, trust issues, and I constantly had a fear of running into either one of the rapists. I also had people tell me I was lying about being raped and be disgusted with what happened to my body. It might be my age range since I’m only 20 but I had guys who I considered friends tell me how I’m “used up” and stop talking to me over it. It took me awhile to be able to get physically sexual with someone again without panicking and having intrusive thoughts about my rape. Not only that but filing a police report and going through the process is also hard. It takes awhile to get through everything and to build up trust towards people again. I still have a hard time feeling like I have control over my life and what happens to me. It’s hard accepting the fact that I unknowingly put myself in an unsafe position and ended up having no control over whether I was raped or not since I physically couldn’t do anything about it. I used to wonder how rape was traumatic too until I experienced it and how hard it was to move on from.
You realized you are completely vanurable and don't have the power to stop someone from doing what they want to you. Have my upvote, think more people should know this
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Trigger Warning
Someone used my body. Some foul evil scummy fuck saw me as weak and helpless and decided that my body was his object. He then entered me. My entire sex, every part of my most intimate self, was defiled and I was too weak to stop it. And it's not a moment or freeze frame. You lay there powerless while someone continues.
For a long time I was 'fine'. Shortly after I became homeless, unstable, and a drug addict but none of this was consciously linked to the crime. My brain simply refused to process it. I was angry and terrified but the mind isn't so straightforward as to understand where our feelings come from, particularly for young men.
I was helped by very kind and loving people, by pure fortune. I managed to get off the streets, I completed a GED, and got into university. I married and began to feel genuine happiness, something absent for all the hard years.
Then, for whatever reason, my brain decided it wasn't done with processing it. It's not that I'd 'repressed' the event so much as I simply never thought about it. Images started emerging with the slightest triggers. I would become hyperfocused on details like the sweat on his upper lip or the smell of latex. The images would be accompanied with levels of disgust, self-hatred, and shame that I don't think the vast majority of other people can empathize with. It's not 'that was unpleasant' type of distaste; it is a shattering revulsion.
Rape is not a crime that harms a person for a moment. It infects them with a disease that can chew away every part of their person and sex.
I'm so sorry you went through that, and are still going through that. You don't deserve it.
Thank you for sharing so others might understand better.
For me, it was traumatic because all my boundaries were overstepped and because i lost all controle, whether it being over my body or of the situation. Don't get me wrong, i am by no means a controle freak but the feeling of loosing all controle was devastating. All i could do was just be in it and do nothing and hope it would be over soon.
It was someone I knew and he told me, “I just couldn’t help myself,” and I am fairly certain I was drugged because I don’t remember how I got to the place it had happened. I remember the being violently ill and shaking and trying to sleep. I knew it was rape but I still had thoughts like, “How could I have prevented this? What signal did I throw out that made this happen?” I tried to stay friendly with my attacker for a few months because I thought that I had done something to cause it. Truth be told I thought that if I could remain friends with this guy that would mean he didn’t rape me- that it was consensual. It couldn’t have been rape- we’re the best of friends! The whole line of thinking was just completely skewed. I was always beyond careful with where my drinks were, how much I had had to drink, not making myself vulnerable to strangers- this made me beyond careful with every single person I knew.
You feel completely violated. Days, months, years later you can have nightmares and it's always in your head. You never forget it. You can have nightmares about it. The person who assaulted me did it for years and got it into my head that I'm worthless and only good for sex and making babies. He knew me as a baby and waited until I was a bit older and more vulnerable. It took years for me to unconvince myself of that idea. It ruins lives. Also my mom did nothing to protect me and even enabled him. That has destroyed what little bit of a relationship I had with her and I will never trust her.
Also dating sucks when you get older. You eventually have to tell your significant other what happened, if it was that big of a part of your life.
Edit: added more
Our bodies are the one thing that we assume we have control over. Rape is a physical representation of stripping away ones humanity. Also, the victim is most likely forced physically or harmed unto being raped. It’s mostly the feeling that you aren’t participating for yourself but you feeling like a tool for someone else’s pleasure that messes people up psychologically.
It hurts. Physical pain.
It causes a sensation of feeling powerless, like no one can ever help.